Month: August 2021

One of my favorite ideas on habits from Jerry Seinfeld is “Don’t break the chain.”

His approach is simple. Once you make a commitment, take a physical calendar and scratch out the date with a big red “X.” Then, refuse to break the chain.

I’ve learnt over time that “don’t break the chain” is simple and useful action in the early stages of building a habit. It helps us recommit during moments when we’re considering quitting. And those moments are abundant in the early stages of habit formation.

But, over time, our commitment to the habit strengthens.

And, it is when breaking the chain is unthinkable that a habit is truly formed.

Outside of school, learning to say “I don’t know enough” is just as important as (and sometimes more important than) having the right answer.

The more time I spend learning about what others are dealing with, the more I appreciate the truth in the idea that “everyone is fighting their own battle.”

We all are. And there’s no running away from them.

The best we can hope for is the choice/ability/privilege to trade-off battles we don’t want to fight for those we deem worth fighting.

How a career is normally visualized: Attempting to race others on ladders going to similar destinations.

What it actually is like: Attempting to find our way through a forest – with occasional company (some appreciated, others not as much :-)) – without a map… in the dark.

We think we run into bad luck more often than we actually do because we don’t remember all the times we run into good luck.

It all evens out in the long run.

The important thing is to take any bad luck (or good luck for that matter) in our stride and keep plugging away.

I had a setback on a project recently.

I was hoping for an outcome. It didn’t pan out.

I remember the moment I realized it was not going to pan out. I spent a minute thinking about the work that lay ahead. I then muttered “you never know if a good day is a good day” to myself and went right back to work.

There was no disappointment or sadness. The moment was memorable for the absence of any negativity.

Over the years, I’ve shared moments along these lines. Where there was extreme disappoint a decade ago, there’s more equanimity. Some of that is thanks to perspective from years of writing here. Some of it is thanks to being in a more privileged place. And, some of it is thanks to the recent exploration of stoic philosophy.

Until I read the works of the stoics, I assumed that removing negative reactions would mean removing the positive as well. But, the stoics opened my eyes to another possibility – removing the negative stuff while keeping the joy.

Moments like this make me believe that it is possible.

That belief will make change and, thus, learning possible.

An idea that I find helpful every time I remember to put it to practice – give someone what you feel you need.

It may be appreciation. A smile. A hug. Some love. Or some gratitude.

If you’re feeling in need of it, give it to someone else.

It helps remind us to get over ourselves and realize that we all are fighting different battles.

And that a little bit of kindness can often go a long way.

When it comes to working effectively with a new group of people, the best way to move fast is often to move slow.

Time invested in getting relationships and trust in place almost always results in higher velocity in the long run. Shortcutting that, on the other hand, can result in all kinds of pain.

One of those situations where slow is fast and fast is slow.

Our self-perception is a result of the stories we tell others and ourselves about ourselves. The anecdotes, words, and emotions we choose when we talk about and to ourselves shape these stories.

It is helpful to examine these stories from time to time to understand the impact they’re having.

As part of this process, it helps to prune the stories that aren’t helping and replace them with constructive stories.

These stories are all invented anyway.

Best to invent stuff that is helpful.

Our 5 year old dismissed a new source of bedtime stories as boring recently.

As we had barely tried this out, I thought it was an unfair assessment. So, I shared what I would be a wise quote for the ages. “I don’t think that’s right. Just because you call something stupid doesn’t make it stupid. It is possible that the thing itself is smart and you are stupid because you don’t understand it.”

Our 3.5 year old was listening to this and asked the question that was clearly top of mind for both of them – “Are you calling her stupid?”

There was no coming back from that.

I took away a couple of communication lessons from the experience.

First, know your audience and make sure you deliver a message they understand.

Second, remember that the audience will take away a salient point or two from what you communicate. Be mindful of what that might be.

Third, keep it simple when you can and as often as you can.