Category: Everything else

“Jennifer, relax.”

As an old gentleman walked into a super market, he noticed a small girl crying loudly. She was no older than 2 and was trying to persuade her mom to buy her something she wanted. Her mom just said calmly – “Jennifer, relax.”

The girl immediately started crying even louder. Again, her mom said – “Jennifer, relax.”

By now, the girl had started screaming and was attracting a lot of attention. This time, her mom said calmly – “Jennifer, you don’t want to create a scene in the supermarket. So, relax.”

The man walked to the mom and said – “I am amazed at how calm you are. But, surely, she can’t understand what you’re saying, can she?”

“What makes you think I was talking to her?” – the mom replied.

(I can’t find the source for this story. All I know that it is an excerpt from a talk that was passed on, via a Whatsapp message, by a Mr.Rajan – so, thank you Mr Rajan – wherever you are.)

I thought the takeaway from this talk is brilliant – the quality of your communication with the world determines your impact, but it is the quality of your communication with yourself that determines your happiness.

And, I’d argue that impact made without happiness is akin to an artificial flower – looks good from a distance but lacks the substance and aroma that makes a flower special.

So, let’s communicate better with ourselves this week and remember to treat ourselves with infinite patience and kindness. And, of course, the next time you find yourself in a situation that tests your patience, remember.. “Jennifer, relax.”

“Yes, Mom, I am thinking”

When Bill Gates was in the sixth grade, his parents decided he needed counseling. He was at war with his mother, Mary, who would often find him locked up in his basement bedroom.

Exasperated with no response from Bill one day, she asked him what he was doing through the intercom.
“I’m thinking,” he shouted back.
“You’re thinking?”
“Yes, Mom, I’m thinking,” he said fiercely. “Have you ever tried thinking?”

I was feeling weary last evening as I looked ahead at a weekend full of activity. And, I was lucky to have one of those long discussions (the sort that seems to yield more insight the more you think about it) with a couple of close friends last night. And, at a point in this discussion, this anecdote about Gates surfaced. Aside from marveling at the fact that Gates “got” this concept in his sixth grade, I realized that that was exactly what I needed to do. I had been in a perpetual state of motion this entire week and it was time to stop. And, so I did.

And, after 15 hours of time largely spent either asleep or in thought, it is incredible what the effect is on the other end. I have more clarity, renewed purpose, more direction and a lot more energy.

Many of us spend large parts of our live running away from thought. A state of perpetual motion is easier and a complete lack of activity is easiest. Yet, activity only becomes productivity when we make progress towards a purpose. There is no point optimizing small parts of our life if they aren’t helping the main thing.

It takes a commitment to regular reflection and thought to keep the main thing the main thing. And, I’d echo Stephen Covey’s prescient quote – the main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing.

Comfort with knots

There are a few days in some months when I got to sleep with no knots in my stomach. On most other days, there is one knot or the other. These knots arise for various reasons – all related with dealing with the unresolved. This could be a tough decision, an important result, a difficult conversation, among others. The more responsibility you take on, the more unresolved situations there are.

Of course, these knots disappear the moment these situations are resolved. And, the other day, I found myself dreaming of a time when I could just go to bed knot-free.

It was then I realized that the resolution is a result. The period spent with a situation that is unresolved, on the other hand, is the process. And, over the course of our lives, the process is where we spend most of our time. We may not love dealing with what is uncertain and unresolved but we’ve got to learn to make peace with it. And, it begins with awareness and acceptance.

The conditions will never be perfect. We’ve just got to set sail and get on with it.

The obstacle

I’ve started out on a new design thinking class and we’re at the stage where we’ve identified a potential problem and need to assess if it really exists. One of the requirements of the class is to “get out of the building” and test the ideas by asking potential customers. For the first problem assessment assignment, I have 3 options – call up people I know and ask them, do some research locally or travel to the city (45 minutes away) and attempt to do it there. I say “attempt” because there is no guarantee they’ll stop and answer my questions.

I was amazed at the resistance surge I experienced within myself when I first gave the city option thought. I realized that my zone of comfort involved reaching out to people I knew and doing a quick survey of needs. The thought of going into the city, walking about, asking people questions, and getting rejected had woken up the resistance. Perhaps angered it even. It was now an obstacle and as the resistance didn’t want me to contemplate the thought. It even attempted to send a few excuses – you are too busy, there is that appointment you can’t miss, etc.

That moment was the surest sign that the right thing to do was to remove my appointments in the afternoon and head to the city.

The obstacle, I have come to learn, is generally the way.

The ALearningaDay school of blogging

A couple of friends reached out asking for blogging advice in the past couple of weeks. I thought I’d pull together what I’ve learnt after about 7 years of daily posts on this blog. I’m not sure I am expert enough to term this “advice” but here are my 2 cents worth of opinions on this topic. I hope it helps.

Thoughts on the approach
1. Find intrinsic motivation. I tend to believe that the best way to do this is to write for 2 people – yourself and one other person who you know will read your blog (likely your mom). It is important you do this for an intrinsic reason as it is hard to keep commitment otherwise.

2. Expect nothing to happen for 5 years at least. Unless you are a celebrity, it is really hard to gain traction. You might get a viral post or two that give you a few thousand hits if you try hard enough. But, sustained attention is hard earned and takes time.

3. Commit to a regular schedule. Once-in-a-while commitments are generally flimsy and don’t hold. Make it harder to procrastinate by committing to 15 minutes at the start of every day.

4. Write about stuff you care about. It shows. This is assuming you aren’t looking to maximize clicks or make quick money off your blog (I highly doubt there is much to be made in any case). And, it is also assuming you aren’t awesome at faking interest in subjects that you think will appeal to the crowds.

5. Consider using it as an opportunity to think. Writing is thinking. And, the more you do it, the more you’ll be able to think analytically and critically. It is a great opportunity to get better at that. And, growth and learning from writing compounds and snowballs over time.

6. Just ship. Avoid perfect posts. The moment you feel it is good enough, just ship. Your idea of good enough will change over time.

7. Writer’s block is a myth. As Seth Godin says, just write like you talk.. often.

A note on tactics
1. Getting started. Get started on WordPress if you plan on writing a “long form” blog. If you are looking to just do shorter posts and re-blogs, tumblr works well. I hear Medium allows you to create your own blog these days. That is worth checking out – I don’t know enough about it. And, you can always buy your own domain once you are committed.

2. Create a simple marketing approach. I am a horrible blog marketer. So, do take this with a pinch of salt. I just tend to share posts as soon as I post them on my Facebook, Twitter and Google+. I have been told a few times that pro bloggers spend a lot more time promoting content. This approach is driven by the “why” behind this. If page views matter to you, spend time promoting what you write. Or, just write stuff that your existing readers feel compelled to share. Different strokes for different folks.

3. If you are worried about negative feedback, turn comments off. Generally, you’ll have the opposite problem – a complete lack of feedback is the norm. But, if this worries you, comments can always be turned off.

The base rates for blog creation from my experience aren’t great. If I had to think of a 100 friends who’ve started blogs in the past 7 or 8 years, I think there are about 1 or 2 who are still at it. Most blogs die within the first year. So, the commitment doesn’t come easy. But, I tend to think the struggle is worth it. But, hey, I’m clearly biased.

Someone once told me – often we set out to change a situation and then end up finding that it is really the situation that changes us. That sums up how I feel about blogging. This blog has taught me more than I’d ever have imagined..

Seeking dissent

There’s a great short story about how Alfred Sloane, legendary CEO of General Motors, sought dissent.

In a meeting where his entire executive team were in agreement on an important decision, Sloane interrupted everyone and said – “Gentlemen, it appears we are in complete agreement on the decision here.”

When he saw everyone nodding, he said – “So, I suggest we postpone this discussion to our next meeting so we can develop disagreement and understand what this decision is really about.”

Building teams that don’t become echo chambers takes work. It requires a collection of personalities who are willing to speak their mind and challenge each other. An environment of such candor necessitates people who are willing to put themselves out there and expose their edges. But, most importantly, it requires leadership which encourages dissent by actively seeking it.

The Alfred Sloane story is a masterclass in seeking dissent.

(Hat Tip to the Heath Brothers’ excellent book, “Decisive,” for this story)

Teachers and salesmanship

A great salesperson is always aware of the fact that buyers have one question in mind – “why should I bother?” His expertise in answering this question is what set Steve Jobs apart. Jobs didn’t just answer the question with “what” made Apple’s products special, he explained the “why” behind them and explained why you should care.

The challenges that teachers face aren’t different from those in sales. As teachers, students sitting in front of them ask the same question – “why should I bother?” There are many competing pursuits that a student would rather divert his/her attention towards. And, this is where schools, organizations and teachers slip. When attempting to hire great teachers, they screen for passion and expertise. Yes, passion and expertise are critical. If a car salesman didn’t look like an expert on cars or simply didn’t care, there is no way we’d want to engage. Why should we bother when he clearly doesn’t?

Passion and expertise only make for a good teacher, however. That’s because people with a lot passion and expertise often make the wrong assumption that everyone cares about their subject as much as they do. And, that is exactly what great teachers do differently – they don’t make that assumption simply because they are always aware that the person in front of them doesn’t actually care as much. In fact, they’re making the decision as to whether or not to care as they speak. So, great teachers sell like professionals. They sell the “why,” they sell the dream of a better life, and they sell hope.

We all play the role of teachers at various points in our lives. We teach as parents, as colleagues, as managers, as trainers, and as mentors and coaches. And, to really have an impact on those at the other end, it is critical we remember that transferring knowledge and expertise is just one half of the job. The other half is demonstrating why it matters, selling the importance of commitment, and answering that important question – “why should I bother?”

Lao Tzu and the digestive system

“To attain knowledge, add things every day. To attain wisdom, subtract things every day.” | Lao Tzu

The great Lao Tzu was well ahead of his time as he inadvertently described the idea of mental models. An easy way to understand this is to draw a parallel with our digestive system.

First, we ingest. This is the addition part that Lao Tzu alludes to. The focus is just to take in information.

Next, we digest. This is the stage where a teacher helps a great deal. By helping us put frames and structures around information, we are able to aggregate content and make it digestible.

Then, we absorb. The way we absorb new models is to connect them with existing patterns and models. This is why the learning process taxes the brain. It takes a long time for us to map with existing patterns or create new ones. As a result, taking the time to reflect on what we’ve learnt and digested is THE critical step in absorption. And, this is what most action packed seminars, conferences and retreats miss. Without down time, there isn’t understanding.

Finally, we excrete. This is the subtraction part of the process. Once we’ve built on an existing model or created a new one, we’re in a great position to remove unnecessary detail and information. Again, excretion is impossible if we shortcut absorption. So, if you’re going through a busy and intense experience, you should know that return-on-reflection-time is incredibly high. There is no learning without reflection.

The beauty of this process and the development of mental models is that, over time, your ability to process new information goes up dramatically. For example, if you come across a new productivity technique, you can dig into the essentials and decide very quickly as to whether it’ll suit your style or not. Decisions require you to cut and kill what is unnecessary. We do that with mental models. Not all mental models are accurate, of course. So, what makes accurate mental models? A lack of rigidity.

The more rigid the model, the more it is a sure sign of ignorance and stupidity. The smartest people are always testing their assumptions and adapting their mental models. That way, they’re constantly converting learning to understanding to wisdom. And, that’s how they experience the power of compound learning.

Notice how Lao Tzu talks about subtracting “every day.” Wisdom is not a state. It is a daily activity. And, you can’t shortcut daily reflection and thought.

For them or for us

Stakeholder update meetings are necessary in any project. If you’re running an event for a school, the administration would love to understand what you are up to. In companies, it is a mix of senior management, steering committees and clients.

One way to approach these meetings is for teams to take the “for them” approach. The default reasoning here is that these update meetings are for senior management/clients to see what we’re doing, poke holes, demand better results, and perhaps even put more work on our plates.

The “for us” approach deals with the same reality with a different lens. The reason for stakeholder meetings in the “for us” approach is for the team to reflect, take stock and learn. We do this by sharing our progress so far with senior management/clients, discuss roadblocks and look for opportunities to course correct as necessary. We aren’t doing this meeting “for them.” We’re doing it because we care about our work and it is wonderful to have them as we can learn from their experiences. Yes, they can be painful. But, that’s part of the learning process.

The former is normally used. The latter inspires better work.

As always, we choose.

Noise and prayer

I was at a cultural heritage museum showcasing South Indian culture yesterday that had an interesting sign next to a collection of preserved musical instruments. It explained that it was common for temples in Tamil Nadu to have loud (live) background music during prayer to drown out noises of people talking.

I thought this was fascinating. In most other parts of the world, you’d probably experience a few angry stares or murmurs if you made noise at a place where people need to focus. But, here, someone decided that the better approach was to just drown people’s voices out. As a result, it makes for a unique prayer experience – instead of the customary silence, you have loud music throughout.

Nuances like this make the idea of diversity so fascinating. As I wrote in my essay on diversity and inclusion, getting diversity right in organizations is incredibly hard. Diversity goes beyond the idea of diversity on the surface, e.g. gender and race. When cultural norms differ, it can make understanding the opposite person’s point of view rather difficult. And, if understanding doesn’t come about, trust will be non existent.

The best guideline I’ve come across in dealing with difference and diversity is Stephen Covey’s ‘seek first to understand, then to be understood.’ This isn’t easy. But, it is the only way you can get past the noise to understand why people behave the way they do.

A final note – I’m not of the belief that getting past basic cultural barriers will make everyone a great co-worker. But, that said, if we find compatibility on core beliefs and then learn to build on different perspectives, the research has repeatedly shown that the results are likely to be outstanding.