Category: Everything else

Filler words

Sort of
Uhhh
Like
Kind of
Right
Basically
Honestly
Uhm

These are the filler words I’ve found myself using in order of frequency.

I noticed last week in a conversation with a wiser acquaintance that he used no filler words. None. Zilch. And, this was a normal conversation. We spoke about a bunch of topics and I asked him a couple of questions that definitely made him think. Even then, he spoke with a clarity that felt inspiring.

So, I’ve resolved to cut out filler words. They’ve largely seeped into my language out of habit and association. This journey will likely take a long while as it means undoing some very old habits.

But, it has begun with an increased awareness around how I speak. And, I’m excited about growing through this process of learning to think and communicate with clarity.

Less than I hoped, more than I expected

There’s always going to be tension between hopes and expectations. It is natural to hope that our current efforts will all pay off handsomely. It doesn’t do us much good to expect it to pay off.

The way to circumvent this is through non-attachment. Dream all you like. But, don’t get attached to the dream. Instead, understand what it takes to go forth in the direction of these dreams and direct all energy on the journey/process.

If the outcome is exactly what you hoped, savor it. It doesn’t happen often. If it is less than you hoped, that’s also great. It means you dreamt big.

However, let it always be more than you expected. High expectations are just a trap – very little good comes out of them.

(As always, this is easier said than done. But, if it sounds like the result of an enlightened zen-like state, it isn’t. We just have to be aware enough to catch ourselves falling into the expectation trap.)

Thinking about perception when responding to email

I know it has become fashionable to complain about email – “too many emails,” “I’m not able to focus,” etc. I, however, am yet to find a more useful communication tool for folks working in the connection economy. Until then, I’ll continue to love email and be thankful that it exists.

Email management is a skill I’ve consciously sought to learn over time. I’ve learnt that I like keeping an empty inbox. The big difference it has made in the past few years is that I stopped viewing my inbox as my to do list. Clearing email was a chore and I did whatever was in my inbox. Inbox zero changes the dynamic. Now, I own my task list and priorities and email just becomes a way to connect, communicate, and coordinate.

The inbox zero approach follows a simple logic –
1. If an email can be responded quickly (~2 mins), do it now.
2. If it takes longer, leave it in.
3. If it is not for you, re-direct.
4. If it is information necessary for others, forward.
5. If it signals a longer task that requires thinking, file into a “work-in-progress” folder and make sure it gets on your task list

This flow becomes so natural that you don’t stop to think about it. I have, however, realized that there used to be a limiting factor that stopped me from achieving this flow – it was the fear of perception. When I saw email coming in, I would wonder if I should respond because of variants of a question – “What would these people think – would they  think I had nothing useful to do except sit in front of my email?”

So, I’d wait – till I could assuage these doubts over perception.

Over time, I realized this was a pathetic waste of time. Most people don’t care. And, if you find people spending their time judging you instead of doing their work, I’d stay away from them. The beauty about getting into a flow with email is that you don’t waste any unnecessary time. Clearing email stops being a battle. It is just part of the flow. Sometimes, part of the flow is also acknowledging you won’t be able to do justice to every email and that you’ll make mistakes.

That’s okay. Like all things, this is all about process. Make peace with the process and enjoy it. That’s generally a sign that a thing will be done well.

Dametra Cafe – Product Review 5

One of my objectives with reviewing products is to mix regular reviews for conventional technology products with those of non-tech product and service experiences. And, today, I’d like to share the story of my experience with Dametra Cafe.

A few weeks ago, a couple of friends and I visited a small middle eastern restaurant called Dametra Cafe in a quaint little town called Carmel-by-the-sea. It had really good reviews and we waited 30 mins to get in. The appetizers and main course were really good. The service, however, was excellent – the waitress was friendly and attentive and, midway through our meal, the owner came and checked in to see if we were doing okay. Always a nice touch.

As we were nearing the end of the meal – the owner came out again, this time with a stringed instrument. He said the chef would be joining him for a Spanish song that translated to “To live and to love.” For 4 of us friends who were seeing each other after a very long time, this was almost the perfect song for that moment. Score again. Thus, they began. It had a catchy tune and, within moments, we were all clapping and singing along. (the clip below is of the first part of the song – the our voices got louder once we learnt the simple chorus)

Dametra

And, after all of this, we were also treated to desserts on-the-house to round it all up.

There were 2 important product insights I took away –
1. Simple freebies go a long way. The free desserts probably didn’t cost them much. They may even have them built in to the price. It didn’t matter. It was a simple and nice touch. Nickle-and-diming customers for every little thing never results in a pleasant experience.

2. Let the product have personality. I touched on this idea in my product review of “The Skimm” – personality plays a big role in the product resonating with customers. There were two interesting notes about this musical experience. First, a friend who I shared this experience remembered having lunch at the exact place and seeing the owner burst into song. It didn’t resonate as much with him as it did with me. That’s part and parcel of bringing personality to your product. You win some and you lose some.

Second, all it took for this lunch to be special was that personal touch. As you can tell from the video, the owner and the chef weren’t great singers. But, they clearly enjoyed it and brought themselves to their little performance. So, we couldn’t help but join. That bit of personality transformed a a meal to an experience, one that was undoubtedly among the best meal experiences I’ve had in a very long time…

—

A quick note on doing these product reviews – I started writing this as I wanted to understand how to build great products and services. A first step to doing that is learning to “see” and learning to be aware of greatness. And, just thinking about these product review posts has led me to find myself noticing products more and feeling a lot more aware as I use products. It is amazing what our minds notice once we simply decide to do so…

Fewer words

I was on a team call recently when one of the members of our team began speaking about an email I’d drafted. She felt the email didn’t work and we had spoken about it earlier and agreed. So, I had a smile on my face as she began describing her feelings about the email. As is probably normal, she was attempting to explain how she felt to the rest without hurting my feelings.

Three sentences later, I decided to interrupt her and just say – “Guys, the point here is that my email sucked. We need to fix it. It shouldn’t be me as I have no passion for the subject.”

We added a quick discussion on why the situation arose, laughed and moved on. Directness takes fewer words.

A friend recently remarked that he doesn’t muck about with hints because hints are a luxury fast growth cannot afford. I noticed this yesterday as I watched this situation. It demonstrated the effect a lack of candor can have on a team. Being direct was just easier on the both of us. And, this directness came from trust we’ve built over months of working with each other.

Over the years, I’ve learnt that directness and candor don’t come easily because they require receivers to develop thicker skins and require the givers to be willing to be unpopular when they call a spade a spade. This stuff may be painful in the short term but the trust borne out of this makes it all incredibly sweet in the long term. Trust is the environment within which great teams are built.

At the very least, you have fewer words and more action.

Shifting in progress

I wrote about ongoing difficulties with my hosting provider last week. After a few months of considering a switch in providers, I let my frustration guide action and signed up for an account with InMotionHosting. Funnily, while InMotionHosting was recommended to me by a trusted friend, I also received a serendipitous note from one of you recommending them. I’m looking forward to how this all unfolds.

I plan to get to the shifting tomorrow morning. So, please expect a few issues in the coming few days – I hope to get most of the key stuff sorted tomorrow. But, if you have any difficulties getting the email/feeds, you’ll know I’ve likely messed something up. :)

2 small lessons from this experience –

1. I’ve received 5 emails from my soon-to-be previous hosting provider in the last 24 hours alone requesting feedback on last week’s exchange.

Hosting feedback
I didn’t get to my product review post this week but this is as good a lesson as any – DON’T do this. It should have been abundantly clear that I was frustrated from my 30+ email exchange. This might just be an automated process but there’s really no excuse for this barrage.

2. Always consult a smart friend before and when you make decisions that matter. It is amazing how much good advice there is around you and how much trouble good advice can avoid. As a general rule, when you make important decisions, seek help from a smart friend or two.

2 characteristics of systems that work in the long run

1. Built-in flexibility. Sometimes, once you plunge into a project, you realize that the original plans don’t work. And, every once in a while, even if the original plans work, they need to be de-prioritized. Openness to change is critical. To take a personal example, a rigid exercise regime that offers no break will fail.

2. Predictable tracking. Predictable tracking is how we ensure if we are taking executing as per plan and, if we are, if our actions are still contributing to progress. No tracking -> no accountability -> no progress. And, going back to the exercise example, whether you make progress or not, check in with yourself every week. What gets measured gets done.

Redirecting focus

I find myself in a near constant battle with my mind to keep it focused on things I control. Granted, I’m probably more attention deficit than the average person. But, my mind’s desire to seek out and dwell on situations, relationships and possible future scenarios over which I have no control and which always take me down an unhappy path never ceases to amaze me.

I have only found one way to solve this – constantly work to redirect focus to myself.

Self centeredness is a dirty word in our time. I understand that. I’m in search for a new term – maybe “self focus” – to describe my workaround. The idea is simple – the more time I spend on thinking about stuff outside myself, the more helpless, discontent and unhappy I become. I see my role as that of a driver steering my mind towards thinking about what my priorities are, what I need to get done and how I can do them better.

My mind control program simply reads – when in doubt, redirect focus to self and spend time visualizing and thinking about things you control. Our actions, then, follow these thoughts.

And, that’s where the good stuff lies.

Or, at least, that’s been my limited experience.

Path-sharers

How many of your kindergarten classmates are currently your colleagues? What about secondary school or high school classmates?

If you are in your 30s, the chances are that the answer is 0.

We are wired to compete. Our schools exacerbate this instinct. The truth, however, is that we’ve got this completely wrong. Just because someone is on the same path as us doesn’t mean they’re heading to the same destination. And, just because someone is further along the path doesn’t mean they’re at the same point in their journey.

We’re always going to have people like us – fellow executives, fellow entrepreneurs, and so on. It is tempting to compare notes – salaries, funding rounds, education, grades, and so on. It is, however, useless.

We’re all on journeys to unknown destinations. Every once a while, we have others join us on that path for a little while. Instead of competing with them, trying to push them out of the path or looking at them with envy, what we must really do is be happy for their presence and continue working on making progress on our path. The more we focus on them, the more we detract from asking the important questions – “am I on the right path in the first place?”, “am I doing the best I can?”

There’s a secret that all incredible companies share – they don’t make decisions based on their competition. They keep doing things that build off their strengths and they always end up doing better than the rest. It is the same idea at play in our lives. We are on our own unique journey. Let’s celebrate and help the occasional “path-sharer” – they make the journey meaningful and fulfilling.

Growing pains

After 5 years or so of not going 24 hours without a post, I missed one yesterday. And, that’s thanks to my blog being down for over a day. I tried to work with my hosting providers to fix it and not call a dear friend of mine who has helped solve most of my problems over the past years. I figured it is time my hosting providers earned their fees. What followed was a bad 24 hour experience during which about 40 emails were exchanged with nothing done.

It all started with a member of this community emailing with a note about some spam links he spotted on a google search. There were links that basically looked like Alearningaday.com/free-cheap-software. My hosting support recommended I removed plugins I don’t use. I did. The site went down. The prognosis was that this was my fault and that it would require them to retrieve files. The retrieval would apparently cost me $60. Since $60 is as much as it would cost for a year of hosting, I was shocked. But, I needed the job done.

24 hours later and 40 emails later, nothing was done. This experience was a perfect illustration of a couple of concepts at work –

1. I’ve been experiencing growing pains on ALearningaDay. Over the past couple of years, the blog has moved from a very very small blog to a very small blog. In the process of losing the “very,” we’ve moved to just over 250-300 regular daily unique visits, ~1000 readers on RSS and just over a 1000 email subscribers. While this is miniscule by most standards, the site became interesting enough for hackers and bots to try and redirect traffic. WordPress also has some known vulnerabilities here and I’d switched over to WordPress a year or so ago. So, after a few trysts with a persistent Russian hacker who tried redirecting all mobile traffic on Android to his/her auction site, I’ve seen an ever increasing number of spammy trackback links . And, despite a clean up by my hosting providers when this happened, it is evident that the clean up job wasn’t very thorough.

Ever since my first growing pain issues, it has become apparent to me that I need to find a hosting provider that is better equipped to deal with this. A big part of the issue is likely that my hosting provider just didn’t have the capability to handle these sorts of problems. While these are good problems to have, they are problems nevertheless. Growth comes with growing pains and this was a good reminder.

2. The second lesson here is that it is vital we keep upgrading our infrastructure. What got us here won’t get us there. I started with my current hosting provider 8 years ago and had a decent experience. However, they got expensive over time, got bought over by another company and changed policies left, right and center. A change has felt overdue. However, being human, I’ve been resisting that change. That’s never a good idea.

And, here’s the amazing part – I finally called my friend and asked for help. He solved the problem in 5 minutes. He explained that he faced the same issue a couple of times on another website and had his web hosts solve it.

I’m a big believer in focusing energy on customers that matter. It is very likely that, post restructuring, I’ve been identified as a customer at my web host that is more trouble than value. Either way, the service experience was disappointing. And, my letting it go unsolved for a day was a statement to myself – time to take my business elsewhere and make those much needed upgrades to my infrastructure.

Here’s to making the shift and here’s to no more downtime.