Category: Everything else

Can’t talk yourself out of a problem you’ve acted yourself into

I was reminded of a wonderful story from Stephen Covey’s 7 Habits book (I seem to be in Stephen Covey remembrance zone these past weeks) about a man in his seminar complaining about his wife calling him every hour asking him where he was and what he was doing. He just couldn’t seem to convince her to trust him. Curious, Covey asked him how he’d met.

It turned out that the man had met her at a similar seminar and had cheated on his ex-wife in the process.

“You can’t talk yourself out of a problem you behaved yourself into” – were Covey’s wise words to the man.

There’s a saying in George R R Martin’s ‘A Song of Ice and Fire’ series (a.k.a Game of Thrones) – “words are wind.” In Westeros, what you say counts for every little. What you do, however, is everything. It made a lot of sense – they didn’t have social media to track reputations.

But, has social media and all the other kinds of media changed the fundamental principle behind the “words are wind” idea? I don’t think so. Yes, it is easier to build a beautiful facade around your track record. But, it is just as easy to break it – all it takes is one truth teller on Twitter. In some ways, the idea that “words are wind” applies more in today’s context.

All we have is our track record. If it is representative of who we are, then we must keep doing what we are doing. And, in the process, aim to do more with what we have, and better. If it is not representative of who we are, it is worth remembering that we can act ourselves into it.

What we do is the surest way of expressing who we are.

Watch fewer TED talks and read fewer blogs

There’s a lot of positive sentiment around the internet on the fact that there are so many incredible sources of knowledge – TED talks, YouTube videos, Quora, a superb list of people to follow on Twitter, great free journalism, an endless list of great blogs, etc. Go to any educational institution and they’ll advertise the fact that they have x number CEO’s come and speak to their students.

So, here’s a contrarian idea – we need a lot less of all of this than we think. To pick on one idea – let’s take a TED talk or a real live seminar with some successful person. There are, broadly, three reasons to see or attend one of these – motivation, knowledge and connection. And, I’ll argue that a talk is a very sub-optimal method to accomplish any of these goals. If you’re going to these for motivation, you’ve got a bigger inspiration problem. No amount of these talks will help in the long run. If you’re searching for knowledge, a book will serve you much much better. Most speakers get on stage to promote their own/company’s brand, sell books or to repay a favor, among a whole host of other reasons. Educating you isn’t top of mind. Being memorable is. And, they aren’t the same thing. And, even if educating you was on top of mind, not everyone is a great educator. (Yes, yes, there are exceptions. There always are) Finally, if you’d like to connect with people you look up to, that is a worthy reason. All I’ll say here is that the internet has opened SO many doors to connect with people you look up to. You’d rather spend time engaging with them on their blogs, interviewing them yourself or figuring out other ways to add value to them.

And, if you prefer not to do the above, I’d still argue your time is better spent in self reflection and thought around your plans to create.

The point of this mini-rant isn’t to dismiss talks or blogs (there’s irony here.. somewhere). The point is to say that prioritizing consumption over creation is a dangerous habit. And, thanks to social media, there are endless opportunities to just live life as a consumer. A great example is Marc Andreessen’s famed Twitter feed. He tweets a 100 times a day. Great. But, was Marc Andreessen tweeting when he was busy building Mosaic and Netscape? Absolutely not. So, why now? One reason could just be that he’s successful and has the time. But, the real reason is that Twitter is his PR machine. And, he’s built his own brand as a venture capitalist as well as that of his firm, Andreessen Horowitz, in record time via such PR. It works for him. It likely won’t work for you.

While the rest of my list including Quora might be obvious, why go after blogs? How does that make sense after 7 years of daily blogging? Here’s the deal – there is definitely place for snack-able content in our lives. But, it is important we only allocate as much to consuming them as we do snacking. This sort of content isn’t the main course and shouldn’t be. Additionally, this blog isn’t for everyone. And, if it isn’t for you, that’s okay. 10% of the blogs and articles you read give you 95% of the value. Figure out the sources of quality content and curate like a crazy person. Don’t read every link sent to your email and definitely don’t watch every video.

Create. Curate. Consume. In that order.

Non attachment

Venture capitalist Brad Feld had a deep post a few days back on the idea of non-attachment. He describes the states of attachment, detachment and non attachment as –

“Attachment is like the activity around a black hole. You are constantly fighting against getting sucked into it. All of your energy is focused on not ending up in the black hole.
Detachment is like being in no gravity. You are just drifting. Nothing exerts any force on you in any direction.
Non-attachment is like being in a swirling galaxy. There is stuff going on everywhere. You interact with it. But none of it pulls on you excessively. You are involved and impact some of it but a lot of it is exogenous to you.”

This is the first time I’ve heard this idea framed in this way and I found it particularly deep.

I think we put ourselves through unnecessary angst when we attach ourselves to outcomes and relatively meaningless measures like status. Thinking about outcomes inevitably leads to high expectations which, in turn, inevitably lead to disappointment. The more time we spend in this zone, the less time we spend creating. And, the less time we spend creating, the less chance we have of doing work that matters. This is just as applicable to relationships. As the lovely saying goes, if you love someone, you should be prepared to let them go. That is the idea of non-attachment in a nutshell.

I was reminded of a post from the wonderful Seth Godin from a long time ago titled “The Paradox of Expectations.” (Isn’t it amazing how some things you read just stick with you? I’d read this post in October, 2011 but recalled it as I was writing this) In it, he said – “Perhaps it’s worth considering no expectations. Intense effort followed by an acceptance of what you get in return. It doesn’t make good TV, but it’s a discipline that can turn you into a professional.”

In recent years, that idea has become ALearningaDay speak for – focus on the process. I didn’t understand it then. But, I do now.

Thanks, Brad and Seth, for sharing as you do.

7 years

It has now been 7 years since I wrote the first post on this blog on May 11, 2008. That was 3,452 posts ago. In that post, I wrote – “Hopefully, I will be able to keep up writing one a day.”

It was really a statement full of hope. There was no evidence I possessed the discipline to do anything with any amount of consistency – let alone every day. And, while I definitely missed a few days in that first year as I built the habit muscle, I’ve largely been able to keep at it.

I spoke with a member of this community a few days ago about this blog and the blogging habit. She asked if I had a process and I just shared that I made sure I wrote as a part of my morning routine. (That’s a guideline – on some days, like this one, I write the previous night) She then asked if I had a social media or promotion strategy for this blog – I explained to her that I had none. So, she said – “So, you just focus on showing up every day.”

She got that exactly right.

I didn’t believe I had the discipline to show up every day when I started writing here. I do now. In some ways, a lot of what I’ve learnt from writing these notes every day is that we regularly underestimate how much we’re capable of. We respond to this in a variety of ways – either we attempt to be content with low expectations or we respond by talking a lot more than we actually do.

I’ve learnt that, if we choose to apply ourselves, we can do a lot more than we think, learn more than we think possible and be better than we ever imagined we could be.

But, first, we must learn to show up.

Thank you for your support through this journey. Your support is a privilege.. and one I’m very grateful for.

Working hard and offending people

I thought I’d channel some inspiration from G B Shaw for this weekend. Thanks to a wise friend for sharing..

“..this is the true joy in life — being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one… being a force of nature instead of a feverish selfish clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy. I am of the opinion that my life belongs to the whole community and as long as I live it is my privilege to do for it whatever I can. I want to be thoroughly used up when I die, for the harder I work, the more I live. I rejoice in life for its own sake. Life is no ‘brief candle’ to me. It is sort of a splendid torch which I have a hold of for the moment, and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it over to future generations.”  | GB Shaw

There are so many interesting things about the quote. Especially, the idea of “the harder I work, the more I live.”

Sam Altman, from Y Combinator, had a wonderful post on how the days are long but the decades are short (thanks, Sam, for sharing). One of his points were –

On work: it’s difficult to do a great job on work you don’t care about.  And it’s hard to be totally happy/fulfilled in life if you don’t like what you do for your work.  Work very hard—a surprising number of people will be offended that you choose to work hard—but not so hard that the rest of your life passes you by.  Aim to be the best in the world at whatever you do professionally.  Even if you miss, you’ll probably end up in a pretty good place.  Figure out your own productivity system—don’t waste time being unorganized, working at suboptimal times, etc.  Don’t be afraid to take some career risks, especially early on.  Most people pick their career fairly randomly—really think hard about what you like, what fields are going to be successful, and try to talk to people in those fields.

I’ve found Sam’s point about “a surprising number of people will be offended that you choose to work hard” to be very true. Many unfortunately view work as a chore. It can be, of course, but it definitely doesn’t need to be the case. It becomes a chore the moment you view it as a means to achievement. Then, it becomes all about minimizing the amount of work necessary to achieve what you set out to achieve. However, if you do things that flow from a sense of purpose, it doesn’t feel like work at all. You don’t yearn for “balance” because none is necessary. It just becomes a fluid continuum of things you enjoy and a state of “balancing” and constant prioritization and re-prioritization among these priorities.

Contrary to popular belief, we don’t find happiness when we achieve. We find happiness when we pursue ideas and goals that we find meaningful. Success and happiness ensue from that pursuit.

And, that’s where real joy lies..

Appreciating gravity

There was a moment in my 15 minute meditation routine this morning when Andy reminded me to appreciate gravity. A part of the exercise involves being aware of the weight of the body on the chair and the weight of the legs on the floor. And, of course, that wouldn’t be possible without gravity.

I thought the idea of appreciating gravity was symbolic of many a good thing in life. Gravity, to me, is one of those things that does its job every single day and, yet, is conspicuous by its absence from our attention. We take it for granted.

There are so many things and people in our lives that are exactly like gravity. An example that comes straight to mind is the human body. Every part of this incredible system just does its job. We only realize and appreciate this when we fall sick. How about appreciating it every day while we’re healthy?

It is also incredibly pertinent when it comes to appreciating people. So many companies and teams take their people for granted – especially those silent warriors who plug away at what needs to be done with unerring consistency. Often, true performers function like gravity. While they’re around, we never realize the impact they’re making simply because we take it for granted. If they weren’t around, these things would happen, wouldn’t they?

Let today be gravity appreciation day then. As we move through the day, let’s think about the many forces, things, and people we take for granted.. and appreciate them. This isn’t so much about them. This is just about us building this habit – to observe what is really going on, to notice efforts that might otherwise go unnoticed and to appreciate the good things.

For, when we learn to be appreciative, we learn to be thankful. And, when we learn to be thankful, we learn to be happy.

The only sure-fire way to get fit

Spend time with people fitter than you.

Too often, we look for quick fix solutions like diets and intense bursts of fitness focus. The simplest way to solve this in the long run is to simply make sure you consistently spend time with people who care about fitness. It won’t be long before you mimic their fitness regimes and find yourself making more time to get fit.

We’re hugely influenced by the company we keep. So, if you want to get smarter/wiser/better, choose company that is smarter/wiser/better.

We are no more than the average of the five people we spend most of our time with.

The nature of competition

Competition is a funny beast. We all engage with it at nearly every stage of our lives – as kids in school, as employees in the workplace, as companies in the market place, and so on.

There are lots of theories around what it really takes to be competitive. I think the challenge with competition comes down to one core idea – what helps you compete in the short run is not what’s going to help in the long run.

And, understanding this idea is precisely what innovators and creators get right. They abhor the idea of playing in the rat race. Instead, they focus on creating the next thing and starting with a blank slate. It doesn’t always work. But, when it does, it is pretty magical.

This has a couple of interesting implications in our own lives –
1. It is okay to compete for something in the short term. But, pouring all your energy and resources into a short term competition is counter productive. You might win the proverbial battle but will lose the war.

2. That said, if you can avoid short term competition, do it. The best way to compete in the long run is to actually not engage in any short term competition. And, you soon realize that the only worthwhile competitor in the really long run is yourself.

3. The beauty about competing with yourself is that you soon realize there is nothing to be gained by viewing people around you as competition. In fact, the only lens with which to look at people (or organizations) around you is whether they are potential partners/collaborators or not.

And, that brings us to the final idea – how do you effectively compete with yourself? By starting on a journey of continuous improvement. The only measure of progress that matters is that you’re solving different kinds of problems this year than you were last year. And, the only score that matters is whether you’re better today than you were yesterday.

Influence and concern

Great books gift us with frameworks that give us ways to make sense of the world. Stephen Covey’s book, the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, attained legendary status because he managed to weave in a collection of great frameworks to help us think about productivity and life.

(Source: ExperienceLifeFully)

Great frameworks are beautiful in their simplicity. And, there are few simpler than the idea that we all have a circle of influence and a circle of concern. The circle of influence is simply a collection of everything we influence (e.g. our response to situations) vs. the circle of concern which is a collection of everything we don’t influence. And, the way of those who are proactive is to spend time within their circle of influence.

I’ve found an interesting truth in dealing with the circle of influence idea – the more time you spend within it, the more it expands. And, the more it expands, the more you realize that you can have a go at most problems you care about by just focusing on what you can do about them. You also realize very quickly as to where your effort is best spent depending on how much of the action feels within your control.

This is what the smartest people and companies do. As a growing company, for instance, there are many many things outside your control – competition and regulation are two simple examples. It can get overwhelming thinking about all the things you don’t control. So, focus fully on what you control. It is similar in our personal lives – there’s no point focusing on all the external stimuli that make up our day. It has to start with us – our actions and our responses.

Simple idea. Powerful implications.

The bigger accident superstition

I have a little superstition that someone (I think it might be my mom) once passed on to me. I was told that every time something bad happens, it is a gift because it is a sign that something much worse has been averted.

So, when I damaged my computer keyboard 2 weeks ago by spilling water all over it, my immediate reaction was to thank the heavens that it was only my keyboard. According to my bigger accident belief, it was a small accident that was far better than something worse, i.e, spending $200 to replace my keyboard vs. having to replace my entire laptop.

This little belief goes a long way in easing many a painful situation by simply transforming it. While I naturally think about what needs to be done to fix it, the pain of a situation is immediately replaced by a sense of relief that it wasn’t any worse. That sense of relief is accompanied by a third person’s perspective – I realize very quickly that most of my problems are simply first world problems. They may be painful but, in the big scheme of things, all is well.

And, when you learn to see misfortunes as temporary and, thanks to this weird little belief, even positive, I have found that you appreciate the bumps and bends in the road. They’re just a sign that all is well.

As they say, a bend in the road isn’t an end in the road… unless you fail to take a turn.

PS: Thanks mom (or whoever that good Samaritan was) for sharing that idea.