Category: Everything else

Seeing yourself as you could be

If you want to be calm under pressure, just start describing yourself (to yourself) as someone who is incredibly calm under pressure.

This transformation won’t take place over night. But, the next time things go wrong (and, don’t worry, they will), you might catch yourself reacting to the mishap. When you do, write down what you learn about yourself. After a few such experiences, you will feel the psychological trigger coming and start learning to take control of your response. And, a few more such incidents later, you will actually feel very calm under pressure. After all, you are one of those people who is calm under pressure.

As human beings, we care about being consistent with who we think we are. This makes labels incredibly powerful. Some of the smartest coaches of sports teams are very quick to label their players as the “best in the world.” It doesn’t matter if they are. It just matters that they begin behaving like they are the best in the world. Sir Alex Ferguson was famous to label Manchester United players as those who had the strength of character to snatch a victory in the last minute of a game. It didn’t matter if a player showed up at United yesterday. He’d suddenly find himself capable of doing exactly that. It was a self fulfilling prophecy.

A big part of being a great leader is bringing out the best in people. For that, we have to learn to see people, not just as they are, but as they could be. And, we’re best served if we begin doing that with ourselves.

Being a beginner

We gravitate to things we’re good at. Doing something we’re good at feels great – we’re in our element, we feel good about ourselves and we’re appreciated for what we do.

If success builds careers and failures build character, it makes sense that we gravitate to areas we can be great at in our careers. Notching successes matters. However, in our personal lives, I think it is critical we become beginners from time to time. We can do this by attempting a new difficult side project, learning a new skill or simply doing something we haven’t done.

I am experiencing this in a small project where I am, by far, the beginner. It has been a fun experience attempting to do the basics, feeling very grateful to the experts around me for having me around and encouraging me, and just experiencing the joy when I occasionally do a couple of things right. Being a beginner is a very humbling experience.

Someone I met said she would regularly ask people – “when was the last time you did something for the first time?”

That’s a question worth asking every once a while.

Dancing with discomfort

There are 3 ways to view discomfort. The most popular way to view it is as something transitory to keep away from. This view involves working hardest to avoid it. It isn’t comfortable. Why bother?

The second is to view it as a necessary nuisance. Learning doesn’t come without discomfort after all. So, this view focuses on tolerating it as a means to an end.

However, the most enlightened approach is to not just live with it, but to love it. In this view, we don’t just tolerate discomfort but we treat it like we’d treat a close friend. We welcome it and dance with it.

And, why shouldn’t we? Nothing great has been done without discomfort. Our happiness doesn’t lie in strolling about life with a balanced and careful gait. The wonderful Viktor Frankl spoke of the idea of the pursuit of happiness. What words come to mind when you think of pursuit? Does it comfortable? Heck, no. Does it sound tough and tiring? Yes! But, does it sound adventurous, exciting and exhilarating? Absolutely.

It is great to pursue happiness, success, and all those things we associate with the idea of the good life. But, as Frankl wisely pointed out, the good things in life can’t be pursued. They ensue. And, all we can do is make sure we listen to our conscience and do as much as we can to impact as many people as possible in causes we care about. Success and happiness follow precise because we forget to think about it.

All of this requires us to not just tolerate discomfort but to invite it. It is our adventure, our party and discomfort is a huge part of the narrative.. it is time we learnt how to dance with it.

Organization and creativity

I’ve regularly conversed with people who’ve somehow been led to believe that organization stifles creativity. They feel that being planned and organized means you never get to enjoy the moment.

The opposite is true.

When you are planned and organized, you can actually take time off on a whim and let welcome interruptions get in the way because you know you have the situation under control. So, interruptions don’t stress you out because you have time to make it up. And, welcome interruptions (e.g. a close friend drops in to talk to you about something important) actually remain welcome.

That’s not to say you’ll avoid stress. I’d even argue a little bit of stress and pain is good. But, organization helps you avoid panic – the biggest enemy of productivity – and actually manages to free your mind.

And, it should come as no surprise that it takes a free mind to make interesting associations, i.e., to be creative.

100% activity, 0% productivity

Prioritization sounds like a really simple idea. Make a list of the most important things to do and just get through them. In fact, there’s a story from the 1920s that a productivity consultant suggested that manufacturing tycoon Charles Schwab make a list of 3 things to do every day and just make sure he did nothing but those 3 things. Schwab was so happy with the idea that he paid the consultant 125,000 (a huge sum in those days) for the value he added.

If I’d started yesterday a la Schwab with a list of prioritized items, I would have ended the day with items 4, 5 and 6 checked off and the most important items untouched. And, yet, I was “busy” in a perfect case study of a day filled with activity and limited productivity. Activity is anything we do. Productivity, however, is anything we do that helps us make progress towards our goals. Essentially, productivity wouldn’t exist without prioritization.

I’d argue that the ability to prioritize matters more today than ever before. With so many things we can keep ourselves busy with it, it is really easy to confuse activity with productivity. I also notice that yesterday just left me feeling tired and discontented. It is amazing how de-motivating a general lack of purpose can be.

So, today, I plan to do a Schwab and start with a list of the 3 most important things. Here’s to regaining some of that energy.

“Jennifer, relax.”

As an old gentleman walked into a super market, he noticed a small girl crying loudly. She was no older than 2 and was trying to persuade her mom to buy her something she wanted. Her mom just said calmly – “Jennifer, relax.”

The girl immediately started crying even louder. Again, her mom said – “Jennifer, relax.”

By now, the girl had started screaming and was attracting a lot of attention. This time, her mom said calmly – “Jennifer, you don’t want to create a scene in the supermarket. So, relax.”

The man walked to the mom and said – “I am amazed at how calm you are. But, surely, she can’t understand what you’re saying, can she?”

“What makes you think I was talking to her?” – the mom replied.

(I can’t find the source for this story. All I know that it is an excerpt from a talk that was passed on, via a Whatsapp message, by a Mr.Rajan – so, thank you Mr Rajan – wherever you are.)

I thought the takeaway from this talk is brilliant – the quality of your communication with the world determines your impact, but it is the quality of your communication with yourself that determines your happiness.

And, I’d argue that impact made without happiness is akin to an artificial flower – looks good from a distance but lacks the substance and aroma that makes a flower special.

So, let’s communicate better with ourselves this week and remember to treat ourselves with infinite patience and kindness. And, of course, the next time you find yourself in a situation that tests your patience, remember.. “Jennifer, relax.”

“Yes, Mom, I am thinking”

When Bill Gates was in the sixth grade, his parents decided he needed counseling. He was at war with his mother, Mary, who would often find him locked up in his basement bedroom.

Exasperated with no response from Bill one day, she asked him what he was doing through the intercom.
“I’m thinking,” he shouted back.
“You’re thinking?”
“Yes, Mom, I’m thinking,” he said fiercely. “Have you ever tried thinking?”

I was feeling weary last evening as I looked ahead at a weekend full of activity. And, I was lucky to have one of those long discussions (the sort that seems to yield more insight the more you think about it) with a couple of close friends last night. And, at a point in this discussion, this anecdote about Gates surfaced. Aside from marveling at the fact that Gates “got” this concept in his sixth grade, I realized that that was exactly what I needed to do. I had been in a perpetual state of motion this entire week and it was time to stop. And, so I did.

And, after 15 hours of time largely spent either asleep or in thought, it is incredible what the effect is on the other end. I have more clarity, renewed purpose, more direction and a lot more energy.

Many of us spend large parts of our live running away from thought. A state of perpetual motion is easier and a complete lack of activity is easiest. Yet, activity only becomes productivity when we make progress towards a purpose. There is no point optimizing small parts of our life if they aren’t helping the main thing.

It takes a commitment to regular reflection and thought to keep the main thing the main thing. And, I’d echo Stephen Covey’s prescient quote – the main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing.

Comfort with knots

There are a few days in some months when I got to sleep with no knots in my stomach. On most other days, there is one knot or the other. These knots arise for various reasons – all related with dealing with the unresolved. This could be a tough decision, an important result, a difficult conversation, among others. The more responsibility you take on, the more unresolved situations there are.

Of course, these knots disappear the moment these situations are resolved. And, the other day, I found myself dreaming of a time when I could just go to bed knot-free.

It was then I realized that the resolution is a result. The period spent with a situation that is unresolved, on the other hand, is the process. And, over the course of our lives, the process is where we spend most of our time. We may not love dealing with what is uncertain and unresolved but we’ve got to learn to make peace with it. And, it begins with awareness and acceptance.

The conditions will never be perfect. We’ve just got to set sail and get on with it.

The obstacle

I’ve started out on a new design thinking class and we’re at the stage where we’ve identified a potential problem and need to assess if it really exists. One of the requirements of the class is to “get out of the building” and test the ideas by asking potential customers. For the first problem assessment assignment, I have 3 options – call up people I know and ask them, do some research locally or travel to the city (45 minutes away) and attempt to do it there. I say “attempt” because there is no guarantee they’ll stop and answer my questions.

I was amazed at the resistance surge I experienced within myself when I first gave the city option thought. I realized that my zone of comfort involved reaching out to people I knew and doing a quick survey of needs. The thought of going into the city, walking about, asking people questions, and getting rejected had woken up the resistance. Perhaps angered it even. It was now an obstacle and as the resistance didn’t want me to contemplate the thought. It even attempted to send a few excuses – you are too busy, there is that appointment you can’t miss, etc.

That moment was the surest sign that the right thing to do was to remove my appointments in the afternoon and head to the city.

The obstacle, I have come to learn, is generally the way.

The ALearningaDay school of blogging

A couple of friends reached out asking for blogging advice in the past couple of weeks. I thought I’d pull together what I’ve learnt after about 7 years of daily posts on this blog. I’m not sure I am expert enough to term this “advice” but here are my 2 cents worth of opinions on this topic. I hope it helps.

Thoughts on the approach
1. Find intrinsic motivation. I tend to believe that the best way to do this is to write for 2 people – yourself and one other person who you know will read your blog (likely your mom). It is important you do this for an intrinsic reason as it is hard to keep commitment otherwise.

2. Expect nothing to happen for 5 years at least. Unless you are a celebrity, it is really hard to gain traction. You might get a viral post or two that give you a few thousand hits if you try hard enough. But, sustained attention is hard earned and takes time.

3. Commit to a regular schedule. Once-in-a-while commitments are generally flimsy and don’t hold. Make it harder to procrastinate by committing to 15 minutes at the start of every day.

4. Write about stuff you care about. It shows. This is assuming you aren’t looking to maximize clicks or make quick money off your blog (I highly doubt there is much to be made in any case). And, it is also assuming you aren’t awesome at faking interest in subjects that you think will appeal to the crowds.

5. Consider using it as an opportunity to think. Writing is thinking. And, the more you do it, the more you’ll be able to think analytically and critically. It is a great opportunity to get better at that. And, growth and learning from writing compounds and snowballs over time.

6. Just ship. Avoid perfect posts. The moment you feel it is good enough, just ship. Your idea of good enough will change over time.

7. Writer’s block is a myth. As Seth Godin says, just write like you talk.. often.

A note on tactics
1. Getting started. Get started on WordPress if you plan on writing a “long form” blog. If you are looking to just do shorter posts and re-blogs, tumblr works well. I hear Medium allows you to create your own blog these days. That is worth checking out – I don’t know enough about it. And, you can always buy your own domain once you are committed.

2. Create a simple marketing approach. I am a horrible blog marketer. So, do take this with a pinch of salt. I just tend to share posts as soon as I post them on my Facebook, Twitter and Google+. I have been told a few times that pro bloggers spend a lot more time promoting content. This approach is driven by the “why” behind this. If page views matter to you, spend time promoting what you write. Or, just write stuff that your existing readers feel compelled to share. Different strokes for different folks.

3. If you are worried about negative feedback, turn comments off. Generally, you’ll have the opposite problem – a complete lack of feedback is the norm. But, if this worries you, comments can always be turned off.

The base rates for blog creation from my experience aren’t great. If I had to think of a 100 friends who’ve started blogs in the past 7 or 8 years, I think there are about 1 or 2 who are still at it. Most blogs die within the first year. So, the commitment doesn’t come easy. But, I tend to think the struggle is worth it. But, hey, I’m clearly biased.

Someone once told me – often we set out to change a situation and then end up finding that it is really the situation that changes us. That sums up how I feel about blogging. This blog has taught me more than I’d ever have imagined..