Enduring awesomeness

I was up at 3am last weekend watching Roger Federer and Rafael Nadal at the Australian Open final. Far better writers have written plenty about that game. So, I don’t think I’d be able to add much. However, sometime during the fifth set, I was thinking about the idea of enduring awesomeness.

Even as a kid, I was a casual tennis watcher. Like everyone else, I used to tune in to watch Sampras v Agassi at the turn of the century. But, watching Roger Federer was always something else. I remember watching his progression at Wimbledon 2003 as a pony tailed youngster and his first grand slam win against Mark Phillippousis. That was the start of something really special.

And, 14 years later, here we are. He’s older now and has had to adapt his game to suit his age. So, there are more high risk shots as he tries to keep rallies short. His backhand “weakness” (it’s all relative) has become a weapon. Against all odds, he’s still out there winning grand slams and showing us how its done.

There’s something incredibly inspiring about enduring awesomeness – the key word being “enduring.” We can pull off great work every once a while. But, to do it day in and day out over a long period of time – that’s something else.

My new year theme is engagement. I aspire to be engaged and conscious every waking minute – paying attention as I try things, conscious as I stumble and make mistakes, and engaged in creative, constructive and corrective responses to them. I’ve come to realize that it is this depth of engagement that characterizes fulfilling lives.

A friend, who was also watching the Federer Nadal final, suggested that Federer might retire after this. I disagreed. I felt he was enjoying himself too much to retire. Yes, the unforced errors were piling up. And, yes, his legs didn’t cooperate the way they used to. But, he just seemed 100% engaged, focused and determined to continue to learn, adapt and push himself. His head didn’t drop when he started the final set on the back foot. He had decided to fight. And, what a fight it was.

Deep engagement in one’s craft is a sight to behold. And, in his case, it is his consistent engagement over the past three decades in his craft that contributes to his enduring awesomeness.

I find that very inspiring.

That old dream

We adjust our expectations from life at record speed. That old dream, once achieved, becomes commonplace in our eyes. So, we move on to the next dream.

In high school, I dreamed of going to college abroad – ideally in Singapore for a variety of reasons. When that worked out, it became “no big deal” in no time because most of the folks I spent time with shared that reality. This happened at the next step and the one after that. Similarly, 9 years ago, just writing a long form blog post every day was a nod to my aspirational self. When that began to happen, I wanted to write better. And, when I felt I was writing better, my mind started wandering toward other things.

This is, of course, an endless cycle. Assuming you chose to work at it, unless you had a specific, incredibly low probability dream, you’ve probably done a decent job at getting to what you want to do and being who you want to be. Until that old dream became commonplace and you just began focusing on the next one.

It is important to to invest in tomorrow. But, life isn’t all about tomorrow either. As you think about how you’re doing today, spend time on that old dream. You are probably doing things and being someone that were once just aspirations. And, that’s a big deal.

Dreams do come true. It’s just a shame if we end up not appreciating that fact as much as we should.

So, every once a while, take the time to remember the days when you prayed for what you have now.

Dissatisfaction space

Dissatisfaction is a useful emotion every once a while because it pushes us to reconsider how we are doing things.

The first thing to do when we’re facing dissatisfaction is to not over react. It is a natural, normal thing. We wouldn’t change if we didn’t experience dissatisfaction with the status quo.

Next, create a bit of space – an hour early in the morning or late at night – to think. What is causing it? Are there simple things you can tweak to make things better? Commit to a change or two while you are at it.

And, finally, allow yourself to dive into something and make progress. The best way to harness the energy from commitments is to dive straight into making progress on something that matters to you.

Dissatisfaction is a powerful change agent. It is wasted if we just use it to beat ourselves up or if we try to ignore it (we can’t). Instead, we must view it as a signal to change how we do things.

It is a natural reminder that what got us here won’t get us there..

Influence

When people are trained on influence and persuasion, they generally study a combination of what master influencers do and what interesting social science research points to. The inherent assumption is that the difference between you and the master influencer that you will become is a few skills.

However, when I reflect on my attempts to persuade people, I realize that I’ve actually not been all that persuasive when I set out to be persuasive. Instead, I was most persuasive when I wasn’t trying at all.

So, what happened when I wasn’t trying? I was influence-able. I was more willing to listen, to ask questions and to have a conversation without attempting to make a sale. As I was in tune with what the right decision should be, I was able to really contribute to the conversation and help make the right decision.

It turns out influence isn’t all that different from most other valuable skills. It isn’t about them, it is about us.

Or, put differently, the hard part about influence isn’t learning persuasion. It is learning to be persuadable ourselves.

PS: You might be able to push your view onto someone else for a while. Or, you might even get them to act in a way that isn’t in their interest. It is generally short term. And, that’s not influence anyway, it is manipulation.

Dealing with type II uncertainty

There are, broadly, 2 kinds of uncertainty. While type I uncertainty is the kind you choose, type II is what you face for reasons beyond your control.

So, choosing to quit your job and start a new business is type I. On the other hand, facing an uphill task trying to get a job because of nationality, religion, race, sexual orientation, or gender is a classic type II uncertainty. Now, some might say that logic is flawed. After all, you choose to apply to that job and face that uphill battle. And, while it is an interesting argument, it tends to fall on the wrong side of history.

The biggest challenge with dealing with type II uncertainty is that it feels unfair. But, dealing with unfairness is a rite of passage if you are a minority, a woman, gay or an immigrant.

It is only once we embrace the inherent unfairness can we get to the two things that help – focusing ruthlessly on things we can influence and being grateful for what you have. This is so much easier said than done. Try telling a Muslim in America that she shouldn’t worry about what the President is doing or saying. Or, try telling the many hard working international students who took on huge amounts of debt that they shouldn’t worry about trying to get a job.

But, it is the only way.

Focus ruthlessly on what you can influence. And, while you are it, develop an attitude that refuses to settle on anything but gratitude. There will always be things to complain about. And, there will be less in your control than you’d like.

But, on the bright side, developing the ability to focus and to maintain a positive attitude despite uncertainty and strife is entirely within our control.

It is how we get made.

The Google approach to self improvement

We got beat because Google runs itself as a series of experiments run by its engineers. They are constantly trying new things at a ferocious rate. A Google chief scientist says they run 3,000 to 5,000 experiments a year. If you use Google in a week, you’re likely to be in three experiments. You don’t know you are, because they are experiments. – A Yahoo engineer

The Google approach to self improvement is inspired by the quote – “If you use Google in a week, you’re likely to be in three experiments.”

My learning from this approach is to go back to the drawing board every weekend. I aim to spend 5 minutes reviewing my goals. In this case, they are my 3 new year sub-themes – health, information and “seek to understand and then to be understood” – along with the overall engagement theme. And, part of this review is reflecting on last week’s experiments and designing new experiments for this week.

So, what is an experiment? A small change in the way I do things. For instance, I’ve been slowly building a more comprehensive work out system. This week, I’d like to add a couple of short sprints to the days when I focus on weights. Another experiment is a change in style in how I make a point in meetings. And, so on.

The goal here is to be similar to Google. If you interact with me in a week, you should be looking at three ongoing experiments. And, hopefully, over time, the small changes that work well will stick.

And, in the long run, these small things become the big things.

Paradigm shifts

All was peaceful one Sunday morning on a subway in New York until a man and his children entered. The children were yelling back and forth, throwing things, even grabbing people’s papers. The, however, man simply sat down and closed his eyes. Irritated and after unusual patience and restraint, Stephen Covey finally turned to the man and said – “Sir, your children are really disturbing a lot of people. I wonder if you couldn’t control them a little more?”

The man lifted his gaze, suddenly conscious, and said softly, ‘Oh, you’re right. I guess I should do something about it. We just came from the hospital where their mother died about an hour ago. I don’t know what to think, and I guess they don’t know how to handle it either.’

We can all imagine how Stephen felt that moment – his paradigm shifted. He felt the man’s pain and saw everything differently.

It felt like an appropriate story for the new year – we might be able to make small changes in our life by shifting our attitudes and behaviors. But, if we want to make significant leaps, we need to shift our paradigms or how we see the world.

In the words of Thoreau, ‘For every thousand hacking at the leaves of evil, there is one striking at the root.’ We can only achieve quantum improvements in our lives as we quit hacking at the leaves of attitude and behavior and get to work on the root, the paradigms from which our attitudes and behaviors flow. – Stephen Covey

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Source and thanks to: The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey

(This story and quote is part of “The 200 words project.” I aim to synthesize a story from a book/blog/article I’ve read within 200 words consecutive Sundays for around 45 weeks of the year.)

Flashback slam

For tennis fans, this weekend is the weekend of the Flashback grand slam. It certainly feels like we’re watching tennis in the mid 2000s.

Serena Williams took on Venus Williams in the Australian Open final, and won. She has solidified her status as among the top athletes of all time. While the Williams sisters have been rivals, the rivalry has been decidedly one sided. Serena has dominated. She is an awe inspiring sportsperson.

The men’s final, however, has definitely been more of a rivalry. In a few hours, Roger Federer will take on Rafael Nadal. While Rafa dominates the head to head stats, most of those matches were on clay. Outside of Clay, Nadal leads 10-9. He still likely has the mental edge and it helps that he’s 5 years younger to the oldest finalist in a Grand Slam for 30+ years.

But, here’s the thing, as much as I’d love Federer to win, Rafael Nadal is probably the greatest role model in sport. A friend shared a lovely article on Nadal’s recent run to the Semi Finals. Here’s my favorite excerpt –

Sport is ostensibly about lifting yourself, one athlete rising above himself and also above the other man. This ability to lift requires grit and faith, and this is what both men did beautifully yesterday and this is why this match turned into a classic. Zverev rose to every physical challenge Nadal threw and Nadal continues to rise and meet whatever life hurls at him. And in doing so he reminds us of a valuable lesson.

Last week it was constantly mentioned that Nick Kyrgios has immense talent but that he wastes that talent. By “talent,” people tend to mean hand-eye coordination or racket skills, but in truth it’s a limited definition. Nadal’s talent is that he takes every shot seriously, every point, every practice session. His talent is to rally on aching knees. His talent is to pick at his shorts and then to run till he cannot any more. His talent, you see, is to never waste this talent.

And, here’s what Federer had to say after winning his semi final –

I don’t think both of us thought we were going to be here potentially playing in the final because I went to open his academy in Mallorca with him a few months back and I told him ‘I wish we could do a charity match or something’, but I was on one leg and he had the wrist injury and we were playing some mini tennis with some juniors and we were like ‘it’s the best we can do right now’. A few months later, we are maybe going to be in the finals. It’s a very special tournament for us already.

We’re likely never going to see a Federer – Nadal final again. In that sense, this flashback slam is going to be a one-of-a-kind experience for even casual fans of the sport like me.

I am not optimistic about Federer winning. But, I’ve come to realize it doesn’t matter who among the two wins.

The real winners are tennis, grit and sportsmanship.

Myths we believe in

Sapiens by Yuval Noah Harari is a remarkable book. As I work my way through it, I was struck by his chapter on myths. Yuval explains that one of our most powerful capabilities as humans is to imagine myths that enable us to cooperate with each other.

Our hunter gatherer ancestors only needed to cooperate in small groups. However, once plants domesticated us (you read that right), we needed to cooperate with much larger groups. So, we invented myths like tribes, races, rules of law, religions, and, in time, nations. Over time, we added more complexity including a national identity, tiers of law, human rights, and so on.

Our imagination is a powerful thing. I write about the effects of this imagination nearly every day on a personal level. Our ability to focus on what we control (control can be an elusive myth) is one such example.

Yuval notes that various characteristics of these myths and their pervasiveness in our lives. Folk tales and stories ensure they’re part of our belief system when we grow up. Then, they help shape our aspirations. And, finally, they are inter subjective, i.e., they work because millions of us believe in them. The Limited Liability Corporation, for example, is a myth we’ve created to enable better cooperation. A corporation exists in the rule of law – also a myth. And, a law exists in a nation, and so on.

I had to stop listening to the book for a few days after this chapter to reflect.

I shuddered as I thought about how much mass genocide has occurred over these invented myths.

But, focusing on something closer to home, I was left looking at a lot of things happening around me very differently. We all create a lot of drama in our lives around events like raises, promotions, awards and achievements. But, a lot of them are just a result of these inter subjective myths we’ve chosen to believe in. I don’t mean to call them futile. But, I do intend to question the importance we give them. Their purpose is for us to cooperate and love each other. And, if they only lead to us seeing imagined divisions, then we’ve lost the plot.

I’m still thinking about this idea and its implication in my life. But, for now, it’s given me a very different perspective. And, for that, I’m grateful.

Sure thing

In 2005, after his second season with the Cleveland Cavaliers, LeBron James gifted Nike co-founder Phil Knight a Rolex watch. The engraving said – “With thanks for taking a chance on me.” Knight reflected on that moment in his book and said – “It wasn’t much of a chance. He was pretty close to a sure thing.”

That is a powerful example of the nature of risk.

In the popular imagination, risk is this mystical quality that daredevils have. They gamble all of their life’s savings in a bet that would make no sense to others. That is far from the truth.

When you become really good at something, things that seem risky to other people aren’t as risky to you. An expert soccer player wouldn’t describe a complicated trick in a massive game as a big risk. He has probably practiced it a million times. Similarly, Adele may have created music that was very different from the norm at the time. But, when you’ve become as competent as Adele, you know you’ve probably got something that is close to a sure thing.

That, then, brings us to three things we can learn about risk.

First, risk and reward go together. Learning to take risks well can be very rewarding.

Second, our perception of risk changes with expertise. To an expert talent scout like Phil Knight, LeBron was an obvious pick. Similarly, the Pixar founding team would have told you that computer graphics were obviously the future of animated movies. Obvious in retrospect to the rest of us.

Finally, Phil Knight’s wording is important. he said “he was pretty close to a sure thing.” Notice that he doesn’t say “he was a sure thing.” That’s important because there isn’t such an interesting endeavor without risk. Your expertise may minimize the risk in your eyes, but it doesn’t eliminates it.