Of naivety, technology and burning bridges..

I’m reflecting on a smile I had on my face when I watched an exchanged pop up on feed on facebook. It was a kid (or two) who had made it into a prestigious indian university pasting an email from another university abroad using profane language to snub the sender and indicate their choosing the Indian one (and hence, snubbing the other)..

A lot of thoughts popped up right then –

1) The power of technology to potentially ruin somebody popped up. Everything that we say on a platform like facebook is archived practically, forever. The possibility of all our online deeds catching up some day is a worthwhile thought..

2) I think the biggest reason behind my smile was at the naivety of the kid. The last few days have been an eye opener in terms of realizing how small the world really is. Connections seem to be popping up from all over the place..

It works the other way as well. You never really know who you are offending.. and word does go around..

3) Profane language leaves a sour taste in the mouth. (Mine, atleast) Especially when it is used for the purpose of feeling superior. It’s nice to be on a high.. heart goes out to the kid whose many years of hard work have been suitably rewarded but there’s a reason champions of sports like Federer and Nadal are champions.. they win with grace..

4) Another thought that came to me is about burning bridges. I heard a lovely story –

‘I was playing basketball once as a member of my alumni team against my alma mater’s current team. I realized that the guy I was marking was really good so I fouled him and realized he was no good at taking free throws. I kept making small fouls and at some point, he burst out -‘It’s just a game’. And I said ‘Oh yeah.. then let me win!. We did win the game.. but I definitely didn’t make any friends.’

The good thing is that all those who have an urge to get better love to compete. No world record is set in solitary practice.. I learnt that day that it was important to be on top of my game, yet be a nice guy’

5) What of friends who sweated and toiled to make it to the very place being thrown down? :)

6) I tend to remove anyone with negative statuses on facebook or gtalk. Life is tough enough without opening my computer and feeding myself more negativity. So, all these kids have been hidden off my feeds forever..

So, let’s say, 5 years later, this kid decides to apply to a top B school and is shortlisted for the interviews, and let’s just say (given the size of the world and my own dreams), I land up to be his alumnus interviewer.. Wouldn’t I have formed an impression long before the kid said ‘Hello?’..

Why am I saying this..

Because the kid’s profane language was used against my alma mater..

And the person made fun of was a friend from the Office of Admissions…

The better you get, the ‘softer’ you get..

Just a thought that popped up in a football game today..

A ‘good touch’ is generally the difference between a good footballer and a great one. What’s a good touch? The ability to bring the ball down seamlessly by taking a soft/light touch..

The most skilled cricketers are those who can handle the toughest of deliveries with soft hands..

The most skilled pianists are those who can bring out the melody while almost caressing the keys..

The toughest leaders are known to tough, but yet so gentle..

It seems the better you are, the softer the touch, the better the skill..

Why, even the famously romantic french men are known to woo women with gentle persuasion.. ha ha..

At the highest level, it’s about being sensitive, it’s about precision..

Applicable in many places, I think.. :)

Surely not everyone – Seth Godin

A newspaper asked me the following, which practically set my hair on fire:

What inherent traits would make it easier for someone to becoming a linchpin? Surely not everyone can be a linchpin?

Why not? How dare anyone say that some people aren’t somehow qualified to bring emotional labor to their work, somehow aren’t genetically or culturally endowed with the seeds or instincts or desires to invent new techniques or ideas, or aren’t chosen to connect with other human beings in a way that changes them for the better?
Perhaps we need people to sweep the floor or clean the deep fryer. But it doesn’t have to be you…

Some people want to tell you that your DNA isn’t right, or you’re not from the right family or neighborhood. I think that’s wrongheaded.

Bob Marley grew up in one of the poorest villages in the world. Sir Richard Branson has dyslexia that makes it difficult for him to read. Hugh Masakela grew up in Witbank, a coal mining town. It’s not just musicians and entrepreneurs, of course. The Internet makes it possible for a programmer in Russia or a commentator in South Africa to have an impact on a large group of people as well.

We’ve been culturally brainwashed to believe that the factory approach (average products for average people, compliance, focus on speed and cost) is the one and only way. It’s not.

We make a difference to other people when we give gifts to them, when we bring emotional labor to the table and do work that matters. It’s hard for me to imagine that this is only available to a few. Yes, the cards are unfairly stacked against too many people. Yes, there’s too many barriers and not enough support. But no, your ability to create and contribute isn’t determined at birth. It’s a choice.

—

Love this.. The amazing thing is the relatively low presence of the abundance mentality..

Measure everything..

Sometimes we don’t really know when things go wrong, or the extent to which they go wrong..

I have a simple daily scorecard system during weekdays. 10 is the expected score and today was a ‘2’, the lowest ever.

I knew it was not a great day in terms of what I wanted to do.. but this bad, only this score would have told me so.

Measure everything.. realizing how vital it is now.. :)

2 ways to think about something..

It turned out to be one of ‘those’ days and I learnt so much about my reaction. Wonderful thing, when things don’t work..

It was set to be a nice afternoon at a friend’s place checking out her re-modelled new home with a cool new home theatre system etc..

-> We set out. 3 of us, 1 car and 1 bike and my bike owner friend didn’t want to take his bike (even though he had to as he had to get back early). I offered to do so, got pulled over by a cop for not wearing a helmet and had to let Rs.100 go.

-> Next up, we reached the cooool house with an even cooooler home theatre system only to realize that there was current only in 2 phases and hence, the AC wouldn’t work. We’re in Chennai, I think the room faced the sun and my jeans are meant for AC outings only.. so all in all, let’s just say it was pretty sweaty.

-> After this, I was beginning to look forward to a nice drive in my friend’s AC car (he would get the unenviable task of driving in the traffic) when he had to rush off to meet someone else and I was pushed on to the bike, again.

-> Today, thanks to the wedding of a politician’s kid, traffic was berserk. Anyway, my biker friend realized he had to be elsewhere as well. So, guess what.. I had to drive him, drop him and take his bike home in a perfectly roundabout route. But again.. what are friends for, eh?

Anyway, after this slew of incidents, I was driving back home still smiling and looking forward to a nice shower when I realized 3 things –

1) I want a really cool home theatre system for myself. It needs to be a place where I can absolutely blast music and a place which makes me feel like I’m at Old Trafford while watching United games..

2) Reflection comes so easily when things go wrong. If only I could remember to do it when things go right as well.. I do remember to de-brief, but only sometimes..

3) There are 2 ways to think about something. This could possibly have given me enough reason to scream at my friend who had to rush off to meet someone else, scream here, scream there, lament on it being a bad day.. but hey, it was actually fun. It’s one of those things that only happen at home..

And I’m glad I’m home.. :)

So, should I be choosing NUS or NTU or NIT or IIT? The ‘which university’ question..

It’s been 4 years now since my university journey began and I can’t count how many times I’ve been asked this question by prospective university students, their parents, friends of their parents, cousins of the friends of their parents.. among others.

Since this blog was meant to record learningsthoughts/opinions/, I thought I’d record a few and direct future questions to this page in the future-

1) I can’t understand the logic behind comparison questions. How would I know if any other universities are better than NUS.. after all I’ve studied only in this one.

‘But still, it would be good to understand your opinion’

Okay, so what if I say NUS offers a better experience than Harvard, would that work?

There’s a thinker..

2) If you dig deep, you generally know what you want. This one’s for all those who are actually going through the process of choosing.. and this is definitely not one for the parents.

I do believe that when faced with a choice, if we sat down alone – and just thought for ourselves, we would have a clear idea of what we really wanted. It is only the constant noise of the opinions of everyone around us that muddles our thinking.

3) A good university does not mean a good life. Doing well may land us a good job, but that is definitely not a guarantee that we will do well in that job, thrive in the working world and be good people. So, let’s just focus on going to a place which is aligned with our dreams..

We all have dreams.. Let’s dig deep again..

I had 2 close friends who had dreams.. their dreams were to be happy, contended, family men. One of them was very rooted and wanted to be near home while the other was open to the idea of going abroad for a short while but wanted to be back eventually.

Now, while these objectives change with time, these were their dreams then and while one of them did contemplate going abroad, he didn’t and both did very well in their colleges at home.

The funny part is that the one who was open to going abroad for a short while is indeed heading to the states for his masters. And had either of these joined me at NUS for example, I’m sure some part of them would have been unhappy..

There’s no one size fit all..

4) We all have our place. Getting into a good university is not the be-all or end-all, as much as it may seem.

Just because someone is a Harvard grad doesn’t ensure success(what is success anyway?). It does probably improve your chances but as Bill Gates put it in his speech at Harvard, it was said that guys in his hostel had higher chances of success at landing a girl friend thanks to the percentages, he learnt that improving chances definitely doesn’t guarantee success.

University life is among the best, if not the best phases of life. It is THAT time when we enjoy the benefits of adulthood (freedom being the primary benefit) without seeing the tough side (i.e. working hard to earn it). Sure, we do work hard to do our bit in university, but just ask any professional in the working world as to what they’d rather be doing.

It’d be sad if this great period was purely defined by the end result i.e. what job or future university we land because that’s hardly what it is about. All these things happen as a result of how we do spend our time.. what we do remember is a totally different matter.

So, if you, out there are trying to pick a university, do the following –

1) Go to your room, shut the door, put on some music, take a blank sheet of paper and write out your options..

2) Imagine yourself in every one of these options(no, seriously..do it!) if you still are finding it hard to decide.. and I’m sure your heart’ll tell you which one to go to..

If it doesn’t, spend some more time, make friends with your heart.. and like any good friend, it will definitely help..

3) If you are having trouble deciding, in all likelihood, your choice is going to be different from where your parents would like you to go. So, go outside, draw out a pros and cons list, make sure the list has more pros favoring your decision (haha) and tell them..

It may or may not work (Unlike some gurus, I don’t guarantee success if you use my methods.. :P) but atleast you will have tried.. This is the adult approach.

And if the adult approach fails, try the child approach. Throw a fit, cry.. they’re parents, they love you and they’ll do all they can to make you happy.. :)

All the best!