Category: Everything else

Prof Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi on flow, intrinsic motivation, and happiness

For a person interested in psychology, human behaviour, and happiness, Prof Mihaly’s work on “flow” is the stuff of legend. It was a real honor interviewing him (it was a very memorable experience too). For all those who are reading about Prof Mihaly for the first time, I’d recommend his wonderful TED talk.

About Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

featuredProfessor Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi has contributed pioneering work to our understanding of happiness, creativity, human fulfillment and the notion of “flow” — a state of heightened focus and immersion in activities such as art, play and work. Csikszentmihalyi teaches psychology and management at Claremont Graduate University, focusing on human strengths such as optimism, motivation and responsibility. He’s the director of the Quality of Life Research Center there. He has written numerous books and papers about the search for joy and fulfillment.

 

My favorite bits –

“We published several articles from was the study of internet chess and how people play.  We asked people who played against each other to fill out how much flow they had in the game afterwards.  In a week we collected over 1000 games and it was a good way to study whether our hypothesis was correct.  Our hypothesis was that the greatest enjoyment would come when the two players were exactly matched in terms of their skill level because that means that the challenges and skills were equal for both players.  We found that was almost true, but it was even better if the opponent was about 7% better than you were.”

“Junk flow is when you are actually becoming addicted to a superficial experience that may be flow at the beginning, but after a while becomes something that you become addicted to instead of something that makes you grow.  You find that even in chess, which I love.  I think it’s very difficult to exhaust chess as a source of growth, and yet you find that so many chess masters when they reach the end of their career, even while they’re young in their thirties or forties, can’t go beyond their skill level anymore.”

“The Greek philosopher Plato wrote a thousand years ago that the greatest challenge for teachers and parents is to teach young people to find pleasure in the right things.  He called it pleasure, but actually what he meant was enjoyment.  The problem is that it’s much easier to find pleasure or enjoyment in things that are not growth-producing but are attractive and seductive.  After a while you get trapped by a cycle of short term bursts of excitement, and then it becomes a habit; and now you feel bad if you can’t play, but you don’t feel good when you can play.  That’s a problem that goes beyond flow.  It goes to the philosophy of life.”

“Usually I find that people who become intrinsically motivated in their job, whether they’re surgeons or cooks in a restaurant, are the people who paid enough attention to what they had to do to discover small differences in performance and small differences in the product and became fascinated with the possibility of improving what they were doing.”

“The activity becomes a form of self-expression. This who I am, this is what I can do, etc.  When that happens, the work becomes intrinsically motivating which means that even if you are paid for it, or even if you get other rewards for it, it also very importantly gives you a sense of this is who I am.  This is what I can do well, and this is what I am called to do.”

“Twenty years ago I discovered a little passage in Dante Alighieri’s book The Monarchia which was written in 1317 – 700 years ago.  He says that every being enjoys most of all expressing itself.  We had dogs for a long time, and after I read that I realized that each dog was the happiest when it did what it was bred to do.  The hunting dogs liked to hunt; the guard dogs liked to keep people away from the door.   The sheepdog loves to chase children around until they get together like a flock of sheep.  When they do that they look happy, content, and proud.”

“Happiness is not something that is guaranteed, or that comes with our birth certificates.  It’s a possibility that we have to discover how to be happy.  Happiness is to do things that are harmonious with who we are, with what we can do, with what we like, and with what we think is right. Do it. Don’t figure that somebody else will do it, or that you don’t have a right to do it. “

Thank you Prof Mihaly for that wonderful interview. The full transcript, as always, is on RealLeaders.tv

5 year plans and quarterly earnings calls

Thinking long term is hard – so hard that Jeff Bezos, one of the smartest entrepreneurs on the planet, has invested 42 million dollars into a 10,000 year clock that symbolizes the importance of thinking long term. I think long term thinking is something we do very badly in our own lives. Most thinking horizons rarely exceed a couple of years (at most). For the most part, we are focused on the next few weeks.

This is one area where I like the systems corporations follow – make five year plans, make commitments and review them every quarter. One of the ideas I am thinking about is implementing that in my life. I’ve probably done 5 year planning 2 times (!) over the past few years but I’m not sure I’ve followed up adequately. Thinking long term is extremely powerful and it needs to be made a habit.

The reason corporations don’t make it work so well is because the the pressure on the CEO to deliver short term results (thanks to pressure from stakeholders who generally don’t have much of a clue) messes the system up. But, if we were to implement it on ourselves, we’d be able to execute with the long term in mind. Additionally, I think the exercise of determining our 5 year goals – across dimensions like health, relationships, finances – and then preparing a quarterly review would in itself be a terrific learning experience.

Bill Gates says we overestimate what we can accomplish in a year but underestimate what we can accomplish in a decade. Perhaps it’s time we fixed this.

More to follow..

Waiting for an invitation

There is no end to waiting for invitations – from people around you to hand you a drink so you can sing and dance, from the club that won’t have you so you can hang out with people who you think you’d like to be around, or even from the universe to hand you the perfect time to be able to have fun.

I think a new life begins when we stop waiting for invitations – it’s in our hands to sing, to dance, to create our own tribes, and to lighten up and have fun.

There is no right time or age to get started. The best time was yesterday. The next best time is now.

Conveying one idea

Sometimes the hardest thing while attempting to communicate (by writing or speaking) is to just remember to convey one idea we’d really like to get across. It is always tempting to litter our essays, speeches, blog posts, and conversations with multiple examples, tips, and the like.

I’ve learnt that the best conversations and even the best books contain around one great idea (outstanding ones contain three) – some communicate it clearly while others just make a mess of it by attempting to communicate as many ideas possible and hoping the reader takes one away.

Don’t hope. All we need is to gain clarity around that one idea – let’s ask ourselves what it is and communicate it intentionally and clearly. It may not end up being a “great” idea in our reader’s/listener’s mind as they decide what they want to take from a conversation or passage. That’s part of the process. At least we’d have tried and grown through it…

You have to listen to be heard..

Folks who constantly interrupt before others complete a sentence to make a point (and I am guilty of this more often than I like to admit) forget a very simple principle – you have to listen to be heard.

And, by listen, I mean really listen. Not just nod fervently and prevent you get it. Real listening involves 3 things –

1. Showing understanding – some folks achieve this by demonstrating rapt attention while a few (wise) others do so by regularly paraphrasing what they heard

2. Letting others finish – they’re not done till they are done.

3. Being open to the possibility of your assumptions and world view being wrong– Now, you can follow points 1 and 2 all you like but if you aren’t open to the fact that the conversation you are having might just change the way you think and feel about something, it’s not listening. Don’t pretend the conversation matters. Just walk away. Or just call it preaching – don’t insult the term “conversation.”

If you, on the other hand, are following 1, 2, and 3 diligently while the folks conversing with you are not, walk away as well. Great conversation is a rare thing and doesn’t come easily. And, at the end of the day, it takes two (listeners) to tango..

The Plan B mentality

Musician John Ondrasik had a very practical answer for my question about his education when I interviewed him – He struck a deal with his parents that he’d be allowed to pursue music as long as he completed a degree from a normal college. So, John completed a degree in Applied Math and Physics from Berkeley and then went onto become a successful musician.

Simple concept. But one that isn’t done often. For instance, for a long time, I’d work very hard only on one plan A. I didn’t believe too much in having other plans as I felt it’d distract me and mess with my commitment to “the” plan. Over time, I’ve learnt that that isn’t too smart. 2 reasons –

1. I got too attached to plan A. Failure was taken very personally.
2. There is hardly ever a right/”the” plan. Well, maybe there is but we don’t generally know it when we see it. Experimentation and openness always opens up more possibilities than we can otherwise think about.

A key part of a successful personal process is relegating failure to a non-event that is great for reflection. And, the way to do that is to make multiple plans and always remember that the universe wholly approves making multiple plans – why else do we have 26 letters in the alphabet?

If you haven’t done it yet, don’t find fault

Here’s an idea – if you’ve never tried something yet, reserve your expert comments.

If you can’t cook – no judgments allowed on someone else’s cooking. If you haven’t started a weekend project in addition to your job – no criticism allowed on someone else’s project.

Your judgments (as well intentioned as they are) aren’t helping. No, really. They aren’t.

Before you pass that comment, try it first.

And, you know what happens? Once you try it and appreciate how difficult it is to just be the person doing things, your comments stop. And, in fact, when you actually get really good at whatever it is you try, you play the role of the wise expert who only offers encouragement and support. After all, there always are more detractors than necessary.

Sarcasm from the stands is easy. Support from the field is tougher.. and better.

Does Seth ever take a vacation?

As I prepare to head for some much awaited down time, I found myself wondering – Does Seth Godin ever takes a vacation?

Well, of course he does. But that’s not my point.

I felt a certain laziness today – to think about something I’ve learnt and share it – and that’s when I remembered Seth. I’ve been putting a blog post up every day for 6 years (My first two years were more quotes than posts but I’m counting them for now). Over these years, many many friends and acquaintances have attempted regular blogging in earnest before fading away. But, Seth has been a constant source of inspiration – unwavering in his commitment and incredibly consistent in his message and in the quality of his writing.

I still have days when I struggle with conveying a learning – not because one doesn’t exist but because I either feel my writing isn’t good enough or because I’m just not in the right mood. It is on such days that I remember Seth’s consistency and just press the publish button. And, occasionally, I find myself reading a post and saying to myself – that’s worthy of Seth’s blog. It doesn’t happen often enough. I’m hoping that it will over time.

Thanks, Seth, for setting the bar high. I hope to pass the inspiration forward as well.

The Law of Unattraction

The law of attraction implies that when you really want something the universe conspires to make it happen.

I’d like to offer the counter point and propose the Law of Unattraction – The universe makes something happen when you have put in your best effort and are ready to walk away.

I can’t explain the number of times when I’ve really wanted a result to happen and, despite my best efforts, it didn’t look like it would happen. I’d then go through the reaction of annoyance and anger before realizing it was time to walk away and plan for life without it. And, just like magic, that result would come through.

So, if the law of attraction hasn’t worked for you despite a great process – walk away. Maybe the law of unattraction will work its magic…

Living in Beirut

Steven Pressfield had a fantastic post up the other day on his reflections of an anecdote from journalist Thomas Friedman’s book.

Beirut in the 80s was the Hobbesian Wild West. There was a war going on with Israel; artillery shells were raining down at all hours. At the same time a Lebanese civil war was raging; local militias, criminal gangs, extremist-religious armies and kidnapping rings ran rife. Death came out of nowhere and at all hours. Entire city blocks would be leveled by truck bombs, for which no group even took the trouble to claim credit. At the morgue (when anyone cared enough to transport bodies to the morgue), corpses were not even afforded the dignity of being identified. It was an era of out-and-out anarchy, where death was frequent, random, and meaningless.

And yet people lived their lives. Kids went to school, businesses found ways to stay open, Tom Friedman pursued his journalistic calling.

Tom Friedman writes – “Maybe the most popular Beirut mind game … was learning how to view one’s environment selectively.

I learned to be quite good at this myself. Late one afternoon in the summer of 1982, I was typing a story at the Reuters bureau when the crackle of machine-gun fire erupted in the park across the street. Another American reporter, who had just arrived in Beirut, ran to the window [and] became transfixed at the sight … he rushed over to me and said excitedly, “Did you see that? Did you see that guy? He was holding a gun like this right in his gut and shooting someone. Did you see that?”

I just looked up from my typewriter at this fellow and said, “Was he shooting at you? No. Was he shooting at me? No. So leave me alone, would you?”

Here’s what I find most inspiring – we all live in Beirut in our minds. It is full of distractions with the resistance suggesting this procrastination idea or another. We always have stray thoughts about this worry of the moment or that. It’s easy to be caught up in this or that. What triumphs in the end is an unerring sense of purpose and unwavering commitment to doing the right thing. Or, as Steven Pressfield says, it is about asking 3 important questions…

What is important?

What counts?

Why are we here, and what do we want?

Welcome to Beirut.