alearningaday

Merry Christmas

I am a Hindu by faith. I tend to be more spiritual than religious however. I think that tends to be a view held by most of us who whose education taught us to think, to probe and to question.

That said, I love religious festivals. I am a sucker for all kinds of celebrations. You just have to give me an excuse and I’ll probably be out on the street celebrating. I love the concept of celebrations – be it religious ones like Diwali, Id or Christmas or simply the many ‘day’s’ we celebrate during the year like Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day, Friendship Day etc.

These celebrations encourage us to take a break, pause and think of those who matter most. And Christmas takes the cake when it comes to timing. The Christmas New Year break is what makes December incredibly magical for most us. For those of us who are fortunate to live near family or have the means to travel to our homes, it’s the time when we get together and celebrate!

And, perhaps, most importantly, it is that time when most of the world takes a break from work to celebrate. Isn’t that a magical thought?

This very moment, many families, friends and loved ones across time zones are getting together and enjoying a great meal, a great movie or simply a great moment.

At a time when there’s more societal, economical and social unrest than there’s been for many decades, that thought alone gives me a lot of hope… We could do with some love in this world..

Merry Christmas everyone! I hope you have a wonderful holiday week..

On Reflection and 10 Questions

This week’s book learning is from a combination of books on Richard Feynman and Walter Isaacson’s Steve Jobs.

Another year has flown. On 16th October this year, this blog completed 100 weeks of book learnings! Thank you for making it special..

As is tradition now, please find our very own 10 question reflection and review sheet on http://bit.ly/alearningadayreview2011

I hope you will find 15 minutes in the next few days to reflect on these questions. Please also do send any feedback you might have to improve this sheet.

I wish you a wonderful holiday season and hope you memorable Christmas and New Year celebrations.

Here’s to 15 minutes of reflection amidst the joys of the holiday season, this week!

Life by Calculation

It’s fairly easy to live a limited life.

One of the simplest ways to do so is to live by calculation i.e. everything you do is measured by the amount of money that’s in the transaction. This simplifies life in many ways.

A holiday is measured by the cost of the holiday.

A job is measured by your pay packet.

Your phone is cost optimized.

Life is measured by the Ferrari index (i.e. what car do you have?).

And relationships are measured how much you get.

This way, life is reduced to the constant search of the next deal. You only travel on holiday if it is cheap. You never indulge spontaneity because it is expensive. You sign your next job offer because you have a great sign on bonus. And so on..

You’ll save cash. You’ll have optimized the best deals.

But, constantly searching for the next deal is tiring. It’s limited.

We’re probably better off focusing on experiences.

Because most great experiences, truly are, priceless. Ask a music fan what it felt like to attend a great concert or a football fan what it felt like to attend an amazing football game.

It’s very unlikely they made the trip because they found a ‘great deal’.

I’m always reminded of the famous string of Mastercard ads that used to air on TV when I was a child. (I couldn’t find the one I wanted which involved a family working to get a family portrait together. So, here’s a substitute.)

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They did nail it. There are indeed some things money can’t buy.

Luckily, we can always choose to live by experiences.

Spoilt by choice, we are.

Now, to enjoy Christmas Eve!

The Measuring Cup Principle

John and Sara were neighbours. They heard that the lady down the street was giving every child pieces of cake on Christmas day. Deciding to drop by at the kind lady’s place, they went home to take containers with which to collect the pieces of cake.

Sara brought back a small container with enough space for a piece of cake while John took a massive container with him.

At the kind lady’s place, they were both given two pieces of cake. Sara’s container was now full and could barely be closed while John’s, of course, was very empty.

As they walked back, John complained about the insufficient quantity while Sara was extremely happy.

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Now, let’s think about this story for a minute. John and Sara were given the same information i.e. that the lady down the street was giving kids pieces of cake. They were also given the same number of pieces.

But, one walked away extremely happy while the other walked away disappointed and bitter.

The difference maker here was the measuring cup. And, therein lies the crux of the ‘Measuring Cup Principle.’ As time passes by, our measuring cups inflate in size. This results in a lessening of gratitude and happiness..

How big are our measuring cups?

7 Hacks for A Better Next Flight

This is dedicated to all those who are taking flights this holiday season. And of course, these don’t apply if you usually fly Business Class.

Overall

1) Avoid Queues. Don’t bother with queues. Either get in 4 hours early and be the first to check in or be content with being among the last few. Avoid them when possible.

The most ridiculous queue is the one that builds up at Boarding. Everyone seems to be in a hurry to get into the plane (and then do what?). Enjoy your music, keep calm and get in once the queues are done.

Budget

2) Avoid the cramped seats by booking an emergency exit row seat. At check in, ask for the window seat next to the emergency exit. This is huge value especially if you have long legs/prefer leg room. Emergency exit seats are usually always available on request.

The only downside is that these seats don’t recline. However, a seat by the window means the ability to rest your head on it. Pretty comfortable.

Non Budget

3) Enjoy the entertainment by carrying your own headphones. Aside from lesser microbes, the in flight headphones are typically bad quality.

Point to note: On most flights, there are 2 headphone inputs i.e. One for each ear which are built for the low quality inflight headset. Fret not. When you plug in your headphone, just plug it in any of the sockets and adjust it a little bit. Don’t insert it completely as that would mean one sided sound. A bit of tweaking and you’ll be just fine.

4) Choose window or aisle. Check in online. Be proactive and choose a window or aisle seat. Window is great because you are not disturbed and have the window as an additional option to rest your head. Aisle is great if you like to stretch your legs often and/or use the bathroom. The middle seat is good for neither, of course..

Also, on long/red eye flights when you expect to work the next day and need sleep, avoid picking the first few rows in Economy class. Unless, of course, the sound of crying babies puts you to sleep.

5) Special Meal Plans: If you are on long flights and need sleep, think about asking for special meal plans during check in. Asking for ‘vegetarian’, for example, means you will be served first and attended to long before the food trolley is pushed around row by row.

A quicker road to sleep.

6) Ask for an upgrade. No reason not to unless your airline has strict anti upgrade policy. (Singapore Airlines leads the way in this regard. Asking this question is futile. But it has worked well for me on other flights. The other interesting thing here is that getting a ‘no’ is a good way to make other requests. Basic persuasion tip.)

You typically get an upgrade when economy class is flying full. That said, I know, from experience, that asking for an upgrade can often be tough in our own minds since they involve stepping out of our comfort zone.

So, here’s a typical upgrade conversation.

<Exchange pleasantries>

“Is economy flying full?”

(If No)

Are there any empty rows in economy? (This allows you to sleep full length!)

(If Yes)

“Oh great! Can I have an upgrade then?”

The best part here is that if it’s a No, you can cash it in for another request Eg: Waive off excess luggage.

And if yes, well, you lucky dawg! :-)

Three vital things I’ve learnt about upgrades.

i. They teach you a lot about rejection. If you have a fear of hearing a ‘no’, this is a fantastic place for you to put your fears aside and just ask!

ii. You can test your persuasion skills and learn to ask. They are a great place for you to test your persuasion skills. And the most amazing thing here is that you never know what you can get unless you begin asking!

iii. You will have to remember the Yoda nugget. Of course, you have got to believe…

Special Tip

7) Stillness Speaks when you have difficulty sleeping. For many of us, sleeping on flights is an uphill tasks and we walk out feeling tired and exhausted.

So, here’s a special tip that always works for me. Get hold of the audio version of a book called Stillness Speaks by Eckhart Tolle. The ideal way is to buy a copy on Audible/Amazon and put in on your phone.

Put your headphones on. If you have gone the Audible way, put the app on 30 minutes sleep mode, and watch yourself waft into deep sleep.

Happy Flying! And look forward to other hacks that you employ on your flights in the comments..

Limited and Abundant

We often go through life making 2 vital assumptions.

1. Energy is abundant. This implies we have enough energy to say yes to many projects, commitments and ideas. This also means we have enough energy (and, as a result, time) to spend time with people we may not like, working with colleagues we don’t learn from and going through life surrounded by those who suck our energy.

2. Opportunities are limited. This implies that there isn’t enough out there for all of us. Everyone around us are competition for the same limited resources. Jealousy, envy and constant comparisons with others are all part of the game. It’s vital we hoard as much money as we can in comparison to our immediate circle of people because there’s only so much out there.

What if we flipped them around?

Suddenly, we realize that there is enough out there for all of us. We realize that we have a duty to share, to give and to develop. Perhaps, most importantly, we realize that we can’t spread ourselves out too thin when it comes to what we say yes too. And that realization is typically followed by one that emphasizes that we can’t afford to spend our limited energy on people who suck our energy. That we are much better off spending our time with people who fill us with energy, optimism and life i.e. the ‘No Asshole’ rule.

(In case you are worried about those who you might be walking away from, don’t worry. We humans are not too bad at taking obvious hints. We live and we learn.)

Inch wide and mile deep is what we need, and what the world needs. It takes focus to get to the inch and energy to dig a mile deep. Options to find that inch are in multitude. Our energy is limited.

When we do realize that the opposite to both our standard assumptions are true i.e. that it is opportunities that are abundant while energy is limited… our lives are never the same again.

We are transformed. Just like that.

Rolf Kuonen: Interview VII – RealAcad Mondays

While it is still Monday in Hawaii, I’m pleased to present a ‘Real Leader’ interview from Frederic Kuonen, a RealAcader from Stanford’11.

Frederic is currently doing his Masters in Banking and Finance at the University of St Gallen, where he also completed his Bachelors in Business Administration. Frederic has had a stint at the in-house consulting department at Credit Suisse. He discovered his passion for entrepreneurship while studying business models of Swiss Social Enterprises and led a market entry project in cooperation with a Swiss e-bike sharing start up.

Frederic is well travelled and spent a semester in Hong Kong. He was also an avid tennis player and was among the top 150 ranked players in Switzerland (i.e. from the land of Roger Federer!). He also has a great sense of humor!

Below is the interview with a note from Frederic.

Rolf Kuonen, born in 1950, grew up in Leuk, a small town in Switzerland. After spending 6 years in a Catholic residential school he completed his high school with a major in Greek and Latin. He graduated from the University of Fribourg with a licence (Masters) in Psychology and completed a secondary education in Psychotherapy. After his studies, he worked in Switzerland in different therapy centers. Currently, he is the director of a state-owned therapy centre in Visp focusing on youth’s problems in school and life. Through his work, he acquired a broad knowledge about people in different life stages, as he ha treated hundreds of people so far. Additionally, Rolf is very passionate about the 3^rd dimension and was a private pilot for several years.

I know Rolf because he is my father ;-). I interviewed him because I think he has a different perspective on leadership, as he doesn’t work in a corporate environment. Also, he knows how people think and behave from experience, and I thought it was a great opportunity to understand his ideas of leadership.

1. What inspires/drives you?

As a psychologist, I’m in contact with people every day. Usually they come with some problem they have in their life, which is sometimes extremely difficult. I cannot give concrete examples, but I’ve had young people who’ve lost both of their parents within two weeks. So, in these situations my job is to stabilize the person and be a safe haven for them. At the same time I will have to encourage the patient to find their own solutions to their problem. So what I do is empower people to use their full potential and thus overcome their difficulties. This is a very rewarding and satisfying feeling.

2. What has/have been the most defining moment (s) of your life so far?

When I was 12 year old, I was sent to a Catholic residential school. This was one of the most defining moments of my life. Even though the education was very good, I lived through a difficult and (often) frustrating period during these 6 years. The main reason was the closed environment in the presence of monks and priests. We were seldom allowed to leave the campus to visit Fribourg (a Swiss city nearby). Also, the values, strongly influenced by Catholicism, were very conservative.

During this period, I discovered a strong drive of freedom and an urge to revolt against the institutionalized authority. For example, we fled from school once in a while, caught a Taxi on the street and went to Fribourg to watch a movie in the cinema. These movies inspired me and we started to produce our own movies, which were very critical of Catholicism. I believe this experience gave me a lot of self-confidence and a strong independence versus institutionalized authorities as well as social obligations. This independence has had a strong influence on my therapy style. After several years of studies, I started developing my own therapy style, which is a combination of different theories, as I don’t believe in one ‘right way’ to do it.

3. What advice would you have for future leaders?

As a director of a therapy centre, I have to be a leader. Like with everything else, I have my own personal leadership style and I try to empower people. It’s the same philosophy as in my therapy. In my opinion, there are three important factors on how to be a leader.

1. Being authentic. For me, this means accepting one’s strengths and weaknesses.

2. Self-responsibility of team-members. I give my team the freedom to find their own solutions and this means I take time for them and support them if necessary. In my experience, when people are given responsibility, they begin to feel that they are taken seriously, which is very motivating. It’s like being a guide with regular control so they stay on the right path to achieve their goals.

3. Humility: While you have to be self-confident, self confidence, for me, means being humble when interacting with team members. Thanks to my experience, I sometimes know better but I don’t have to show that off. Being humble to me means being respectful to my team-members, encouraging their strengths and giving them time to speak up.

—

I loved the note about being authentic. It’s often forgotten. Thank you Rolf and Frederic.

More to follow as always on RealAcad Mondays..

Segoe UI and Aaron Klein

Aaron Klein has been an inspiration, blogging and otherwise. He is one of those who makes me think, and act. And it’s not because of things he writes or says, it’s simply thanks to the things he does.

I find that to be a common thread among those that inspire me. Most of what I learn from them is not because of things they say or do but thanks to what I like to call osmosis. Just by virtue of seeing them live their lives as an inspiration, I find myself thinking about ideals that shape their lives and feel change seep through me. It’s not because they do, but more because they be. Maybe that’s why we say ‘Be an inspiration’ instead of saying ‘Do inspiring things.’

One of the visible changes Aaron has had me implement is a change of font. You might have noticed minor changes on these posts in terms of font type. I can finally confess to being satisfied with the current font – Segoe UI. I love the font so much that I’ve switched my default font on my emails and other Windows applications from Calibri to Segoe UI. Segoe UI is a font used by Microsoft on all their websites and I’ve been unable to find a font that’s easier on the eye.

I care about fonts and design. Making things look good, however, comes a distant second to making things and hence, the design of this blog (for example) has changed slowly and often incrementally simply because of other making priorities that take precedence. Discovering Segoe UI has been a big big bonus in this regard.

It is amazing how little things can give us inordinate amounts of happiness. Segoe UI, in my case, is one such example. I’m a happier blogger now. And I hardly thought that was possible. It’s a nice reminder that it’s the little things that make us happy. (Throw money at the problem, hence, is almost always the wrong answer!)

Aaron’s also gotten me thinking, and doing something about charity. More on that to follow as well.

Thanks Aaron! Do keep up the great work.

Oh, and I guess I haven’t mention this yet, I haven’t met Aaron in person yet. We know each other entirely thanks to Disqus and the AVC community.

Now for someone to say the same about a friend they met here at ALearningaDay.. Smile

—

For fellow bloggers, Segoe UI is not a font available on the blogger system. Of late, I’ve been testing Windows Live Writer and been liking it lots. Windows Live Writer integrates well with all blogging applications and enables you to write posts offline and use the entire array of fonts. Essentially, I’ve been doing all my blogging on this application and loving it so far. This one’s thanks to KD.

On IQs and Fake Weathermen

This week’s book learning is part of the ongoing series of inspiring learnings from ‘Switch’ by Dan and Chip Heath.

A total stranger walks into a room and reads a weather report to the small audience. After he leaves the room, the participants are asked a simpe question – What is this man’s IQ?

Of course, there is no way they can make an educated guess from just one interaction. So, they take a wild guess at the fake weatherman’s IQ. Then, the weatherman is asked to guess his IQ. And, here is the crazy part – the total strangers get closer 66% of the time!

Think about that for a minute – the fake weatherman has all the information to make the right prediction. He knows how he thinks, he knows his aptitude, he knows the grade he has gotten in school, etc. But, the weatherman in this experiment consistently rated himself higher than he actually was.

Other bits of research that illustrate this point are that college students do a better job predicting the longevity of their roommate’s relationships than their own, 25% of people surveyed believed they were in the top 1% in the ability to get along with people and that 94% of college professors report that they do above-average work.

So, it’s a proven fact that we tend to vastly overestimate our own ability. This only further illustrates the importance of the people we spend time with and developing the habit of laughing at ourselves. Hopefully, we surround ourselves by those who call bullshit on us when necessary. :)

And, hopefully, we lead the way by laughing at ourselves every once in a while!

So, here’s to some self depreciating humor every day this week!

Never mind your time. Give me your energy.

My Mom taught me a great lesson a couple of weeks ago. And, like most great lessons, it came wrapped up as a disappointment.

We were planning out my trip in December and since I was going to be in Singapore this week, I really wanted my Mom to join in. I also have a close friend visiting from home in any case and it would have made for a nice trip.

My Mom, however, said no. She’s been pretty stretched of late with work at school as well as an additional course on weekends. So, the thought of all this travel was not enticing. She said she’d much rather be 100% when I’m home than feel stretched and irritable in the time she spent with me.

I was disappointed at first.

A few moments later, however, I saw the lesson – she was just watching out for her energy. She wanted to make sure I had 100% of her when we met. Quality. Not quantity.

It all made sense. It’s one of those things I feel we’ve gotten wrong over time. There’s too much time management flying around, and far too less energy management. Everything in life needn’t be king size. Often, less is more. And less done better is definitely more.

Her lesson came back to me an hour or so go. This close friend was raring to go out and I was just not ready. I needed a bit of time to blog, catch up on a few emails and get set for what promises to be a long night with lots of fun planned.

Now, I could have gone ahead and spent time with him but it’s unlikely I’d have been happy or given him my 100%. He would have had my time in full but not my energy.

So, I did the hard thing of asking him to carry on without me for the first couple of hours. I’m done now with all my catching up and I’m happier. All set to give the rest of the evening my 100%! Let’s hope he agrees (haha).

Some of the best learnings are those that deserve to be re-learned time and again. Short, but meaningful is definitely one of them.

Thanks Mom, for the learning. Like many others things in life, you nailed this one!

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