Why a belief in the importance of giving and receiving personal feedback is misplaced

I’d like to begin by differentiating between personal and professional feedback. When a manager or friend teaches you how to make a better PowerPoint slide, I term that as professional feedback. Professional feedback is largely useful. It helps us learn to produce output that will be well received in our particular organization. These include learning how to eat, behave and dress in a way that suits our organization’s context.

Personal feedback is, well, more personal. You know exactly what I’m talking about because you have probably received personal feedback at some point in your career. And, I’ve come to believe that most personal feedback is useless. Here’s why –

1. It is impossible to give great feedback without adequate self-awareness on the part of the giver. It is hard for the receiver to take and use feedback without adequate self-awareness as well.

2. Even assuming you have two self-aware people having a conversation about feedback, there needs to be a level of trust, intimacy and vulnerability in the relationship. This takes time and isn’t easily achieved even in teams that work together for long periods of time.

3. The more self-aware you become, the more you understand 3 truths. First, your biases significantly color your feedback. Second, it is easy to give bad feedback and very hard to say something insightful. Third, it is better to show people the way than to tell them how it should be done.

4. Once you realize this, you realize that your time is best spent role modelling what you term as exemplary behavior – based on your value system since it’s all relative and since your values won’t resonate with everyone else. Over time, you’ll attract people who share similar values. When you attract and work with people with similar values, it is easier to build trusting relationships. And, once you build trusting relationships, feedback becomes a normal conversation. It isn’t a big deal. It is just part of the natural candor and vulnerability that you bring to the table every time you sit down.

Most professional organizations and schools today focus on the importance of giving and receiving feedback. I think that focus is misplaced. The focus needs to be on improving self-awareness. But, therein lies the problem. Self-awareness is incredibly hard to get to. It is a journey you commit to for the long term and it is hard to measure success simply because, the further you are on the path, the more you become aware of how long there is to go. On the other hand, it is easy to measure if you are improving on metrics that track giving and receiving feedback. All you need to do is to set up feedback meetings and enjoy that feeling of progress being made.

But, just because something is easy to measure doesn’t mean it is right. And, just because something is hard to do doesn’t mean it isn’t a problem worth solving.

Statistical fluctuations and dependent events – MBA Learnings

In last week’s MBA learning, we dove into the idea of managing queues by managing our utilization. In that post, we briefly discussed why queues form. Today, I’d like to dig deeper into that question.

So, why do queues / delays occur? They occur due to a combination of statistical fluctuations and dependent events. In simpler terms, statistical fluctuations can be described as variability. If we go back to the analogy of the ice cream stall, it is unlikely that the queue is exactly 5 people through the day. There will be times when the queue will be long and then times when it will be short. These differences are statistical fluctuations.

Life in the world of managing queues becomes harder when you combine statistical fluctuations with dependent events. A beautiful example of this combination at play is demonstrated in this 1 min 46 sec video called “The Subway Delay Story” by the MTA, New York’s subway operator.

In this video, the sick passenger requiring assistance and an emergency stop is an example of variability. And, every train behind the held train is a dependent event.

Another simple example of statistical fluctuations and dependent events at play is in connecting flights. We all have probably experienced delays in one flight that results in a chain reaction of delays in other flights. As a result, most airlines experience a deteriorating performance in their arrival times as the day progresses.

So, what can we do about statistical fluctuations and dependent events? Well, books have been written on the subject, So, instead of attempting a comprehensive answer, I’m going to share my simplified set of 3 ideas you can apply immediately in your life –

1. Be sensitive to the combination of statistical fluctuations and dependent events in your own life. One simple application would be to avoid scheduling back-to-back meetings through the day. It is inevitable that one of them will spill. And, this, in turn, will result in a chain reaction through your day.

2. Control for statistical fluctuations / variability by building in safety capacity. This is a continuation of the idea of reducing your “utilization” and building in safety capacity. So, if you are scheduling many meetings during the day, leave little gaps in between so you can catch up on delays caused by fluctuations.

3. Look for creative ways to reduce variability. Disney offers “fastpass” tickets to various rides that allow customers to skip the queue at these rides at certain times. These times are designed such that groups of customers are incentivized to go to these rides at different periods during the day – thus, reducing the likelihood that everyone shows up at the same peak time. The equivalent in our personal life would be to plan ahead and avoid deliverable “peaks.” If you foresee two projects coming due in the same week, finish one up a week earlier and treat yourself (equivalent to the fastpass) so you avoid the peak rush.

And, finally, look out for statistical fluctuations and dependent events in the coming week. It changes the way you think about queues. And, if that isn’t magical, what is?

Paranoid optimism

After his wonderful post on non attachment, venture capitalist Brad Feld had another great post up on his blog on the idea of paranoid optimism. Just like after his post on non attachment, I thought about this over the days that followed and found that it resonated deeply with the way I approach life these days.

Paranoid optimism, as I understand it, combines two ideas that are seemingly at odds with each other – optimism and paranoia. To take the business analogy that Brad wrote about, an optimist would look at the rosy market conditions today and want to believe they will stay this way forever. A cynic, on the other hand, will expect the market to crash tomorrow. A paranoid optimist, however, fully grasps the idea that the market winds may change any day (thanks to the paranoia) and still makes decisions driven by his/her positive outlook. That is a potent combination and can lead to great positive impact.

But, all positive impact aside, I think of paranoid optimism as a healthy way in which to approach the world. For the longest time, I used to call myself a “realist.” I’ve since realized that that term doesn’t do justice to my belief system. I am definitely an optimist overall – if I wasn’t, I wouldn’t be able to live the idea of “every day I get better.”  But, I’ve learnt to incorporate paranoia into my view of the world.

A few years ago, I’d written about this idea of checking in on the next potential “down.” I’d begun to observe a very noticeable pattern of ups and downs as I looked back at my mental states over the period of a couple of years. As a result, I developed this habit of checking in with myself every time I felt I was on a roll and asking the question – what could be the next “down?” For someone who was prone to high highs and low lows, this was a really helpful check in. It immediately grounded me and kept me focused on the present. More importantly, this injection of paranoia ensured that I wasn’t getting complacent. Falling down isn’t as painful as when we feel our pride has taken a beating. And, paranoia ensures pride doesn’t enter the picture.

I’ve written a lot about the idea of focusing on the process, of being mindful and of enjoying the present. These ideas make the journey incredibly fulfilling. And, when the journey is incredibly fulfilling, I find myself worrying less about the bad outcomes that inevitably show up and instead just focus my energy on plugging away.

It is paranoid optimism that makes this state of mind possible.

Interacting with a single stimulus

Every once in a while, you’re going to find yourself in a situation where a single stimulus will upset you. This could be a bad email, an angry exchange over the phone or a meeting that went awry. It could also just be a negative review or a disappointed user reacting to something you shipped.

Here’s an idea that might help – proceed with caution when reacting to a single stimulus. This is because we are wired to process negative responses with more intensity than positive responses. So, a single harsh email criticizing your recent presentation can threaten to cancel out ten positive responses. Of course, that’s if you let it.

There are a couple of ways to solve for this. First, try to get an aggregated pulse of a situation instead of focusing on one strong reaction. So, if you are picking a sushi bar, check out the average rating for the sushi bar on Yelp before diving into a single bad review. That seems natural when picking sushi bars, right? And, yet, when it comes to any kind of personal feedback, we tend to completely ignore this idea and fixate on the negative event. We need to go broad before we go deep.

Second, put extra weight on responses from practitioners or people you respect. Most people have an opinion on most things. Thanks to the proliferation of reviews online, giving feedback has become a sport these days. When you’re in the business of shipping, however, a lot of feedback is useless. This is because most feedback is given in isolation and, very few, as a result, have the level of insight required to be useful. This is where a practitioner’s view can be very useful. If someone has a track record of delivering the kind of presentation you’re seeking feedback on, pay attention. The feedback may still not be useful as we all have different styles. But, the chances of it hitting the mark are much higher.

Overall, it still comes back to the original point – beware interactions with a single stimulus. In fact, I’d even suggesting actively discounting it until you see widespread evidence that tells you otherwise.

There’s a nice quote that does this idea justice – ‘There are 7 billion people on this planet. Why, then, do we let just 1 of them ruin our day so often?’

Why indeed?

Louis Pasteur cholera cultures – The 200 words project

I hope you’re having a nice weekend. Here’s this week’s 200 word idea thanks to Mastery by Robert Greene..

Louis Pasteur spent years arguing for the fact that diseases are caused by germs. This was contrary to the view at the time so he needed data from multiple experiments to prove his point. While experimenting with germ theory in 1879, he began researching cholera in chickens. However, his work got interrupted and he left the cholera cultures untouched for several months.

When he found his cultures again, he injected them into chickens and was surprised to find that they all recovered easily from the disease. Here’s what is amazing – Louis Pasteur was not the first person to see this occur. Many doctors had witnessed similar phenomena but, since this wasn’t what they were researching, they ignored it.

Pasteur, however, dug deep and experimented with old and new cultures. A combination of his broad understanding of the sciences as well as a willingness to be open to new ideas led him to a ground breaking discovery – vaccination.

As masters have repeatedly demonstrated, preparation, openness and opportunity go together.

Louis Pasteur                                                                                                      Source and thanks to: Wikipedia 

Chance favors only the prepared mind –  Louis Pasteur

Ben Horowitz on adding value and not following your passion

As I’ve written here, I don’t generally watch videos of talks as I think they’re largely a waste of time. However, Ben Horowitz is an exception. Every bit of content I’ve read or watched from him has been incredibly high quality. His blog is fantastic and his book, The Hard Thing about Hard Things, is the closest I’ve seen a book come to an entrepreneur’s bible. So, I did what a fan would and jumped on watching this 16 minute video during breakfast yesterday as I just expected it to be really good. And, it was.

These are my three lessons from his talk.

1. Think for yourself because you add value to the world when you bring to life a belief that no one believes to be true. This was the story of Brian Chesky at AirBnB. He believed that we would rent a mattress in our home to strangers. While most people thought this was absurd as you could be housing a serial killer, he did 2 things. First, he ran an experiment at home and it turned out to be just fine. Next, he dug into why hotel chains exist. He soon realized that hotel chains are a fairly recent invention. In the old days, people stayed at inns. However, these inns had too much variability as you could have some very bad experiences at some inns. He realized that, with the internet, information and reviews could make this transparent and enable people to choose well. It is that insight that’s led to a company valued over a billion dollars.

2. Don’t follow your passion. You don’t know what you are passionate about. And, besides, passions change. Start with what you are good at – you’ll get to passion. (More on this thanks to Cal Newport’s excellent book on the subject here)

3. A period of great opportunities. Yes, there’s global warming, terrorism and many bad things happening all over the world. But, there’s also the following facts (a few of the many he cited) –
– the number of people in extreme poverty today is the lowest it has ever been and one-fifth of what it was in 1900
– child labor is in steep decline and fell 1/3rd between 2011 and 2012
– expenditure of food as a % of income fallen in half since 1960
– Life expectancy has increased and we have grown taller (a measure of nutrition) oin the last 100 years
– Worldwide battlefield deaths are down, violent crime and global supply of nuclear weapons, also, are down
– In 2014, carbon emissions were flat for the first time in the last decade

There are still issues but you have technology available to you as a tool for change. But, if you contribute and think for yourself, you will be the generation that unlocks human potential.

Fantastic, as always. Thanks Ben.

No ask, no get

The other day, my wife and I booked a ticket for the last show of The Avengers. We were, however, exhausted that evening. So, when it came time to leave for the movie, we realized we weren’t in any mood to sit through a movie.

As we were wrestling with the idea of trading in $20 for sleep, I decided to give Cinemark a call and explain the situation. After doing so, I asked them if they’d be willing to allow us to use the ticket for a different movie.

“Absolutely.” – the manager said. “Just come any time in the next few days.”

And so we did.

Who knew?

“No ask, no get” is an ingrained lesson now. But, I have to admit – the results of just asking what often seems to be an outlandish question still keeps surprising me.

PS: Thanks Cinemark! I’m sure it only applies when movies aren’t running full. But, they’ve acquired a new loyal customer.

I am leader

The more you find a leader stressing his title, her opinion or simply the fact that he is in charge, the more you can be sure that the team or organization is suffering from a failure in leadership.

When that happens, you also know that the leader in question is operating under a false assumption that the people she leads work for her ( I call that “the boss paradigm”) . That couldn’t be farther from the truth.

Your only job as a leader is to create an environment for everyone on your team to be their best selves. At every step, you work for them. True leadership stems from what you do and how you do it. And, a big part of what you do is to help everyone working with you. Things that help this cause are consistently playing janitor, cleaning up, never being the bottleneck and just being helpful. Things that don’t are a continuous propensity to show authority or take credit.

If it isn’t obvious as yet, it is, of course, all about the process. Great leadership isn’t about what you achieve with your team. It is how you get to where you go.

And, great results follow great processes.

A friend sent me this image (thanks Pixshark) a few days ago. Thanks RB – this sums it up.

Managing queues – MBA Learnings

I’ve been sharing a run of Operations learnings of late as a part of this series. This has been surprising as I never considered myself a fan of the subject. However, thanks to a combination of a Professor who’s more than managed to pique my interest and a realization that learning to manage business operations isn’t very different from managing life operations, I’ve enjoyed my time studying Operations. And, today’s topic is managing queues.

Managing queues is particularly interesting as we all experience, and generally dislike, queues. The average wait time in a queue is given by the following formula –

Queue formulaTo break down each of the parts of this formula in simple terms (with an analogy of a queue at an ice cream stand)-
– Mean service time is the amount of time taken by the person serving the queue
– Utilization is the amount of time he/she spends serving out of his/her total time on the job
– Variability (more on this later) is a measure of how steady the demand is. If people enter the queue steadily through the day, it is much easier to deal with demand versus random fluctuations

Things get interesting when we study the effect of utilization on increasing waiting time. This graph, from HBR, illustrates it beautifully –

What this graph is saying is that waiting times more than double when your solitary ice cream server is working 80% of the time. It doubles again when he finds himself working 90% of the time. Why? Because delays are caused by sudden fluctuations in the queue, e.g.,  a mass of tourists that come in to buy ice cream in the midst of their city tour. And, since our solitary server has no spare capacity, it is inevitable that waiting times go up.

So, if you are staffing your restaurant, for example, and if you find yourself running at 100% capacity all the time, that may not be the best thing for your customers since it is inevitable that waiting time goes up. (If you are an exclusive restaurant, it may not be a bad thing – that’s a different matter.)

The insight in managing our personal lives is pretty profound – if we organize ourselves such that we always find ourselves running at 100% capacity, it is inevitable that queues will build up on our plate. That’s because work doesn’t arrive at a constant rate. An emergency project is bound to show up and, if we’re running with no safety capacity, that could be a problem. Additionally, we’ll never have the bandwidth to deal with other sorts of fluctuations that may occur outside work – a family member that gets sick, a friend that needs help, etc. So, it is a good idea to maintain safety capacity.

And, how do you do that? Learn how to scope projects well. I had a manager who was a master at making sure we needed no late nights to get to the finish line on our projects. He believed our best work was done when we were relaxed. He reiterated that he’d rather we build models slowly, but accurately, rather than fast and requiring multiple revisions. He also believed we should always be able to deal with issues that come up with minimal stress. And, of course, he consciously developed this single skill that, in my opinion, distinguishes great managers from bad ones.

In short, he understood the importance of safety capacity. We should, too.

 

Getting comfortable with good enough

One of the challenges with attempting to ship a blog post every day is getting comfortable with “good enough.” Every once a while, there comes a day when I feel very pleased with the post of the day. On most days, however, it is just a struggle to get something “good enough” out of the door.

As I write this, I realize I make it sound like I was a recovering perfectionist. That wasn’t the case either. It is just that, when I imagined myself writing on a public blog, I imagined a thought-through blog post edited to perfection. Now, I’m just comfortable with the fact that, on most days, the grammar isn’t perfect and that the sentence construction could have been better. Good enough.

That is the trouble with not shipping. It makes you chase ideas like perfection that make it impossible to ship. It takes away all attention from the stuff that actually matters – learning to write, learning to observe, improving your creative process – and focuses it on stuff that doesn’t – perfection, adulation, etc. It results in too much pressure and makes it easier to do nothing. It just feels safer.

But, it isn’t of course. Good enough is what sheds light on the way forward. We only get better with practice. And, we need to practice with good enough till our good enough today becomes the perfection we sought yesterday.