Tag: feeling

Internal seasons

Of late, I’ve begun to think of states of mind as analogous to the weather and seasons. For example, this is what I associate the seasons with –

Spring – excitement and endless possibilities. This is time for action.
Summer – all is well and feels great. Won’t last forever so enjoy it while it lasts and save for winter.
Autumn – still pretty but surfaces the first signs of caution as winter is coming
Winter – tough and unforgiving and demands shorter strides

I’ve learnt a couple of things from this analogy –

1. Simple frameworks go a long way in helping us process what’s going on. This season analogy, for instance, helps me process how I’m feeling and then understand what the appropriate next step should be.

2. I wonder how our internal weather correlates with the external weather.

3. I think it helps if you treat your internal weather like how you might treat the weather outside, i.e., don’t take it too seriously (sadly, too few do this). Wear your winter coat but don’t compromise on your energy or spirit.

4. And, finally, I am always amazed as to how quickly the weather can change. When I look back, there have been moments that have dramatically shifted how I feel. One phone call about an incredible opportunity that worked out can change the weather forecast for an entire year.

The conclusion, for me, is one I seem to end up at from so many seemingly different angles – be aware of how you’re feeling, understand why, do something about it and, regardless of how good or bad it feels at the moment, keep plugging away. Good stuff happens..

Feelings and States

“How do you feel” is a question you’ve probably heard of a fair bit. I would be willing to bet that “How are you being,” on the other hand,  is a question you’ve never heard asked.

I think we waste too much time thinking about our feelings. Feelings are transitory. In the grand scheme of things, I’d argue that they hardly matter. Our mental states, however, can make or break this life experience.

Let’s begin by understanding the difference between the two. The mental state sets the overall mood. If we are in a depressive state, we might have the occasional happy feeling when a friend cracks a really funny joke. But, over the course of the week, we’ll spend large amounts of time in the dumps. If we are in a happy state, on the other hand, we might experience sadness during the course of a week but we’ll still not lose perspective. A happy state looks different from that transitory feeling of happiness. The high isn’t that high when you “are” a happy person – it is normal service after all.

To “be” happy requires you to do two things at once – to match your actions to what drives you in a manner consistent with an approach that suits you – i.e., to align your why, how, and what – and to keep perspective while experiencing the inevitable ups and downs. A happy state is like a healthy ECG – the highs are not too high and the lows are not too low. There’s just a lot of small fluctuation around that state.

Barney Stinson touches on states in his now iconic dialog “When I’m sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead.”  He’s probably right – if you focus on “being” happy, you’ll figure a way around negative feelings. If you’re caught up around feelings, it can be a vicious cycle that drags you down. When we “are” (again – are, not feel) happy, we’re simply better versions of ourselves.

A focus on the state matters. I’d go as far as to say – it is probably among the few things that does.