A Learning a Day

Good morning. Have a nice day! :)

Today brought together a couple of not-so-good results from the past.

But, work wise, was as productive as I could have hoped for.

What I have realized is that things take time and the results were a result of a not-so-good day a week ago or so. So, the results from today should flow in too..

The good happens when we don’t let the bad result feeling spill and spoil the on-going good day. I think I managed to avoid that.. just.

Once again, some things take time.. sowing seeds is the best option for today! :)

This is Dag Hammeskjold week. :)

Good morning have a great day! :)

For the next time we hug someone..

Let’s just hug..

Forget the worries – life is full of them, and just hug..

Full on, hold tight and not let go.. (till the person on the receiving end says – Hey, you’re strangling me.. That’d be a start..)

Not the quick 2 second timed touch-and-go hug..

Not the 1 sided put-arm-around-the-other-person’s-shoulder hug..

Not the acknowledgement of oh-yes-we-need-to-touch-other kind of hug..

But, the give-myself-completely-to-the-other-person kind of hug..

What are we afraid or wary of?

That our vulnerability is going to be touched?

That the people watching will take a photo and put it on facebook? or gossip about it?

For the same sex, that is it is gay? What about our macho footballers then, who hug and kiss each other when they celebrate a goal? Is that gay?

..
Hug..

Let’s leave a small piece of ourselves with others..

Because we never know when we’ll need it back..

and besides, it’s our ability to love that makes us humane – not just human, but humane

and most importantly, when we look at our life’s defining moments, it’s little things like this that change the course of our short stay on this planet..

—

Over to FYP (a.k.a final year project for the uninitiated) now. Pity it isn’t human and pity hugs don’t work.. :)

9 women can’t make a baby in a month..

And this applies all the more with big decisions we take. When we do take these big decisions, it often takes some time to digest them and let them sync in.

I guess the most important learning is – ‘Let it!‘

With people – fast is slow and slow is fast..

Some days you are the pigeon and some days you are the statue..

Do we like to accept it though?

A nice framework I’ve heard about when it comes to accepting tragedy is DABDA

i.e.

Denial – Obviously it didn’t happen..

Anger – Generally, with the world..

Bargaining – Obviously, things can be the same again..

Depression – Realization and sadness..

Acceptance – Finally.. only now comes solution..

This could be applied to making big mistakes as well. However, ‘denial’ can always be misused as even a person telling the truth can be mistaken as someone denying it.

Good morning.. Have a great day! :)

And an even better week hopefully.. :)

Ha ha ha..

I said this to a friend and I found it rather hilarious..

Guess it’s good to crack up at your own (poor) jokes once a while. :D

Happy Monday early morning everyone! :)

I try sending out a weekend book learning email to close family and friends. It is a way for me to remember the learnings from books (i.e. non academic) read during the week and to make sure I do read as well.. Here is the edition for this week. :)

1) Sparkz fly when insecurities meet: This means that insecurity is at the root of every resistance/argument/issue. For example, if we find ourselves resisting or taking a stand and refusing to compromise on something, it just means we are insecure about the issue and it is time to recognize it.. This can be one sided or 2 sided.. A one sided example is when we get frustrated like when we try to help someone and they refuse to be helped and in fact, oppose what we do.

A two sided example is a typical argument between a kid who thinks differently and a more conventional parent. The reason this can go wild is because the kid definitely has insecurities about his identity and place in the world while the parent may have insecurities about whether he/she has been a good dad/mom.

So, the next time we see ourselves losing it – let’s try to pinpoint what we are insecure about..

2) When in an emotional argument, use the (red) Indian walking stick strategy: The basic principle here is that when in an emotionally tough conversation, the person speaking has a stick and the person who wants to go next will first have to clearly describe what he/she felt the first person talked about and only when the person feels understood does he or she pass the stick to the next person for their point of view. This is one way to ensure everyone is listening empathetically..

3) With people, fast is slow and slow is fast: Basically, the efficiency vs effectiveness paradigm. There is NO point being efficient with people…

Disclaimer: This is going to be a long post

I had a great chat with a very close friend who I rarely manage to spend time with – due to a long list of reasons. That aside, when we do, our chats NEVER get over with a half hour or an hour.. there have been many many times when we’ve just started chatting over dinner all the way till the next morning.. And today was similar.. 5 hours flew!

We began discussing various things about university life till our talk fixated on values.. He was playing devil’s advocate on my frequent insistence to base things on principles/values. Maybe it is the fact that I have mentors who do the same or maybe I’m a very loyal student of Stephen Covey or maybe it is the importance my grandfather places on these things.. but he was out to question it and his question was simple –

‘Is it practical? What if you are faced with 5 people out to screw you tomorrow at work? What if you undertake a project where all around you are corrupt.. where you are the only white pawn in a black box? What about your values then?’

After going back and forth on this, what I concluded from my point of view (I learn by talking.. so I was gaining clarity on my beliefs as well..) was that it really depends on what we define as success. As we both agreed, there are very few billionaires out there who (in our humble points of view) have never compromised. A lot of success has been achieved with dealings that we’d prefer not to speak about..

Having said that, not all success works that way. It is my belief that the ones who go out there to succeed with self confidence have no need to prove a point.. and hence have no need to compromise on their belief for the sake of extra bucks(even if we are talking about big extra bucks). It is just my belief that it works out better in the long run.. most importantly, people are then whole or integrated and not a sum of parts (i.e. office face + friends face + family face etc).

I’ve seen my big dream of becoming a big multi millionaire fade over the years. I guess it means a lot less now than it used to mean few years ago. What I’ve also seen happening is a lot of what I thought I wanted doesn’t hold true anymore.. at this point, I think I’d be very happy being a very good family person with (hopefully more than) enough to get by.. but making a difference even if it means just reaching out to people with this blog, for example. I guess a lot depends on our definition of success, why we want what we want and what we are ready to sacrifice to do it..

It was a wonderful experience because these things are among those we hold very close to our hearts and almost never discuss – our plans, our aspirations, our dreams.. I learnt a lot in the process. I also had a tough time trying to live up to my own expectations during the year in my trysts with Sparkz, ArtVibe and the like. I do however think I gave it my best shot and was happy – in terms of running these in full alignment to my beliefs.

Let’s not forget I’m still a stupid student, a (now) 21 year old kid whose seen very little and is in all likelihood getting ahead of himself. And probably a lot will change in the next 15 years about these beliefs and value system.. nevertheless, I’d like to wait and see, I guess..

I am always inspired by this little story –

A reporter was interviewing Ayn Rand (who wrote the Fountainhead, The Atlas Shrugged – legendary books and had a very strong belief in her philosophy of objectivism.

He said – ‘Ms.Rand, I see you are a very strong believer in your philosophy and values. Are you willing to die for them?’

To which, Rand replied – ‘I am willing to do something far more difficult, I am willing to live by them!‘

What more can I say?