Author: alearningaday

Transient

I was reflecting on the sudden death of a young friend yesterday and was reminded of just how transient this life is.

It is so easy to get caught up in the all consuming puzzle/issue/tiff/ego battle of the moment. It is easy to forget that these things can change in an instant.

Reminders of our mortality are powerful reminders to keep perspective. This was one of them. It also reminded me of a lovely quote I once read – “Be kind to each other. The world will roll on without you.”

Indeed.

Syrio Forel and Not Today

In the first season of Game of Thrones, we were introduced to a very likable swordsman and teacher called Syrio Forel. His trademark phrase echoed his belief that the warrior within him said only one thing to death – “Not today.”

I was reflecting on the power of that phrase recently – especially at the end of a long day. It is often tempting to try and cram in as much as possible into those ten minutes or that last meeting.

But, often, in this quest for efficiency, we lose our ability to be patient and engage constructively with problems – especially those that deserve dedicated bandwidth and time. I’ve certainly been guilty of that.

The wisest thing we can do in these times is to become aware enough to catch ourselves from packing too much in and, instead, say “Not today.”

That was really bad

Learning to replace “that was bad” with “it really needs work” isn’t just an exercise in politeness.

It is okay to be unfiltered. It isn’t okay to provoke shame – that is the refuge of the insecure.

Aside from extraneous situations in which we might attempt to stir emotion to inspire forward motion, framing feedback in a way that feels constructive is the effective choice – especially if we care about the long run.

It certainly is worth the effort.

Societal success and scale

It strikes me that one of the biggest challenges we face is reconciling our desire to be successful by societal definitions while not giving up on being successful by our definition.

The challenge lies in the fact that extrinsic measures tend to be breadth focused (e.g. number of customers/successful exits/employees) while the stuff that make us feel intrinsically successful tend to be depth focused (e.g. deep relationships, immersive experiences).

Anyone who has built products or services has faced this in their work. It is much easier to move vanity metrics than it to create meaningful impact.

The answer, in work and in life, isn’t to shun extrinsic measures and breadth. We need some of it to ensure it doesn’t get in the way of us getting to the intrinsic stuff.

The challenge, however, is not being so sucked in by the allure of breadth and scale that we forget that its main purpose is to enable the depth we really seek.

Put differently, the optimal strategy tends to be to do things that scale easily so we can then spend more of our time doing things that don’t scale.

11 years

Yesterday marked 11 years of near daily writing on this blog. I say “near daily” because I missed a few days in the first two years. But, 4018 days since we started and 4858 posts later, I’m glad to report that it’s been consistent since then.

Someone asked me about my writing process over email the other day. I’ve gotten that question a few times and I do my best to explain that the process involved is minimal.

I pay WordPress and Feedblitz so I can just show up and write. I used to manage all of this with free alternatives until a couple years back. I started the blog as a student and had more time than money – it took me a while to make the switch. But, I’m grateful for the ability to automate it now.

I also don’t check any stats or try to improve SEO or my social media footprint. I occasionally share posts and notes on Twitter and LinkedIn – I’ve learnt to only do so on days when it feels right. Eight years or so ago, I got comfortable with the fact that the eclectic nature of the blog means it will remain niche. Despite focusing on “writing for myself,” I’ve been fortunate to have folks like you as friends along the journey. I treat that as a privilege and, as I have said before, ALearningaDay email is my favorite email.

All of the above means I get to focus on taking time every day to ask myself what I’ve been learning or thinking about and then attempting to synthesize and share. The only bit of process involved here is a OneNote sheet where I dump any and all ideas that I think might be interesting to flesh out. I estimate 10% of those ideas make it to these posts.

That aside, I aim to set aside 15-20 minutes each day to write. I don’t generally have more time than that. That is especially the case now with two kids. I generally write in the morning. But, I’ve been going through a phase of late when I write a post before I sleep. So, it depends.

The most important part of the process is simply sitting down with an open WordPress tab for 15 minutes and shipping something at the end of it.

On some days, I feel good about what I’ve written. On others, not so much. But, I ship nevertheless. The discipline of doing so for the past 11 years has made me a significantly better human being and has more of an impact on me than I can comprehend or articulate.

I am grateful I’ve been able to stick with it – with lots of support from my wife. And, I am very grateful for the many friends, readers, and colleagues who’ve inspired lessons over the years. Finally, I am grateful for the many of you who’ve been along for the ride over the past few years – thanks in large part to Seth :-).

Thank you for all the encouragement… and looking forward to the next 11.

Growth and The Conscious Parent

Dr. Shefali Tsabary has written a powerful book called “The Conscious Parent.” I’ve been reading the book on and off over the past couple of years. It reads like the expanded version of the wonderful poem by Kahlil Gibran on parenting that is our aspirational parenting philosophy.

One of the recurring themes in the book is the idea that your kids come into your life to help you grow. In doing so, they stretch you and help you become more aware of the areas where you need help becoming a better version of yourself.

I have written repeatedly about my increasing awareness of my tendency to fight fire with fire when the better approach would be to follow the fire department and use water (or, in this case, tact :-)). And, today’s note is another one of those. I received another reminder this week that impatience and tempers generally only serve to exacerbate problems.

The combination of patience and tact, on the other hand, go a long way.

I expect to keep encountering these lessons until I learn to move beyond reaction into response. It takes time to overcome our natural tendencies – I’m definitely in it for the long haul.

The powerful extension of this theme is when we extend it beyond our kids to everyone we encounter.

What if we treated every person we meet as a messenger from life to help us become the person we want to be?

The reasonable test

A simple question to measure how reasonable we really are – when was the last time we changed a decision when the facts/assumptions changed?

And, a bonus – when was the last time we wished we’d changed a decision when the facts/assumptions changed?

The answers to both those questions tend help us calibrate how reasonable we actually are.

Blaise Pascal on the shorter letter

There’s a powerful Blaise Pascal quote on brevity that translates to – “I didn’t have time to write a short letter, so I wrote a long one instead.”

I thought about this recently as I compared two presentations. One of them was a rush job and contained far too many slides. The other was carefully put together and packed more insight and impact despite having a third of the slides.

In both cases, the effort (or lack of it) showed.

Simplicity is often a leading indicator of competence.

Benefits of good decisions compound over time

When Liverpool Football Club appointed Jurgen Klopp as their manager in 2015, I remember telling a good friend I was sad he wasn’t a Manchester United manager. Klopp had spent 7 years with Borussia Dortmund and transformed them into a German powerhouse club. He was exactly the kind of long term thinker we needed.

He was appointed in the early part of the season and while Liverpool had shown some signs of improvement by the end, there was plenty left to be desired. They finished 8th in the league.

The next season was his first full season and there were visible signs of improvement. Liverpool were now 4th in the league and qualified for the European Champions League.

In his third season, Liverpool were beginning to do well and look consistently dangerous. They finished 4th again and had an impressive run to the finals of the Champions League. Thanks to a bit of misfortune, they missed out.

Klopp invested in areas they were weak over the summer and Liverpool came out all guns blazing this season. It looks like they’ll narrowly miss winning the league – thanks to an exceptional season by their direct competitor to the title. But, against all odds, they overturned a 3-0 deficit against Barcelona yesterday to win 4-0 and make their way to the finals of the Champions League again. This time, only a fool would bet against them.

All this context underscores the central point – the benefits of good decisions compound over time. Liverpool have been making positive strides every season and have been looking consistently better than their previous versions. That sort of improvement isn’t made overnight. But, viewed over a period of time, it is easy to realize the power of building strong foundations and making small improvements that compound over time.

Seeing the progress he’s made in the past 4 years is a good reminder to make long term decisions. As long as you have the conviction, stay the course and do it with a great attitude (as he does).

It may not seem to pay off for a while.

Until it does.