A Learning a Day

He met her at a friend’s get together.

They hit it off. He asked her out for coffee.

Over coffee, he realized that she loved reading mystery books too.

Oh, she was also an avid sports person. They had so many similar interests!

Their relationship was made in heaven.

Except, it wasn’t

6 months later, he sat on his park bench and wondered why he got into it in the first place.
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He was introduced to him at an event for entrepreneurs.

He noticed they had similar styles and similar passions.

As they got talking, they realized they had both been looking for a partner to start up with.

He quit his job and they started a company together.

It was all meant to be.

Except it wasn’t.

6 months later, he was back at the park bench..

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Styles and approaches are often confused with principles. The question – ‘How are you two so close?/How do you two work with each other? You seem so different?’ always refers to the style/approach because that is what is most evident. It is pretty easy to spot if he/she is pessimistic/quiet/reserved/loud/confident etc. It is, of course, much harder to see that he/she believes in family, integrity, humility versus money, power, fame.

Disagreements on principles are hard to reconcile. If you are not aligned on ‘learning’ as a principle, you are probably never going to approach or reflect on a situation the same way. If you disagree on ‘books’ as an approach to getting prepared, that can still be solved because your differences will likely make the learning experience richer.

Approach/Style is a bit like the personality of a celebrity. It tends to ‘wow’. Principles/Values are the boring character building stuff.

And as it is with most things in life, it is up to us to choose what works for us.

One of the steps we took was to build a ‘toolkit’ for the process. This was not to meant to be a process manual but more as a guide for the leader of (huge) groups that were undergoing the change. And here is where I came in – to help with the building of the toolkit and to assist a wiser head. We spent a couple of months building this tool. It took a lot of effort to ensure most tiny details were in place – every sentence in the package had been read, re-read and agonized over. And soon, it was ready for it’s users.

I still remember sitting in the meeting with our overall leader, a very inspirational and insightful person. The first thing he said was something to the likes of – ‘Here is the toolkit you guys have been waiting for. Before you get it however, I need you to commit to making it work. This means no change suggestions until you have used it atleast a couple of times.’

I found that an odd starting thought but very soon, I realized the significance. As soon as members of the team received it, they had a thousand ideas on little things that could be changed. A few made sense but the remaining didn’t as they had been agonized over and we had consciously decided against it. Thank god they committed to making it work!

I learnt something very significant that day. When we see something that that has been designed for us, we immediately like to stamp our own authority, our own identity on it. We feel the burning need to customize it so we connect with it emotionally. In the process, we often forget that the creators have probably spent hours thinking if the customizations make sense at all. And besides, once we start using it, we might even see their point of view. All that is irrelevant at the first instance.

It is easy to want to stand out. Learning to fit in first, and then stand out comes with a dose of maturity.

Thanks to that experience as a ‘creator’, two things have happened. These days, I am a lot more patient when I’m handed a new tool. I find myself spending a great deal more time trying to understand why it is the way it is before making a judgment and then, making a change.

And also, I find that I am a lot more patient with those who adopt tools I have created as well for I understand their natural instinct a little better than I did previously.

‘Commit to making it work.’ Very very powerful. 

‘Kuppamma’ (an unusual name for all those who don’t have roots in Southern India) has been our maid for 22 years now. In reality, she has been a lot more than that.

To be capable of steady friendship or lasting love, are the two greatest proofs, not only of goodness of heart, but of strength of mind.

And my Grandmother has demonstrated that in great measure over 22 years by ensuring Kuppamma always felt loved and had a sense of belonging in our family.

Kuppamma, in many ways, is an incredible being. To all my friends, Kuppamma has been an ever present. She has watched all of us grow up (she started working for us about the time I was born!), served us delicious dosas when we were hungry and ensured we had our share of delicious lime juice with ice after tiring hours of games.

And when I think of it, Kuppamma has taught me many things implicitly. She always shows up with a beaming smile – no matter what. She is not without her theatrics and idiosyncracies (like all of us.. :)) but I’ve never seen her sustain a frown for long. And that’s admirable. She started working for us as a mother of a 1 year old with a permanently drunk and abusive husband who left her in due time. She used to work in 4 houses trying to maximize her earnings. My Grandmom convinced her to work for us and assured her she would have her meals covered. That was a big deal for her as she used to practically starve so she could take her portion home for her son and her ageing father. The moment my Grandmom realized what was going on, she saw to it Kuppamma had more than her usual share so she could take food home and not starve.

Over time, her life became intertwined with ours. My grandparents sponsored her son’s education, gave him odd jobs once in a while so they had more income and gave her ageing dad odd jobs as well. All the while, Kuppamma worked hard, showed up, smiled, cared and did all she could to make it all work. All our old electronics went to her, of course.

If you meet her today, she would probably talk excitedly about her son’s work at BMW’s factories or about her flat screen TV. She’s a different woman now. But, when we moved from being 10 minutes away from her place to a good 30 minute commute, she didn’t think twice about sticking with us. Of course, she’s older, slow and works lesser hours. But, she’s still tenacious, persistent, warm and cheerful.

(I was scrambling to find a picture of hers on my hard drive. So, here’s one without her usual smile and that’s her son standing behind her. She’s in the red sari.)

My grandparents have made a big difference in Kuppamma’s life. God knows how things might have turned out for her otherwise. We recently met another of our old maids who also had similar circumstances that didn’t end nearly as well. And that got me thinking..

We are all not born equal. It is a fact of life. What is ‘normal’ for me is not normal for ‘Kuppamma’ or many others like her. She did not have a maid to help around in her house, for starters. All this privilege comes with an enormous amount of responsibility.

If you are reading and comprehending this, you have access to a computer and internet. You probably even have a nice little laptop of your own or maybe you are affluent enough to afford a phone you can read this on.

Oh, and did I hear us moan? What was it about? A bad boss? A tough module? So we have jobs that pay us well now? And we can afford good education?

We have it so good.

We don’t need to starve to ensure our family members get food to eat. We don’t have any basic worries. Yet, can we all say with utmost conviction that we are doing all we can with all we have? That we are staying positive, showing up, smiling, thanking life for all it has given us? That we are working hard and bringing ourselves to work? That we are innovating, creating great things that could change the world? That we are, at the very least, sharing our joys and successes? Or that we are doing all we can to become great parents and family men and women who are shaping the youth of the future and helping the Kuppamma’s along the way?

Can we look ourselves in the mirror and unflinchingly say that we are doing all we can to be the best version of ourselves? Or are we stuck in a self serving loop with the singular aim of being the richest discontented person in a graveyard? Or worse.. To live with the aim of being ‘satisfied’ – akin to wanting to eat good meals without ever thinking of how we could serve the rest of the world and help the many who don’t have access to the good meals we get ‘satisfied’ by?

Because you see, the most inspiring thing about Kuppamma is that she has worked hard, done all she could with she has and given life her all. She has achieved extraordinary things for herself and the people around her given what she started out with. In essence, she has become the best she could be..

How many people can you and I say that about?

And most importantly, can we say that about ourselves?

I am proud to be associated with her. She is a reminder that there is inspiration all around us.

The 8 best housekeepers at Disneyland had 1 thing in common – they had the exact same ‘ritual’ after they finished cleaning a room.

They would lie on the guests bed and turn on the ceiling fan.

Why?

Because this is the first thing a guest would do. They would walk into the room, flop on the bed and turn on the fan. If dust comes off the fan, then no matter how clean the rest of the room is, the guest will assume the room is as dirty.

To these great housekeepers, a hotel room wasn’t just another chore to be completed. It was a world, a guest’s world.
When they cleaned the room, they looked through the guest’s eyes and imagined how the world would look.

They truly epitomized ‘Begin with the end in mind.’

After spending a week working on a spreadsheet that became steady complicated, I found myself losing track of what the purpose of the sheet was. It took some help and a lot of stepping back to get back on track. And I was struck by how powerful making a habit of this would be.. To ensure I approach what I do with the end in mind – just like the star housekeepers!

Here’s to approaching tasks by ‘beginning with the end in mind’ this week!

Talker’s block
No one ever gets talker’s block. No one wakes up in the morning, discovers he has nothing to say and sits quietly, for days or weeks, until the muse hits, until the moment is right, until all the craziness in his life has died down.

Why then, is writer’s block endemic?

The reason we don’t get talker’s block is that we’re in the habit of talking without a lot of concern for whether or not our inane blather will come back to haunt us. Talk is cheap. Talk is ephemeral. Talk can be easily denied.

We talk poorly and then, eventually (or sometimes), we talk smart. We get better at talking precisely because we talk. We see what works and what doesn’t, and if we’re insightful, do more of what works. How can one get talker’s block after all this practice?

Writer’s block isn’t hard to cure.

Just write poorly. Continue to write poorly, in public, until you can write better.

I believe that everyone should write in public. Get a blog. Or use Squidoo or Tumblr or a microblogging site. Use an alias if you like. Turn off comments, certainly–you don’t need more criticism, you need more writing.

Do it every day. Every single day. Not a diary, not fiction, but analysis. Clear, crisp, honest writing about what you see in the world. Or want to see. Or teach (in writing). Tell us how to do something.

If you know you have to write something every single day, even a paragraph, you will improve your writing. If you’re concerned with quality, of course, then not writing is not a problem, because zero is perfect and without defects. Shipping nothing is safe.

The second best thing to zero is something better than bad. So if you know you have write tomorrow, your brain will start working on something better than bad. And then you’ll inevitably redefine bad and tomorrow will be better than that. And on and on.

Write like you talk. Often.
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I thought this was fantastic. And if you ever need proof on how writing can get better with practice, do check out the Archives of this blog. :)

1. Disqus Ranks: Disqus has been testing ‘Disqus Ranks’ on AVC and Gotham Gal blogs. Essentially, it tags each commenter based on their activity in the community. Fred has gone for a ‘bar’ theme with him being the bartender and the rest being ‘instigators’, ‘regulars’, ‘familiar faces’ etc while Joanne has gone for a party theme.

I’ve personally found this feature fun and meaningful. It acknowledges your involvement in the community, encourages you to get more active and perhaps most importantly, it adds a feeling of ‘one-ness’ to the whole conversations.

This is a feature I am VERY excited about. And I can’t wait for Disqus to roll it out so we can have it here. I’m already thinking of a theme and am leaning towards a ‘flight’ theme with a steward (yours truly) and frequent flyers (i.e. you). Suggestions are welcome of course! :)

2. Pseudonymity: Mark Suster wrote a great post yesterday on the importance of Pseudonymity i.e the importance of encouraging anonymity and pseudonymity in communities. This was as a follow up to a short post by Fred on ‘Real Names’

I found this very relevant because I never understood the concept till a few months ago. I somehow associated anonymity with critics who didn’t want to say their real name. But, over the past few months, I’ve seen Anonymity/Pseudonymity on display (again at avc where we have a standard bunch of regulars – one great example is the Fake Grimlock) and I fully appreciate the positive effect a bunch of fun avatars can have on a community. And it’s been a nice learning to see how Fred welcomes it as well.

As I’ve said a few times, I visualize/hope we’ll have a learning community going here and I think the place to start would be to lighten the mood a bit. I’ve already requested a talented friend for a goofy avatar and I’m looking forward to that!

3. ALearningaDay.me: I finally have my ‘short form’ blog up as a result of my commitment to execute on the Fred Wilson School of Blogging and this completes the transformation.

And while it is obvious from the number of times his name shows up on this post, a big thanks to Fred Wilson for all the learnings I’ve had from watching him operate as a blogger over the past few months. Thanks Fred – I know you probably won’t be reading this but you’ve made a huge difference!

And here’s hoping these little changes will be the start of something very special..

The happiest people I’ve met have had tough tough experiences that have shaped them in the past.

They represent true success, in my definition as well.

Why else do we chase success, if not for happiness?

I’ve found myself appreciating life more after many failures and low points.

The journey’s too short to spend time sulking.

So, if you’re not happy today, take more swings. Ask that girl out, ask your boss for more responsibility, start work on that side project, commit to that crazy exercise regime, find a job that best uses your talents..

You probably will not be ‘successful’ in everything you try.

But there is a chance that you will  probably be that bit happier.

Joy wouldn’t be good if it wasn’t for pain after all.

Worth a shot. 

And then came Prezi. I had been waiting to test it for a long while and it was in July when I tried it for the first time, to great results. And post RealAcad, it was soon time for a 2nd attempt. This time, however, I ran into difficulties. The simple reason was that I needed a video file and Prezi doesn’t do that for you (runs contrary to their business model). The end result anyway was pretty enjoyable and definitely a welcome change from the traditional ‘video’.