Category: Everything else

I came across this idea in an article about procrastination by Heidi Halvorson recently and liked it. One of her ideas to fight procrastination was – “Make like Spock and ignore your feelings.  They’re getting in your way.”

If you haven’t watched Star Trek, Captain Spock is a person who only acts based on logic. His planet and race consider emotions to be a weakness.

I think this is a powerful idea. We all have our ups, downs, disappointments, joys, and frustration. But, we also have a responsibility to be the best we can be and keep our commitments to our family, friends, colleagues, and the world. And, we can’t keep our commitments based on our moods and feelings. We keep our commitments no matter what. At least, that’s the whole point.

I struggle with this one a lot. Six years of writing this blog has changed the way I look at situations and has greatly increased the amount of happiness I experience. But, every once a while, there comes a situation that challenges this resolve. And, I think this idea is a great reminder that it’s okay, important even, to turn on our internal Captain Spock. Ignore the feelings – be great, love, laugh, learn, and live.

There’s a reason all of these are verbs. As we live our moments, so we live our lives..

Lot to do and not enough time? Here are 3 ideas that might help –

1. Put on your headphones and block out noise. Some music that makes you feel productive doesn’t work.
2. Try shifting to a different environment. Test a different room, a different part of the office or even working from home.
3. Put on a recurring 5 min timer. We get a lot done when we’re constantly reminded of time slipping by. This is especially useful on tasks where we need to “just get it done.”

Finally, keep this list nearby for the next time you’re getting frustrated at your productivity.

Whether this is a peer friendship, a senior-junior friendship or a mature parent-child friendship, it is hardest to be the kind of friend to whom the other person can come to and just say – “I’ve failed.”

Failure comes with all sorts of fear – especially a fear of judgment. And, in close relationships, the sorts of judgment we fear are the “I told you so” or “You aimed too high” kind.

So, how to be that kind of friend? Be the kind of person who is willing to put yourself out there and say “I tried that and I failed. It sucks.” It always sucks at first. We slowly come to realize it is no big deal. We just have to learn to relax, pick up the pieces, and move on.

The alternative is to attempt to hide these failures with secrets and lies – a recipe for unhappiness. You owe it to your loved ones to make it easy for them to come to you for support. Focus on creative, constructive, and corrective action. And, as is the case with these things, start by doing so yourself first.

3 rules that help me get stuff done –

1. Never mind who was supposed to do it. If it isn’t done and if it is within your power to do it, don’t faff around sending reminders (unless you’re trying to make a point. If you are, see point 2) – just do it yourself.

2. Have a bit of unexpected down time? Take out your to do list. If you don’t have one, make one and get on with it. No posturing, no acting busy. Just get it done.

3. Never mind who gets the credit. Just get it done.

Finally, I have realized that it helps most if you, in the words of Stephen R Covey, “be a light, not a judge.” If you are really looking to set an example, don’t do so by castigating your team for not getting stuff done. Set the example by.. just getting it done.

It always starts with that one cigarette.

In the spirit of asking the right questions, the choice of whether to ask ourselves the “Shall I do it just this once?” or “Where will this lead to?” makes all the difference in the world.

Studies have shown that the biggest reason people don’t save is because they forget that they will grow old someday. The short term weighs heavily in most of our automatic decisions. Habitually asking “Where does this lead to” could be among the most important things we do.

“How are you doing?” “Oh, doing great. You know, work is good, life is good, etc. It’s nice to meet. Let’s meet for coffee sometime.”

I do not like fake conversations. I do my best to avoid them. If at all possible, I do my best to steer the conversation to real questions and issues I am dealing with.

Now, I’ve come to think of it as the difference between “behind-the-scenes” and the highlight reel. It’s easy to launch into a highlight reel – it’s the stuff Christmas cards are made of. But, we all know the reality is different. We all have our struggles. We often learn so much and gain so much perspective when we discuss them.

Yes, the highlight reel is appropriate sometimes (pretentious social occasions come to mind). But, I find we have much more deeper and meaningful conversations when we talk about what’s really going on. We gain perspective and, most importantly, really connect with those we meet. 

So, as I was asked the “how are you” question on a short catch up with a friend, I asked – “Do you want the “behind-the-scenes” story or the highlight reel?”

We both laughed. So much better than the “everything is great” bullshit.

When we started working on “The Real Leaders Project” as a team 2 years ago, we set ourselves this lofty (or so it felt at that time) goal – we would publish an interview every 2 weeks and we would aim to interview people that inspired us. I don’t think we knew what we were doing and I guess there’s a certain beauty in setting goals when you have no idea what you’re committing to.

The first year was a real struggle – we were always scrambling, always late, and seemingly always in crisis. We were so much in crisis that it didn’t occur to us that we must make a website of our own. We used to just publish our interviews on this blog. But, we were beginning to secure interviews. And, most importantly, these interviews inspired us and helped us share the inspiration with others too.

We had many limiting beliefs then – especially whether we would be able to interview people without having some connection (online or real world) to them. Gradually, we got the hang of this. The second year got better much quickly – we soon realized that the biggest secret to getting into the calendars of those who inspired us was good natured persistence. Don’t take rejection personally and don’t hesitate to ask until you hear no. (This process was infinitely easier if you knew someone personally of course.. but that list was short.)

2 months into the new year, I realize I am a LOT more comfortable this year than I was last year. And why? Process – that’s it. I have a straight forward process – every weekend, I write to 5 people I’d like to interview. Typically, this is a mix of adding 2 new folks on the list and following up with 3 from previous weeks. We started the year in apparent crisis following our break in December but I reminded myself that I knew better – trust the process and results will follow. And they did. That’s not to say this process will hold us in good stead till the end of time – things change and processes need to adapt as well.

But, one of my bigger learnings over these past few years is to focus a lot of energy into developing good processes. We run large parts of our life on auto-pilot and it’s important we work intentionally on these habits. You might get the odd sequence of results that don’t go your way.. but a thought through and well executed process is a fantastic long term ally.

I remember a short excerpt of an interview – I think it was with Jennifer Aniston – which spoke of her method of dealing with disappointment. She said she allowed herself to play victim for a set time period e.g. a day. As a part of this “victim day,” she was allowed to do whatever she wanted – sulk, moan, eat junk food, stay in bed, watch television all day, etc.

But, after that victim day, she wasn’t allowed to play victim any more. She had given herself time to do so and it was done. She had to now take responsibility and move forward.

I love the idea. It’s hard to be proactive every minute of your life. Unexpected disappointments do hit you and catch you unawares from time to time. This idea makes sure you give yourself some time to vent. But, venting doesn’t change facts of course. As an Irish colleague and friend of mine used to say often on a challenging project – “we just have to suck it up and deal with it.”