Category: Everything else

The real problem

The problem they mentioned is not the real problem.

The problems people mention are those that sound acceptable. So, they sound logical and generally “make sense.”

“The price is not right.” Or “I feel this might not be the right time.”

But, if we were to peel the onion to understand the real concerns, they would sound much more emotional and visceral.

“I am worried I will be ashamed of making this decision.” Or, “I fear failure.”

So, when we hear that logical objection, let’s take a moment to parse the emotion behind it. Dealing with the logical objection and reducing the price, for example, will not solve the problem.

Finding a way to help them conquer fear with trust and a willingness to take the leap will.

Reasons to always share credit

There are many reasons to be obsessive about always sharing credit with everyone who helped you.

1. You show you care. That’s the essence of leadership.

2. People appreciate it. So, they will want to work with you and care for you. It feels great and it shows up in performance reviews too.

3. You set guardrails against becoming a world class jerk. People aren’t born jerks, they become jerks. And it is hard to think too highly of yourself when you write that thank you email and realize the list of people to thank is longer than you imagine.

The life sine wave

Equanimity, as a concept, really fascinated me for the longest time. It wasn’t something I managed at any stage in the first 20 odd years of my life. I simply moved up and down with the flow of life. However, writing every day on this blog gave me a sense of balance and perspective that I’d never managed. So, the time felt right to give equanimity a shot. And, the concept that helped me make progress the most was the idea of the life sine wave.

A sinusoidal or sine wave is a curve with periodic oscillations. While a normal sine wave has periodic oscillations, life’s waves aren’t as periodic. But, they’re just as predictable. Some days are “up” days and other days are “down” days. So, if it is an up day, you know there’s a down day coming and vice versa.

The beauty of understanding and accepting this is that you don’t take either kind of day to heart. You understand that this will pass and all you can do is keep plugging away and doing your best.

That acceptance is the first step toward equanimity.

3 responsibilities of an advice giver

Every once a while, people ask us for advice. This is a privilege. And, like all privilege, it comes with responsibilities.

1. Take a moment, and think about what you are going to say. This is not the time to improvise or ramble. If you don’t have something thoughtful to say, don’t say it. It is okay to take time to think.

2. State your biases. Every thoughtful receiver will spend thinking about what you said. And, in the process, they’ll begin to parse your biases and understand why you said what you said. Save them that trouble. Contrary to what some might think, biased perspective is actually really useful since yours is one of a few perspectives that the receiver is likely listening to. So much better to acknowledge it and move on.

3. Let this be advice to the other person, not to yourself. This is a key major reason for really dumb advice. Too often, people give advice that is really meant for themselves. They rehash their own mistakes and talk about how they might have avoided them. Or, they project their own experiences without considering the receiver’s path and personality. This is all about the receiver – let’s keep that focus.

And, I’ll end with emphasizing what I started with – advice should only be given when it is asked.

Most lethal

I chanced upon a display of Pulitzer prize winning photography. The collection was generally a collection of images that brought light to human strife in various parts of the world. They told a tale of events that ended up being lethal for millions of humans.

I expected disease, famine and starvation to be lethal. But, I was struck by the most lethal killer of them all – humans. Or, more specifically, “man” – as it nearly always was driven by men.

I know the sample probably wasn’t representative. But, in an age when we’ve solved for issues like disease and hunger at an unprecedented scale, our greatest enemy is ourselves.

Or, perhaps more accurately, the stories we tell ourselves. These stories – of “us” and “them,” of “enemies,” or of the relative perfection of our respective faiths, beliefs and ideologies have been most lethal.

It is easy to brush it away as decisions made by “them.” After all, most of us aren’t on the front lines and aren’t in the rooms that declare war.

But, let that not obscure the fact that we have the power to make an impact. The stories that we tell ourselves, our families and our communities have an effect on our collective consciousness. We can choose to tell stories of oneness or division.

The change needs to start from within.

How we let ourselves off the hook

We let ourselves off the hook by blaming people and organizations for not having prepared ourselves well enough. For example, here are two examples you’ve probably seen play out.

Employees blame companies for not doing enough to enable growth into future roles.

Students blame universities for not preparing them well for the needs for the market.

It is important employees push their companies to get better. And, it is critical students continue to work with their schools to do a better job preparing them.

But, blaming them is a really poor use of time.

Instead, we’re better off deconstructing the skills we need for whatever we want to do next and then working toward them. Now more than ever, we have a previously unimaginable range of learning options available to all of us. We all have access to an incredible set of tools to work on real projects that can make an impact. Finally, we can choose to easily connect with people with similar aspirations all over the world to learn and ship.

We have everything in place for us to own our own path.

Waiting for someone to prepare us is a poor excuse. It is just us letting ourselves off the hook a touch too easily.

We can do better.

Standards

Standards denote a level of quality. Our behaviors and actions are typically evaluated by others on the basis of these levels. In the long run, they are a leading indicator of our reputation.

So, that brings two questions. First, do we have standards for ourselves?  And, second, do we hold ourselves to them consistently?

The enemy of high quality levels is an exceptions process. Too often, we let ourselves off the hook by making excuses. I make excuses all the time and am fresh off making them yesterday – too hungry, too tired, too something else.

Of course, the solution isn’t to beat ourselves up. That doesn’t help either. No, the improvement process involves silent observation, a clear understanding of the triggers of unhelpful behavior and, in time, a proactive approach to guarding against it.

We judge great goalkeepers by how they do on their worst day. Similarly, the beauty of functioning standards is that they help us on our worst days. They will us to do better by calling on our character.

When standards work, they work because we realize that the standards that matter aren’t the ones “they hold us to.” Instead, they work because we realize that the ones that matter are the ones we hold ourselves to.

What has meaning

So, what has meaning and what doesn’t?

Whenever I share a book/article/recommendation with people, I always ask them to share what they learnt with me. It rarely happens. But, it gives me great joy when it does. This morning, a friend shared a profound portion of David Foster Wallace’s awesome “This is Water” speech.

 if you really learn how to pay attention, then you will know there are other options. It will actually be within your power to experience a crowded, hot, slow, consumer-hell type situation as not only meaningful, but sacred, on fire with the same force that made the stars: love, fellowship, the mystical oneness of all things deep down. Not that that mystical stuff is necessarily true. The only thing that’s capital-T True is that you get to decide how you’re gonna try to see it. This, I submit, is the freedom of a real education, of learning how to be well-adjusted. You get to consciously decide what has meaning and what doesn’t. You get to decide what to worship.

This was a great reminder. A large portion of our lives is spent responding to everything that happens around us. So, for the most part, it is just us learning to roll with punches.

The beauty about this is that we get to consciously decide what has meaning. That freedom comes with responsibility. And, it is on us to wear it well.

Day Traders or Venture Capitalists

We have a unique opportunity in front of us today – to choose between being day traders or venture capitalists. However, the opportunity comes with a twist (doesn’t every opportunity?). Few realize that the opportunity exists and fewer know that the default option is day trading.

Day trading requires us to engage with all the goings on in the day. The nature of the day dictates our mood. We like good weather and good news and generally struggle to find motivation otherwise. We invest in the now and avoid crazy swings. It is the default option and works just fine.

However, a few realize that there’s an alternative. When we play venture capitalist, we look at things differently. Yes, we’re engaged with today but, really, we’re focused on building for a few years from now. We’re on the lookout for opportunities to invest in ideas and people who might building something of value. They key word is might, of course. There are no guarantees. Unlike in day trading, there’s more risk and more volatility. But, there’s also tremendous excitement about possibilities.

So, today, we get to choose if we want to live this day and week as a day trader or venture capitalist. One feels safe and the other feels full of tension, discomfort and risk.

Then again, sometimes avoiding risk is the greatest risk of them all.