Month: March 2021

3 lessons on getting better at verbal communication at work:

(1) There is no end to learning to communicate better. It is like playing a great video game with an infinite number of levels. So, if you’ve felt disheartened about your progress recently, know that it is expected. Perennial dissatisfaction is a pre-requisite to continue playing the game. And, the obstacle is definitely the way. :-)

(2) While there is no secret formula to becoming good, there are 3 things that help – (a) curiosity about the audience/listener(s), (b) improving our clarity of thought (typically by writing more and better – even for things we want to say), and c) a willingness to experiment with different styles to figure out what works for us in a particular context.

(3) There are no “naturals” among great communicators. The idea – “If you want to look good in front of thousands, you have to outwork thousands in front of nobody”* – is 100% applicable to communication.

PS: I always chuckle when I hear communication described as a “soft skill.” It would probably make the top 3 of any list of the most crucial skills in our careers and lives.

(*H/T: Damian Lillard)

“Don’t demand that things happen as you wish, but wish that they happen as they do happen.” | Epictetus, Enchiridion

Hearing this note reminded me of the lines from the poem Desiderata – “And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.”

So it is.

I’ve been writing every day for well over a decade now. So, the resistance (that crafty voice in our heads that tempts us to take the easy way out) knows not to suggest that I skip a post.

No, that would render it ineffective.

So, it makes a different suggestion. “Mail it in today.” – it says. “You’re tired. Just find a random quote and stick it in. No will notice. You will be more rested tomorrow.”

Even after so many years of daily writing, that suggestion is more tempting than I’d like to admit on some days. Only after further thought do I realize that it actually won’t be any easier tomorrow.

There will be other reasons to mail it in. The resistance will show up and be ready in full force tomorrow as well.

It doesn’t get easier. We just learn to deal with it better.

“But a tiny voice whispers in my mind
You are lost, hope is gone
But you must go on
And do the next right thing” | Anna in Frozen 2

There are two lessons here. The first is in the beauty of the lyrics. We’ve all experienced moments when we feel lost. “Do the next right thing” is a beautiful mantra for those times.

The second, however, is a different kind of learning. I wasn’t a fan of the Frozen movies a few years ago. But, after being surrounded by the Frozen universe over the past 2 years and living with a passionate fan, I’ve come to appreciate so many things about them.

Passionate teachers, friends, colleagues, and in this case, kids, can teach you to appreciate things you would otherwise have missed.

“I imagine one of the reasons people cling to their hates so stubbornly is because they sense, once hate is gone, they will be forced to deal with pain.” | James Baldwin

Powerful.

(H/T: James Clear’s newsletter)

A beloved Professor from graduate school used to share a story about a chance meeting with a former student.

They ran into each other at the airport and this former student wasn’t looking well. When he asked him what happened, he learned that he’d been told by his wife that she wanted a divorce. He was surprised.

As they continued talking, the former student shared that he’d spent most of the last few years traveling on the job. So, they hadn’t been spending much time together.

When he was asked for his opinion, our Professor said – “I’m surprised you’re surprised.”

After sharing this story, he’d share his rule-of-thumb. The more someone admits to being surprised by outcomes in their life, the less self reflective they likely are.

Indeed.

Every once a while, we evolve some weekday routine with the kids. This may be a change to a morning drop off routine, an evening pre-sleep routine or something we do over the weekend. When this happens, we celebrate the sheer awesomeness of this new practice and fall in love with it.

Until some variable that made the old routine great changes.

That signals that it is time to change again. The same process follows. Evolve. Fall in love. Realize it is broken again.

The beautiful thing about this evolution is that it reminds me of the importance of continuous evolution. Things change. The best thing we can do is embrace that change and evolve ourselves.

It also helps me appreciate the power of recognizing the impermanence of things.

Change is the only constant.

I was on the bike lane approaching a traffic signal. There was a car well ahead of me about to turn right.

As the traffic signal and turn were still some distance away, the car could probably have completed the turn without any change in my pace. If I had to estimate the odds, my guess is that the probability I would need to brake to allow for the car to turn was 10%.

But, the car stopped to let me through.

That was very thoughtful of the driver.

It made me think about how I might have behaved in the same situation. And, I’d be willing to bet that I’d have just gone through as it was very likely there was going to be no impact on the bike.

But, as I bike a lot more now, I’m more appreciative of these little gestures as it is much easier to accelerate in a car vs. a bike. This driver’s gesture will impact how I behave in such situations going forward.

Walking a mile in another person’s shoes is powerful. Perspective makes us better humans.

My favorite idea from the book on Netflix’s culture – No Rules Rules – is “The Keeper Test.”

Netflix encourages employees to ask their manager this question from time to time – “If I was leaving for another job, would you fight to keep me?”

If the answer is “YES! Of course” – everything is great. If the answer is no, it is time to part ways. And, if the answer is anything in between, it is time for some candid feedback and recalibration.

The candor, transparency, and clarity that the question inspires resonated with me.

Thinking we’ve learnt or even understood something because we read a book is like thinking we can play professional tennis because we saw Roger Federer play.

Learning follows absorption, synthesis, and action.

We only learn something when it becomes part of how we operate.