Category: Everything else

I’ve given a lot of unsolicited advice growing up. It’s hilarious when I give it thought but I guess it’s fitting that empty vessels make a lot of noise. Over the years, my thesis on unsolicited advice has changed and here are a few thoughts.

– 95% of advice is useless – solicited or unsolicited. That’s because great advice is easily actionable. This requires a willing recipient, an advice giver who the recipient respects and, of course, great advice. So, it’s very easy to go wrong..
(Observation: The ‘willing recipient’ is the most common missing factor.)

– You can only truly give to those who are willing to receive. And that’s the other issue – most advice is unsolicited.

– There is only one exception to this – when you are actively engaged in developing/coaching someone. This involves a mutual understanding between the two people that one plays the role of the Jedi Master (and equivalent) while the other is the Padawan Learner. Even here, it’s most likely a domain specific relationship (e.g. professional, sports, music etc0)..
(The absence of the mutual understanding is the cause for most parent-child conflicts. Parents, understandably, assume they are all-encompassing “Jedi Masters” by right. Unfortunately, this has to be earned..)

– An interesting addition to the mix – one of the wisest people I know stays away from advice altogether. He throws ideas into the mix and shares his point of view. He avoids the 95% advice trap altogether.

I still think there’s a lot of magic in advice. Advice is literally experience/pearls of wisdom that is passed on from generation to generation. We are where we are today thanks to advice (both good and bad).

If done well, it’s magic.

If you plan to be happy “at the end”, there’s a couple of problems you’ll likely run into.

1. Worthy landmarks like annual exams and year end appraisals happen..well..annually

2. There’s no end to carrots like this in life. There’s always the next exam, the next evaluation and the next appraisal.

There’s only one way out – to ace the process and be so good they can’t ignore you. Happiness and awesome results will ensue.

That’s three birds with one stone.

Life is so easy in theory..

If you’ve followed football (/soccer) league games over an extended period, you learn a basic fact about championship teams – they seem to hit the winning goal right before the end of the game. And, if you aren’t a football fan, I’m sure you’ve seen this characteristic in whichever sport you follow.

To add to the sense of drama, this winning goal is often done in the final minute of extra time. The context barely matters. They could be 2 goals down at the 60 minute mark and you probably would still witness a gripping fight back. Champion teams nearly always fight back. And, as an extension, nearly always win.

The lesson I take away from it is that it’s easy to let your morale slip, your shoulders droop when you face uncertainty and adversity. That’s what mediocre teams do. The reaction of a champion team to adversity is one of enthusiasm, energy, drive and a belief in their ability to win against-all-odds.

So, how do you react to adversity? Do you react to it defensively? Or do you use that as an opportunity to show case your grit and push harder?

My writing coach wondered aloud as to how I could write every day on this blog and still be such a poor writer. My response (/defence? :)) then was that this blog isn’t really about writing. It’s more about presenting a different perspective on life events we all go through.

“Ah” he said “So you’re more Madonna than Gwen Stefani. The entertainer versus the vocalist.”

He nailed it.

I think what he also got to was the difference between practice and deliberate practice. Going out to the golf course and shooting a 100 balls doesn’t make you a better golf player. Getting a coach to help you with your strokes does. My tennis coach used to say “Don’t practice. Learn. Learn. Learn. Because practice makes bad habit.”

That’s analogous to my abilities as a writer. I have been writing every day and probably getting slightly better at conveying a point (I assume that is the least you can expect after 2,638 posts). But, I’m nowhere near as good as I would have been had I worked with a coach.

So, it’s back to the basics then. I’ve been gifted a great book on the theory behind writing and a monthly writing regimen.

It’s time to finally learn how to write..

And, thus, 2013 has arrived. 2012 was an incredible learning experience and as my nice end of year break comes to an end, I find myself looking forward to 2013 with eager anticipation.

I just wrapped up my annual review and find myself looking forward to 2013 with 3 themes in mind –

1. Apply “deliberate practice” in every aspect of my life.
Over the last couple of weeks, I decided to spend time with some really bright young minds deconstructing the “deliberate practice” concept for myself and walked out with a resolve to apply it every where – to work, guitar, writing and exercise among others.

2. 30 mins exercise – 5 times a week.
This is more a goal than a theme. It is very specific, and I intend to do this after a couple of years of exercise 2-3 times/week. Enough with the excuses.

3. Deal with change with a focus on process and core beliefs.
There are a couple of big changes expected in 2013.  And, I intend to focus intensely on “process.” One of the biggest outcomes of 2012 was the start of a long overdue learning journey – learning how to learn. I’ve been scrapping many of my past methods to embrace concepts like deliberate practice. A lot more of that to follow.

And, fittingly, I decided to revamp my desktop wall paper with Viktor Frankl’s wonderful thought. My values were revamped into “Core Beliefs” inspired by Simon Sinek’s idea that beliefs and values ought to be actionable i.e. “Make and keep commitments” vs Integrity.

(Sorry about the nearly white boxes. I’ve masked the pictures of framily..)

Another year of learning awaits. I can barely wait.

On that note, I wish you a wonderful new year – a year of curiosity, fascination, hard work, painful practice, significant achievements, meaningful learnings and love..

Let the games begin..

Here’s a thought – why don’t we make a slight change in the approach to new year resolutions?

Instead of deciding on a new year resolution like “I will eat better food this year”, my suggestion would be as follows –

1. Decide on 3 things you’d like to achieve this year
E.g. Better health, better relationships etc – vague is okay.

2. Break them down into a few daily “core” activities
E.g. Better health = 30 minutes of exercise + Maintain daily food journal.

3. Find a coach
Start with someone you know who does what you want to do, well.

4. Commit to sending this coach a daily update on your score for the day with a consequence if you don’t achieve your target.
E.g. $1 to charity for every day you miss 30 minutes of exercise. If you really want something done, raise the consequence.

5. Set aside 15 minutes of “Re-commitment” time every weekend to review your progress for the week, and plan for the next.
This can be done with your coach if you prefer that.

This will be a bitter pill to swallow if you decide to get to it. If ease is what you prefer, then I’d definitely recommend the usual fluffy new year’s resolution that will be shelved within the next 15 days.

There is a danger this might actually help us get the “resolution” accomplished.

It’s new year’s season and wishes such as – “May this year bring you success, wealth, joy and happiness” etc.

Here’s a thought – why don’t we all update our new year wish, just a little bit? Do we really just hope the year will bring “success”, “wealth” etc. What about disappointments, frustrations and all those things we grow through? We might argue that they will happen anyway – why mention the bad/negative stuff?

But, is it really “bad stuff”? Would we know joy without pain? Would we enjoy success without many disappointments?

Last year, I had the fortune to receive a wonderful new year wish that I’ve mentioned before –

‘May your life continue to engage, fascinate, frustrate, challenge and reward you as you grow as a person and as a professional.’

I thought of it many times during the year, especially when I felt frustrated and needed a pep up. It reminded me that the great stuff was bound to follow..

So, on that note, I wish you a wonderful new year – a year of curiosity, fascination, hard work, painful practice, significant achievements, meaningful learnings and love..

(This is v1.0 of the wish. To be improved. Suggestions welcome.)

When asked politely, this question is the ultimate “fluff-cutter.” It helps us boil down to the specifics.

A few other fluff cutter questions..

“Why do you feel we need to do that?”

“What is the rationale behind doing this?”

“I don’t understand. Could you help clarify that?”

As you might have observed, “I don’t understand” fits very nicely at the start of any of the “fluff-cutters.” One of the key steps to understanding is acknowledging we do not understand..

Of course you are. You just haven’t taken time to reflect.

If everything we do in life is an “event”, the preparation exists to ensure that the event goes well. The event is where we execute. And, it’s in the reflection that we glean the learnings.

This “event” could be absolutely anything – a serious presentation, a project, a task or even a movie. As long as you have engaged in an activity, it is very likely (>90%) you have learnt something from it. Life doesn’t hand the learnings on a platter though. It just requires us to take some time to reflect.

(As a result, it is possible to just move from “event” to “event” without learning anything i.e. “monotony”/”drudgery” of professional lives as described by many.)

So, the next time you feel you aren’t learning anything, set aside some time for reflection . That’s where the magic lies.

I just walked out of the theatre having watched “The Life of Pi” an hour ago and thought I’d write some initial reflections. I’m sure I’ll have more to add to the list as I give the movie some more thought.

For starters, the movie was incredibly deep. It wasn’t just about the fact that it was a visual treat (it was). It wasn’t the fact that it was a captivating story (it was that, too). And, neither was it the fact that there were few dialogues that seemed to convey so much. In my eyes, the life of Pi brought out some of the most profound truths about what it means to be human.

Image Source

I apologize for any spoilers if you haven’t seen the movie. I had a few stand out points..

– The relationship between Pi and the Richard Parker was based on need and circumstance. All our relationships are based on need and circumstance and this was no different. They hated each other, at first, and then gradually began tolerating each other. Adversity tends to bind people to one another and it did that to the pair.

– Routines, busy-ness and hope matter a lot. As the life boats drifted in the middle of the ocean, Pi speaks of the need for simple routines, to keep yourself busy without over-exerting yourself and most of all, to never lose hope. I wonder if our lives are any different.

– Fear keeps you alert. Insecurities matter. I have long pondered about the importance of insecurities. My theory is that that we all have our insecurities and it’s these insecurities that give rise to the drive we have within. Now, “having insecurities” is different from “being insecure”. We can choose to operate with confidence as our basis and rise above these, or choose to be insecure and let these insecurities define us. A lot of the world’s greatest achievers tend to be very insecure (A certain Mr.Jobs comes to mind..). It is my belief, however, that there is little happiness to be found in being incredibly insecure.

Insecurity theory aside, Pi beautifully illustrates the importance of fear in our lives. He attributes his survival to his fear of Richard Parker as it “kept him alert.” We all need a bit of fear so we keep alert. If we come from backgrounds where we cannot afford basic, the fear of survival is a natural driver. And if not, we need to make it a point to spend time with people who scare us a bit (e.g. coaches, teachers..). That fear will keep us alert and ticking.

– Hunger changes everything. Have you faced the sort of primal hunger that brings out the animal within? I know I haven’t. It’s a reminder that I’ve been fortunate to lead a good life. I am thankful for that.

– Keep moving out of your comfort zone. The carnivorous island that Pi and Richard Parker get to is a beautiful representation of the comfort zone in my eyes.

They find this beautiful island in the midst of their quest and it threatens to make them forget about their quest. Luckily, Pi realizes that there were others who were consumed by the island and decides to move on.

– Some relationships mean a heck of a lot more to us than they do to the other person. There’s a beautiful moment in the movie when Pi watches Richard Parker leave without saying goodbye. Their relationship is over from Parker’s point of view. Pi is left heart broken.

It’s a feeling I have experienced a couple of times and the truth is telling. It also reminds me that there are likely very few relationships in our life where both sides hold the relationships equally important or dear. Treasure them.

– Closure matters. “I suppose in the end, the whole of life becomes an act of letting go, but what always hurts the most is not taking a moment to say goodbye.”

This one struck a chord deep within. Having lost two important people early in life, you realize that letting go is a vital part of being human. But, you also realize that closure matters. A lot.

“It’s important in life to conclude things properly. Only then can you let go. Otherwise you are left with words you should have said but never did, and your heart is heavy with remorse.” (from the book)

– Truth is vastly stranger than fiction. This one took a while for me to understand and digest. I read a few reflections from others in a couple of forums before forming my own theory.

The background here is the exchange Pi has with the writer.

Adult Pi Patel: So which story do you prefer?
Writer: The one with the tiger. That’s the better story.
Adult Pi Patel: Thank you. And so it goes with God.

Here, Pi shares two explanations with the writer. The first is one that involves people, hatred and cannibalism and the second is one that involves sharing a boat with the tiger filled with wondrous stories and escapes.

He leaves the writer with a choice – believe a story that seems believable or take a leap of faith and believe the story about the adventure. The latter is the truth, of course and I was reminded of a story from an English textbook in high school that said “truth is vastly stranger than fiction.”

“If you stumble about believability, what are you living for? Love is hard to believe, ask any lover. Life is hard to believe, ask any scientist. God is hard to believe, ask any believer. What is your problem with hard to believe?” (from the book)

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One of the best movies I have had the fortune to see.