Author: alearningaday

Getting more done by dialing up the number of hours we work isn’t an effective long term strategy. More hours often mean trade-offs that aren’t healthy in the long run.

However, it is an important tool in our arsenal in the short run.

It just helps to time-box these sprints so they don’t get in the way of our ability to run the marathon.

It is amazing how much of a difference small positive responses can make in place of some instinctive reactions.

Replacing a reaction of annoyance or an irritable look at being interrupted with a half-smile may seem small. But, such negative micro-reactions often provoke more unpleasant reactions which, in time, spark a chain of events that are significantly more negative.

John Gottman’s research team found that couples in successful marriages shared at least 5 positive interactions for every negative one.

I would posit this idea applies well beyond marriages.

And, turning the tide on our interactions by habitually replacing small negative reactions with small positive ones has an outsized effect on the positivity of our days.

On our journey through the seas of life, the ability to survive bad weather is just as important as honing our ability to predict the weather.

One of my favorite ideas on habits from Jerry Seinfeld is “Don’t break the chain.”

His approach is simple. Once you make a commitment, take a physical calendar and scratch out the date with a big red “X.” Then, refuse to break the chain.

I’ve learnt over time that “don’t break the chain” is simple and useful action in the early stages of building a habit. It helps us recommit during moments when we’re considering quitting. And those moments are abundant in the early stages of habit formation.

But, over time, our commitment to the habit strengthens.

And, it is when breaking the chain is unthinkable that a habit is truly formed.

Outside of school, learning to say “I don’t know enough” is just as important as (and sometimes more important than) having the right answer.

The more time I spend learning about what others are dealing with, the more I appreciate the truth in the idea that “everyone is fighting their own battle.”

We all are. And there’s no running away from them.

The best we can hope for is the choice/ability/privilege to trade-off battles we don’t want to fight for those we deem worth fighting.

How a career is normally visualized: Attempting to race others on ladders going to similar destinations.

What it actually is like: Attempting to find our way through a forest – with occasional company (some appreciated, others not as much :-)) – without a map… in the dark.

We think we run into bad luck more often than we actually do because we don’t remember all the times we run into good luck.

It all evens out in the long run.

The important thing is to take any bad luck (or good luck for that matter) in our stride and keep plugging away.

I had a setback on a project recently.

I was hoping for an outcome. It didn’t pan out.

I remember the moment I realized it was not going to pan out. I spent a minute thinking about the work that lay ahead. I then muttered “you never know if a good day is a good day” to myself and went right back to work.

There was no disappointment or sadness. The moment was memorable for the absence of any negativity.

Over the years, I’ve shared moments along these lines. Where there was extreme disappoint a decade ago, there’s more equanimity. Some of that is thanks to perspective from years of writing here. Some of it is thanks to being in a more privileged place. And, some of it is thanks to the recent exploration of stoic philosophy.

Until I read the works of the stoics, I assumed that removing negative reactions would mean removing the positive as well. But, the stoics opened my eyes to another possibility – removing the negative stuff while keeping the joy.

Moments like this make me believe that it is possible.

That belief will make change and, thus, learning possible.