Category: Everything else

Malleable

It is tempting to sit back and take everything around us for granted. There’s so much we don’t control and, if we believe the news, all of it seems to be going downhill – the politics suck, the environment is doomed, corporations are evil, terrorists seem to be unrelenting. But, that sort of view is just one that has forgotten just how malleable the world is. It is also one that takes no responsibility for the future.

It is easy to forget that most things we see, hear, touch and use has been created by human beings just like us. And, what we take for granted wasn’t a given during 99+% of human history. In the last 100 years (a rounding error in the history of human beings), the world has outdone itself in demonstrating how malleable it is. Pokemon Go would have been consigned to the craziest corner of science fiction.

There’s a lot right in the world. It is without a doubt the safest it has ever been in all of human history. It is also the healthiest, the most affluent. There’s also a lot wrong. The wealth is growing more concentrated and this is causing all sorts of political problems. We’ve been messing with the environment too much for our own good. And, our leaders seem to be trading talking about real issues for transitory personal power. But, this tension between right and wrong will always exist. It is up to us to tilt the scales to continue making things better, making more progress and making our lives count.

And, to do that, we must remember that, despite how easy it is to think otherwise, our world is malleable. Big problems are waiting to be tackled. And, the onus to make things better is on us.

malleable, world(Thanks to the Oprah.com for the image)

Speed of awareness

A good gauge for how we’re doing on changing our own behavior is a metric I call speed of awareness.

Let’s take an example – an idea I have been attempting to work on is inquiry instead of opinions. When I’m asked for advice, my typical process is to understand the problem, look for a framework that fits the situation and then give my opinions. I’ve come to realize that a better process would be to add more inquiry before I give my opinion on the situation. I still move way too quickly into solution suggestions.

Now, if my speed of awareness was to be 1 second, I would have no problem. As soon as I did it, I would catch myself, back track and move on. The challenge, of course, is that shortening the speed of awareness takes work. So, the first time I realized I did this, it was a couple of days after a conversation. The next time, it was a day. Then, a few hours. A few days ago, I realized it right after a conversation. That’s progress. The next time, I hope to catch myself during the conversation and then as soon as I get the question in time.

The key with reducing the speed of awareness is deliberate practice. In this case, deliberate practice is re-hashing that conversation and re-doing it in my mind.

speed of awareness, reflectionThanks to source for the image

Similarly, imagine you want to learn to take a deep breath before you lose your temper. The way to do this would not be to will anger away. It would be to focus on reducing your speed of awareness. The deliberate practice in this situation would be 3-5 minutes of deep breathing every day and re-hashing times when you lost your cool and re-doing it. Over time, you’ll notice your speed of awareness decreasing.

Self-driven behavioral change is hard for many reasons. There isn’t an easy-to-understand process and there is a complete absence of metrics. I find speed of awareness to be a very useful metric to drive changes in ourselves…

Satisficers and Maximizers

Barry Schwartz’s research showed that people tend to fall into to one of two groups when making decisions – he called these groups satisficers and maximizers. Maximizers desire the best possible result while satisficers desire a result that is good enough to meet some criterion. That doesn’t necessarily mean satisficers settle for crap. Their criteria could be lofty – but, as long as it meets that criteria, they don’t care about it being the best. Most people are a mix of both. That said, most people default to one of the two.

(Thanks to the source for the image)

Barry Schwartz argues that satisficers tend to be happier than maximizers as maximizers spend a lot of time and energy on many decisions that just don’t matter as much.

I agree.

I am not sure what I was growing up but I did have strong maximizer tendencies until a few years ago. Over the years, however, I’ve learnt that there are very few things worth maximizing. For the most part, being a satisficer is stress free and rewarding because you often rely on research done by others. I also think you spend way too much as a maximizer sterilizing instead of playing and editing instead of creating.

Sure, you could spend hours polishing that draft. But, polishing is best done to things that are worth polishing. And, it often takes many years of creating before you arrive at things worth polishing.

So, the next time you’re facing hours of endless research to purchase something, consider asking a couple of friends who tend to have similar tastes. Or, just go on Amazon and pick the most popular item.

Contrary to popular belief, you don’t always need the best. Good enough, for most things, is good enough. And, for the few things that you determine to be worth maximizing, make sure you enjoy the polishing…

The things that made them great

A close friend reflected on a recent interview experience with one of the world’s most sought after companies. Out of 5 interviewers who interviewed him, he was sure that 2 of them had not taken 30 seconds to skim through his resume. He was also willing to bet that the other 3 hadn’t a clue where he was from either – he just didn’t know for sure. They seemed to only care about his technical expertise. We were both surprised because they didn’t seem to be doing the things that made them great.

The things that made them great.

We’ve seen this often with companies. They start small and do the small things extraordinary well. Then, they scale and promise to do so in a way that would maintain what’s special about them. But, somewhere along the line, they stop doing the things that made them great. They stop paying attention to the small details and stop treating customers as human beings.

Before we file this away in the “not relevant for me” category, we see this happen just as much with people as well. Once you build a great reputation, you will be told that you won’t need to do the pre-work or follow up. “Don’t worry about that. You’re going to be great.”

If you believe that, you’ve gotten it all wrong. Great people and companies do the things that made them great even when it doesn’t seem necessary.

Greatness isn’t in the going up. It is in the staying up.

the things that made them greatImage Source

But, what can you do?

When you see bad stuff happen around you that you cannot control, it is tempting to begin to feel powerless and hopeless. After all, what can you do? There are people out there who are more powerful and influential than you who’re unable to do much. So, where does that leave you?

I think the only answer that makes sense is – get better. Be a better person by taking the time to define and live by your values, stay healthy, learn more, engage in deep conversations – especially those that express opposing viewpoints -, and grow. Sure, some on-the-street activism this afternoon may create a short term stir. But, if you want to create long lasting change, you have to play the long game.

As you do this, you will likely influence more people than you realize – at home, at work, and in the community. If all goes well, you will also have real influence in these communities because you chose to lead by example. And, over time, that influence can translate into cultural change – the only kind of change that lasts. There is a lot of space for all our communities to be more open, more inclusive and more caring. For this change to happen, it will need an insider, i.e. you, to lead these communities through this change. Today might not be the day for that. But, if you care enough, that day will come soon enough.

Until then, you will have to hope that there will be others who are willing to take the plunge and lead. But, you don’t control that. So, stay focused on what you can change. The more you do that, the more you will be able to change – in yourself and in the world around you.

Let them know

When you change behavior for the better thanks to something you learnt from someone, let them know.

If someone did something that led you to change your behavior, that’s incredibly powerful. This isn’t just about making them feel good (it will do that for sure), it is about letting people know that did something that had impact. Even reasonably self aware people tend to be much more aware of their shortcomings than their strengths. And, knowing what you do well or what you do that impacts others is incredibly valuable data.

The other beautiful effect of this habit is selfish – you learn to both notice and appreciate things well done. It begins to feels easy and natural to take a moment to let the store manager know that a store clerk is doing a fantastic job. It also becomes habitual to not just say “he did a good job” but to say “I find her ability to listen carefully and then work toward finding a good solution extremely valuable.”

When this becomes habitual, an amazing other thing happens – you just spend more time grateful for the good things that happen to you. As the saying goes, it isn’t happy people who are thankful, it is thankful people who are happy.

let them know, gratitudeThanks to the source for the image

The it is what you make it approach

Of late, whenever I am asked if a certain experience has met or exceeded my expectations, I typically respond with a variant of “it is what you make of it.” There are two reasons for this.

First, there are certain experiences decide I’d like to go through. Whether that is marriage or graduate school, it doesn’t matter. It just matters that experience x passes my decision criteria at the time. Once I make the choice to go through that experience and assuming it works out, there is little point in going in with high expectations. Not only do these result in inevitable disappointment and unhappiness, they focus us too much on the past and sunk costs. Both of these don’t matter – we presumably made the best possible decision with the information we had then and sunk costs should be ignored anyway. Essentially, once you make it to wherever you want to go, all bets are off.

The second and more important reason is that all of life is a lesson in the idea that “it is what you make of it.” In almost any environment, my experience has been directly proportional to how much I give to it. The only choice, then, is how much I give or what I make of it. I could choose not to do much – and that’s okay. I could choose to do a lot – that’s also okay. But, it would be foolish to expect a ton from an environment where I am not engaged.

You can say all you want about how disappointed you are with your choice of job/school/partner. But, the fact remains that there are only 2 things you can improve – how you choose (books have been written on this and for good reason) and, once you choose, how much you engage.

Whatever “it” might be, it is what you make of it. Make it good, make it meaningful, and make it count.

it is what you make of it
Thanks to the source for the image

Positive signals on cars

Why do cars not have positive signals for others on the road?

The only 2 signals you can make to another person are either flashing lights or a honk. While the former is typically viewed as a warning, the latter is firmly about relaying the “you screwed up” message.

My hypothesis is that there is both a market and a need for 2 positive signals – a sorry signal and a thank you signal. Here are 3 reasons why –

1. The sorry signal is particularly useful for when you make mistakes. Now, the person who honks behind you knows it was done unintentionally.

2. There are so many nice gestures on the road – a driver making space for you in the lane so you can cut, another who allows a mistake without honking and yet another who waits patiently while you offload a passenger on a busy road. There ought to be a way to celebrate this.

3. The road can be a negative, stress inducing place. This stress has knock on effects in other parts of our lives. A bit of positive affirmation could go a long way. Instead of screaming about that idiot who cut you off abruptly when you are home, you can now reflect on that wonderful sorry and thank you gesture after he/she made a mistake.

How would you execute? There are 2 ways – the outward signals could either be extra lights in different places or it could be a small screen where either message flashes when a button is pressed on the steering wheel.

Here’s hoping that happens…

positive signals, cars(Thanks to the source for the image)

Serena, Cristiano and Roger

In professional sport, athletes that are usually celebrated are in their prime – typically between 27-29. These athletes typically rack up awards and trophies. Today, however, I wanted to take a moment to celebrate three athletes on the other side of 30 who all had great weekends.

First, Serena Williams. My defining Serena Williams moment was in the Australian Open 2003. If my memory serves me right, she was 5-2, 40-0 down in the final set and, against all odds, went on to save three match points and win the match 7-5. She was not just an incredible talent, but an incredible fighter too. Serena had her downs – some upsets, some on-court controversy, some difficult personal circumstances. But, since 2012, she has won 9 out of 15 possible grand slams. That is incredible. I haven’t watched Serena play in years but, my god, even following her exploits on the news is inspiring. She is now tied with Steffi Graf for a record number of grand slam titles in the Open Era (22) and is only 2 behind Margaret Court. On current evidence, there won’t be many who’d bet against her beating that.

Second, if you aren’t a Real Madrid, Manchester United, or Portugal fan, there is a lot not to like about Cristiano Ronaldo. There were many Cristiano moments from his time at Manchester United – his debut as a teenager with colored hair against Bolton 13 years or so ago, a Champions League semi final performance when he destroyed Arsenal Football Club almost single-handed, his blistering counter attacks among others. Cristiano left Manchester United to join Real Madrid for a record transfer fee and massive expectations. He has since gone on to score 364 goals in 348 appearances – that is unprecedented. What makes Cristiano incredibly annoying is that he loves the attention a bit too much and revels in his own greatness in a way that goes against any idea of humility. Even yesterday, despite having to leave the pitch at 25 minutes due to an injury, he was back on the sidelines toward the end egging his team on and irritating football watchers all over the world.

The other side of this story is that Euro 2016 has demonstrated a different side to Cristiano Ronaldo – it has shown a player who has truly stepped up as a leader, an inspirational force and one who has sacrificed his individuality for the team. Time and time again in Portugal’s run to the final, Cristiano was the perfect team player. It showed in what his teammates had to say about his inspiring message to them at half time. It showed in how they all spoke of him after the defeat. It showed in the result – Portugal were massive underdogs. Humility will never be his strength. On the flip side, there is something to be said for his incredible self belief. As a well written Football365 feature put it, “it’s not even so much that he thinks he’s great, rather the thought he might not be doesn’t occur to him.” He expects to perform. And, he inevitably does. That this victory came from the sidelines must have, in some ways, been incredibly sweet.

Finally, there are many who termed Roger Federer’s loss in the semi finals as a failure, as a time when Roger choked. In some ways, he did. The match was his to lose in the 4th set. The issue here is that Serena Williams’ dominance at the age of 35 almost makes Roger Federer look bad. I say almost because the field is entirely different. Depending on how Novak Djokovic’s career unfolds, in terms of statistics, Roger Federer will either be the greatest of all time or the second greatest player of all time. There are, however, some things numbers will never capture. Novak Djokovic is a great athlete. But, Roger Federer on song was a surreal experience. If Sampras could “walk on water,” Roger Federer seemed to be able to walk on water and paint at the same time. Last week, we saw a different Roger Federer – a fighter who had to dig really deep to play his best. This has been the case over the last few years. Pete Sampras and Bjørn Borg had long retired at 35. His one time adversary’s, Rafael Nadal’s, body seems to have given up. But, Roger continues to soldier on.

I once wrote here that, while Roger is the genius, Rafa was the better role model because we could all channel his fighting spirit in our lives. Roger, in his peak, would likely have dismantled Marin Cilic and Milos Raonic in 3 sets and moved on to win Wimbledon. But, age and slowing reflexes requires him to dig deep into those reserves of grit and tenacity that we all know he possesses. We take it for granted that a 35 year old Roger Federer still reaches the final 4 of a grand slam. That is a measure of his genius. He doesn’t reach it like he did in his prime – without losing a single set. Instead, he fights his way back from 1 or 2 sets down in at least one match, if not two. But, he still makes it – somehow.

That, in my mind, is a measure of his greatness.

It’s been a very inspiring weekend watching these athletes set an example. I am very grateful to them for choosing to be the best they can be and showing us what is possible when you combine single minded focus, a great work ethic and determination. Thank you Serena, Cristiano and Roger.

Reflections from my AirBnB experience – 1 cancellation and 2 declines

A peer of mine from graduate school recently had a bad racist experience on AirBnB. AirBnB did a very good job responding to it – with prompt action from customer service all the way to a tweet from Brian Chesky, the CEO and co-founder. I have complete empathy for AirBnB – the quality of your experience on their platform depends on the civility of your community. And, there is a lot that isn’t civil in the environment in the world today.

I only booked with AirBnB once. So, I felt I didn’t know enough about the platform to write about it then. I had a great first experience. Quick confirmation I could stay, great host experience, etc.

My second one, however, has been everything but that.

Part I – House owner association changes: In anticipation of a trip 2 months away, a group of friends and I had a booking set on AirBnB for a friend’s wedding. However, 4 weeks before the trip, we received a note from the owner that she would have to cancel. The house owner’s association (HOA) had changed the rules around having AirBnB guests. Ouch. So much for our grand plan of saving money by booking early.

Part II – No response from AirBnB. We called AirBnB on Friday and explained the situation. They sympathized and promised prompt action. No news for 4 straight days. So, we called them again on Wednesday. Again, we were assured someone was on the case. On Friday, frustrated, I sent a tweet to AirBnB saying all we had heard is words, no action.

AirBnB

They responded immediately on Twitter and finally followed up with an email. I asked for some sort of monetary compensation for our abrupt cancellation and their lack of response. We had to move from a net spend of $550 for the trip to a place with a net spend of ~$1000. My customer service representative said he’d manage a credit $80. But, he was also going to be off this weekend and he’d be back on Monday to help if we had more questions.

Part III – 2 declines. As we all still wanted to stay together, we decided to suck it up and attempt to secure another booking. There were 2 potential places that looked open to 8 guests. So, we sent one a request. As seems to be common with AirBnB hosts, we got a prompt response – declined.

Now, we were left with the final, most expensive option. Again, prompt response – decline.

We’ve obviously moved to looking for hotels.

As I reflect on this experience, I was left with a few thoughts –

1. At AirBnB, hosts experiencing changing HOA rules are likely not that uncommon. Why not have a blanket policy for sudden cancellations instead of treating it like a bespoke request? E.g. Maybe we given $50 credit per person who was booked on the reservation. That would help prevent this back-and-forth while acknowledging it as a cost of doing business.

Maybe another part of the response would be to actively work with the cancelled guest to find another reservation? Either way, I think the first step would be to give the customer a call and work with them to sort this out. Emails wouldn’t cut it – definitely not after having them wait a week for a note from you.

2. If I were Brian Chesky/AirBnB’s senior executive team, I would worry that a customer only got a response when complaining on Twitter. Does it take 7 days to respond to a customer without a reservation? Do we really need to resort to public shaming for that?

3. AirBnB has come under a lot of flak for racism. Friends of friends who are African American have tested this by creating fake white profiles to get around it and prove their point. Maybe this flak would reduce if it at least mandated that hosts give a reason for declining people? Calling the hosts who declined me/us as racist is the easy and lazy answer here. I would like to believe that is not the case and that there are other reasons that I don’t know or understand. A simple message explaining these reasons would go a long way. And, if it is doubts the host has, perhaps it can be a discussion? E.g. an assurance that there won’t be alcohol consumed at home or an extra security deposit for a large group?

I wrote to both hosts after the decline. One of them got back to me saying the listing was a mistake – they didn’t intend to leave it open after July 4th. I understand that. The other hasn’t as yet.

4. Beware compounding problems. The declines may have been less of an issue on another booking. But, overlay the cancellation and the lack of support from AirBnB and you can see how it all compounds.

5. I was reflecting on my intentions with this post. I realize there are 3. First, it is ask “what did I learn” from a disappointing service experience. Second, it is a reminder to myself to be grateful for the sort of first world problem this is. I am grateful to have the sort of options I have today – it isn’t something I’d have had a few years back. And, I am very grateful for that. Finally, it speaks to the power of incentives – since AirBnb only responded to my appeal on Twitter, I figure this might be the best way to be heard (see point 2).

Overall, this experience underlines the importance of that one principle – ownership. All of this could have been solved with a couple of phone calls and I do wish AirBnB had taken more ownership of the problem. It is still a fantastic idea – if I had a choice between a hotel room at the same price as an AirBnB, I would choose an AirBnB because I’d love to stay in a home when away from home. But, there is a lot to worry about when it comes to the execution.

Maybe AirBnB is doing just fine and doesn’t need to pay attention to these small misses with a customer or two.

But, then again, the true test of a business is not how things work when all is well.