Pegging your self worth

At different points in our life, we can find ourselves pegging our self worth to arbitrary measures without realizing it. Our self worth is a composite index  – a weighted average of how we feel about various things.

At different points of time, we may overweight indicators such as the approval of a tough boss, the desire to get a fancier title, the costly car or bag, the sought after job or home or even the average number of likes on your social media updates.

I’ve come to realize that any lingering dissatisfaction I have is simply a result of unconsciously pegging it on the absolute wrong indicator.

David Foster Wallace, in his incredible speech, “This is Water” said it beautifully.


Because here’s something else that’s true. In the day-to-day trenches of adult life, there is actually no such thing as atheism. There is no such thing as not worshipping. Everybody worships. The only choice we get is what to worship. And an outstanding reason for choosing some sort of God or spiritual-type thing to worship-be it J.C. or Allah, be it Yahweh or the Wiccan mother-goddess or the Four Noble Truths or some infrangible set of ethical principles-is that pretty much anything else you worship will eat you alive. If you worship money and things-if they are where you tap real meaning in life-then you will never have enough. Never feel you have enough. It’s the truth. Worship your own body and beauty and sexual allure and you will always feel ugly, and when time and age start showing, you will die a million deaths before they finally plant you. On one level, we all know this stuff already-it’s been codified as myths, proverbs, clichés, bromides, epigrams, parables: the skeleton of every great story. The trick is keeping the truth up-front in daily consciousness. Worship power-you will feel weak and afraid, and you will need ever more power over others to keep the fear at bay. Worship your intellect, being seen as smart-you will end up feeling stupid, a fraud, always on the verge of being found out. And so on.

Look, the insidious thing about these forms of worship is not that they’re evil or sinful; it is that they are unconscious. They are default-settings. They’re the kind of worship you just gradually slip into, day after day, getting more and more selective about what you see and how you measure value without ever being fully aware that that’s what you’re doing. And the world will not discourage you from operating on your default-settings, because the world of men and money and power hums along quite nicely on the fuel of fear and contempt and frustration and craving and the worship of self. Our own present culture has harnessed these forces in ways that have yielded extraordinary wealth and comfort and personal freedom. The freedom to be lords of our own tiny skull-sized kingdoms, alone at the center of all creation. This kind of freedom has much to recommend it. But of course there are all different kinds of freedom, and the kind that is most precious you will not hear much talked about in the great outside world of winning and achieving and displaying. The really important kind of freedom involves attention, and awareness, and discipline, and effort, and being able truly to care about other people and to sacrifice for them, over and over, in myriad petty little unsexy ways, every day. That is real freedom. The alternative is unconsciousness, the default-setting, the “rat race”-the constant gnawing sense of having had and lost some infinite thing.


These paragraphs beautifully lead to three lessons I’ve learned about self worth.

First, consciously examine what you peg your self worth to. Second, do your best to peg your self worth on powerful principles/truths. And, third, expect to check in with yourself from time to time as you will slip. Let those slips strengthen your resolve to live a principled life.

Self Review 2017 – Ten questions for yourself

One of my favorite activities in the last week of the year is to fill out my 10 question annual review form. I’ve shared my questions below.

If you decide to use these questions (or make your own), I hope you’ll consider keeping a record. I’ve been doing this since 2010 and it’s a real treat to look back at some of my predictions for myself versus how they actually turned out and to look at my top learnings from the past few years.


10 Questions – Annual Review

Part I – Look back

1. One word/line descriptions:
The Theme or peak moment
a) 2017 was the year of
b) 2018 will be the year of

Runners Up Theme or peak moment
a) 2017 was also the year of
b) 2018 will also be the year of

2. What were my 3 greatest successes/memories from 2017?

3. What were my 3 biggest learnings from 2017?

4. How did 2017 fit in to the big picture/contribute to the big dreams in my life? (i.e. did any dots connect?)

Part II – Look forward

5. What are the themes I am thinking about for 2018? Are there any “process goals” I want to commit to?

6. What skills I want to develop in 20178(professional and personal)? What action am I going to take to develop them?

7. Who/what were my biggest sources of inspiration this year? Are they high on my priority list to engage with (if they are people) or to do (if they were actions) for 2018?

8. If I am the CEO of “Me Inc”, who were my board of directors/advisors/sponsors this year? How do I plan to engage with them in 2018?

9. What are other thoughts for 2018? (miscellaneous – dreams, thoughts, planned breaks I am looking forward to, etc.)

10. What are my 3 most important core beliefs or principles? And, are my goals aligned with these core beliefs?


Happy reflecting!

Under the ground

Thanks to a lot of writing, and thus thinking, about energy and climate, I am paying a lot more attention to the waste we create. This new found interest has led to some interesting questions. A question I pondered recently was – what happens when you flush waste down a toilet?

It goes under the ground of course.

But, where? To underground sewage systems.

Modern cities are made possible by these sewage systems. Until the mid 1800s, it made no sense to stay in cities because they weren’t designed to handle so many humans in close proximity. That was until the city of Chicago figured out that they could create sewers underground by raising the entire city by 10 feet. Other cities around the world followed suit.

Today, cities are supported by underground cities – subway systems that connect the city, sewer systems, electricity and internet cables, water, foundations of skyscrapers, etc.

And, it turns out that the quality of life in a city, i.e. above the ground, is directly proportional to the quality of its underground or invisible infrastructure.

This principle is applicable in multiple places. Great farmland is made possible by the water table underground. And, tall trees need roots.

This is just as applicable to our lives as well. Our invisible infrastructure constitute our motives, values, mindsets and processes. We, too, are only as good as our invisible infrastructure.

That, then, leads us to a question to ponder – when was the last time you took stock of this invisible infrastructure?

3 reminders for the holiday week

For those of us who are fortunate to get time off in the coming week –

  1. You can’t be fully engaged with others if you don’t take care of yourself. Optimize for yourself first – and you’ll naturally find the energy and enthusiasm to optimize for others.
  2. There is no “right way” to do the holiday week. The best we can do is be intentional and engaged with ourselves and stay tuned to our needs.
  3. In the long run, all we’ll remember from this week are a few moments. You don’t have to wait for them to happen – you can also create them. A dash of surprise, a bit of time doing the unexpected or a lovely expression of your love and gratitude help create these moments.

Happy holiday week!

Servers and the served

Lately, every time I find myself in a position where I’m served by another human being – typically in restaurants or hotels – I find myself wondering – what was the main driver of my being in this place of privilege?

Nearly every time, the answer that follows is “Dumb luck.”

Most of us in places of relative privilege won the birth lottery.

With great privilege should come great humility and responsibility. So, the question that follows is always – what am I doing to make it count?

When annual performance reviews work

There are lots of people who are skeptical about annual performance reviews. Why have save feedback for annual reviews when you can give feedback in the moment?

While that’s true, annual reviews, to me, serve a different purpose. They help us to zoom out of the day-to-day or week-to-week and help us take stock of events from the entire year. When viewed in that time frame, it is often remarkable to see how some folks have grown and changed over the course of a year. They’re not a replacement for regular, candid, feedback. Instead, they serve as a supplement.

I’ve been taking time over the last week to write reviews for teammates and I’ve finished most of them feeling very inspired. The act of writing these has reminded me how much I value working with them while also pushing me to ask myself how I can emulate what many of them bring to the table.

Annual performance reviews can work well if we do the following –

  • Encourage everyone to seek feedback from folks they worked with on meaningful projects
  • Encourage everyone to give constructive feedback to folks they had sufficient interaction
  • Have managers review all the feedback and synthesize it as part of the annual review process

If any of these aren’t done, annual reviews become a farce. If feedback is only given by managers or by a few people who don’t take the effort, the feedback is useless.

Like most good things, a solid process followed by thoughtful follow ups can make all the difference.

So, as you wind up for the year, I hope you take the time to think about annual reviews for your teammates. It matters.

PS: Notes on self reviews are coming next week. :-)

Please do not reply

I began moving my mouse toward the reply button to explain to the folks at Equifax that the link wasn’t working. That’s when I saw – Please DO NOT REPLY to this email as it is system generated and will not be read.

What if companies sent emails that said – “PLEASE REPLY if you have any questions or concerns. We care about what you have to say and your messages will be read and responded to.”

It will likely be cheaper that an expensive advertising campaign that talks about how their brand cares.

And, likely more effective too.

Results and processes when managing ourselves and others

When managing yourself, focus on process and let results simply serve as a validation for a good process.

Managing ourselves by focusing on outcomes strips all opportunity for learning and growth. Such a focus also guarantees unhappiness because, unlike our processes, results often include forces that are outside our control. And, we’re better off focusing on what we control.

But, here’s what’s interesting – when managing others, we’re better off when we focus on outcomes and let processes simply serve as a validation for good outcomes.

Why this difference? It is because we limit others’ creativity by prescribing processes. The processes we prescribe typically suffer two flaws. First, they work best for us and don’t necessarily suit everyone else’s style. And, second, they are rarely the best approach to get to the outcome we seek. That can work okay for routine work (the kind that robots will do a decade from now) but it decidedly does not work for knowledge/creative work.

Good managers set clear expectations on outcomes and leave it to the their team to figure out process.

But, as we’ve discussed above, good processes don’t always result in good outcomes.

That, in turn, is the difference between good managers and great managers. Good managers evaluate their teams based on outcomes.Great managers, on the other hand, give precedence to outcomes first. But, in the event outcomes didn’t work, they ensure every bit of effort, creativity and dedication is given due credit.

Enlightened management considers both processes and outcomes. In the absence of that, the rule of thumb we started with is the way to go. For yourself, focus on process. For others, focus on outcomes and let them figure out a process that works for them.

E-Estonia – Building a digital republic | My favorite excerpts

Wired had a powerful story about a social credit experiment in China that combines data from the equivalent of Facebook, Amazon and LinkedIn to create an Orwellian credit score. It made me wonder about the potential impact of governments armed with the power to nudge citizens based on massive amounts of data about them. As I found myself worrying about the effects of such power, I took heart in a fantastic New Yorker article about E-Estonia.

If you haven’t read it, I’d highly recommend it. And, if you are out of time, below are my favorite excerpts.

E-Estonia is the most ambitious project in technological statecraft today, for it includes all members of the government, and alters citizens’ daily lives. The normal services that government is involved with—legislation, voting, education, justice, health care, banking, taxes, policing, and so on—have been digitally linked across one platform, wiring up the nation.

Today, citizens can vote from their laptops and challenge parking tickets from home. They do so through the “once only” policy, which dictates that no single piece of information should be entered twice. Instead of having to “prepare” a loan application, applicants have their data—income, debt, savings—pulled from elsewhere in the system. There’s nothing to fill out in doctors’ waiting rooms, because physicians can access their patients’ medical histories. Estonia’s system is keyed to a chip-I.D. card that reduces typically onerous, integrative processes—such as doing taxes—to quick work. “If a couple in love would like to marry, they still have to visit the government location and express their will,” Andrus Kaarelson, a director at the Estonian Information Systems Authority, says. But, apart from transfers of physical property, such as buying a house, all bureaucratic processes can be done online.

Digitizing processes reportedly saves the state two per cent of its G.D.P. a year in salaries and expenses. Since that’s the same amount it pays to meet the nato threshold for protection (Estonia—which has a notably vexed relationship with Russia—has a comparatively small military), its former President Toomas Hendrik Ilves liked to joke that the country got its national security for free.

In 2014, the government launched a digital “residency” program, which allows logged-in foreigners to partake of some Estonian services, such as banking, as if they were living in the country. Other measures encourage international startups to put down virtual roots; Estonia has the lowest business-tax rates in the European Union, and has become known for liberal regulations around tech research. It is legal to test Level 3 driverless cars (in which a human driver can take control) on all Estonian roads, and the country is planning ahead for Level 5 (cars that take off on their own). “We believe that innovation happens anyway,” Viljar Lubi, Estonia’s deputy secretary for economic development, says. “If we close ourselves off, the innovation happens somewhere else.”

She pulled out her I.D. card; slid it into her laptop, which, like the walls of the room, was faced with blond wood; and typed in her secret code, one of two that went with her I.D. The other code issues her digital signature—a seal that, Estonians point out, is much harder to forge than a scribble.

Data aren’t centrally held, thus reducing the chance of Equifax-level breaches. Instead, the government’s data platform, X-Road, links individual servers through end-to-end encrypted pathways, letting information live locally. Your dentist’s practice holds its own data; so does your high school and your bank. When a user requests a piece of information, it is delivered like a boat crossing a canal via locks. (APIs)

Toomas Ilves, Estonia’s former President and a longtime driver of its digitization efforts, is currently a distinguished visiting fellow at Stanford, and says he was shocked at how retrograde U.S. bureaucracy seems even in the heart of Silicon Valley. “It’s like the nineteen-fifties—I had to provide an electrical bill to prove I live here!” he exclaimed. “You can get an iPhone X, but, if you have to register your car, forget it.” (All too true)

“I’ll show you a digital health record,” she said, to explain. “A doctor from here”—a file from one clinic—“can see the research that this doctor”—she pointed to another—“does.” She’d locked a third record, from a female-medicine practice, so that no other doctor would be able to see it. A tenet of the Estonian system is that an individual owns all information recorded about him or her. Every time a doctor (or a border guard, a police officer, a banker, or a minister) glances at any of Piperal’s secure data online, that look is recorded and reported. Peeping at another person’s secure data for no reason is a criminal offense. “In Estonia, we don’t have Big Brother; we have Little Brother,” a local told me. “You can tell him what to do and maybe also beat him up.”

Traffic stops are illegal in the absence of a moving violation, because officers acquire records from a license-plate scan. Polling-place intimidation is a non-issue if people can vote—and then change their votes, up to the deadline—at home, online. And heat is taken off immigration because, in a borderless society, a resident need not even have visited Estonia in order to work and pay taxes under its dominion.

“If countries are competing not only on physical talent moving to their country but also on how to get the best virtual talent connected to their country, it becomes a disruption like the one we have seen in the music industry,” he said. “And it’s basically a zero-cost project, because we already have this infrastructure for our own people.”

In a garage where unused ambulances were parked, he took an iPad Mini from the pocket of his white coat, and opened an “e-ambulance” app, which Estonian paramedics began using in 2015. “This system had some childhood diseases,” Popov said, tapping his screen. “But now I can say that it works well.”

E-ambulance is keyed onto X-Road, and allows paramedics to access patients’ medical records, meaning that the team that arrives for your chest pains will have access to your latest cardiology report and E.C.G. Since 2011, the hospital has also run a telemedicine system—doctoring at a distance—originally for three islands off its coast. There were few medical experts on the islands, so the E.M.S. accepted volunteer paramedics. “Some of them are hotel administrators, some of them are teachers,” Popov said. At a command center at the hospital in Tallinn, a doctor reads data remotely.

The system also scans for drug interactions, so if your otolaryngologist prescribes something that clashes with the pills your cardiologist told you to take, the computer will put up a red flag.

In what may have been the seminal insight of twenty-first-century Estonia, Martens realized that whoever offered the most ubiquitous and secure platform would run the country’s digital future—and that it should be an elected leadership, not profit-seeking Big Tech.

The backbone of Estonia’s digital security is a blockchain technology called K.S.I.

If Russia comes—not when—and if our systems shut down, we will have copies,” Piret Hirv, a ministerial adviser, told me. In the event of a sudden invasion, Estonia’s elected leaders might scatter as necessary. Then, from cars leaving the capital, from hotel rooms, from seat 3A at thirty thousand feet, they will open their laptops, log into Luxembourg, and—with digital signatures to execute orders and a suite of tamper-resistant services linking global citizens to their government—continue running their country, with no interruption, from the cloud.

“Our citizens will be global soon,” she said. “We have to fly like bees from flower to flower to gather those taxes from citizens working in the morning in France, in the evening in the U.K., living half a year in Estonia and then going to Australia.”

“The idea that an algorithm can buy and sell services on your behalf is a conceptual upgrade.”

He lit several cigarettes, and talked excitedly of “building a digital society.” It struck me then how long it had been since anyone in America had spoken of society-building of any kind. It was as if, in the nineties, Estonia and the U.S. had approached a fork in the road to a digital future, and the U.S. had taken one path—personalization, anonymity, information privatization, and competitive efficiency—while Estonia had taken the other. Two decades on, these roads have led to distinct places, not just in digital culture but in public life as well.

Kaevats told me it irked him that so many Westerners saw his country as a tech haven. He thought they were missing the point. “This enthusiasm and optimism around technology is like a value of its own,” he complained. “This gadgetry that I’ve been ranting about? This is not important.” He threw up his hands, scattering ash. “It’s about the mind-set. It’s about the culture. It’s about the human relations—what it enables us to do.”

Mudbloods and Pure Bloods

Harry Potter caught on in India as I was in my eight grade. I still love those books. I have both digital and physical copies and still think of them as my ultimate source of comfort reading. If you’ve read the books, terms like mudbloods and pure bloods have powerful connotations.

When I think of the wisest books I’ve read, I don’t generally look past the Covey/7 Habits. These days, however, I’m reconsidering my stack rank a fair bit in favor of J K Rowling.  When I see all the commentary around immigration in the US, some of which affects my day-to-day, I think J K Rowling was really onto something when she taught us about mudbloods and pure bloods.

I think I understand what it means to be a mudblood – now more than ever.

Maybe JKR was preparing me for life?