We finally got to watching Crazy Rich Asians last weekend – we loved it. In the week that has passed, we’ve probably listened to this rendition of “Can’t Help Falling in Love” by Kina Grannis a hundred times.
Such an incredible cover – it is performed by her in the movie as well.
Thank you, Kina.
PS: There’s also a neat story about a Chinese version of Coldplay’s song “Yellow” in that movie and what it meant to the directory.
During a deeply unsettling time, many humans are on the frontlines making it possible for us to stay safe in our homes.
They are ensuring essentials like food are getting transported around the world, keeping grocery stores running, ensuring essential businesses stay open, fighting fire/emergencies, and, of course, treating the sick and wounded in hospitals.
Many of these folks are doing this while also facing real worries about not meeting ends meet.
While we can never repay the many who are sacrificing their health and wellness on the frontlines, there are two things we can do.
First, continue to stay at home so we ensure their struggles are not in vain.
And, second, do the small things that might help them. Tip generously, order some extra takeout from our favorite restaurant, say a heartfelt thank you during our grocery run, donate – each small steps adds a bit of gratitude and love into the system.
And, it all adds up.
“The drama of being human is great and complicated. The pathless path is pockmarked with pain and suffering. But seen from the vantage point that all steps are purposeful, all of it seems worthwhile – a glorious, life-giving retort to those who would question our worthiness and lovability.”| Jerry Colonna in Reboot
Over the past few weeks, I’ve sprinkled a passage once a week from Jerry Colonna’s lovely book, Reboot. Thanks to my current snail’s pace of reading, I finally finished the book. The central thesis of the book is that better humans make better leaders.
As you might imagine, that resonates deeply.
And then there’s the fact that there are so many beautiful passages (like the one above) that struck a chord as I read them. So, more of these to come.
Thank you for a lovely book, Jerry.
Right from when our first kid was a few months old, we started a tradition wherein any fall or accident would be followed by –
a) an acknowledge of the “ouwie”
b) a kiss at the place where it is hurting the most
c) a stern word or two to the offending piece of furniture or floor to be careful
Three and a half years in and thanks to enthusiastic adoption by our second, these three steps follow every accident. a) calms the kids down, b) somehow helps them feel better, and c) is generally the source of much joy.
Aside from being a fun tradition, it has helped me appreciate the deep connection between physical and mental pain as well as the resulting profound power of placebos.
It also makes me think of pain I experience. How much of that would be solved by these 3 steps?
Perhaps more than I’d like to admit.
Aspirational habit/Periodic reminder to self: Find 5 minutes to appreciate one relationship – either a cross-functional partner/teammate at work or a friend outside of work.
3 added notes on this practice –
1. If we’re appreciating a work colleague, consider letting their manager know. Doing this with specific feedback about what we appreciate is the icing on the cake.
2. It helps to appreciate strong relationships while we are in them (this is very hard to do given our propensity to take them for granted!). Aside from being good for our happiness, it increases the likelihood we’ll keep that relationship strong and, thus, reduces the chance we’ll regret not sharing appreciation when we don’t have it anymore. :-)
3. Appreciating others instantly spreads joy and peace of mind. Doing so without any expectation of being appreciated gives us peace of mind and joy.
“Again and again, I therefore admonish my students in Europe and America: Don’t aim at success – the more you aim at it and make it a target, the more you are going to miss it. For success, like happiness, cannot be pursued; it must ensue.
And it only does so as the unintended side effect of one’s personal dedication to a cause greater than oneself or as the by-product of one’s surrender to a person other than oneself. Happiness must happen, and the same holds for success: you have to let it happen by not caring about it. I want you to listen to what your conscience commands you to do and go on to carry it out to the best of your knowledge.
Then you will live to see that in the long-run, in the long-run, I say(!), success will follow you precisely because you had forgotten to think about it.”
I remember hearing this for the first time nearly a decade ago. It is a note I’ve thought of from time to time over the years.
I was reminded of it today. And, I was reminded of the fact that it is the sort of reminder that always seems perfectly timed.
May you have the grace and wisdom to act kindly, learning to distinguish between what is personal and what is not.
May you be hospitable to criticism.
May you never put yourself at the center of things.
May you act not from arrogance but out of service.
May you work on yourself, building up and refining the ways of your mind.
May those who work for you know you see and respect them.
May you learn to cultivate the art of presence in order to engage with those who meet you.
When someone fails or disappoints you, may the graciousness with which you engage be their stairway to renewal and refinement.
May you treasure the gifts of the mind through reading and creative thinking so that you continue as a servant of the frontier
Where the new will draw its enrichment from the old, and you never become a functionary.
For a leader
May you know the wisdom of deep listening, the healing of wholesome words, the encouragement of the appreciative gaze, the decorum of held dignity, the springtime edge of the bleak question.
May you have a mind that loves frontiers so that you can evoke the bright fields that lie beyond the view of the regular eye.
May you have good friends to mirror your blind spots.
May leadership be for you a true adventure of growth.
This poem touched many a chord.
I read David Epstein’s Range a few weeks before the lock down (so, a lifetime ago) and was mulling the biggest lessons I took away from the book. They were –
a) Breadth of experiences are both key and undervalued. So, take the time to choose where you’d like to focus.
b) Lean into what your experiences have given you. And, also remember to lean into the experiences you are presented with. The dots only connect backward.
c) There is no such thing as “falling behind.” Comparisons are useless too. You are on your own unique path – one that will be defined by the range of skills you develop.
In our day-to-day, it is easy to get caught up in random rat races.
But, as David Epstein reminds us, there is no such race.
And, we probably don’t need a book to remind us – but, we are also not rats.
Note to self: You don’t need to always have the last word.
Habits and new routines don’t work well together. An analogy for this relationship is driving through a new route.
When we’re driving through a route we know well, we go on autopilot. We don’t need the map and are more than comfortable listening to a book or taking a phone call.
But, if we’re figuring out directions, that tends to be a bad time to attempt to focus on a call or some new content.
Habits work much the same way.
So many of us have experienced various levels of disruption in our routines over the past weeks. This is a note to remind ourselves that it is totally expected if our habits went for a toss in the process.
Being tough on ourselves isn’t the solution (it rarely is). Some kindness and self-compassion will help us find those old habits and routines or, maybe, find new routines and new habits.
