A Learning a Day

Homo sapiens have been on earth for about 200,000 years. For 199,950 (99.9%) of those years, most of the human population wasn’t assured easy access to food. We’ve been hard-wired to compete for survival. That instinct to compete translates into everything else we do.

But, you know what? We don’t need to compete any more. A large proportion of us don’t need to fight everyone else for food and survival. We don’t really need to compete for any of the basic needs on Maslow’s hierarchy. Instead, the questions we have in front of us are –
– How can we make sure the rest of the human population have the basics in place – food, shelter, access to clean water, education, etc.?
– How can we be happy?

The second question is the tough one. Our instinct to compete combined with the many opportunities out there directs our focus to “the chase.” “The chase” is a metaphor for whatever is sought after in societal terms. It is easy to spend our time in “the chase” because it is extrinsic. As long as our struggles are extrinsic, we can focus on appeasing our insecurities and circumvent any questions around happiness.

But, that question is going to keep coming back. If it isn’t clear yet, there’s enough out there for us. We just have to be willing to get to know ourselves, understand what we really want, and keep our eyes open for opportunities. This isn’t about what’s out there. It is about what’s in here. We need less competition, less insecurities, and less frantic activity. Instead, we need more calm, more confidence, and more wisdom.

The challenge is that all of this goes against our wiring. Perhaps that is the biggest challenge that awaits our generation.

Think about life a 150 years ago. People on earth wouldn’t have been able to imagine the things we take for granted now – mobile devices, the internet, professional services, massive healthcare systems, expensive degrees, etc. In fact, the sight of so many of us running around like ferrets working through “deadlines” on computers would have been right out of the weirdest science fiction movie.

Oh, wait. Science fiction movies didn’t exist 150 years ago.

It is so important to keep perspective that everything we take for granted today was invented by people like us – often within the last 100 years. And, since it is all invented, it matters that we think less like system optimizers and more like system creators. It is all well to game the system and succeed. But, what happens when the system itself is changing really quickly?

This idea is going to be even more important going forward because we might soon find ourselves at a point when most “traditional” jobs are obsolete. We’ll soon need to stop to think about what makes us as humans tick. What does the world look like when most of us don’t need to work to put food on the table? Will we be measuring unemployment the way we do today? Why do we measure unemployment in the first place? What would being employed even look like?

Some thinking is definitely in order.

Actions and reactions drive our happiness. If our actions are aligned to our purpose and values (i.e. if the what, why and how are in place), we give ourselves a good shot at happiness through what we do. However, our actions make up a smaller part (10%?) of our life experiences when compared with our reactions. A big part of life is just dealing with stuff that happens to us. Some of this is driven by our actions and some of it is just random.

To deal with all this “stuff,” the single best happiness increasing skill is the ability to keep perspective. So, if things didn’t work out this week, this is just a reminder that the setback for you was, perhaps, a miracle for someone else.

What goes around does come around and your turn will come, too. And now, for the best part of today’s post – a quote I came across –

“The sinking of the titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the kitchen.”

Indeed it was. What a great lesson in perspective.

I began writing on this blog at a time when I felt my insecurities were taking over my ability to be happy. I was an unhappy 19 year old. I had just seen an initiative of mine criticized and had taken the criticism a touch too personally. In many ways, this blog is my version of “Dealing with insecurities for dummies.”

Insecurities cause envy and self-doubt – two emotions that rouse the worst in us. These emotions make dealing with insecurities complicated because these emotions often complement each other. And, there is no easy way of dealing with envy or self doubt. The other challenge is finding a way to avoid the instinct that causes both these emotions to surface. This instinct is drawing unnecessary comparisons with people around you. The more you compare, the more envy you feel and the more you question your own self-worth. This is a vicious cycle.

The only solution I’ve found to get past this is a certain degree of selfishness and self absorption. This degree of self absorption enables us to relentlessly focus on ourselves and our own process. It fills our thinking-time with interesting challenges around issues we face rather than around what everyone around us is doing.

I am of the view that you don’t ever get rid of your demons. But, you do learn to keep them at bay. So, I don’t think you ever truly get rid of insecurities. You just learn to accept their presence, work with them, and consistently let your best self shine through. On some days, this is pretty hard to do. On those days, I just need more reminders that I am doing what I am doing for a reason and I have got to be patient to see it through.

Is there ever any guarantee that what we do will work? Absolutely not. That’s why we’ve got to work hard on our own process. If it doesn’t work this time, we’ll need to figure it out by next time. At the end of the day, our approach needs to be customized to our personality. And, that can only come with self awareness. Radical self awareness is easier said than done, of course. And, it is bloody hard to get to radical self-awareness when you are dealing with bouts of self-doubt. That’s why I recommend trying a bit of selfishness and focus on our selves first.

I’ve found that detour to help.

I woke up this morning asking myself – “So, what is something profound you’re going to share as your learning for the day?”

Wrong question, I soon realized. I’ve learned never to aim for profound. Instead, I find it is better to just focus on something meaningful I’ve learnt. There are a couple of reasons this works better.

First, profound for whom? There are very few concepts that might seem profound for everyone. Instead of attempting to please everyone, just write for two people – yourself and one other person who you know reads your blog.

Next, it is hard to be authentic if you are working too hard to position yourself. I am no multi-million dollar entrepreneur or venture capitalist imparting pearls of wisdom. I am just a twenty something graduate student sharing what I learnt or observe. I’m sure this doesn’t work for many. It works for a few. That’s fine – they know what they’re signing up for.

Finally, if you put too much pressure on yourself, it becomes easy to just not show up. That’s part of the magic, too.

So, a note for this week – just show up, be authentic, and do what you can with what you have where you are. And, who knows.. every once in a while, you might just outdo yourself.