Here is a very easy demonstration to teach your kids and your friends the power of a toxic vocabulary. Ask them to hold a pen or pencil. Hand it to them. Now, follow my instructions carefully. Say to them, “Okay, try to drop the pencil.” Observe what they do.
Most people release their hands and watch the pencil hit the floor. You respond, “You weren’t paying attention. I said TRY to drop the pencil. Now please do it again.” Most people then pick up the pencil and pretend to be in excruciating pain while their hand tries but fails to drop the pencil.
The point is made.
If you tell your brain you will “give it a try,” you are actually telling your brain to fail. I have a “no try” rule in my house and with everyone I interact with. Either people will do it or they won’t. Either they will be at the party or they won’t. I’m brutal when people attempt to lie to me by using the word try. Do they think I don’t know they are really telegraphing to the world they have no intention of doing it but they want me to give them brownie points for pretended effort? You will never hear the words “I’ll try” come out of my mouth unless I’m teaching this concept in a seminar.
If you “try” and do something, your unconscious mind has permission not to succeed. If I truly can’t make a decision I will tell the truth. “Sorry John. I’m not sure if I will be at your party or not. I’ve got an outstanding commitment. If that falls through, I will be here. Otherwise, I will not. Thanks for the invite.”
People respect honesty. So remove the word “try” from your vocabulary.
My dad also told me that psychologists claim it takes seventeen positive statements to offset one negative statement. I have no idea if it is true, but the logic holds true. It might take up to seventeen compliments to offset the emotional damage of one harsh criticism.
These are concepts that are especially useful when raising children.”
A Learning a Day 