Designing for introversion – MBA Learnings

During my time as a consultant, I had a couple of memorable experiences working with extraverted managers. My favorite collection of experiences were with a very extraverted client manager who also became a very close friend. We had a running joke – every Friday, we would check in with each other on our plans for the weekend and he would unfailingly ask about potentially going out and doing something social on Friday night/during the weekend. I would, almost without exception, pass on the idea. We both knew that was going to be the outcome of the discussion. We still did it and laughed about it. We had reached a point of comfort where I didn’t need to explain my introversion to him. At the end of a week full of meetings, I didn’t really want to go out and be social. I needed time by myself.

introversion, extravert, extrovert, introvert, extraversionSource

Similarly, I always preferred finding myself a quiet corner of the client’s office to do work versus sitting around a meeting room table (as was generally the norm within the team). The introverted managers understood this. The extraverted managers took some time but, for the most part, were happy to let me do as I pleased once we’d established rapport.

A lot of modern day office work or work that requires “connection” requires a certain degree of extraversion (the research world, on the other hand, is predominantly introverted). After all, you are working with people. Over time, however, it has led to a huge bias for extraverts and, I think, the early rise of extraverts into senior positions has also led to systems that work best for extraverts. Fully open plan offices are a great example of this sort of evolution. Fantastic idea for extraverts who don’t mind having people who bump into them. Horrible idea for introverts who find every such interaction draining. Now, there are lots of benefits of this sort of layout – more team bonding, creativity, ideas, etc. It is just that there has to be middle ground. And, it is only over time that offices have learnt to create quiet spaces for the introverts to plug in and focus.

In her book, “Quiet – The power of introverts in a world that just can’t stop talking,” Susan Cain spoke described how MBA programs around the world are designed by extraverts, for extraverts. Examples of this are “networking nights,” parties and bar nights, large swathes of time spent on group projects. etc.

So, coming in to graduate school, I was curious about how it would all work out for me. A year in, I’ve learnt a few interesting lessons –

1. Susan Cain is right – there are a lot of systems in the professional/connection world that are designed for extraverts. I have found her take on the professional world and graduate school to be largely true. I think extraversion is thought to be the norm and I’ve regularly found people overwhelmed and uncomfortable at the thought of another networking night or another bar night they “have to” go to.

2. While some of these systems will stay the way they are, many of them can be changed. As a simple example, I found both the admit weekend and the orientation week designed for extraverts. It turned out that I had the opportunity to run the orientation week for the next class and our team made a conscious effort to cater to the introverts, too. I’m not saying we got this right but it is a step forward. The truth remains that the population is typically split 50-50 between extraverts and introverts. Occasionally, I get the feeling it skews even higher to introverts. So, there are plenty of folk who crave quiet time – it just requires a bit of initiative to design for introversion.

3. Design for introversion. There’s many little things that have helped me design this experience around my introversion. A few examples –

– Career – I focused my outreach to folks I really wanted to build relationships with. I realized early that “networking” – to check the box – didn’t work for me. So, I began working through close networks to figure out if I could meet people who I’d be interested in working with.

– Academics – At school, I do my best to take a crack at assignments before showing up for a group meeting. I realized quickly that I get very little value out of a group meeting if I haven’t done the work myself. I don’t do group discussion well if I haven’t done the work and don’t have a point of view. I’ve found group work to be hugely benefit IF most of the group has done the work. In these cases, we, almost always, end up at a better place.

– Social – No bar nights, more small group meals and catch ups. This has been a very useful principle since my first month here. Bar nights are low quality social interactions to me. You can barely hear each other and almost never have a real conversation. So, those were thrown out almost as soon as I tried one. I’ve found plenty of opportunity to replace them with small group meetings, “learning groups” and 30′ walking catch ups. I’ve found a lot of enthusiasm for these and these have been great to do. They’ve all taken an initial bit of initiative to set up but, over time, have taken a life of their own.

– Social – making friends through teams. I form close relationships when I work with people. So, I’ve sought out extra-curricular experiences that have enabled these. My closest relationships from school have come from extra-curricular teams I’ve worked in or led. The best benefit of this is that these groups have turned out to be incredibly diverse. And, even in environments where you have incredible diversity, I’ve learnt that forming cross-cultural relationships can be very hard and take extra effort. But, my oh my, they’re completely worth it.

Introverts are stereotyped to be quiet and lacking social skills. I do okay on the social skills front and I’m definitely not quiet. But, I do crave quiet and need time by myself to recharge, focus and get things done. While you do become better at managing social energy over time, these propensities still remain. What has helped me greatly is to be aware of these propensities and design for them. And, it is always good to know that, no matter which environment you are in, it is likely you will find several introverts who will happily join your for quiet conversation over a loud party. A simple current example – we are all getting set for a huge annual school-wide trip. It is sure to be a lot of fun. However, a big part of the trip is designed by extraverts with huge social get togethers. As you can imagine, the first step of my planning process was picking and choosing the social nights I wanted to attend and replacing them with either complete quiet nights or a nice dinner/a board game night. There’s plenty of folk who’ll want to do this. And, most importantly, even if they didn’t, I certainly do.

So, that’s where I’ll end – as I’ve discovered through my consulting experiences and at graduate school, in most cases, you can choose how you want to engage and design experiences that work for you. It just requires you to understand what you want and then figure out ways to make that happen.

As with most good things in life, it is what you make of it.

Reading books and studying books

When you read books, you read them primarily to pass time. Sure, a non-fiction book is a more constructive way of passing time. However, the primary motive is still one of leisure. There is a good chance you’ll glean some insight out of reading an interesting book. But, you can glean insight out of a soccer game, too, if you put your mind to it.

When you study books, you read them to learn. And, reading them to learn is a process that generally looks something like this – read, take notes, think about it, synthesize and share.

Too many people pick up awesome non-fiction books, read them and find themselves disappointed as they didn’t walk away with the insight they expected. Study them, however, and you’ll find a new world opening up in front of you.

Someone once said – “Somewhere out there is a book that will completely change your life. Who knows? It might be your next one.”

My only addition to that quote would be – for it to have a shot at changing your life, don’t just read it… study it.

study books,Source

What they will tell you

Be focused and they’ll tell you to chill out.
Be structured and they’ll tell you to go with the flow.
Be happy and they’ll find ways to convince you that you aren’t worrying enough.

And, vice versa of course.

At any given time, there’s going to be someone or the other that looks at what you’re doing and says – “Stop. You’re overdoing it.”

no right balance, they won't tell you that(Source)

Maybe you are. It is hard to say. There is no globally right balance between structure and going with the flow, for example. It is what works for you in a given situation. So, instead of worrying about what “they” will tell you, focus on listening to a few people that get you. This is similar to a CEO working with his/her Board of Directors instead of listening to every person on the street with an opinion.

Then, use your board’s feedback to train your gut and self awareness. Just because they are your board doesn’t mean they’re always right. Even they will, on occasion, completely miss the boat. The end objective is to be able to improve your process and approach your life in a way that works for you.

After all, in the final analysis, what they might have told you will matter much less than what you will tell yourself.

Doing it wrong, relentlessly

Every once a while, I am reminded of  a post from Seth Godin in 2012 – “Doing it wrong, relentlessly.”

Doing it wrong, relentlessly

According to this post by Neil Patel, I blog incorrectly–missing on at least 7 of his twelve rules.

On purpose.

I’m not writing to maximize my SEO or conversion or even my readership. I’m writing to do justice to the things I notice, to the ideas in my head and to the people who choose to read my work.

The interesting lesson: One way to work the system is to work the system. The other way is to refuse to work it.

I remember wading into the comments of the original post and had many thanking Neil for the great advice. After all, as a couple of the comments pointed out – “that’s easy for Seth to say. He has a blog with a few hundred thousand followers after all.”

I’ve reflected on this post a few times. Among the things it has taught me, two stand out.

First, we need to understand what we’re optimizing for. A few years back, I experimented spending a bit more effort publicizing these posts and carefully looking at my page views and analytics. These efforts barely lasted a week. Every aspect of my being seemed to reject it. I learned quickly that I wasn’t interested in optimizing those things. Now, of course, the results would be great to have. :-) I would, of course, love it if these notes resonated with many more people. But, I wasn’t ready to try and maximize it by investing time into self promotion. It just wasn’t/isn’t me. Besides, time is scarce and I’d rather spend the extra time making sure my post for the day is clear and concise.

Second, there is a huge market for easy-to-implement advice. Easy-to-implement advice often assumes certain things about what you are trying to do. Seth’s blog is not remarkable because he writes a certain way or keeps his posts to a certain length. It is remarkable because he’s written, and shared, every single day for more than two decades. That isn’t easy advice as a receiver. It is much easier to be happy with advice that says there are just 12 things you need to do every time you post.

But, as I’ve come to realize, good things are always hidden among the hard things.

what comes easy won't last long and what lasts long won't come easy, blogging, doing it wrong

Weirdness and the Empty Chair – The 200 words project

Many entrepreneurs who were attempting to create the next big telecommunication startup in the past decade brought out ideas to simplify international calling. But, as technology analyst Ben Evans points out, we tend to over-estimate how many people know enough people (or any people) in another country – outside very specific groups such as immigrants. That violates the first rule of marketing – you are weird. Don’t assume your customers are like you.

Once we get that, how do we make sure we really understand our customer and keep them top of mind? Jeff Bezos offers an interesting approach.

Even during the fledgling days of Amazon, Jeff Bezos worked hard to establish the philosophy of a company that obsesses over their customers.  An overwhelming figure that used to always set the tone of his meetings was “the empty chair.” Bezos brought an empty chair into meetings and informed his top executives that they should consider that seat occupied by their customer, “the most important person in the room.” Throughout these meetings, a different weight was held on all decisions as the invisible but clear presence of the customer was always accounted for.

“We’ve had three big ideas at Amazon that we’ve stuck with for 18 years, and they’re the reason we’re successful: Put the customer first. Invent. And be patient.” | Jeff Bezos

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Source and thanks to: The Everything Store by Brad Stone, Ben Evans’ blog, Prof Moran Cerf @ Kellogg

How you build culture

You don’t build culture within a team/organization by talking about it.

You build culture in three ways –

1. The results you achieve. Results go a long way in creating culture. Consistent high quality work generally comes from a high quality culture. And, on the flip side, if you consistently ship bad work, it doesn’t matter if you have a good culture.

2. How you achieve results. Process comes next. Do you achieve those high quality results by burning people? Or, do you achieve them by stretching and challenging them just the right amount? Is the decision making process dictatorial or is it consensus-driven? All of these processes create culture.

3. Who you fire, reprimand and promote. The final key culture creators or destroyers are the decisions you make around people. When you fire, reprimand or promote people, you send clear signals about what you value. And, if these decisions are aligned with your team’s core values, then you will have created that magical place – a place where the culture is the manifestation of its desired values.

As a wiser friend pointed out, companies and leaders fail most often in getting #3 right. #3 requires you to consistently have the difficult conversations, not tolerate any violation of values, and promote people who perform while being culture ambassadors. This is hard to do.

But, do this right and you build a team/organization that actually does what it says – one of those rare places that can actually claim to have that elusive trait – integrity.

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What confidence is and where it comes from

Confidence is not knowing that things will be fantastic the moment you put in effort. Instead, confidence is accepting that things might inevitably go wrong even after you put in your best efforts and knowing that you will cope with it just fine.

So, where does this come from? I think it comes from committing to be a student of life, for life. Once you commit to being a student, you commit to viewing every situation you encounter as a learning. You understand that there would be no learning without experiments and that there would be no experiments without failures. You also choose to keep away the arrogance and stagnation that come with successes because they kill curiosity – the trait that makes a student. Armed with consistent curiosity, you ask questions to understand and relentlessly attempt to understand how things, including life, work.  And, part of being relentless is putting away all desire to create an image or “position” yourself in a certain way to the world.

After all, all you’re trying to do is to learn – that means cutting through the noise and doing whats necessary to further your learning journey. When you do that, you realize that the only way to do that is by simply being comfortable with yourself and your learning style. And that, in turn, requires you to believe that “you are enough.”

And, you are. You are a worthy student of life. That’s why you are here.

Now, let’s get on with it – with confidence.

Making it a habit to tell it as it is

For most people, “telling things as it is” or being direct is a hard thing. That’s why there’s so much politicking and disingenuous behavior in large corporations. Our needs to be popular and to be liked are very powerful and make it very difficult to be direct.

However, when building teams and organizations, building cultures of candor where people feel comfortable with directness is critical to survival. The amount of politicking and gossiping is inversely proportional to the amount of trust there is. And, if ever the word “Team” was an anagram for something, I’m pretty sure T would stand for trust.

I’ve worked hard over the years to make it a habit to tell it as it is and have those conversations – especially when building my own teams. I expected them to get easier over time. They did – just not in the way I imagined.

Now, I feel it has become easier for me to discern if a difficult conversation is necessary. It has also become easier for me to identify situations where it is vital to be communicative even if it isn’t pleasant. But, it hasn’t necessarily gotten any easier to have those conversations and deliver the message. This is because the need to be liked is hard wired in all of us. Over time, I’ve learnt that that need is regularly counter productive and that rising above it is both necessary and important. It doesn’t get any easier though.

Ben Horowitz was right in calling his book “The Hard Things about Hard Things.” Most of the stuff that goes into building a great team or a good life isn’t rocket science. However, doing them and then doing them consistently is bloody hard.

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Thinking Product: Amazon Kindle Support awesomeness

I kept up a product review series for about 9 weeks over the summer before talking myself out of it. I felt I was putting too much pressure on myself and decided to give it a break. As the weeks have passed, I am ready to get back to it. My passion for discussing products and services hasn’t changed. I am still keen to learn how to build great products. And, that means learning how to “see” greatness in products. A part of what made the old series hard to continue was that the “product review” framework felt constraining. So, I’ve decided to keep it more open. Let’s see how v2.0 goes.

The product experience I’d like to discuss today is one with Amazon Kindle support.

One of my recent learning objectives is to get good at Statistics. I was recommended a Statistics textbook by one of my Professors and purchased it on Kindle. I didn’t get to it until Thanksgiving break. When I did, I soon realized that it wasn’t conducive to reading on the Kindle (app on my iPad) because it inspired me to take notes, try out exercises and flip pages to see the answers. I needed to get a physical copy.

This, book, however, was $94 on the Kindle. And, while I’m normally indifferent to education related spending, I felt guilty about making a bad decision and began researching Kindle returns. It turns out that all you have to do is go to “Manage Your Content and Devices,” click on the book and (here’s the catch), if the book was purchased in the past week, you can return it with a click.

Amazon returns

Mine was 2 months old and I’d also read a bit of it on the Kindle. However, I decided to give Amazon’s Kindle support a shot. Here are the emails.

Hi,

I am a graduate school student who purchased Statistics (Fourth Edition) on my Kindle. However, upon reading it, I’ve found it very hard to “study” this book on the Kindle and purchased a physical copy instead (just purchased a 2nd hand version on Amazon).

I know this is a long shot.. but I was wondering if I would qualify for a return. This would be particularly valuable to me as this is an expensive book ($94!) and I am, after all, a cash starved graduate student.

Thank you for considering this.
Rohan

Their response came through in less than 2 hours.

 

Hello,

I’ve requested a refund of $93.32 for “Statistics (Fourth Edition).” Refunds are issued to the payment method used to make the original purchase and usually complete within two to three business days.

Once processed, you’ll be able to see the refund request here:

http://www.amazon.com/gp/digital/your-account/order-summary.html?orderID=D01-9350573-87…

Thanks for using Kindle.

We’d appreciate your feedback. Please use the links below to tell us about your experience today.

Best regards,
Shruti S

Did I solve your problem?
Yes No
Your feedback is helping us build Earth’s Most Customer-Centric Company.

 

3 quick notes –

1. I was blown away by the speed of response. As a friend pointed out, this means they likely have authority at the customer support level to make such decisions. A $94 for a book bought 2 months ago isn’t a small decision by any means.

2. My only improvement suggestion would be to add the name of the customer next to the name. “Hello Rohan” would have been fantastic. Audible support does a fantastic job doing that.

3. “Your feedback is helping us build Earth’s Most Customer-Centric Company.” – In most cases, I would scoff when I see a line like that. It is testament of the consistent awesomeness of all things Amazon that scoffing didn’t even occur to me.

Great product experiences mean making sure your users get supported. Thanks, Amazon, for showing us how its done.

Micro observations and the long, unglamorous road

A few quirks I’ve noticed over the past months –

Focus related
– Listening to music on headphones helps my mind focus a lot more than listening to music on speakers
– A closed door or closed space helps with focus more than an open space
– Spaces with nice views of the outdoors (preferably with a lot of green) improve thinking by a huge degree

Insecurity related
– Lack of sleep is correlated with feeling more insecure/unsure of myself (this likely has a causal relationship – I’m not sure yet)
– On days when I feel insecure/unsure of myself, I literally feel colder and prefer having an extra layer on

Productivity related
– The more hurried I feel in the morning, the less mindful I am through the day – getting the morning right is critical
– The best way to get large projects done is to schedule small bits of thinking time well in advance – it doesn’t matter that I don’t solve any problems, it matters that I begin thinking about it

Reading related
– Audio books, Kindle books and physical books work for different kinds of reading (this is probably a blog post in itself)

I thought I’d share this random collection of micro observations to illustrate two points.

First, it is that the journey to self awareness involves collecting small micro insights such as these. Insights like this go a long way in helping us design a life that works for us. For instance, you will never catch me walking around without headphones. They enable me to focus wherever I want. Similarly, I’ve learnt to be very protective about my sleep schedule and morning routine. I also find leading indicators of days I feel insecure/unsure of myself really useful. These are days when I double down on being mindful, do the simple things right (e.g. exercise, eat well) and work to get back on right mentally.

Second, if it isn’t evident already, the road to self awareness is long and unglamorous. Often, when you reflect on this stuff, you don’t find stuff that delights you. You see behaviors that occasionally make you cringe because you catch yourself acting on some bizarre insecurity or you see random quirks which make very little sense. The point, of course, is awareness. With awareness comes acceptance and action.

long, unglamorous roadSource

And, of course, let’s not confuse a lack of glamour for a lack of happiness. We earn our happiness stripes by working through the lack of glamour.