Author: alearningaday

Bran asked – “Can a man be brave if he’s still afraid?”

“That is the only time a man can be brave”, replied Ned Stark.

A good friend shared this. It resonated.

Always take the time to deeply understand the system – this could be the organization or the process – you work on or with.

Too often, when we get into a new system or begin working with one, we’re keen to just “dig in” and get going. It takes deliberate effort to make sure we’re keeping our eyes open to the way things are, the reason things are the way they are, and the levers we have to create the outcomes we seek.

It takes deep thinking to understand this. It is easy to shortchange the process.

And yet, if we seek to be effective, it is the most important thing we do.

Make it easy to get started.

If it doesn’t work, make tweaks to the environment some more. Perhaps even find someone to hold you accountable.

When you do manage to get started, remember the feeling.

Do it one more time.

Then don’t break the chain.

Our 4 year old and I were having an interesting conversation about the relationship between doing challenging things and happiness.

He was trying to understand why I love working. And I was trying to illustrate how doing challenging things (biking or sports) gives us more happiness than, say, watching TV.

I’m fairly sure I didn’t land that point.

For next time, I intend to take a catchier approach to explain this is – easy things -> little happiness. Hard things -> lots of happiness.

Easy come, easy go.

The obstacle is the way.

One of the most powerful pieces of mental jiujitsu is to reframe negative feelings/experiences to learning that then leads to a specific set of actions.

You can’t control the misstep. But you can ensure a creative, constructive, and corrective response.

There’s a great scene in the 90s Disney movie “Remember the Titans” where the two protagonists engage in an intense war of words.

“Captain’s supposed to be the leader right?”

“Right”

“You got a job?”

“I have a job.”

“You been doin’ your job?

“I’ve been doing my job”

“… Nobody plays. Yourself included. I’m supposed to wear myself out for the team? What team? Nah, nah what I’m gonna do is look out for myself and I’ma get mine.”

“See man, that’s the worst attitude I ever heard.”

Attitude reflect leadership, Captain.”

I thought of this “attitude reflect leadership” quote a few times in the past months.

We walked into a store where the only employee was busy on their phone. We looked around to see that the manager was too.

We walked into another store where every employee went out of their way to make our experience great. The manager seemed to be with every customer all at once.

I spent time with an organization that had undergone a transformation. Everyone agreed it was thanks to dynamic leadership that changed the culture.

We even saw a family at dinner at a restaurant where everyone seemed to be busy on the phone. It turns out they were just following the example their parents were setting for them.

Attitude reflects leadership indeed. In more ways than we realize.

In a conversation about trust, someone said it takes 300 positive actions to rebuild the trust from 3 bad incidents.

It may have been a slight exaggeration to make a point.

But the point remains. Trust is easy to break and hard to rebuild.

Named your problem must be, before solve it you can.

(Adapted from Master Yoda’s – Named your fear must be, before banish it you can)

“Sorry to move this meeting. I had a last minute meeting show up on my calendar.”

“Sorry to move this meeting. An executive put a meeting on my calendar.”

“Sorry to move this meeting. A conflict came up.”

“Sorry to move this meeting. A conflict that I need to prioritize came up.”

“Sorry to move this meeting. A conflict that I want to prioritize came up.”

“Sorry to move this meeting. A conflict that I choose to prioritize came up.”

All of these are slightly different ways to share the same message. Some versions have a strongly reactive bent – “something happened to me.” Others veer toward a more proactive message – “something happened and I made a choice.”

2 reflections –

(1) We can tell ourselves and others many different stories about the same situation. It helps to be thoughtful about them.

(2) If we want to build the habit of being proactive – learning to find the space between stimulus and response – it helps to use proactive language. Words often precede action.

Imagine you walk into a dark room from a brightly lit one. If you try to move around quickly, you’re likely to hurt yourself.

You might trip, ram into a bed or table, or walk into the wall by mistake.

However, give it a few seconds and you’ll soon start getting a sense of the space. Your eyes will adjust, you’ll begin moving slowly and with smaller steps, and you might even stretch your hands to make sure you aren’t about to crash.

A few seconds later, you’ll have enough confidence to pick up speed and the environment will look clearer as your eyes fully adjust to the darkness.

Change works much the same way. When a lot changes on us, sudden or hurried movements can cause a lot of pain.

But if we give ourselves the time to let the change sink in, start taking small steps, and give ourselves the chance to adjust to the surroundings, we’ll be able to get moving again.

We have an incredible capacity to deal with change. We just have to work through the process and be kind to ourselves while we’re at it.