Month: June 2011

Habitual Impatience

We were paying the security guard at the entrance of our movie theatre complex.

And just as we were settling the change and collecting the receipt, we heard loud honks from the car behind us.

Infuriated at their unfair behavior, I got off the car to ask them what the fuss was about. Surprised and slightly shaken, the guy who honked began talking at full speed, all flustered – ‘I didn’t honk at you. I honked at the guard. It was not you. I have a movie at 1pm. It’s already 115pm’

I didn’t hear the rest as I just walked off.
(My first reaction when I am upset is always to gauge if this is a person worthy of a fight. And he had just proved otherwise. So, no point wasting emotions there anyway.)
Anyway, I was parked within a couple of minute and I noticed the 2 guys (Mr. flustered and his friend) ambling slowly to the theatre. What happened to all the hurry now?
And then it hit me. Their demonstration of impatience was just habitual. And if you drive (/have driven) in India, you probably know what I am talking about.
There are many things that worry me about this country of mine. And this is putting aside the usual evils of corruption, poverty etc. In my mind, the biggest one was always widespread disillusionment. (In one line, that would mean living in the false belief that you are the gold standard)
But habitual impatience, wow.. that is a whole different monster altogether.
Can you imagine a permanently impatient person? This person would have no interest in planting seeds as he wouldn’t be able to taste the fruits, no interest in empathizing with others as he doesn’t care about the next moment anyway, no interest in leaving any place a little better than he found it. It would mean a typically short term vision that is only focused on consumption..
Now multiply that one habitually impatient person with a billion. And we may just have some answers there.
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Additionally, this whole situation helped me understand where parts of my nature comes from as well..

Easy relationships

We have moved towards a life of convenience. Everything is at our finger tips – be it information, hotel, flight or movie bookings, the weather outside, unlimited music and videos.. you name it and you have it on a touch screen device near you.
As much as the rich-poor divide widens, many more have access to a standard living that wouldn’t have been possible a 100 years ago. More women are entering the industry, taking top jobs etc. Many good things.
However, it’s a different era now. Our Grandparents’ era of stable families has gradually dissolved into the age of broken families. This has often led to many questions – is it going to get any better with time, or worse? Is marriage a broken system?

Good questions. But they tend to miss the point as they deal indirectly with the biggest paradox of our generation – While our connectivity has improved thanks to Facebook, twitter and the like, our relationships haven’t.
Relationships require good old fashioned hard work, emotional investment and time. Oh, and one other thing, good old fashioned compromise. And boy, are we not used to that. This is the age where we have ‘everything’ after all.
Well, maybe not everything.

The ‘I Can’t’ Strength Test

Our language makes all the difference in the world to our attitude. Jack Canfield illustrates this best in his workshops with a simple test.

He asks the participants to stretch their left arms out. Then, Jack pushes down on their left hand to test their usual strength.
Now, Jack asks them to think of something they can’t do like ‘I can’t play the piano’ and start saying it aloud. And when Jack pushes down on their arm, it is ALWAYS weaker.
For the final part, he asks them to reverse it by saying ‘I can ….’, and voila! their arms are strong again.

No wonder there was no stopping us when we were toddlers. We were invincible and constantly told ourselves so – we thought could crawl/climb over anything! But, little by little, as we were taught ‘the ways of the world’, our sense of invincibility wore out until we no longer believed we could.

Our brains are designed to solve any problem and overcome any obstacle as long as we feed it with great fuel – the right attitude. So, are we going to take ownership and remove ‘I can’t’ from our dictionary?

Here’s to ‘I can’, and strength this week!

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Source: Success Principles by Jack Canfield

The Post-Stumble Momentum Project

Lumosity has some fascinating games. Some of them involve 45 second bursts where you have to do some particular activity (decide if the current card matches the previous etc). And very often, you find yourself going through a great run – fast and accurate.
And suddenly, you make one mistake. And voila.. you just lost that accuracy. And the immediate focus is to get back that previous momentum and then you make another mistake. Is all hopeless?
The best piece of advice I received was a tip after one of these games that said ‘After you make a mistake, slow down, refocus and then go for it again.’
Games are so beautifully representative of the biggest game that we play (check: are we having enough fun?) – the one call life.
I experienced a blip yesterday and one that is not really in my control. And just as in the game, I felt like I was going backwards. The blip was minute. But it doesn’t take much to crash a huge jet plane right. All it takes is a little bird to fly into it. (law of conservation of momentum at play – for the science geeks)
The big test is really in our response. (Note: Response, not reaction)
So how do we respond to get our momentum, cheer and spirit up again? Thoughts on how you do it are very welcome. As for mine, I daresay you’ll read about it on this space someday.. haha

The Uber Wallpaper

There are times when I surpass myself. No, really. There are times we all do. You know – there comes this moment when you feel you are SO smart and smile knowingly to yourself. I guess you can relate. If you can’t or if you feel it’s been too long, it’s time to take some swings. (Do write in a note and I’ll be happy to give you a few suggestions – the key is to try a few small ideas out and fail at them!)
Anyway, one of those moments this week was when I made my wallpaper. We spend a fair amount of time on our laptops/computers these days. And I was sick of looking at random wallpapers that were often sucking energy rather than giving me some.. So voila..

The inspiration behind this is simple –
1. The Values come from the PDT Test I took a few days ago. I needed a way to reinforce these.
2. Pictures of ‘my people’. I have shaded most of the part above white so as to not completely embarrass the bunch. But, I guess you get a sense.. :) The reason for this is that it gives me something to smile about every time!
3. Dreams. This ties in with images of my big dreams and places on my bucket list. (A home in the mountains, nice car, a dog! etc). I have these images printed out as photos in my room in my place in London but as I’ve been away for a while, I’ve begun missing looking at them wistfully in the morning.
And as I’m writing this, I realize these reinforce the top 3 values – Integrity (i.e. reminding myself of my commitment and, hopefully, walking the talk), Family (‘my people’) and Desire (Keeping the hunger alive with ‘Dreams’ and things to look forward to).
All in all, I am very happy with this. There may come a time when I will want to take it off so I can look at a beautiful landscape maybe but then I’m sure I’ll want it right back again as this never fails makes me smile.
Here’s to a good wallpaper all!
PS: As you can see, I am a big fan of the minimalist desktop! I think it greatly helps our minds become orderly.

21 Small Habits that will help simplify your life

  1. Breathe. When stressed, lost in a problem or the past or future in your mind breathe with your belly for two minutes and just focus on the air going in and out. This will calm your body down and bring your mind back into the present moment again.
  2. Do one thing at a time. You’ll get better results and feel better and less stressed while doing those things.
  3. Write it all down. Use your mind for better things than remembering what to do. And the mind is often like a leaky bucket. So write down all your great ideas, insights, and thoughts before they go missing somewhere and add what you need to do to a to-do list.
  4. Do all your food shopping once a week. You’ll save time, energy and possibly money.
  5. Stop doing what you don’t like doing anymore. Life changes and so do you. If you you don’t like doing something anymore then stop doing that (even if it may take some time before you can do so by for example switching jobs).
  6. Stop trying to please everyone. There will always be people who you don’t get along with or that do not like you for some reason.
  7. Stop trying to do things perfectly. Go for good enough instead and when you are there you are done. Get things all the way to done this way and then move on to the next thing.
  8. Pack your bag before you go to bed. Then you don’t have get stressed out by that in morning and you are less likely to forget something.
  9. Throw out the things you haven’t used in 1 year. Go through what you have and ask yourself if you have used it in the past year. If not, give it away to charity or a friend or simply throw it out.
  10. Ask yourself simplifying questions every day. Questions like “What is the most important thing I can do right now?”.
  11. Keep everything in its place. If everything has its own place then it is whole lot easier to keep your home reasonably ordered and decluttered from day to day. This also helps you with your inner stillness as the outer environment affects how you feel on the inside.
  12. Cook more food than you’ll eat. I usually make two or three servings of what I am about to eat. This cuts down on time that you spend on cooking and you’ll have to do less washing up in general. Plus, it’s good to have portions of food to bring to work to save some money.
  13. Write shorter emails. I tend to write emails containing only a few sentences, usually between one and five. If you focus on keeping it short and focused then you’ll probably discover that this is a good solution in most cases.
  14. Ask instead of guessing. Reading minds is hard. So, instead ask questions and communicate. This will help you to minimize unnecessary conflicts, misunderstandings, negativity and waste or time and energy.
  15. Use a minimalistic workspace. My work space is just a laptop on a small black desk made out of wood. I use a comfy chair and there is room for my glass of water beside the computer. That’s it. There are no distractions here. Just me, the computer and the water.
  16. Check everything just once a day. I check my email inboxes, blog statistics, my online earnings, Twitter and Facebook just once a day. I combine all that checking into one small daily ritual at the end of my work day so I don’t slip and go checking it more during the day and waste my energy and attention.
  17. Choose small daily acts of kindness. Instead of small acts of judgment and criticism towards the people around you.
  18. Don’t make mountains out of molehills. Before you you start thinking too much about something and building it up something big in your head, ask yourself “am I making a mountain out of a molehill here? And if you get lost victim thinking in some way then ask yourself “does anyone on the planet have it worse than me right now?”.
  19. Spend 15 minutes each Sunday to plan the next week. Write down your plans for the week, organize your prioritized to-do list and get ready for the week before you are in the middle of it all. This will help you to find more clarity, get more of the most important things done next week and minimize stress.
  20. Cancel subscriptions for things you rarely get around to watching or reading anyway.
  21. Spend more time with people that help you to keep things simple. And spend less time with people that drag you down into overcomplicating everything and creating unnecessary drama.
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Every once in a while we come across a gem that makes us think about what we do and how we could do things better so we are happier. This was one of them for me.. I hope you enjoy it.
Thanks to the Positivity Blog