A Learning a Day

I wrote about the two signs that point to losing perspective recently. Today, I thought I’d cover the two activities that help me gain perspective.

(1) Time out in nature: Getting out to the woods or to the mountains or near the ocean – ideally for an extended amount of time – tends to help me reset. Time out in nature reminds me of my place in the big scheme of things and helps put my problems in perspective.

(2) Writing: Writing is often the balm my soul needs. The act of attempting to make my thoughts coherent often help them become so.

It isn’t complicated once I’ve realized I need to do this. As a rule, becoming aware of the problem is the bigger challenge.

“It fell” vs. “I dropped it”

“I can’t” vs. “I won’t”

“I am not good at that” vs. “I am not good at that yet.”

We often work through the difference between reactive and proactive language with our kids.

As I do so with them, I find myself realizing how often I choose reactive language myself. And, in doing so, I lose the opportunity to let proactive language bring the accountability and agency that transforms the conversation.

I nearly lost my phone recently. Thanks to the staff at the restaurant where I left it, I got it back within 30 minutes.

Alls well that ends well and all that.

The incident got me thinking about the counterfactual. What if that hadn’t happened?

We were traveling during that time. It would have been a painful few days without the phone. And it would have been an expensive mistake too.

By all accounts, it was a near-miss. A near-miss that helped me improve my processes (I’m more careful and will be for the foreseeable future) and that has made me more grateful for the fact that it was a near-miss and not a miss.

My biggest takeaway -> near-misses don’t get enough credit.

And make the most of them when they happen, we should.

There are two tell-tale signs I’ve come to associate with losing perspective. They are:

(1) Obsessing about things outside my control

(2) Losing the ability to laugh about the circumstances

It is amazing how much of an impact these behaviors can have. Together, they can take out the joy and make us feel stuck. That, in turn, further perpetuates these behaviors. Before we know it, they become habits.

Just not the good kind.

When I find myself stuck in these thought patterns, I’ve come to realize that the only way out is to hit reset. It takes time and space to observe these behaviors, recognize them for what they are and what they’re doing to us, and attempt to work through the root cause.

I once saw a Reddit thread that started with a person asking how much a person would need to save for retirement.

One wise user responded – “Just a little more.”

Because it is so hard for us to say enough.

I’ve come to believe that there are three decisions that rise above others in determining who we become:

(1) Who we marry/partner with

(2) Where we live

(3) Who we work with

Every place has a certain rhythm and character. In time, we tend to imbibe that rhythm and character.

The same goes for the people we spend time with.

“Be prepared to appreciate what you meet.” | A Fremen saying, Dune by Frank Herbert

“Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including you.” | Anne Lamott.

It is legitimately amazing how well unplugging works.

Over 8 years, undergraduate students at Northwestern university were assessed on their performance on topics when their introductory class was taught by an “expert” on the topic. These students’ grades in subsequent advanced classes were logged and studied.

The trend of the results was clear – taking an introduction class from an expert decreased performance.

After a recent post on downhill skiing, Rebecca responded with an insightful note. She grew up skiing competitively and is both an excellent skier and a good teacher. But she’s, in her words, terrible at teaching beginners how to ski.

“Skiing always reminds me that you don’t want to learn from the ‘natural’ or from the person who has been doing it forever… or even from ‘the best’ — you want to learn from the person who fought hard to gain the skills (and developed a cognitive understanding of how they work), ideally not that long ago.”

This lesson on experts reminded me of this note. It is a good one – thanks Rebecca.

H/T: Hidden Potential by Adam Grant (for the study)

I saw a piece of news today about a legendary founder and investor, Andy Bechtolsheim.

I heard the name first when listening to the story of Google’s founding. Bechtolsheim invested $100,000 before Google was incorporated – probably one of the top 5 best investments of all time. His net worth is estimated to be $16 Billion.

The SEC alleged that he was caught insider trading. After confidentially learning about a Cisco acquisition, he traded options by accessing the brokerage accounts of a relative and associate. He’s agreed to pay $1 million to settle the lawsuit and he is barred from being a Director of a public company for five years.

The article concludes – “It should be inconceivable that someone so wealthy would do something so reckless for relatively little reward. Except that we’ve seen it happen time and time again.”

I thought that was a poignant note and speaks to just how hard it is for us humans to say… enough.