Category: Everything else

“There is nothing particularly wrong with the feeling of inferiority itself. You understand this point now, right? As Adler says, the feeling of inferiority can be a trigger for striving and growth.

For instance, if one had a feeling of inferiority with regard to one’s education, and resolved to oneself, I’m not well educated, so I’ll just have to try harder than anyone else, that would be a desirable direction. The inferiority complex, on the other hand, refers to a condition of having begun to use one’s feelings of inferiority as a kind of excuse. So, one thinks to oneself, I’m not well educated, so I can’t succeed, or I’m not good looking, so I can’t get married.

When someone is insisting on the logic of “A is the situation, so B cannot be done” in such a way in everyday life, that is not something that fits in the feeling of inferiority category. It is an inferiority complex.”| The Philosopher in The Courage to be Disliked by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitame Koga

We choose how we deal with a situation that isn’t ideal. For example, if we feel there’s something lacking in us, we could use it to strive for growth and learning. Or we could attempt to compensate for it – either via an inferiority complex or by flipping toward attempts to project superiority and bravado. 

This is a recurring question that is explored in the book as a key tenet of Adlerian psychology is – if this is the situation, can we use the situation to strive for learning and growth? It is again an extension of the idea of being proactive and thus choosing learning over judgment once we accept the situation as it is.

This reminded me of “The Choice Map” by Marilee Adams – the act of choosing learning questions vs. judging questions opens up a relentlessly constructive approach to the challenges we face.

It then makes it easier to understand a key Alfred Adler idea – “The important thing is not what one is born with, but what use one makes of that equipment.”

Put differently, our life is what we make of it.

“In Adlerian psychology, trauma is definitively denied. This was a very new and revolutionary point. Certainly, the Freudian view of trauma is fascinating. Freud’s idea is that a person’s psychic wounds (traumas) cause their present unhappiness. When you treat a person’s life as a vast narrative, there’s an easily understandable causality and sense of dramatic development that creates strong impressions and is extremely attractive. But Adler, in denial of the trauma argument, states the following: ‘No experience is in itself a cause of our success or failure. We don’t suffer from the shock of our experiences — the so-called trauma — but instead we make out of them whatever suits our purposes. We aren’t determined by our experiences, but the meaning we give them is self-determining.” | The Philosopher in “The Courage to be Disliked”

Reading “The Courage to Be Disliked” by Ichigo Kishimi and Fumitage Koga was a revelatory experience. It is presented as a dialog between a philosopher and an angry student seeking resolution to his dissatisfaction with himself and his life and contains many a hard-hitting note.

This idea, as one hard-hitting example, is one that is explored in detail – the idea that we get to choose the meaning we give our experiences and traumas. It is along the lines of Viktor Frankl’s reflection on human freedoms – which, in turn, is a big part of Stephen Covey’s first habit – be proactive. Once we accept the stimulus, we get to choose the meaning we give it and thus the response.

In effect, suffering is real and so is agency. And meaning is chosen, not inherited.

Over the next days, I’ll share a collection of lessons from this book. A series of sorts as I reflect on these lessons and their implications.

After buying a camera to better capture memories from our National Park visits last year, I’ve begun to develop a better appreciation for great photography.

Especially those taken in the wild after hours of waiting. This award winning photo taken at a nature reserve in Madagascar showcases “The Lemur’s Tough Life.”

A Common brown lemur (Eulemur fulvus) carries her baby on her back while making a harrowing leap from one towering cliffside to another. This remarkable image was captured after a day of persistence on the photographer’s part—hiking an hour through rugged limestone terrain to her position. Only after waiting until the early evening did her patience pay off when this plucky primate emerged onto the scene, likely leading the troop in search of food. Ordinarily Brown lemurs have no set dominance hierarchy, with groups composed of males and females, old and young alike, but it appeared clear to this photographer that the focal lemur was the leader of the pack. This daring lemur navigated her group deftly through the sharp peaks and crevices of the stone forest, resulting in the immortalization of this once-in-a-lifetime leap.

Incredible.

A reminder of just how hard so many fellow living beings work to get the food they need for their sustenance.

A simple rule for async written communication – “Be extra nice and omit the sarcasm.”

It is very hard to read tone in async communication.

This over-correction habit goes a long way in making sure we don’t spend time cleaning up the inevitable mess when a message doesn’t land as we intended.

We go to our local Costco every weekend. It is always crowded.

When we get to the billing counter, we know to expect a long queue on the other side waiting to buy hot dogs and pizza.

The Costco Hot Dog is the stuff of legend. It was launched in 1985 for $1.50. That price has stayed the same since – for forty years! Costco founder Jim Sinegal reportedly told Costco CEO Craig Jelinek in 2013 that he’d kill him if he raised prices on the Hot Dog.

Costco sells 150 million to 200 million hot dogs annually. They could easily raise the price a couple of dollars and add a sizeable chunk of change to their top and bottom line.

But they choose to treat it as a symbol of what their brand is about – low prices and exceptional value. That’s clearly worth a lot more than the couple hundred million dollars they’d make.

Values aren’t values until they cost you money.

We saw “The Boy Who Harnessed the Wind” a few months ago. It is a remarkable tale of William’s ingenuity and perseverance amidst severe famine in Malawi.

The story is set in 2002 when William’s family struggles to survive as farmers in Malawi – preventing him from continuing his education. However, he discovers a book about energy production and gets inspired to learn English to understand the content. That then leads to him gathering materials from junkyards – improvising discarded items like plastic pipes and bicycle parts – to build his windmill.

After a seemingly unending set of setbacks and skepticism, he finally builds a functional windmill that generates electricity for his home and village. That in turn improves powers a water pump that improves agricultural productivity.

Stories like this never fail to get me thinking about privilege. The amount of privilege we have is proportional to the number of essentials that people around the world worry about that we don’t have to think about.

It also reminded me about the massive role energy infrastructure play in enabling privilege. Access to energy is a gamechanger.

And, finally, if a plucky boy in Malawi never gave up on his desire to make a difference to his community, there’s so much more I can do as well.

There are few things I hate more than filling up visa applications. I get the problem that rich countries face – they have too many people looking to get in and stay illegally. I get the importance of rigorous checks.

That said, I think the solutions today are completely broken – especially for tourist visas.

Here’s the solution I wish existed for tourist visas –

(1) The ideal solution would be one global database – it would be like a visa credit score. It contains a record of all past travel and has one central repository of the stuff we’re asked for. Every time we travel, we just upload the key documents in one place – bank balances, insurances, etc. We print the latest and submit.

A key feature would be the ability to link individual accounts to families so we can manage it all in one place vs. having to go through a separate ID/application for each person.

Ideally we’d have a private company ink partnerships with authorities across companies. But it won’t come easy – I understand that.

(2) The other alternative that I think would be implementable would be for countries to just pick a nation that has rigorous checks. I appreciate nations that say – if you’ve got a US visa, then you get visa on arrival.

Great, that works too.

And while you’re at it, charge everyone equally. I understand it is a source of revenue. But it is ironic that richer nation visitors are subsidized by visitors from poorer nations who pay exorbitant visa fees. For context, a family of 4 might pay well over $800 for the privilege of submitting visa applications to go the UK or New Zealand.

I’m not holding my breath for anything to change anytime soon. I don’t plan on running for politics in this lifetime either.

But if I did, this would be on the agenda.

Failure is a better teacher than success because it creates the conditions for reflection on what we might have done wrong.

The key, for us, is to not wait for failure to create the conditions for reflections and learning.

There’s a simple parenting rule – the values you pass on to your kids are the values they discern from your actions. There is little correlation with the values you might intend to pass on or talk about.

Applies just as much to any leadership role. You can, for example, talk about long-term thinking all you want. But if all you reward is short-term thinking, it is what you will get.

When profiling stories of exceptional people, Shane Parrish on the Farnam Street blog often writes about how they acquired “a taste for saltwater.” A taste for saltwater is his analogy for their ability to deal with discomfort.

A predictable trait in people who’ve accomplished something exceptional is their capacity to endure discomfort.