Author: alearningaday

As time passes, I find it amazing how often the answer to more productive relationships between individuals and within groups lies in habitually setting and managing expectations.

“It is impossible to get someone to understand something they’re paid not to understand.”

I was reminded of the power of incentives in a conversation recently.

And as easy as it is to point to an example that involves someone else, the truth is that I have 2 recent examples where I was guilty of not being open to ideas which were counter to my incentives.

Shape incentives, and you shape behavior.

I’ve been planning some travel for the summer. This would normally involve a bunch of time spent on search engines attempting to come up with possible first draft itineraries.

This time around, it was replaced entirely by time spent on ChatGPT. 30 or so questions later, I had a good idea of what I wanted to do. This replaced hours of time spent reading various travel blogs.

I don’t yet know if conversational search will replace every existing search use case. But it is clear it is a great research tool – especially in cases like this where you don’t have to worry about its propensity to make up facts.

Someone described ChatGPT as a great replacement for an intern. It is a neat way of thinking about its value prop – thanks to its ability to provide a first cut synthesis of a ton of information.

“Sometimes magic is just spending more time on something than anyone else might reasonably expect.” | Teller (from the magician duo Penn and Teller)

So true – in our work, in our relationships, and in our life.

A small part of one section of our fence started leaning forward the other day. We knew we had to fix it but we figured we’d have a bit of time. The fence had endured for a while – no reason to rush a repair job.

Within a few days, however, the entire section started to fall apart. If you looked at the section now, it’d be unrecognizable. It is hard to believe a fully functional fence stood there just 2 weeks ago.

It is a good reminder of how things fall apart. You see a sign, then things begin to fall apart gradually, and then suddenly. It is a great way to think about dysfunctional cultures too. If you see signs of dysfunction easily, it means the reality is likely much worse.

Every sign of smoke doesn’t require a fire engine / emergency responder. But we’re generally better off taking the signs seriously.

At the end of a particularly rough day recently, I wrote to a couple of friends and shared what I was feeling.

One of them wrote back and shared the story of a day that was at least a 100 times tougher than mine.

Instant perspective.

And that’s leaving aside the fact that we all have very good lives.

The conclusion to that exchange was all of us reminding each other of a few truths we often talk about.

You never know if a good day is a good day.

This – both the good and the bad – will pass.

Focus on what you control. Keep plugging away.

I can never have enough reminders of these truths.

A decade or so ago, someone I worked with shared their biggest leadership reflection. It was “you get what you tolerate.”

All these years later, I find my appreciation for the wisdom in that quote has only grown over time.

This is along the lines of the power of standards. First we make them.

Then they make us.

“In a textbook case of naive empiricism, the author also looked for traits these millionaires had in common and figured out that they shared a taste for risk taking. Clearly risk taking is necessary for large success—but it is also necessary for failure. Had the author done the same study on bankrupt citizens he would certainly have found a predilection for risk taking.” | Nassim Taleb in Fooled by Randomness.

This quote is classic Nassim Taleb – bringing to life a cognitive bias with an example we can all relate.

A good reminder to look beyond the data shared and to think deeper about the conclusions we draw.

One of the fascinating challenges with leading a group is that you quickly become hyper aware of all the things you shouldn’t do. Assuming you’re checking in with the group from time to time, you’re going to soon have a long list of things to avoid.

The challenge, then, is to be aware of that and still focus your time and energy on the things you should do. The stuff that matters. The stuff that helps the team win… and in the long run feel better about the challenges, change, and discomfort everyone is working through.

It is a delicate balance as you have to work through being open to feedback, making changes as needed to the plan, and, yet, resolute in doing the hard things.

You have to be willing to take the criticism and the heat in the short term to ensure you’re doing what you think will be right in the long term.

And you have to resist the temptation to prioritize your time and energy based on avoidance and pain and instead do so based on wholeness and possibility.

A guest at Eleven Madison Park once said – “While most people save their best bottles of wine for their best days, I save it for my worst day.”

It is a sentiment that resonated with me.

On our best days, the joy and forward momentum from the day carry us through. When I reflect on great days, special treats are rarely what I remember.

However, it is on our most difficult days that these little luxuries – a great bottle of wine, our favorite ice cream or treat, a wonderful movie, or whatever it is we consider a special treat – make a big difference. Ultimately, they help us keep perspective and build the energy to pick up the pieces the next day.

And begin again.