Category: Everything else

Every societal disruption, by definition, changes the nature of the era. Thanks to social media and the internet, one of the defining characteristics of this age is the sheer amount of chatter.

Every little thing we do produces a lot of noise. A piece of news that used to be local is now global. That’s because publishing space is infinite and everything is connected. That, however, is just an amplification of what used to exist.

The biggest change is that we are all journalists and we are all news worthy. Thanks to Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter, and the like, our entire extended network knows of major life events and achievements. And, given the sudden increase in the number of newsworthy people (i.e. us), “news feeds” are thriving.

All of this is from the point of view of the consumer. As producers, however, what has changed is that little actions can create a lot of chatter. And, very little of this chatter really adds value.

Every once in a while, I find it helpful to stop and ask myself – what are you working to build? How much progress have you made?

It helps separate the signal from the noise.

A close friend and I were discussing distractions. The top distraction on her list was the Facebook feed. I thought I’d share my relationship with my Facebook News Feed.

Starting 1 April 2013, I just stopped looking at it.

There’s an increasing movement of people who debunk Facebook and say it adds no value. I am not one of them. Facebook has truly lived its mission to connect the world in my eyes. The engagement on the website is off the charts – 1 Billion people log in everyday. That is impressive. I think of the news feed as an addictive drug that people can’t seem to get enough of. Whether it is good or bad depends entirely on you.

When I asked myself how Facebook adds to my life, I found it to add value in 3 ways –
1. Serendipitous connections – There are SO many past neighbors and friends who I’m connected to via Facebook. I don’t know what’s happening in their lives. But, every once a while, I send or receive serendipitous messages. And, I find tremendous value in that.
2. The ALearningaDay page and shares – I share this blog’s post every day on the Facebook page and on my own profile. It is a simple action that has helped build engagement as that is where a lot of the interested audience sits.
3. Groups – this has been incredibly useful in graduate school.

My experience with the Facebook feed from 2 years ago was that it was only, at best, having a negative impact. This is probably less about the feed and more about me. In particular, there were 2 things that were going wrong –
1. If I ever liked a photo or update, I was inundated with notifications about others who did. I didn’t like that. I generally check notifications, respond to email and friend requests. So, the noise wasn’t helping.
2. I am given to competitiveness and envy. This is in my nature and I found that the news feed fed my demons. :-) I had worked very hard over the preceding years to stop focusing on others and just focus on competing against myself. At that point, I felt I was getting to that happy place and my Facebook feed seemed to derail that progress when I spent time on it. I used to get sucked into checking out what others were doing. All of this was wasted happiness and time.

So, I made a simple switch. I changed the bookmark on my browser to redirect to my own profile page as that is what I accessed to share this blog’s links.

The app makes it tougher because I need to go to my notifications as soon as I click on it. I occasionally see a feed item or two. I almost never engage. It does mean missing out on congratulating many a friend about some achievement or big life event. But, I figure that if I only learn about people that matter via Facebook, there is something wrong. So, it is a trade off I’m comfortable with.

The aspiring product person within admires the engagement and sheer magnetism of that feed.

But, I’ve learnt that its not for me.

Your behavior and performance on a good day is good to have. It tells us what you are capable of doing when the going is good.

However, it is your behavior and performance on a day when you feel unsettled and out-of-sorts that we really care about. Do what you do when the chips are down and you win respect.

That’s because consistency is the name-of-the-game. There has never yet been an inconsistent champion. And, it is your performance and grace on a day with extenuating circumstances that defines your character.

After all, life is just a series of extenuating circumstances.

I watched a full tennis match after a really long time yesterday. And, it turned out to be a fantastic game to watch. Djokovic beat Federer to win his 10th grand slam. Here’s what I took away –

1. Adapt and reinvent. The first lesson I was reminded of was from a recent post titled “Adapt and Reinvent.” I wrote, then

“There are, however, a handful of legends who did manage to stay true to their status as the “next big thing,” And, every single time, they did so not just because of their incredible technical abilities but because they were willing to adapt and reinvent themselves. They understood their physical make up and changed their game to suit them as they grew older. Many changed positions and styles. And, what is telling is that they found new strengths as they grew older. If they were pacy in their youth, they impressed with their reading of the game a decade later.

Careers in sport at the highest level are rarely longer than 15 years and, yet, top players probably reinvent themselves 2-3 times in that period.”

That post was about soccer legends but could just as easily have been about Roger Federer. In the last couple of years, Federer has changed coaches, switched to a more forgiving racket and adapted his game. He has been surprising people by charging forward during his opponents’ second serve (nicknamed SABR or “sneak attack by Federer”). This isn’t a nice-to-have at Federer’s age. The Open Era has produced fitter tennis players than ever before. For a 35 year old to make it to the finals of two consecutive grand slams, it is a necessity.

2. Heightened self awareness. it is impossible to adapt and reinvent if you don’t understand your own strengths and limitations. Heightened self awareness is a pre-requisite to succeeding as you mature. I’m sure that applies beyond sport.

3. At the highest level, it is largely a mental game. At the risk of simplification, the biggest reason for Federer’s loss yesterday was that he only converted roughly 1 out of every 6 break points. Djokovic converted 1 in 2. Federer is usually a fantastic clutch player. However, Djokovic was better yesterday. These games are all decided by small margins. And, mental strength is an incredibly useful ally to have. Djokovic’s mind is more conditioned to winning these big games than Federer’s.

Learning aside – I thought I’d indulge in two interesting questions –

First – will Djokovic beat Federer’s tally of 17 grand slams? I think it will be tough. Federer had 15 grand slams at Djokovic’s age. However, Federer also had a 22 and 23 year old Djokovic and Nadal who were beginning to peak. Djokovic doesn’t seem to have that sort of competition. So, he might actually get very close.

Second, what of Federer? How can he be the greatest player of all time if Djokovic and Nadal consistently get the better of him? Just remember that Federer is 35. Between 22 and 28 (usually considered a tennis player’s peak), Roger Federer won 13 out of 24 possible grand slams. To do what he is doing at 35 is nothing short of incredible. Let’s enjoy it while it lasts.

Great game. Hats off to you – Novak and Roger.

For many years, I feel like I consistently dreamt about the “big things.” The final event, the big presentation and the critical milestone. It was all about finishing with a flourish.

Now, I spend most of my time thinking about the small things  – the next meeting, the email update, the thank you note.

I’ve learnt that I care a lot more about doing the small things with extraordinary love.

And I find that, very often, they become the big things.

When I first began planning breaks/vacations, I used to attempt to control every part of the experience. It all needed to be perfect.

I realized pretty quickly that there is no such thing as a perfect break – at least not in the way I had defined it. Things inevitably went wrong and the conditions were never completely ideal. For example, I was informed of the failure of a then-important-project on vacation. Or, I was contemplating a worrying possibility on another.

But, the best part is that I don’t remember these things when I think of these breaks. They are a part of the narrative but hardly dominate. I didn’t have much control over these things, after all. And, you can only control what you can control. And, the best part? I do actually think of these breaks as “perfect.”

What, then, is perfection? Perfection, to me, is simply when we make the best of a situation given all the constraints.

So, before we attempt to make our next project “perfect,” lets ask ourselves what really matters and seek to control our input into those bits. Let the rest go and make the best of it.

Perfection is overrated because we view it as scarce. It isn’t. It is all around us. Every time we make the best of a situation or be the best version of ourselves, perfection appears. We just have to learn to see it and then appreciate it.

There is a school of thought that encourages you to play hard-to-get whenever and wherever possible.

Playing hard-to-get has been shown to increase leverage in business dealings, contract negotiations, and even relationships. There are some obvious benefits – negotiate harder on your next job’s payment and you’ll have squeezed a few thousand extra dollars. Or, play distant in your relationships and you will have increased your desirability.

I tend to do the opposite.

Instead of negotiating harder, I try to minimize any possible negotiation. Instead of playing hard-to-get, I err on the side of letting people know how much they mean to me and how much I’d love to spend time with them. And, instead of operating with low trust, I choose to trust.

All of this is predicated on picking the right people – people who won’t screw you over if you didn’t negotiate and people who’d love you more for being upfront with them. Sure, it means making a few mistakes along the way and being burnt a few times.

But, overall, I’ve found this to be a happier path. I’m not saying it will work for everyone. But, I definitely think it is a path worth considering before you think about your next optimization.

It is my belief that, in the long run, we all get paid our dues. And, I’ve found that to be true in my limited experience.

A few years ago, after a string of bad decisions involving spending money, I decided to cut back by eating less food. I was clearly a stupid 19 year old who felt invincible – at least as far as my health was concerned.

6 months in, I achieved my short term finance goals but ended up with a long term health consequence. I had severe Gastritis and faced a brutal month. The doctor warned me that I needed to eat both regularly and better. She also said I’d done a fair amount of damage over the preceding 6 months and that I’d likely have to be careful for the rest of my life.

She was right. My stomach is comparatively much more sensitive and I experience discomfort if I go through an extended phase with irregular meals. In essence, I am reminded of my stupidity once every 12-18 months. This is one of those periods – I was working on a massive project these past 2 weeks and my meals were all over the place. Cue: stomach issues.

So, today, I found myself kicking off my reflection week by remembering my dumb decision to eat less food 6 years ago that had all sorts of downstream consequences. It made me ask myself two groups of questions –

1. What other dumb downstream health decisions am I making now? For instance, am I making sure my posture is ergonomic so I avoid back issues when I’m older? Am I exercising enough so I keep my muscles and joints active?
2. Every decision we make has downstream consequences. Am I considering those consequences as I make these decisions?

Tough questions.

Good questions.

We live and we learn.

There is no end to the number of things people around us might want of us.

At any given moment, they could want us to be more patient, caring, confident, assertive, energetic, enthusiastic, passionate, analytical or entrepreneurial.

And, yes, we could get better at being some of those things too.

But, peace, happiness and real change come when we stop ourselves on this endless road and say – “I am enough.”

The difference between the ones who have a strong sense of love and belonging and ones who don’t is simply that the former believe they are worthy of love and belonging.

We can try to be many things. The changes that stay are those that are aligned with who we are. For that to happen, we must first be who we are.

And, that begins with saying – “I am enough.”

—

Hat tip – Brene Brown

20 years ago, if a journalist wrote a bad review about your restaurant, you were looking at a few dark months.

Two weeks ago, the New York Times wrote a now-famous piece on Amazon’s tough company culture. Amazon’s employees didn’t like it and took to LinkedIn publishing and wrote at least a 100 critiques. For the next 10 days or so, post and counter post dominated the narrative. (My observation is that the biggest winner from that saga was LinkedIn publishing!)

So, if a journalist writes a bad review about a restaurant today, it doesn’t matter as much. Tripadvisor and Yelp matter a lot more than a single review. That’s the right thing. Today, power on the internet is not bestowed. It is largely earned. Thanks to technology, this generation has intuitively understood the wisdom of the crowds.

There’s a lot of talk about how changes in technology are leading us to a world where machines take over. However, the way I see it, we seem to be building technology that is increasingly letting humanity shine through.

And, that’s amazing to see.