From time to time, I am reminded of an exchange between Albert Einstein and his Assistant a few days before his passing.
Einstein had just walked into his office for what would turn out to be the last ever time. His Assistant noticed his discomfort and asked – “Is everything okay?”
“Everything is okay. I am not.” – he responded.
I am reminded of this exchange every time I seek more equanimity. Perspective is power.
The obvious benefit of written professional communication is the efficiency – in person conversations are both powerful and un-scalable.
The downside is that it strips away tone and, thus, makes it really easy to misunderstand intent.
Given that, I’ve found myself increasingly appreciative of the smiley. It is amazing how a colon and a closing bracket can combine to bring warmth and humor into an otherwise staid/serious written exchange. But, in my limited experience at least, they do.. and they likely prevent many a misunderstanding in that process.
The small things are the big things. :)
Saving a penny has a higher return-on-investment than attempting to earn an extra penny.
It is, on average, easier to do (since you’ve already earned the money). And, thanks to taxes, you’ll have to earn more than a penny to have that penny in hand.
This logic works for happiness too.
If happiness is reality relative to expectations, an expectation lowered has a much higher return-on-investment than a corresponding improvement in reality.
Aside from being undoubtedly easier to do, it has the added benefit of freeing us from the fear that prevents us from taking the kind of action that can actually step-change our reality in the long run.
Win-win-win.
What we often focus on as communicators attempting to land our message positively with our audience: 1) Substance in our message, and 2) Quality of our delivery.
What actually drives how our message lands: 1) Trust in the relationship (reputation in its absence), and 2) the motives, fears, and values of the folks receiving the message.
It is amazing how much psychological pain we can avoid by always assuming we’ll need to work harder over a longer period of time than that other person (there’s always one.. :-)) to get the same thing.
We had an urgent plumbing issue that needed solving recently and I spoke with a few plumbers before making the final decision.
One conversation stuck out – this person, within a few seconds of hearing the problem, outlined what he was going to do to solve the problem. The solution sounded a bit too aggressive for our case and I said as much. His response was – “I do this every day. I know what I’m doing.”
That was the moment he lost our business. Even if his answer was right (I’m not convinced it was), I was worried that he’d not be keeping his eyes open to problems that didn’t fit his existing assumptions.
It reminded me of the many times I’ve made the same mistake – attempting to be the problem solver without spending enough time as the problem finder. As I was on the receiving end this time, I think I’ve developed more empathy for the frustration folks on the other end feel.
Problem finding >> Problem solving.
Kids often seem to choose the most inconvenient times to express their love. This may be right when you plan to brush your teeth, carry that box across the room, or better yet, poop.
They also often refuse to do so in more normal circumstances.
There’s a life lesson in this pattern. It is hard to plan for good things to happen.
So, all we can do is keep plugging away and be willing to keep our eyes open for the opportunity for something good – even in the most unlikeliest of places.
A learning journey observation: As time passes, I find myself looking for fewer new ideas and, instead, seeking more ways to absorb and live a small collection of old (often time-tested or fundamental) ones.
For these sorts of ideas, the mental model isn’t so much 21 day habit streaks as much as it is about multi year construction projects.
When Ogilvy took on the goal of making households in the UK recycle more, their “one bin is rubbish” campaign focused on getting folks an extra bin at home. This, in turn, meant that folks found it much easier to sort their recyclable trash and, thus, recycle more.
A big reason for the success of their campaign was their focus on changing behavior instead of attempting to make them card carrying members of the green movement.
Over time, changes in behavior inspire changes in beliefs and attitude.
It is a story I think of every time I think of the climate crisis of late. We need more of a focus on changing behavior before attempting to change beliefs.
A simple question to gauge trust in a relationship – how often does the other person assume we’re acting with good intent?
Folks in strong relationships generally assume good intent, folks in bad relationships consistently assume otherwise, and relationships that take a lot of work involve an imbalance in these assumptions.
