A Learning a Day

Good documents go through three phases.

The first phase is when we put down our unstructured thoughts. At this stage, we can parse the flow – but it isn’t yet ready for anyone else.

The second phase is when we structure it well enough that the core team working on it understands where we’re going.

The third phase is when we frame it in a way that anyone outside the team gets it.

There’s a chasm between the final two phases. Most docs never make it to phase three because it generally requires us to completely rewrite or reframe a doc that seems to be working just fine.

But this is what experienced writers do well. They focus on the end outcome instead of getting overly attached or comfortable with any version along the way. The end result is almost always simple – especially compared to prior versions. It is why most docs don’t make it to phase three.

Simple is hard.

“To be rich, you don’t need to make more money; you chiefly need to better manage the money already flowing through your hands.”

“Measure your wealth not by the things you can buy but by the things that no money can buy.”

“Before you are old, attend as many funerals as you can bear, and listen. Nobody talks about the departed’s achievements. They only thing people will remember is what kind of person you where while you were achieving.“

I’ve been sharing collections of notes from Kevin Kelly’s book “Excellent Advice for Living.”

I loved the thread in these three notes. The first talks reframes wealth in a way that focuses on what we control.

The second reframes the purpose of attaining wealth.

And the third puts the attainment of wealth and conventionally defined success in perspective.

Often, the lessons we most need are old lessons framed in new ways.

As we take on more responsibility, it becomes more common to find ourselves in situations where we agree with what is being said, but don’t agree with the how.

Maturity is responding vs. reacting to the how. Often, this means ignoring the how altogether – for our own sanity.

Wisdom is the reflecting on the what and ensuring the lessons from the what are learnt.

“It’s more fun to be a fan than a critic. I’m not looking to spend my life tearing things down, when it can be so satisfying to build things up.”

James Clear shared this in his weekly newsletter today. It made me pause and think about how I approach my life – a nice indicator of the learning I need to do to live this idea.

I’ve been enjoying Arnold Schwarzenegger’s autobiography “Be Useful.” I’m especially fascinating by folks who’ve done incredibly well across a range of disciplines. And Arnold’s exploits in body building, then acting, and then politics definitely makes him a fascinating study.

Outside of his incredible positive, I love the idea of “Wenn schon, denn schon.” This German phrase roughly translates to – if you’re going to do it, do it with all your effort/go all in. In Arnold’s words, “success is whole-assing whatever you do.”

It resonated.

“The big dirty secret is that everyone, especially, the famous, are just making it up as they go along.” | Kevin Kelly

This resonated.

So much of life is what we make of it.

I was emailing with a customer service alias from apparel giant Calvin Klein recently.

Every time I heard back from a customer service representative, they addressed me as “Dear Unknown.”

After one round of this, I signed off with my name just in case my email address or name wasn’t showing up in the “from” in their system. That didn’t stop them from responding with “Dear Unknown.”

I even got a survey request at the end of that chat that started with “Dear Unknown.”

It is hard to believe someone intentionally set up the system that way. So I’m assuming I’m missing some basic system limitation and that I am an unlikely edge case.

Even so, a great reminder to be thoughtful about edge cases as we design systems. These edge cases can turn out to be… ugly.

We discovered Beyonce’s “Brown Skin Girl” recently (the song starts around the 1 minute mark).

We love the catchy tune. But the conversation around the lyrics was a memorable one. The chorus is –

Remember what Mama told me
Brown skin girl
Your skin just like pearls
The best thing in the world
I’d never trade you for anybody else

Our five year old said his favorite line was “Brown skin girl” because he has brown skin himself and he loved that the song was for him.

Our seven year old said she loved “I’d never trade you for anybody else.”

We’ve been having more conversations about skin color lately. I guess it is part and parcel of going to school in a place where your skin color is not the norm. This song will now make it into the conversation next time. Thank you, Beyoncé, for making this conversation possible.

That line now brings a tear to my eye every time I think about that conversation.

Many years ago, I went for a dinner with a family. It was a nice meal with good food and good conversation.

As the meal progressed, I was struck by how functional it all seemed. There was a lot of humor and thoughtful conversation. And, while I may have been guilty of seeing what I wanted to see, it all seemed… perfect.

A few years later, I learnt that the parents had a rough divorce. Things had been going downhill for years and the humor and thoughtfulness were now permanently replaced with animosity and dysfunction. I was shocked to hear it.

There were many reflections from that experience. But the biggest of them all is that things are not always what they seem from afar.

It is easy to idealize the lives of others and compare the parts we see with the entirety of our life. But things are not always what they seem from afar – it is why comparisons are a fool’s errand.

“Don’t compare” is easier said than done. But it is about as wise as advice gets.