A Learning a Day

I heard a great line today – Self esteem has nothing to do with self. The idea went on to explain that self esteem has everything to with our perception of others winning/doing better than us, and almost nothing to do with how we are doing.

I was thinking about it as I went to the gym in the evening, which is unusual. And, of course, the gym was much fuller than what I’m used to. More people prefer 630pm to 630am. But, of course..

I was on the treadmill and happened to take a glance at the mat. There was one guy on the mat. And he happened to be a perfect example of a perfect male specimen. Now, thanks to the holiday season, I’ve been off my regular exercise for a few weeks and have been feeling unfit. Increasing walking and climbing stairs instead of taking the lift every day hasn’t helped the feeling. And seeing a perfect male specimen during my first time back at the gym definitely didn’t help!

In essence, my self esteem took a beating.

I went right back to my running. A few minutes later, I glanced at the mat again. Our perfect male specimen had been replaced by two others who were struggling with a couple of exercises I had no trouble with.

Suddenly, I felt like Brad Pitt.

Need I say more?

Attempted something new (and maybe crazy).

Failed.

What’s the internal response? Is it..

“I’m such an idiot. I knew there was a high chance I’d fail. Why did I attempt something so crazy?”

Or..

Okay. That didn’t work. What did I learn? What options do I have now?

We choose to be learners or judgers practically every moment of our lives.

If we have problems in our lives, let’s stop looking outside for answers. Let’s figure our own self talk.

So, what’s today going to be – learner or judger?

This week’s book learning is from The Law of the Garbage Truck by David J Pollay –

Sociologist and doctor Nicholas Christakis and his colleague, political scientist James Fowler discovered that our behaviour influences people within three degrees of us i.e. everything we say or do tends to ripple through our network.

Let’s consider that simplistically. Let’s say that in a given week we have 20 social contacts – ten friends, five co-workers and five family members. And assuming they have similar number of contacts, we are roughly connected to 400 people at 2 degrees of separation. And 8,000 at 3 degrees.
(And, if any of your close contacts are teachers, preachers or employees at a popular restaurant/store, then god bless you!)

In essence, everything we do this week is likely to affect 8,000 people (at least). That’s quite some responsibility. How are we going to use it?

It’s a very simple concept, really. Everything we do or say has massive processional/ripple effect – far beyond what we can imagine. And the best part is that we have full control on whether that’s going to be positive or negative. With great power comes great responsibility. Maybe 2012 will be the year we use our responsibility well.. Happy new year!

Here’s to choosing to see, and be, positive this week!

One of my more profound lessons over the past year is that we all have a limited amount of creativity. While the amount varies from person to person, the fact that it is limited doesn’t.

Where we apply this creativity is, of course, up to us. We can choose to apply this at work (if it allows it), during play, in finding a different place to eat every day, in planning incredible vacations, in being the lead party planner for our social group or in the volunteer organization we work at during the weekend.

For those whose work doesn’t allow for creativity, it is likely to be channelled elsewhere. For those whose work demands it, we often find them leading incredibly boring lives on the outside. Steve Jobs had 50 black turtlenecks and Einstein had a work uniform until his wife took charge of his wardrobe.

The big Aha for me was that we have a great deal of choice in deciding how we want to use our ability to create. We NEED both certainty and uncertainty in our lives to keep balance.

So, how do you choose to spend your limited creativity?

PS: This is what happens when all your creativity goes un-channelled. Of course, you were just fooling around at the breakfast table..

The post on Looking back, and then Looking Forward had an interesting discussion point.

Mark had a view on my commitment to ‘be the best I can be’.

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“being the best I can be” -> This is a loaded commitment. Can you be anything else except who you genuinely are? You can dress in a nice suit, you can make good and bad decisions, you can work and/or play hard. But you will always be Rohan. What does a “best” Rohan look and feel like to you? Understanding that feeling may help.

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To which, I’d replied

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‘Being the best I can be’ is something I re-commit to every day.

Here’s why. There are days when I’m tempted to drag my feet into word, just show up and not do as much as I’d normally do. You know.. days when things are not going so well. This commitment helps me a great deal on those days because I ask myself the – ‘Am I the most positive and energetic person I can be today?’ question. And often, that’s the cue for me to smile and get on with it! :)

Of course, it doesn’t mean I succeed to do so every day.. but I’m working on it! :)

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I thought I’d take that discussion a bit further.

The principle behind ‘Being the best I can be’ is that most things in our life are pre-determined within a range. What this means is we have all come to this world with pre-ordained ranges – for our intelligence in specific fields, for our raw mental horsepower/IQ, for our happiness etc.

There’s a lot of great research around this. ‘The Happiness Hypothesis’ by Jonathan Haidt is a book I’d recommend if you’re keen to understand the natural range principle in terms of happiness. (Note: I’m still reading this book. So, it’s not ‘highly’ recommend yet..)

Taking happiness as an example, this essentially means that we spend every day of our life shuttling between the various points in our happiness range. Some days are at the higher end, and yet some days are at our lower end. The interesting thing here is that we have a huge amount of control in determining our position in the range that we rarely exercise. That’s probably why we term this process as a ‘pursuit’ because that’s what it really is.  (I have an absurdly long post on my journey in the past year if you have an interest in digging deeper.)

Essentially, ‘being the best I can be’ is an idea that never fails to challenge me every single day. It asks me the important question – ‘Are you doing enough to be on top of your range in everything you do today?’

If you are a professional soccer player, you can only get as good as the top of your pre-determined range. Not everybody is born a Zidane or an Einstein (if you are a scientist).. but that said, if you have chosen soccer to be your profession, are you at least doing enough to maximize your potential?

And since you are living life (whether chosen, or not..), are you doing enough to maximize your happiness and impact on this world?

That’s the thinking behind this adage. And this is the inspiration.

Have a great day!

New project. New team members. Exciting scope. Tons of ideas.

High energy within team. Can’t wait to get started. Sent initial To-do’s out to team.

Organized first meeting. More to-do’s. Energy still high. Blazed forward in the first weeks.

Energy going down. Sh*t. What’s next. Excitement dying. Team building exercises needed.

Downward spiral. Can’t wait for project to get done. Just made it past the finish line. Phew.

Why did a project that seemed to be destined for success lose steam? What happened to all the initial energy and excitement?

The simple answer – Too Much Efficiency.

We live in a time of efficiency worship. Optimize reading list, optimize time, optimize investments, optimize this and optimize that.

What we often forget is that efficiency works very well with anything that lacks emotion, and is hence governed by logic. Think algorithms, machines, vehicles.

With emotional creatures, being efficient is very different from being effective. Optimization doesn’t work with emotional creatures – not in the long run anyway.

The new year is here. We are all likely to be leading or working in many new initiatives and projects.

Let’s give efficiency a rest when working on new projects. Let’s get to know our team members, understand what they want to learn/get out of the project, understand their aspirations beyond this project and most importantly, ensure alignment of objectives within the team i.e. let’s take time to build our teams before chasing efficiency and productivity.

Getting the foundation right matters. Effective may be slower in the short run but will be way more productive in the long run.

Unless you are leading a group of machines, of course..

I remember my first experience trekking back home. It was a relatively short trek (2-3 hours) and I was walking in the footsteps of a local guide. Our group of 7 was soon down to 2 thanks to the difficulty of the trek. Walking in his footsteps was actually very straightforward. I just had to place my feet exactly where he placed them.

It was so easy that I underestimated it.

I remember my last trek 2 years ago. This was considerably tougher and longer. And here, I remember being the lead person in the group for a long while. And, all of a sudden, trekking got so much harder. The terrain was nowhere near predictable and deciding the best way forward actually took some thought.

If you’ve driven behind a lead car, you probably know what I mean. Driving becomes mindless. But, if you are in the lead car, you’re probably dealing with decisions every minute. This turn, or the next? Overtake the big truck, or not?

The big lesson here is that we can’t be leaders in everything we do. If we think we are, we are likely deluding ourselves. And, if we are reinventing the wheel in everything we do, then that’s just downright stupid. Many others before us opened new bank accounts, travelled to exotic destinations, started companies etc.

Whenever possible, we ought to make it easier for ourselves by seeking out those who’ve done things ahead of us.

And then, of course, there will be a few things in life that will need us to be leaders. We might be able to get guidance to start a company, for example, and even run a company. But, our unique styles will mean very unique journeys in life and work. And that’s where we will find ourselves engaged, fascinated, frustrated, challenged and rewarded. Our bandwidth for such experiences outside of our own lives is relatively small and demands us to manage it well.

So, let’s not hesitate to follow others’ footsteps. That’s how great work gets done and how great things are built. And that’s how we got to where we are today. And, when the situation demands us to lead – our teams, our families or ourselves, let’s do so with style.

Our style, of course.

Before we say “Can’t do” this year, let’s remember to pause for a moment and remember the billions of naysayers who have dedicated their lives to repeating these two words ever so often.

At that moment, we are likely to find ourselves immensely empowered for the simple reason that we realize that we have a choice.

Maybe we will find a work-around. Or a better solution even. All thanks to that moment of stillness where we consciously think about the options instead of going for the default answer – our old friend “Can’t do”.

Let this be the year we remove “Can’t do” from our thought process because that’s just what it is – thought process.

Why? Just because we can.

Note: “Can’t do” is different from “No”. We say “No” to anything that’s low priority. “Can’t do” pops up at all places, regardless of priority.

Fight or Flight is thought to be a typical human response to stressful situations. According to this, we are either primed to respond with strong action or to run away from the situation.

This theory fails to account for a vital third response – Doing an Ostrich i.e. burying our heads in the sand.

And my belief is that we do an ostrich much more than we like to admit.

That’s why..

..executives in ‘customer oriented companies’ live with horrible customer feedback.

..managers in teams with high attrition rates see nothing unusual.

..we live with broken commitments like missing our daily dose of exercise, reading or writing.

Our lizard brains just pretend nothing happened.

In these situations, fight i.e. tackling the problem would be great. Flight i.e deciding that the problem is not worth our time would also be just fine.

It’s ostrich-ing i.e. pretending that these problems don’t exist that kills us. And it’s why we live with mediocrity – because we pretend it doesn’t exist!

Seth Godin rightly pointed out that we need less resolutions and more commitments in 2012.

My belief is that we need to watch out for the ostrich within us and actually kick on with decisions. Say No to more and actually Do what we say Yes to.

Fight or Flight in 2012. No Ostrich-ing.