How I (almost) never gave myself a chance – A struggle within..

I’ve been here on project in Oman for 2 weeks now. Every morning, our team gets together in our team room and starts the day with an energizer. I knew of this before I came and had a fair number of energizers in mind as well but I decided to give myself time to bed in.

5 days passed and a colleague mentioned that I should probably take lead and share a few energizers. And I found myself smiling in reply..

Again, another couple of days and she reminded me again. This time, I said ‘Sure – will do it!’

Here’s the background – I’ve lead more group energizers than I can count at seminars, for diverse groups etc but somehow, the thought of doing it in this new setting unnerved me. Maybe it was because the people involved here are way more senior, but I found myself having serious doubts.

Anyway, once I’d given my word, there was no taking it back. So, I had the energizer all ready and on the way to work, I found myself go through an incredible exchange. I could feel one part of me saying –
‘Hey, don’t bother. Let it be.. why would you want to take charge? What if they don’t like it? What if they laugh at your chance?’

‘What do you mean‘ – said a feebler voice ‘This is easy – and what’s the worst that can happen anyway? It’ll fail.. Pfft! Since, when have you been afraid of that?’

And gradually I could feel my ‘Don’t do it’ voice grow louder.

But right at that point, I remembered a line from ‘Small is the new big’ (by Seth Godin – a book I was reading then) where Seth asks us if we are allowing ourselves to be remarkable or are we letting ourselves off loose and just going with the flow!

And bam! The feebler voice grew strong all of a sudden and said ‘Let’s try to be remarkable. Even if we failed, so what! Atleast we would have tried’

And I walked in to the room, lead the energizer and all went smooth.
Was it perfect? No! Not by any stretch of the imagination.
Was it appreciated? Maybe..
But hey, I have dozens of new ideas of what could work with this group and I’ll make sure I try (till they stop me atleast.. haha).

Atleast I don’t feel like I denied myself a chance.I felt myself mentally saluting the ever insightful Nelson Mandela –
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.”

How true..