Author: alearningaday

Out of every 20 experiences in our life, it is likely that there are 19 process experiences and 1 result experience.

Remember that year you spent trying to get into that university or to make that big project work? I’m sure you remember that moment of glory. But the amount of time you spent savouring the win barely compares the amount of time you spent to make it happen. Besides, if you tasted that one win, your mind probably began thinking about the next.

Results – big and small – matter. They give us confidence if we win, encourage us to reflect if we lose, and keep us focused either way. They’re only a miniscule part of the life experience though. If it weren’t for the fact that result experiences leave strong memories, they’d not even be in consideration. We might look back at our lives and tend to only see the highs and lows that these results have brought us… but our life experience is a different matter.

How we live our life every day, whether we wait for happiness to come to us or whether we hone our happiness skill, how we react to life’s small frustrations and annoyances, how do we treat people, and if we express our love, care, and gratitude, i.e., the small stuff. It’s the small stuff that moves the happiness needle. Sweat the small stuff.

It’s the journey that makes the destination worthwhile.

PS: The best results rarely follow a bad process anyway.

The best relationships work when you bring together people who are comfortable by themselves. If they don’t work well by themselves, the chances that the overall result of the team is better than the individual parts is low.

If your relationship isn’t a win-win, someone is losing energy and positive vibes. If that is you, this can work out okay for a short time but eventually, you’re better off moving on.

Look at your key relationships – both professional and personal – and ask yourself if the products are better than the sum of the parts. If they aren’t, spend time fixing them.

And if they are, treasure them.

This week’s book learning is part 8 of a 12 part series on The Ascent of Money by Niall Ferguson. (Parts 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

The concept of the welfare state was pioneered in Germany by Otto van Bismarck thanks to 2 beliefs-
1) A man with a pension is easier to deal with
2) A person embracing the welfare state idea is the one that would come to power (more people are poor than rich and thus, there would be more votes for socialist moves)

Following World War 1, more and more states began nationalizing industry et al to cushion effects for people but none took it as far as Japan.

Japan initial went the way of the warfare state. But, after World War II, it set upon being the welfare state where every citizen was taken care of by all sorts of coverage thanks to the government nationalizing insurance, medical, and pharmaceutical industries. Until 1970, this worked really well as the economy was predicted to overtake the US by 2000 and other countries like Britain decided to follow suit. But, things began to fall apart since..

Sketch by EB

Interestingly, what worked well in Japan in the 30 years post World War II didn’t work anywhere as well in Britain. Unlike Japan, the society wasn’t built on norms of social conformity leading to more people gaming the system and viewing welfare as social hand-outs.

So, what was the issue with the welfare state concept? How do you structure a welfare system? Coming up next week..

We have 6 basic emotions – anger, disgust, fear, happiness, sadness, and surprise. Every other emotion is a mix of these 6 in various degrees. The implication, in my eyes, is that negative emotions that we feel are hardly ever new. And if they aren’t new, it should get progressively easier for us to deal with them once we learn to identify them. How do we that? It starts with stepping outside of ourselves every time we feel negative and labelling the feeling. Once we get good at identifying feelings, dealing with them becomes easier.

I was experimenting with this approach this morning as I was dealing with a feeling I describe as “feeling unsettled.” This feeling is probably a mix of anger (20%), fear (50%), and sadness (30%). A wiser friend pointed the symptoms of this 12 months back and I am getting pretty good at identifying the symptoms of this feeling – I feel tired, irritated, impatient, and less positive/hopeful all at once. As you can imagine, I’m not fun to be around when this happens. Of late, I’ve been getting better at responding to this feeling by doing a few things that seem to help. So, as I was thinking about it as an idea for today’s post, I was led to the question – why do I feel unsettled? I realize it is because I feel disconnected, disorganized, and disenchanted with progress on things that matter most to me.

Before we examine these one by one, let me also call out food and sleep as basics that need to be gotten right first. The two of these are top priority and my first reaction when I feel unsettled is to get as much sleep as I need while also trying to make sure I get some comfort food/food I like. I love my comfort food! Over to the 3 factors next.

Disconnected. This is a feeling of disconnect from people I care about and from myself. This is one of the big reasons I feel unsettled most when I’m traveling on work as I’m away from framily (family + close friends) and often get too busy to sit down and spend time with myself. Aside from enjoying downtime and staying in close touch with those I care about, I carry photos of framily  when I travel and set them up wherever I stay. This helps a lot.

So, this morning for instance, the actions that helped were a couple of catch up calls followed by a set up all these photos.

Disorganized. A clean work desk and home are critical to a clean mind in my case. So, cleaning is a natural next step when I’m feeling unsettled.

Disenchanted with progress on important things. This is why the fear component of feeling unsettled is at 50%. There’s a trigger to fear and insecurities inside at whether I’m making any progress at all on the stuff that matters. As a result, there are a couple of natural next steps – make a list of things to do (part of getting organized), knock off the quick wins and then start hitting the big ticket items.

This is probably the most important factor that needs fixing but doesn’t happen if I don’t go about fixing the first two.

(And yes, I did pick “disenchanted” to keep consistent with the other two “dis” words)

Fixing this feeling isn’t a 10 minute job. Going through this process when I feel unsettled often takes many hours but it’s a worthwhile investment because the effects of not doing the right things can result in a vicious cycle of unproductivity, irritation, and unhappiness.

The other nice side effect that comes out fixing it is that it is often followed by a period of high productivity and happiness. Dealing with the negative feeling allows me to focus on what needs to be done and the irritation that was a part of the negativity suddenly transforms into the sort of positive stress that helps me focus and get stuff done.

Every coin has two sides. In the case of negative emotions like this one, we just have to remember that we don’t have to sit down and take the outcome of the coin flip. We can always pick up the coin and keep tossing till we find the side that suits us. We can make our own luck..

My biggest learning from 3.5 months of marriage – ditch perfection.

As kids, we are born improvisers. We make friends with any new kid, laugh a lot, and embrace every situation. As we grow, we learn to plan and then get attached to that script in our head. So, we walk into a new situation – a new team, a new job, or a new relationship – with a script for the perfect teammate, the perfect boss, or the perfect spouse. And guess what? it never works out. We’re disappointed and upset.

I am all for aiming for perfection for a few chosen pursuits like an important project at work. For the rest, particularly in close relationships, ditch perfection. Prepare, show up, improvise, care, put in as good a shift as possible, and laugh easily. Happiness does lie in the journey and the journey is what we make of it.

I am loud. I’ve been told to watch my voice’s volume more times than I can count. I get especially loud when I’m either excited or having a heated discussion. Being loud doesn’t help you stay under the radar. You attract attention to yourself when it is not necessary or helpful. As a result, learning to stay under the radar is an ability that hasn’t come easy to me. I’ve worked really hard at it. While I don’t think I am anywhere close to mastery yet, I am better than I used to be.

The ability to to be under the radar is a very useful skill for anyone getting started in a new job/industry/career/project/client relationship. It is best to be heard only when you have something value to say. In fact, any first impressions that aren’t positive tend to be negative. It’s an easy concept to forget though. It’s tempting to try and stand out as soon as we get into a new situation. In fact, “trying too hard” feels like a nice way to put any insecurities about a new environment to bed but it tends to be counter productive most of the time. I’ve observed even seasoned campaigners make this mistake from time to time in an attempt to dazzle and stand out.

The principle at work here is – fit in before you stand out. If you are getting started in a new environment, stay under the radar, work out how you can fit in, and fit right in. Once you’ve got that covered – dazzle ‘em!

A friend was in a line to speak to an airline official. The person in front of him was obviously in a bad mood and he was screaming obscenities at the lady behind the counter. The screaming was completely uncivilized and disrespectful and everyone in the queue was disgusted at the man’s behavior. For her part, the lady behind the counter remained calm. Eventually, the man in front got what he wanted, gave a parting rude comment, and left.

This friend immediately remarked that he was impressed by the way she handled the situation.

Before I give you her response, I’d just like to point out that I believe anger is counter productive. We think it is within our rights to be angry at a service provider who has screwed up but it almost always only worsens the situation. I’ve seen anger work as an intimidation tactic sometimes but being nice seems to be a pretty safe bet in most cases.

Back to this friend then. The lady behind the counter smiled and said – “Thank you sir. These things happen. It is our duty to be our best selves in front of our customer. Anyway, he is heading to New York but his baggage is heading to San Francisco.”

This week’s book learning is part 7 of a 12 part series on The Ascent of Money by Niall Ferguson. (Parts 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

Insurance was nothing more than a gamble until mathematical innovations like probability, life expectancy, normal distribution came by. Two priests, Webster and Wallace, devised insurance as a way to compensate widows of priests in Scotland. Their basis was as follows.

– The widow will be allowed to have 3 times the amount the priests paid to the insurance company during the course of his life.
– There were about 930 ministers alive at all times
– 27 died yearly, 18 left widows, 5 left children without widows, 2 left widows and children of a former marriage under age 16
– The maximum number of widows was originally assumed to be 279 assuming a constant mortality rate which they later corrected based on experience

They then created a fund with 4 levels of payments from living priests that would be invested. It was calculated in such a way that the interests alone would pay for all annuities, etc., leaving the principle amount untouched. And you know what’s amazing?

Sketch by EB

Wallace and Webster’s initial calculations (done on a piece of paper) were only off by 1 pound! This was the origin of the famous Scottish Widows insurance fund that was later acquired by the Lloyds group. Insurance companies have gone on to become the world’s biggest investors (called institutional investors). Scottish widows alone has more than 100 billion pounds under management.

Scott Adams, the creator of Dilbert, has got a fantastic series of posts on time. I hope you take time to read them as each of them is a gem and worthy of a couple of minutes of your time.

I’d like to pick out a couple of paragraphs from my favorite post – sponge traits off others.

In the past two years, by coincidence, several of my close friends have become fitness maniacs. My co-founder in an Internet startup just finished an Iron Man competition. Another friend looks like a fitness cover model. Another takes one of the most grueling fitness classes at my gym, and then she takes the one after it too. Two of my friends want me to buy a better bike and join them on their 60-mile weekend rides. I find the situation quite humbling.

On the plus side, my association with these extra-fit people seems to be rubbing off. I’m in the best physical shape of my life, by far. My estimate is that at least half of that improvement is because of the peer influence. It didn’t take any extra willpower. I didn’t set any particular fitness goals. It feels as if it just sort of happened…

..My observation over a lifetime is that you can program yourself for different traits by managing your personal associations. If you want to be more fit, spend time with friends who make it look easy. If you want more ambition, find some friends who already have it. If you want to avoid being a pessimistic sink hole, avoid the people who give off that vibe. And if you can’t find the right kind of people locally, consider moving.

We humans have a natural tendency to see ourselves as special. That’s probably a useful instinct up to a point. But consider the possibility that your DNA provides only a platform for your personality whereas the details of your traits are programmed by your associations. Once you understand your body as a trait sponge, you can take control of your own programming. And that’s when the fun starts.

I’ve found this to be very true. Until this year, I had great difficulty keeping up a steady exercise routine. There were times my fitness was pretty good and other times when it wasn’t great. It depended largely on whether I found a regular weekly football group wherever I was and the results were inconsistent.

So, I appointed a friend to be my fitness coach. This guy managed exercise every day of the week with ease and keeps himself very fit. I realized the power of this habit on an intense one week program. I woke up earlier than the rest of the group on a day when we all had had barely 4 hours to sleep and he was up doing his push ups as a part of his daily work out(!).

I’ve been reporting my weekly fitness to him every week, hearing his thoughts on what I could do, and keeping myself inspired. My progress is below. As you might notice, the habit is beginning to kick in pretty regularly off late. Since my wedding, aside from a week when I was ill and a week when I was on holiday, I’ve hit my target every week. This was definitely not the case in the beginning of the year (my wife will deservedly take a big part of the credit for this improvement :)).

Hitting my weekly exercise target was my most important goal for the new year and I’m glad that I’m getting close to where I’d like to be. It’s not an accident – association has played a huge part in this.

Sponge traits off others – great learning.