Here are 5 guidelines I have developed for being constructive over the years –
1. Listen a LOT more than you talk. At least 3x more. I won’t go on about the benefits of listening – just do it. And, when you do, try not to do it the way I do it and give people time to finish what they want to say. (I’m working on doing it right)
2. Quantity never equals quality. When you spend time with people, make sure it is as constructive as it possibly can be. It’s okay if it is less – let it be good.
3. If you sense yourself in a non-constructive mood, stop. Get out. Get some space. This is a critical move if you’re an introvert who needs to recharge. The other way to judge this is when you are in a low willpower state – lack of food and sleep can do this to you.
4. Only give your opinion to those who really want to hear it. Opinions are like backsides. Everyone loves airing them but it’s perhaps best not to do so in public. What you think is only valuable to people when they want to hear it. This can be extremely different if you are generally outspoken / used to expressing yourself.
5. Don’t discuss what to think, discuss how-to-think. Speak about how you’d approach a problem rather than your proposed solution. This is always valuable as it enables a generally constructive discussion how to approach problems.
Being constructive is a lot about managing your style. From my experience, you learn more by making mistakes than by watching others do it right. Watch for whether your conversations end constructively and think about what went right or wrong over time. You’re not going to get a 100% constructive hit rate and that’s okay. But, we can get better. As always, a touch of awareness and a touch of reflection followed by action can help us work magic.
A Learning a Day 