Category: Everything else

Things that slow us down

Things that slow us down may be things we need the most.

Every week since the summer of 2008, I’ve sent some version of the 200 words project – where I share a synthesis of an idea from a book I read within 200 words. The previous incarnation (2008-2014) was a team effort with a former colleague who came up with the idea. For the first 2 years, I didn’t participate much in the creation process. Around 2010, however, I took over most of the content creation and that continued in the form of the 200 words project today.

Creating these is a multi-step process. The first step is reading interesting books. Next, I take notes as I read. And, finally, I aim to synthesize relevant notes in a series of ideas that capture what I’ve learnt from the book. It is a slow process. But, it has been rewarding. In addition to blogging about them here, I send them out in a weekly newsletter of sorts to friends, acquaintances, former colleagues and clients. It’s worked as a wonderful way to stay in touch.

But, every once a while, I ask myself if the time has come to kill the project. And, admittedly, this has happened with greater frequency since I became a parent 3 months ago. So, I took a long 6 week break over the holidays to check in on my motivation to continue doing this. It still existed.

I had an epiphany last weekend when I was preparing future drafts – why was I keen to kill the project? It felt like it was slowing me down. In the limited time I had during weekends for working on this stuff, I could do other things or simply read more.

But, would more be better? Would I truly make the most of the books I read if I wasn’t synthesizing them?

It occurred to me that this process is likely valuable because it is slow. Boiling books down to their essence requires a certain depth of focus. It stands in contrast to my general pace of life. And, that difference was certainly challenging for many reasons. But, that investment in depth also reaped wonderful rewards in the long run in the form of learning and wisdom.

So, every once a while, slow might be exactly what we need.

Disproportionate energy

There are sure to be small things in your day that infuse you with a disproportionate amount of energy.

It could be a cup of coffee after lunch, a walk by yourself, a piece of delicious chocolate cake, or an extra hour of sleep.

If you know what there are, then it might be time to allow yourself that boost. Often, denying them just means thinking about them for the rest of the day or spending willpower attempting to resist.

If a small investment can give you a disproportionate energy boost the rest of the day, it is likely worth it. Engagement takes energy and we generally need all the boosts we can get.

We don’t make an impact by the number of hours we put into life. Instead, we make an impact by the number of hours we engage with life.

Policies and principles

As we learn to manage ourselves, we often start by setting policies. Policies are iron clad rules that help us achieve certain objectives. Examples of policies are –

1. I will always go to the gym first thing in the morning
2. I will never check email on Saturdays
3. I only eat sweets on Sundays

Of course, these policies are just ways to live by certain principles. For example, the principles behind these 3 rules might be –

1. I care a lot about exercise and would like to make sure I get it done
2. I need to feel relaxed during the weekend
3. I care about the sugar levels in my blood and would like to make sure I keep them low

Now, these principles provide us degrees of freedom. For example, you might be okay checking your email on a Saturday as long as you are feeling relaxed. And, those degrees of freedom enable us to be more effective by applying these principles based on the context.

Managing by policy is an amateur’s game. This is just as applicable whether we’re managing ourselves or an organization.

This, in turn, is exactly why culture matters – both in organizations and individuals. Google’s employees are not held back from discussing confidential information from their company’s weekly all hands because of a policy. Rather, it is their commitment to the culture. Great cultures are important because they enable leaders to focus on principles rather than policy.

For short term wins, policies can work great. However, if you are in it for the long term, principles are the way to go.

Enduring awesomeness

I was up at 3am last weekend watching Roger Federer and Rafael Nadal at the Australian Open final. Far better writers have written plenty about that game. So, I don’t think I’d be able to add much. However, sometime during the fifth set, I was thinking about the idea of enduring awesomeness.

Even as a kid, I was a casual tennis watcher. Like everyone else, I used to tune in to watch Sampras v Agassi at the turn of the century. But, watching Roger Federer was always something else. I remember watching his progression at Wimbledon 2003 as a pony tailed youngster and his first grand slam win against Mark Phillippousis. That was the start of something really special.

And, 14 years later, here we are. He’s older now and has had to adapt his game to suit his age. So, there are more high risk shots as he tries to keep rallies short. His backhand “weakness” (it’s all relative) has become a weapon. Against all odds, he’s still out there winning grand slams and showing us how its done.

There’s something incredibly inspiring about enduring awesomeness – the key word being “enduring.” We can pull off great work every once a while. But, to do it day in and day out over a long period of time – that’s something else.

My new year theme is engagement. I aspire to be engaged and conscious every waking minute – paying attention as I try things, conscious as I stumble and make mistakes, and engaged in creative, constructive and corrective responses to them. I’ve come to realize that it is this depth of engagement that characterizes fulfilling lives.

A friend, who was also watching the Federer Nadal final, suggested that Federer might retire after this. I disagreed. I felt he was enjoying himself too much to retire. Yes, the unforced errors were piling up. And, yes, his legs didn’t cooperate the way they used to. But, he just seemed 100% engaged, focused and determined to continue to learn, adapt and push himself. His head didn’t drop when he started the final set on the back foot. He had decided to fight. And, what a fight it was.

Deep engagement in one’s craft is a sight to behold. And, in his case, it is his consistent engagement over the past three decades in his craft that contributes to his enduring awesomeness.

I find that very inspiring.

That old dream

We adjust our expectations from life at record speed. That old dream, once achieved, becomes commonplace in our eyes. So, we move on to the next dream.

In high school, I dreamed of going to college abroad – ideally in Singapore for a variety of reasons. When that worked out, it became “no big deal” in no time because most of the folks I spent time with shared that reality. This happened at the next step and the one after that. Similarly, 9 years ago, just writing a long form blog post every day was a nod to my aspirational self. When that began to happen, I wanted to write better. And, when I felt I was writing better, my mind started wandering toward other things.

This is, of course, an endless cycle. Assuming you chose to work at it, unless you had a specific, incredibly low probability dream, you’ve probably done a decent job at getting to what you want to do and being who you want to be. Until that old dream became commonplace and you just began focusing on the next one.

It is important to to invest in tomorrow. But, life isn’t all about tomorrow either. As you think about how you’re doing today, spend time on that old dream. You are probably doing things and being someone that were once just aspirations. And, that’s a big deal.

Dreams do come true. It’s just a shame if we end up not appreciating that fact as much as we should.

So, every once a while, take the time to remember the days when you prayed for what you have now.

Dissatisfaction space

Dissatisfaction is a useful emotion every once a while because it pushes us to reconsider how we are doing things.

The first thing to do when we’re facing dissatisfaction is to not over react. It is a natural, normal thing. We wouldn’t change if we didn’t experience dissatisfaction with the status quo.

Next, create a bit of space – an hour early in the morning or late at night – to think. What is causing it? Are there simple things you can tweak to make things better? Commit to a change or two while you are at it.

And, finally, allow yourself to dive into something and make progress. The best way to harness the energy from commitments is to dive straight into making progress on something that matters to you.

Dissatisfaction is a powerful change agent. It is wasted if we just use it to beat ourselves up or if we try to ignore it (we can’t). Instead, we must view it as a signal to change how we do things.

It is a natural reminder that what got us here won’t get us there..

Influence

When people are trained on influence and persuasion, they generally study a combination of what master influencers do and what interesting social science research points to. The inherent assumption is that the difference between you and the master influencer that you will become is a few skills.

However, when I reflect on my attempts to persuade people, I realize that I’ve actually not been all that persuasive when I set out to be persuasive. Instead, I was most persuasive when I wasn’t trying at all.

So, what happened when I wasn’t trying? I was influence-able. I was more willing to listen, to ask questions and to have a conversation without attempting to make a sale. As I was in tune with what the right decision should be, I was able to really contribute to the conversation and help make the right decision.

It turns out influence isn’t all that different from most other valuable skills. It isn’t about them, it is about us.

Or, put differently, the hard part about influence isn’t learning persuasion. It is learning to be persuadable ourselves.

PS: You might be able to push your view onto someone else for a while. Or, you might even get them to act in a way that isn’t in their interest. It is generally short term. And, that’s not influence anyway, it is manipulation.

Dealing with type II uncertainty

There are, broadly, 2 kinds of uncertainty. While type I uncertainty is the kind you choose, type II is what you face for reasons beyond your control.

So, choosing to quit your job and start a new business is type I. On the other hand, facing an uphill task trying to get a job because of nationality, religion, race, sexual orientation, or gender is a classic type II uncertainty. Now, some might say that logic is flawed. After all, you choose to apply to that job and face that uphill battle. And, while it is an interesting argument, it tends to fall on the wrong side of history.

The biggest challenge with dealing with type II uncertainty is that it feels unfair. But, dealing with unfairness is a rite of passage if you are a minority, a woman, gay or an immigrant.

It is only once we embrace the inherent unfairness can we get to the two things that help – focusing ruthlessly on things we can influence and being grateful for what you have. This is so much easier said than done. Try telling a Muslim in America that she shouldn’t worry about what the President is doing or saying. Or, try telling the many hard working international students who took on huge amounts of debt that they shouldn’t worry about trying to get a job.

But, it is the only way.

Focus ruthlessly on what you can influence. And, while you are it, develop an attitude that refuses to settle on anything but gratitude. There will always be things to complain about. And, there will be less in your control than you’d like.

But, on the bright side, developing the ability to focus and to maintain a positive attitude despite uncertainty and strife is entirely within our control.

It is how we get made.

The Google approach to self improvement

We got beat because Google runs itself as a series of experiments run by its engineers. They are constantly trying new things at a ferocious rate. A Google chief scientist says they run 3,000 to 5,000 experiments a year. If you use Google in a week, you’re likely to be in three experiments. You don’t know you are, because they are experiments. – A Yahoo engineer

The Google approach to self improvement is inspired by the quote – “If you use Google in a week, you’re likely to be in three experiments.”

My learning from this approach is to go back to the drawing board every weekend. I aim to spend 5 minutes reviewing my goals. In this case, they are my 3 new year sub-themes – health, information and “seek to understand and then to be understood” – along with the overall engagement theme. And, part of this review is reflecting on last week’s experiments and designing new experiments for this week.

So, what is an experiment? A small change in the way I do things. For instance, I’ve been slowly building a more comprehensive work out system. This week, I’d like to add a couple of short sprints to the days when I focus on weights. Another experiment is a change in style in how I make a point in meetings. And, so on.

The goal here is to be similar to Google. If you interact with me in a week, you should be looking at three ongoing experiments. And, hopefully, over time, the small changes that work well will stick.

And, in the long run, these small things become the big things.

Flashback slam

For tennis fans, this weekend is the weekend of the Flashback grand slam. It certainly feels like we’re watching tennis in the mid 2000s.

Serena Williams took on Venus Williams in the Australian Open final, and won. She has solidified her status as among the top athletes of all time. While the Williams sisters have been rivals, the rivalry has been decidedly one sided. Serena has dominated. She is an awe inspiring sportsperson.

The men’s final, however, has definitely been more of a rivalry. In a few hours, Roger Federer will take on Rafael Nadal. While Rafa dominates the head to head stats, most of those matches were on clay. Outside of Clay, Nadal leads 10-9. He still likely has the mental edge and it helps that he’s 5 years younger to the oldest finalist in a Grand Slam for 30+ years.

But, here’s the thing, as much as I’d love Federer to win, Rafael Nadal is probably the greatest role model in sport. A friend shared a lovely article on Nadal’s recent run to the Semi Finals. Here’s my favorite excerpt –

Sport is ostensibly about lifting yourself, one athlete rising above himself and also above the other man. This ability to lift requires grit and faith, and this is what both men did beautifully yesterday and this is why this match turned into a classic. Zverev rose to every physical challenge Nadal threw and Nadal continues to rise and meet whatever life hurls at him. And in doing so he reminds us of a valuable lesson.

Last week it was constantly mentioned that Nick Kyrgios has immense talent but that he wastes that talent. By “talent,” people tend to mean hand-eye coordination or racket skills, but in truth it’s a limited definition. Nadal’s talent is that he takes every shot seriously, every point, every practice session. His talent is to rally on aching knees. His talent is to pick at his shorts and then to run till he cannot any more. His talent, you see, is to never waste this talent.

And, here’s what Federer had to say after winning his semi final –

I don’t think both of us thought we were going to be here potentially playing in the final because I went to open his academy in Mallorca with him a few months back and I told him ‘I wish we could do a charity match or something’, but I was on one leg and he had the wrist injury and we were playing some mini tennis with some juniors and we were like ‘it’s the best we can do right now’. A few months later, we are maybe going to be in the finals. It’s a very special tournament for us already.

We’re likely never going to see a Federer – Nadal final again. In that sense, this flashback slam is going to be a one-of-a-kind experience for even casual fans of the sport like me.

I am not optimistic about Federer winning. But, I’ve come to realize it doesn’t matter who among the two wins.

The real winners are tennis, grit and sportsmanship.