Screaming kids and reactions that never help

When you’re standing opposite a screaming kid (usually caused by some combination of pain, hunger, or tiredness), there are two reactions that never help –

1. Getting angry

2. Taking it personally

I think I’ve made some progress on being more even tempered in the past 3 years. But, as I realized recently, I’ve got ways to go with not taking it personally.

Of course, this isn’t limited to losing patience with a screaming kid. I have work to do with my impatience in general. And, as per usual, parenting has just revealed something I need to work on nevertheless.

The first step, regardless, is consistent awareness.

Working on it…

The answer is probably not on your phone

I experienced a moment of insecurity about a decision I’d made recently. And, I noticed that my instinctive response when I experienced that feeling was to check my phone.

Because that’s what the phone often does – it diffuses some tension with a short term endorphin hit.

At that moment, I heard a wiser part of myself say – “The answer is probably not on your phone.”

Indeed, it isn’t.

The answer tend to lie within us. And, when that isn’t true, it tends to lie with the people we love around us.

Appreciation and psychological safety

It is amazing how much more interesting and productive discussions within a team are when every contributing team member unambiguously feels appreciated.

There’s plenty of evidence that the presence of psychological safety signals a productive team dynamic. And, in my experience, the presence of ample amounts of appreciation in turn is a strong leading indicator of the presence of psychological safety.

Understanding the news and working with data

There’s a learning curve involved with understanding how the news works.

We might begin – as kids at least – with the assumption that the news is the objective list of everything of note that is happening around us/the world. But, we learn over time that a big part of understanding the news is looking beyond what is presented to us and asking 3 questions –

1. How was the information sourced/collected?
2. What have they omitted/chosen to omit?
3. What is the bias in their reporting?

Interestingly, the learning curve around working with data when we make product and business decisions is no different. The early promise of big data was that large amounts of data would solve any problem.

That promise didn’t pan out.

So, asking the above questions when we look at data/analysis and marrying a desire for data with a healthy skepticism for what it is telling us ensures we keep asking the questions that help get us closer to the truth.

As in the case of the news, better to replace “data driven” with “data informed.”

Roy Disney and Bob Iger- Ego and Respect

Bob Iger, in his so far excellent book “The Ride of a Lifetime,” shares a story about he went about diffusing an ongoing public outcry from Roy Disney, nephew of Walt Disney, just after he was appointed CEO.

Roy Disney had been public in his unhappiness with former CEO Michael Eisner and eventually resigned from Disney’s Board in protest. And, he wasn’t happy with Bob Iger’s selection as the latter was COO during the last 5 years of Eisner’s rein.

After a conversation with Roy, Bob Iger shared that he realized there were a lot of pent up emotions behind Roy’s behavior. He felt he had been slighted and disrespected by Eisner and the rest of the board. And, most importantly, he was hurting at parting with the legendary company founded by his uncle.

So, Bob Iger went about making a few small changes – he gave Roy Disney the title of Chairman Emeritus and made arrangements for a small consulting fee and an office at Disney headquarters. Roy, for his part, agreed to call off the lawsuit.

The lesson Bob Iger shares is the recognition that most people just want a bit of respect. And, in difficult situations, it is so important to not let our ego get in the way of that happening.

It resonated.

Intermittent Fasting – week 2

I started intermittent fasting in earnest this new year. Tim Spector’s excellent book – The Diet Myth – reminded me of the reasons most cultures/religions recommend fasting.

After testing it over the holiday/reflection season, I’ve decided to experiment with
the 16/8 diet. This means eating between ~12pm-8pm and fasting for the remaining 16 hours. I haven’t been strict about the 16 hours – I have probably averaged between 15 and 16 hours.

So, why IF and why now?

I know a few friends and family members who swear by it. Nearly everyone I know has done it for weight loss. That wasn’t an interesting reason to me.

Instead, the health rationale for fasting, in general, and intermittent fasting made sense to me intuitively. The evidence for the health benefits have been stacking up over the years as well.

While I can’t attest to the health benefits just as yet, my experience over the past week and a half has been very positive. I knew not to expect any serious hunger pangs as I’d been testing it for most of December. However, the biggest positive has been getting an uninterrupted-by-breakfast stretch of deep work at the start of the day.

Looking forward to seeing how this plays out over the course of the year. For now, this change seems to be a keeper.

PS: I’ve mentioned The Diet Myth a bunch over the past months. It was recommended by James in response to a post on the challenges with diet research. Thanks for the recommendation, James – clearly high impact. :-)