Month: July 2014

Working your way through painful conditioning

I joined a group of very skillful footballers I didn’t know for a game last week. It has become a habit to do this wherever I am – find a place where footballers gather, join them, and ask if I can join. It’s a simple idea and is one that seems to work around the world, regardless of language.

Before you get in, getting in seems to be the challenge (and this applies to every place we try to get in – prestigious jobs, schools). It soon becomes evident that staying in, staying motivated and sustaining high performance is the hard part. I hadn’t played football for many months before I got in to play 4 days ago and, when playing with a high skill group, it shows. It wasn’t a bad game but I got out feeling aches and pains in multiple places. I had a few blisters too and immediately replaced my old studs with new ones to solve that problem.

The next day was worse. While there were no aches, pains or blisters, my complete lack of game time showed strongly as I was part of a poor team. We lost all 5 games I played in and I went home feeling demotivated. I tried reminding myself that I was doing this only for fun but it still hurt. The competitive person within hates being the person that sucks. The resistance even tried popping up to dissuade me from playing on Monday (i.e. today). That’s not going to happen.

If you’re wondering why I’d rather continue to embarrass myself, then you should know why… THIS is painful conditioning. This is the stuff I talk about on this blog nearly every day. THIS is the hard part. THIS is an example of the daily grind and the war we wage with the resistance.

There is no shortcut. I just have to work my way back in – play more to get my touch back, get fitter so I can compensate for my lack of touch with graft, and start again from the basics.

We just have to work our way through the painful conditioning to the places where the good stuff happens..

Andrew Hallam’s car buying technique – The 200 words project

Here’s this week’s 200 word idea from The Millionaire Teacher by Andrew Hallam and Decisive by Chip Heath and Dan Heath.

Andrew Hallam, a school teacher and self-made millionaire, became wealthy with careful control over his spending (and consistent investing in index funds). One of his decision making strategies is to attain distance before making big spending decisions.

For example, in 2002, when he was ready to buy a car, Andrew refused to let himself be hoodwinked by fast talking car salesmen at the store. So, first, he decided exactly what he wanted in a used car: namely, a Japanese car with a stick shift, original paint, fewer than 80,000 miles, and a walk-out price of less than $3,000. He didn’t want a new paint job because he worried that it might hide rust spots or damage from accidents and he didn’t care about the age or model of the car.

He then called up second hand car sellers and told him what he wanted. Many baulked at his request. But, a few days later, one of the showroom offered a second hand Japanese model that had just arrived at their store for $3000. Andrew went to the store, inspected the car and walked out with the car.

As Andrew attests, attaining distance is a great way to make good decisions.

AndrewHallam car buying

Source and thanks to: www.EBSketchin.com

“Imagine wandering onto a car lot…. A sharply dressed salesperson will soon be courting you through a variety of makes and models… a minnow like me needs an effective strategy against big, hungry, experienced fish.” | Andrew Hallam

You will have to do the work

Every time I’ve taken up a project where a shortcut looked possible, I’ve been severely disappointed. The easy route has never worked – no, not even once. We’ve always had to take the squiggly path with many steps forward and almost as many back. No one has stepped up and magically saved the day. There was no big lucky break that magically got us to the end.

Somebody has always had to do the work. If you cared, it was probably done by you.

So, before I get started on new projects these days. I ask myself – “Would you be happy doing all the work on this project if push comes to shove?” and “Am I surrounded by team members who would do the same?”

There is going to be no one else. And there are no free tickets.

Listening to what people do

When I was in my 10th grade, a close friend played a trick on me. He began by telling everyone he had recently bought a snooker table at home. This was right after our summer vacations during which we had played a fair bit of snooker. We all enjoyed the game and I was really excited about this new table. He described where he’d put it in his house and his plans for snooker evenings on weekends in great detail.

No snooker evening happened, however. I badgered him for 4 straight weeks and there always seemed a new excuse. It was only after a few weeks that he finally admitted that there was no snooker table – I was the only one who had believed him without question. Why else had he made an excuse every week for 4 weeks in a row? I was the sucker and needed to be less gullible.

I didn’t know it then but this friend had unwittingly taught me an important lesson. Growing up in India, it is sadly the norm to not believe what people say. I’ve observed a shocking lack of follow up (i.e. integrity in action) – promises are often forgotten and, in the rare cases they are remembered, they are delivered either late or lacking in quality. Since tardiness, ego, and a general lack of integrity is the norm, getting work done often requires a fair amount of political maneuvering. Understanding what makes people tick is an important part of understanding the politics in any situation. And, it is impossible to understand what makes people tick by listening to what they say. It is all about listening to what they do.

I clearly wasn’t ready for this lesson after the snooker table incident but, ten years and many burnt fingers later, I finally understand what I failed to understand back then.

In the “A Song of Ice and Fire” / “Game of Thrones” series, there is a lovely saying – “words are wind.” Words are wind means that words are as fleeting as the wind. So, don’t bother about what someone says. Instead, watch carefully as to what they do. This is a deep lesson because this discrepancy between words and actions isn’t necessarily about nasty intentions. I’ve met some really nice people who were just unable to match their words and actions. The most common reason I’ve found is that humans often adopt various facades to disguise their fears and insecurities. As a result, they’re caught between being who they pretend to be and who they really are. I am guessing it is possible to eventually get lost among these various facades and forget who you really are. Or, it could just be a lack of courage to be who they really are.  That would mean facing up to the resistance and that powerful force – the fear of failure. And I know people who’ve unwittingly made it their life’s mission to run from these forces. Over time, this results in a large discrepancy between who people believe they are and who they really are. I’m sure you have enough experiences of several annoying folk who consider themselves perfect and infallible – so I won’t labor this point.

It is tempting to get into judgmental mode. So, let me get straight to what I think are the implications for us.

First, really pay attention to what people do. Don’t listen to them talking about family life and priorities – just look at their calendars or how they spend their time. Don’t listen to them talking about the importance of parenting – look at their relationships with their kids. Don’t listen to them talk about self control – look at whether they’re able to exercise self control over food, tobacco and alcohol. Over time, these actions will drown what they say. This is a big lesson and one I’m only learning now (better late than never I guess).

Second, disregard first impressions. A natural implication of the point above is that first impressions are useless as they are based almost entirely on what people say. For example, a close friend actually actively guards herself against folks who are eloquent. Take time to get to know people. Watch what they do. Watch the little things. Really understand them.

Finally, use this understanding to identify and spend more time with like-valued folk. Life is short and we all have limited time to make this world a bit better while having fun and sharing happiness in the process. It is too short to spend time with jerks and people we actively dislike. In some cases, we dislike people because they are jerks and in most cases, it is just because we don’t “fit.” That’s okay. As long as we’re working hard, learning, and doing good, different styles and approaches are welcome. It takes all kinds to make the world.

Andrew Carnegie clearly agreed – “As I grow older, I pay less attention to what men say. I just watch what they do.” 

The most powerful force on earth

A few years back, I argued spiritedly with a wiser friend about the most powerful force on earth. I believed it was love and he believed it was fear. In the years that have passed, I have come to totally agree with him. If anything, I am tempted to get more specific and say that the most powerful force on earth is the fear of failure.

The power and ubiquity of this emotion never ceases to amaze me. It shows itself in literally every aspect of our lives –

– At home, we see it with parents who put enormous pressure on their children, with parents who always need to be right, and with parents who refuse to share their own failures with their kids. As a consequence, we see kids grow up with similar traits and insecurities – they constantly worry about whether their projects will work, they feel the need to seek approval for every decision they make, and they shy away from responsibility for the outcomes of the decision. And, we see both parents and children abhor risk and steer clear of projects that might not work.

– At work, we see it in colleagues who refuse to share credit, who bully each other and display passive aggressiveness, who would rather see someone else’s project fail than take up responsibility for a project themselves, who would rather criticize than cheer, who would rather play the politics rather than play on merit, who maximize a short term gain, and who refuse to worry about the collective and the cause. Work becomes about self preservation – “networking” with the right people, staying clear of projects that are risky, and attempting to latch onto projects that are going well so they get a share of the credit.

– In society, we see the fear of failure in community leaders and politicians who refuse to accept anything but the status quo, who fear everything they don’t understand, who fall prey to lobbyists and bribes also keen to preserve the status quo, who wage wars and seek to divide on the pretext of religion, creed, nationality, and color, and who refuse to let anyone outside their circle access to privilege.

I am convinced that the very worst in human nature has everything to do with the fear of failure. When I put together a 2×2 on how insecurity and self awareness drive behavior, I realize I made a mistake.

Fear of failure pervades the insecurity zone. With increasing self awareness, we just become aware of the fear of failure – aware enough to hopefully do something about it. With increasing self awareness, we will perhaps realize that our fears are just irrational, that we ought to exist for causes bigger than self preservation, that we do make the world better when we put ourselves out there, try, and fail.

Self awareness is our only hope..

The “Decisive” LearnoGraphic – A pictorial guide to making better decisions

Chip and Dan Heath published a fantastic book on decision making called “Decisive.”

We loved it so much that we spent many hours discussing it and summarizing it. Creating a “LearnoGraphic” felt like a natural next step.

Do check it out and do let us know what you think.
banner-des-mak

 

We hope you find it useful!

Vaccinations

I am not a fan of injections. I grew up visiting a family doctor who administered regular painful injections. They worked every time.. but I also brought the house down every time. I think those images of pain and tears still linger and, hence, my reaction to jabs is still far from positive.

However, as I was thinking about vaccinations yesterday, I realized vaccines are completely aligned with the “a learning a day” approach. I think the “a learning a day” approach is to continually embrace pain, postpone immediate gratification, and build for the long term with a focus on learning from our successes and failures. With vaccines, we need to embrace pain, postpone immediate gratification and do so for the long term – near perfect alignment there.

So, after having taken 3 jabs today to boost my immunity along with a full health check up performed few days back, I’d just like to spread the health check up and vaccine love and request you all to take a look at your vital signs and vaccination status. If there is a vaccine or two due, go do it! A few dollars and a bit of pain is a great way to avoid weeks of trouble later.

 

Do this.. and you are set for life

1. No, you aren’t set for life and never will be. You might attain financial independence but that doesn’t mean life will go easy on you. The demons will just be higher up on Maslow’s pyramid. It is a video game with an infinite number of levels. Enjoying the game is just as important as moving through the levels.

2. “This” assumes things get easy after a certain goal or accomplishment. That’s flawed. It never gets easy. In some ways, that’s the point.

3. If it isn’t apparent as yet, let me re-emphasize – there is no “this.”

The ladder of control – The 200 words project

Here’s this week’s 200 word idea thanks to 99u.com.

David Marquet, Captain of the USS Santa Fe, followed a leadership principle – push authority to as low a level as possible. Under normal practice, officers would “request permission to” perform operations such as submerge the ship. The captain would approve and the officer would carry out the task.

David insisted his officers move up the ladder of control (below), stop asking permission, and instead state “Captain, I intend to submerge the ship” to which he would respond, “very well.” Initially, he had a lot of questions for the officers about whether it was safe, whether the preconditions were met, whether the team was ready, and whether it was the right thing to do. With time, he asked fewer and fewer questions as the officers learned to provide that necessary information at the same time they stated their intent.

The immediate and obvious benefit was that with this small shift in language, just a few words really, the officers became the driving force behind the submarine’s operations.

Perhaps we ought to consider moving our teams up the ladder of control as well..

Ladder of control

Source and thanks to: http://www.EBSketchin.com

‘Moving people from “request permission” to “I intend to…” raised them one rung on the ladder of control, from passive followers doing what they were told at the bottom to proactive engaged leaders, crafting the future, at the top. ‘ | David Marquet

The slow burn

When I think of times when I successful changed a habit, almost all of them happened with a process I call “the slow burn.” And, in every case, the process was as follows –

1. Create a simple and clear goal – e.g. replace playing games on my phone before I sleep with reading a book, score 7 exercise points every week where 1 point = 20 mins of exercise
2. Think about my schedule and about how the new habit will fit in
3. Test it and keep iterating until it works

The most important aspect of the slow burn is the lack of finality. There are no statements like – “If this doesn’t work by this week, I’m really doing badly” or “it HAS to work by the end of the month.” It is not played in the spirit of win-lose. Instead, it is played in the spirit of the infinite game. We have until eternity to figure this out, and we will. We just need to really want to do it, listen carefully to ourselves for feedback, and follow it up by tweaking our schedule and environment to make it work.

For example, replacing playing games on my phone with reading a book required me to tweak the environment just a bit – placing a bed side lamp made it easy for me to switch off the lamp and head to bed (this was before I got myself an iPad and, while I understand this sounds incredibly lazy :-), this little tweak successfully changed a habit I really wanted to change). Similarly, hitting my exercise targets required many tiny tweaks to the schedule.

At first glance, this can all sound like too much effort to create a habit. Why not just power through it by creating big consequences, e.g. a $100 fine every time you miss exercise? My experiences have taught me otherwise. Yes, there are many ways to “power through” changes – create big fines, ask peers to guilt you into making changes, announce your intentions on facebook and shame yourself. But, these are just hacks. And, while hacks help improve systems and make them more efficient, they don’t help solve basic effectiveness problems. Guilt-tripping ourselves into changes are a sure-fire way of ensuring they don’t last.

If we really want to make long term changes, we have to first want to make them. Once we decide we really want to make them, we then need to make a commitment to evaluate these changes every few months and re-commit. This ensures we’re mentally ready. Once we’re ready and committed, we are ready to begin testing them and making small tweaks in our schedule to ensure they’re here to stay. This process requires a willingness to fail, a willingness to be kind to ourselves, and a willingness to be thoughtful about the tweaks and changes we need to make in our lifestyles and in our execution of our priorities.

Yes, it is a tough process – but it is not tough because it requires massive amounts of willpower at one go. It is tough because we make a commitment to re-commit when the going gets tough and to relentlessly take in feedback and get better. It is not about the big push. It is about the slow burn.

And, when we revisit the progress we’ve made thanks to a slow burn over a long period of time, it feels like magic.