A Learning a Day

The greatest tragedy of our time.

We always judge ourselves inadequate and unfit to make a difference. Mandela put it best. Our greatest fear is not being inadequate but being powerful behind measure. Who are we to be fun, inspiring, beautiful, successful?

Here’s an interesting and random stat. There are always at least 70 million people who are looking up to you in terms of your experience and achievement. (I’m fairly confident the real number is higher but this is a rough approximation).

The older, the more experienced, the more achieved you are, this number is likely to be closer to 10 fold.

So, what are we waiting for?

Let’s volunteer for that charity, work for that not-for-profit, go back to schools and spend time with kids who aren’t daring to dream, teach sports/music/art to those younger than us, mentor that young colleague who is just getting started, reach out to that older colleague who is finding his feet, inspire those much more experienced with our hunger, energy and willingness to make mistakes, start a blog and blog every day or even just be out there and show up with the best possible versions of ourselves.

The options are endless. We live at a time when we can actually reach out to many more fellow humans than ever possible.

No excuses. 

Oh, and if you are already doing some of these, great job! The test is two fold – are you doing what you can do often enough? And are you helping bring more to the fold and inspiring them to do little acts of greatness?

The good news is that one little act completes the transformation.

Many little acts performed consistently is how great acts are performed, after all.

PS: As is the case with such things, failure is guaranteed. And as is the case with failure, the power of the experience grows on you..

It’s amazing how life is so full of ironies.

To be pillars of strength, we must first be vulnerable.

To be truly loved, we must take a stand and hence be prepared to be unpopular.

To succeed, we must fail.

To truly enthral our customers in the long term, we must disappoint them.

To experience joy, we must feel pain.

To learn how to be happy, we must experience sadness.

To lead, we must be able to follow.

And to really live, we must be willing to accept that we will die someday..

This week’s book learning is from ‘A Whole New Mind’ by Dan Pink.

Let’s examine two descriptions of the same thing.

‘The Queen died. The King died.”

“The Queen died. And the King died of a broken heart.”

The first line was fact. The second line was a story. It placed the facts in context, added emotion and made us connect to it by making it memorable.

In the early stages of the industrial age, it was all about facts and information. Left brained activity like analysis or programming that were ability to deal with facts were of maximum value. Over time, however, facts have become widely available and instantly accessible, and hence, have becomes less valuable.

Stories, on the other hand, encapsulate information, knowledge, context and emotion into one compact package.

When we speak to our clients, managers and colleagues, are we just relaying facts or doing enough to place facts into context via stories?

Dan Pink argues that as abundance becomes common in the world, the ability to bring meaning via stories is one that’s becoming increasingly important – at work and in our lives! The stories we tell about ourselves are probably most important because they are what bring meaning to our journeys..

Here’s to conveying vital information in great stories this week! :)

A few moments ago, I was reminded of a line a close friend wrote to me once in response to a Sunday Hello. I dug it out. It was in response to an email I’d written after one of those reflective weeks.

I had recalled a line from another friend who had spoken of his increasing reverence for life’s ebbs and flows as he grew older and wiser. We were amidst a very memorable dinner when I was asking him what his plans for the future were. He spoke of how he used to always have a plan and push hard to make that plan a reality. Push really hard. And then he said..

‘Whenever I find myself in a similar situation these days, I remind myself that I shouldn’t think about what I can do to change it. Maybe life is trying to teach  me something. Maybe life is teaching me to let go.’

I’d just had one of those weeks when I realized something similar. I’d remembered one of my favourite ever quotes.

‘Often we spend all our time thinking how we can change situations instead of letting them change us.’

I had written about how this blog was changing me and making my life so much more meaningful. It really was one of those weeks filled with musings. And this friend replied with a memorable short note with a deep line. She said..

‘I guess that why we see youngsters full of ambition and passion trying to change the world while experienced seniors quietly observe the world and go with the flow. ‘

I thought of these things a few times this week. It was one of those long and tiring weeks. I’m on a project that involves 4 hours of commuting in a day. I’m sure this will translate into blog posts around commute hacks but while I’m still getting used to this addition to my day, I find it to be a great opportunity to let my mind wander.

I thought of Mark Zuckerberg. What must his world be like? A 28 year old going through some very profound experiences. It’s easy to point to the money. But, if he was really in it for the money, he could have cashed out ages ago. No, Mark is an exceptional talent who’s gone on to make the most of some great opportunities which luck presented him. And he’s in it to make a difference.

If you’ve read Gladwell’s Outliers, this story will ring a bell.

I reflected on all of this during a conversation yesterday where a friend asked me about what I wanted to do a few years down the line. Would I start something on my own? If so, when? I promptly said I didn’t know and that I believed that I would know when I’m ready.

That sounds like philosophical BS on first glance. The sort of stuff you see in the movies. But I did mean it.

I can make all the plans I want. But, life just happens.

This is not one of those fatalistic beliefs where I point to everything being written in our fates. No, I do believe we have control on some of the things in our lives. But, only on some. Most of what happens to us is beyond our control. And there’s little point in thinking about it beyond understanding it.

It’s similar to the nature and nurture question. A big part of who we are is determined by factors beyond our control. A small part is in our hands. We can only do lots of small things and bring about lots of small changes. In time, lots of small changes result in big changes. That just seems to be the way we roll..

One look outside my window seems to only reinforce this point from nature’s point of view. I can see snowflakes make their way down to the ground covering it with a thin layer of snow. I can’t control the fact that it is freezing cold. I can, however, control the temperature of my room by turning the heater on. I recognize here that I’m fortunate to be able to do just this. There are many homeless folks in London who don’t have the luxury. I can’t control the fact that I can’t do much for them right now either.

But I’d like to. And I’d like to work on many other things to make a difference – on concepts like education, inspiration, growth, learning and how they translate to our lives.

And I’m fairly sure the answer isn’t the romantic ‘Quit your job. Do what you love.’ Heck, I don’t even know what I love.

But I’m sure I will, when I’m ready. Until then, life will continue to happen. It will continue to engage, frustrate, disappoint, enthral and will continue with it’s incredible yet inevitable ebbs and flows. That just seems to be the way of things.

We were having a discussion on childhoods today at AVC and I responded to one of JLM’s incredible comments about how his times as a young soldier made him grow up much faster than what might be termed ‘normal’. I’ve been told from a few times by people around me that I grew up too fast. But, when you lose two important family members in a space of 3 years by the time you are 12, I don’t know if you are left with too many other choices. At least in my case, a big part of life became about being thankful for support and kindness I received and then making it count.

In what seems a funny coincidence, I’ve thought of this two days in a row thanks to very different circumstances and conversations. And it made me wonder –  what is ‘normal’? I guess we all are on our unique paths thanks to circumstances that were dealt to us. We couldn’t have controlled them. We could only have flowed with them and occasionally, altered the flow in small ways to flow alongside people we loved. And, as we grow and become more aware, we just get the hang of making more of these small changes and hopefully, learn to enjoy the flow by working hard to see the upside in situations, working hard and doing the best we can.

And, if we have done our parts and get fortunate with lady luck, we may have a few opportunities to do some really big things. This might be when we’re 28 like Mark Zuckerberg or in our 70s like  Colonel Sanders. The dots always seem to connect though. Somehow. And hard work seems to always pay in the long run. Somehow. And these big things happen when we’re ready.

Until then, of course, it’s back to the drawing board and back to preparation and ‘getting ready’… one learning at a time.

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I tend to write these saturday rants with a song on repeat. This week’s song was a reflection song – Johnny Cash’s epitaph Hurt. There are a few people I know who find the song too depressing.

I find it powerfully introspective. Johnny Cash looks back on a life with regrets.. and when men who achieved as much as he did speak of empty lives, it does make me wonder whether the things we so wholeheartedly chase are indeed the things we will value when we take stock of our own..

My first  job was at a start up. I was 17 years old then and very high on excitement. I don’t think the excitement part has changed too much but I do like to think of myself as having matured…. (don’t we all??)

I remember my excitement at having been given a company email account. I immediately went about emailing every one I knew and shared the joy. And, very soon, my work email account became my ‘go to’ email account. I loved it. I used to even have a signature that said ‘Services Manager, Nineo.com’. To a 17 year old kid who was just growing up and ‘feeling big’, all this was a big deal.

Now, this job was more than a job. It became my life for 3 years. There were many months when I only had a Sunday evening to relax. We worked some absurd hours and there were no boundaries. All was well.

Well, not really. We all realized that we were more productive when we set a time to go home. In my case, it meant less procrastination and getting stuff done. The other big problem was having all my personal email amidst my work email. As a kid learning to be disciplined, I hardly ever drew the line. Clearing email was now a mix of both lives.

I learnt a lot from that experience.

When I started working post graduation, I actively made sure that I had 0 personal emails on my work account. My work account is the only mail I receive via the Mail app on my phone. And things have worked much better.

As far as timings go, I have worked on setting boundaries whenever possible. Setting boundaries involve pushing back and the best time to do that is when accepting a new engagement. Once you say yes and commit, you keep up your word and deliver. It’s not the easiest thing to do when you’re a junior because part of your value comes from the fact that you are likely to say yes and just do it. As with most things, it’s fine when done in moderation. When there’s relatively less to do, my routines have made sure I get out as early as I can and move on to other things.

And the ‘move on to other things’ part has been one of my biggest learnings. It matters that I have ‘other things’ to do. For most senior folk, this is their family and it ensures they prioritize and be clinical with their time. For me, it’s meant continuing my start up life’s many initiatives and not compromising in my expectations of myself to deliver on them as well. I’ve also learnt to give sleep top priority.

Essentially, the big learning here has been to set boundaries in what’s becoming an increasingly boundary-less world. We live in a world where we have a stream of in-flow at all times. We could be clearing email all night if we didn’t learn to say no. That wouldn’t be effective, of course. But, if we’re in the habit of doing so and thus, sleeping less, then we’re likely not thinking all that straight either.

A football game is fun only we mark out the pitch. If the playing area was infinite, then the game would dead boring. And, if the playing time was infinite, we would probably stop playing the game at some point.

It’s similar with our lives, especially with our work lives. It’s important we define the boundaries and the rules. Else, all we will do is keep running. It won’t be fun.

And it probably will do us good to remind ourselves that work alone needn’t be fun. Kicking a ball by yourself isn’t all that fun either. Add in a few other other players, a goal and a limited period of time and now we’re talking..

Not too different, really.

What would our life look like if there was no moaning?

No complaints about people, life and environment?

How’s work? “It’s very good. These … are great. And I’m working to see how I can not let … affect me.”

Nothing is perfect. That’s established. We are designed to find fault. That’s established. And it’s very easy to complain. That’s also established.

The big issue with complaining (among many others..) is that it’s like vomiting. We feel good. Everyone else around us feels worse.

Why bother with that cycle? Why not just take it out?

What would life look like?

I’m going to test it. The next time I feel like complaining, I’m going to smile and remind myself to move on.

More to follow.

On December 6th, I’d posted about ‘Removing Try’ from my vocabulary. It’s close to 2 months now and I’m happy to report that I have only used the word ‘try’ about 5 times and always in the ‘Trying to reach you but unable to do so’ context on Skype. Never for escaping a do or do not verdict. I’ve had to check myself many many times, particularly when typing emails.

Consequently, I’ve said many more No’s, hardly any Maybe’s and more Yes’ than I’m comfortable with. As a result, I’ve missed a few appointments thanks to too many Yes’ but I’ve at least not been hiding under the ‘let’s try and make it happen’ excuse.’ There’s more of ‘Let’s make it work.’ And, while the execution is not perfect, I expect it will get there in due time. Deciding not to use ‘Try’  has been liberating.

My next such initiative is No Excuses. I really am sick of excuses. I hate receiving them and equally, hate giving them. They are an easy way to fill in the silence of disappointment from a superior, a friend or a family member. They are easy acts of self defence. But, like most things that are very easy, they aren’t right.

So, I hope to report back positively in a few months. As with try, I’m under no illusions of how difficult this might be because reaction is built in. Response takes self control and will power, which in turn are like muscles that gets stronger the more we flex them.

That said, I’m determined to do it. Let’s see how it goes.

‘Let the one who will move the world first move himself’ | Socrates

(I have quoted this one many times as one from Aristotle. I was corrected yesterday. And I stand corrected. Apologies for the wrong attribution. And Socrates, I hope you’ll forgive me. :-))

I don’t know how the sports junkies who bet on results did this Australian Open. I’d imagine they did pretty well. I don’t follow tennis all that much. But, once the Quarter Finals were done, a friend asked me what my predictions were.

And, without much thought, I said ‘Djokovic Murray is a no contest. Nadal beats Federer as he’s in Federer’s head and then Djokovic beats Nadal as he’s in Nadal’s head.’ (The only part he wasn’t so happy about was me describing Murray’s game as a no contest. He’s British…)

Yes, the path was scenic. 2 epic games against Federer and Djokovic but the result was rather predictable. When it came to the deciding points, the one with mental advantage won. And we’ve seen this happen over the year across sports. The winners summon that extra bit of resolve when it matters.

This season aside, Manchester United have been doing it almost out of habit. You just know that a goal will pop up in the 90th minute. You just know it.

And, if you’ve played either of these sports regularly, you also probably know how much it is in the mind. On a bad day in football or tennis, it doesn’t matter how good you’re technique is, you’re likely to make an incredible amount of errors. It seems so obvious in sports. That got me thinking..

What about us? How much of what we do is in the mind? Are we playing the mental game well enough?

There are enough quotes about attitude, determination and the like out there to fill a book. I did believe in them but I still felt ability mattered a heck of a lot. But, I’m gradually beginning to revise my perception. It seems to me that your ability is only channelled through your mental beliefs.

So, I may be the smartest guy in the world. But, if I have a shitty can’t do attitude, then I’m probably never going to make it in the big league. That’s interesting. Because, at our jobs, we spend a lot of time learning the trade. For juniors, it’s paying attention to detail, learning to make good spread sheets and the like. We hardly ever learn the mental game. We hardly ever work on our attitude, on learning to stay calm when things are beyond our control, on channelling our mental energy. That’s because we often treat them as intrinsic i.e. stuff that’s there and doesn’t need to be worked on.

Science, of course, tells us otherwise. Managing our mind takes a lot of effort. As much effort as everything tangible and real that we do.

Sportsmen seem to get it’s importance. Why don’t we?

This week’s book learning is from ‘Screw it, Let’s do it’ by Sir Richard Branson.

28 year old Richard Branson and to-be wife Joan were heading to Puerto Rico from holiday in the Carribean. But, when they reached the airport, they were told their flight was cancelled. All the passengers were roaming about looking lost.

As no one was doing anything about it, he decided to show some initiative even though he had no clue about what he was doing. He soon found out that he could charter a plane for $2,000. Divided by the number of passengers, that was $39/head.

So, he borrowed a blackboard and wrote ‘Virgin Airways – $39 – Single flight to Puerto Rico’. All the tickets were snapped up by grateful passengers. He even managed to get 2 free tickets and make a small profit. The idea for Virgin Airways was born right in the middle of a holiday!

Although the actual airline only took off a few years later, Virgin now flies to 300 destinations and have moved from renting a plane to Puerto Rico to space travel (Virgin Galactic) in 24 years.

I’m really enjoying reading Richard Branson’s autobiography ‘Screw it, let’s do it’. Every anecdote gives ample evidence of why he is so successful. He embodies action, initiative, guts, proactivity and persistence. A true entrepreneur!

Here’s to showing initiative and taking action when we face trouble this week!