Category: Everything else

“Don’t say yes when you want to say no” | an RJ whose name I don’t remember

I have a vivid memory of a lesson I learnt from a Radio Jockey/RJ over a decade ago.

My mom and I were driving down the streets of Chennai. I think it was sometime in the evening. Turning on the radio wasn’t something we did often. But, on that night, we did.

That’s when we heard this RJ share a story about a recent incident when she said “yes” to something when she really meant to say no. She shared how that ended up making both her and the person she said yes to unhappy.

When we’re half-hearted about something, it shows.

The lesson she took away from that incident was – “Don’t say yes when you want to say no.” Even if it feels hard to say no, it is the right thing to do if our heart isn’t in it.

I’ve thought about that lesson hundreds of times since. Often, when I find myself in a situation where I’m reluctantly saying yes, I ask myself if I’m saying yes when I want to say a no.

And, ever so often when that happens, I hear that RJ’s voice saying – “Don’t say yes when you want to say no.”

PS: I made a mistake while publishing yesterday’s post. So, we have two posts today. :)

The word “prestige” originated in France. It meant deceit, imposture, or illusion.

It’s easy to fall into the trap of chasing prestige in our lives. Perhaps an understanding of the origins of the word will help us second guess ourselves when we do.

I bought a backpack from Osprey recently. The guarantee tag caught my eye.

It said – “Osprey will repair any damage or defect for any reason free of charge – whether it was purchased in 1974 or yesterday. If we are unable to perform a functional repair on your pack, we will happily replace it. We proudly stand behind this guarantee, so much so that it bears the signature of company founder and head designer, Mike Pfotenhauer.”

As I read this, I felt the pride that the Osprey team takes in shipping great products.

It gave me goosebumps.

I opened the NYT vaccine rollout tracker and learnt of a new milestone. This week, we saw the 7 day average of doses administered cross 3 million per day in the US. That’s amazing.

If the United States’ response to COVID-19 in 2020 was abysmal, the last few months have been world class.

At current pace, every adult in the US could be vaccinated by June 28.

The vaccines – particularly the mRNA formulations – have shown stellar results even with new variants. I think it is only a matter of time before they’re eligible for children too. We’re getting close.

I am grateful for all this and am looking forward to us getting to the other side.

PS: As these numbers were such a surprise, I realize I haven’t been keeping up with the news as much (not a bad thing). But, I did see a number of headlines about challenges with the rollout in the EU, Brazil, and a few other countries. I’m hoping that changes soon.

I was working through a knotty situation and talking to two friends about what I’d done to resolve the knots.

One of them shared that he’d learned to take the time to verbalize what was causing dissonance or discomfort. Verbalizing it helped him become aware of what was causing the problem, accept it, and move on by figuring out a constructive response.

Another shared the importance of spending time in nature. As we take in the enormity of the world around us, we gain perspective of just how small and insignificant our problems are.

It turned out to be one of those situations when I had experienced the benefits of both of these ideas in working through my knotty situation.

Both ideas resonated.

“Will I be out of balance?” isn’t a useful question.

It is a given. As long as we’re trying/pushing/pursuing, being out of balance will just be a part of our reality.

Better to focus on frequent check ins to build awareness and an ability to respond constructively and correctively.

The London taxi driver study is a seminal study from two decades ago on how learning changes our brain.

Taxi drivers in London – in the absence of Google maps – had to memorize the London map to be able to navigate to wherever the passenger wants to go. This training took two years on average was colloquially called “being on The Knowledge.”

As part of the study, researchers analyzed the brains of London cab drivers relative to those in the “control.” And, they found that the hippocampus – the area of our brain that controls spatial memory – was significantly larger in taxi drivers.

The led to a famous hypothesis – “It seems that there is a capacity for local plastic change in the structure of the healthy adult human brain in response to environmental demands.” Over time, the researchers led by Prof Eleanor Maguire further corroborated this hypothesis with more “before and after” studies of London taxi drivers.

Put simply, what we learn has the power to change the structure of our brain.

Always a good reminder that we are more malleable and adaptable than we think.

“It is better to live your own destiny imperfectly than to live an imitation of somebody else’s life with perfection.”

I think of this note from The Bhagavad Gita from time to time. It is always a good reminder to focus on the path that lies ahead. Imperfect as our abilities to traverse it may be, at least it is ours.

It is also always easier said than done.

It is amazing how much more energy, resilience, and perspective we can muster as long as we have something to look forward to.

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PS: As a result, it is always worth investing in experiences that we look forward to.

I saw someone searching for the perfect box of blueberries recently. In the time it took me to pick up a few things around her, she worked through 20 or so boxes.

I didn’t stick around to see if she found the box she was looking for. I hope she found it.

There’s something to be said for such single minded determination over blueberries.

For a moment, I was tempted to chuckle at her choice of item to optimize. But, I realized right then that we all have our own equivalent of blueberries – some seemingly random thing that we over optimize. I certainly have a few.

One finger pointing at them, three fingers pointing back at us, etc. :-)