Author: alearningaday

In the final analysis, the people who care about us will care more about how we achieved* vs. what we achieved.

*This does assume we’ve accomplished something of value. :-)

Acceptance is the simplest antidote to suffering.

“The purpose of listening is not to reply, but to hear what is not being said.” | Kevin Kelly

I was talking to a good friend who works in sales. He was talking about how there’s no substitute to meeting a customer in person. I nodded all the way through – I think it has a lot to do with my experiences attempting to listen and being listened to.

We’ve all learnt an important lesson from the COVID lockdowns – every meeting doesn’t have to be an in-person meeting.

But the opposite of a good idea is often a good idea. And I’ve come to appreciate that every meeting shouldn’t be a video meeting as well. Non-verbal communication is a significant part of how we communicate, and those signs are hard to read over a video conversation. It is why brainstorming and therapy don’t work as well on video. This is especially true on newer teams / when we’re attempting to form new relationships.

Relationships are built on trust. Trust, in turn, flows from understanding which can only happen when we feel listened to. And reading non-verbal cues helps us listen by helping us hear what is not being said.

The 10 question annual reflection is a longstanding ALearningaDay tradition. I recommend doing it in 3 steps:

i) Carve out an hour in the next week to “look back and look forward.” It helps to do this in a quiet place with no distractions or interruptions.

ii) Work with a list of 10 questions that make you think. For a starter list, I’ve shared the 10 questions I ask myself below (also available to print as a doc or PDF by downloading from this folder – just make a copy onto your Google Drive). I prioritize keeping my list simple – some years, I get done in an hour and in other years, I spend a few diving deep into a question or two. The important thing is not the length/depth, it is simply carving out the time to zoom out.

iii) Archive your questions and notes for next year. Check in with them over the course of the year and read them before you start next year’s reflection. Looking at what was top-of-mind a few years later is also guaranteed to make you smile. :-)

---

1. What are the top 2 themes/memories/moments I will remember 2023 for?

2. What were the 2 biggest lessons I learnt in 2023?

3. We learn from a mix of 3 sources – i) taking action and reflecting on our experiences, ii) people, and iii) books/courses or synthesized information. What did my mix look like in 2023? What would I do differently in 2024?

i) Action + reflection:
ii) People:
iii) Books/synthesized info:

4. Looking back at how I spent my time in 2023, what were the top 2-3 themes/buckets x processes/outcomes I prioritized (Examples: Career – prioritized ABC project or getting a raise, Health – prioritized more outdoor exercise or losing 10 pounds)? Did what I prioritize align with what I intended to prioritize/were there any surprises?

5. What are the top 2 themes/buckets x processes/outcomes I intend to prioritize in 2024?

6. What do I most need to learn in 2024 and how do I plan to do this?

7. What are habits/checkpoints I have in place to recommit to my priorities? (E.g. weekly/monthly check in)

8. What have I got planned in 2024 to prioritize renewal and memorable experiences (e.g. holiday plans, weekend activities, hobbies)?

9. Health, money, and relationships are foundational to the quality of our lives on this planet. What are my guiding principles or habits as I think of these dimensions in 2024?

Health:

Money:

Relationships:

10. Do I have a personal philosophy – a set of principles and/or virtues that I want to live my life by? (If not, would I consider putting together a first version?) What have I learnt about them in my attempts to live them? Do I plan to evolve them in 2024?
[Note: Virtues are values we actually embody. Inspired by the code of the Samurais, the difference is what we believe (values) vs. what we do (virtues). Our values become virtues when living them costs us money, time, or something valuable]

I picked up Arnold Schwarzenegger’s “Be Useful” recently. I thought it was a great title – a nice motto for life. And I was curious about Arnold’s approach to life as well.

It takes a lot to be successful in one career. So I’m fascinating when folks repeat it across careers – as a bodybuilder, an actor, and a politician in Arnold’s case. There was a lot in the book that I expected to hear. Arnold, predictably, is an “all in” kind of person with an incredibly high pain threshold. He doesn’t leave anything on the table.

The first chapter of the book, however, is on “clarity of vision.” He spends a lot of time talking through the role this played in his life and why he believes this is the place to start. He explained that we normally start with fuzzy visions. For example, as a kid growing up in Austria, he had a fuzzy vision of going to America. That vision became clearer over time as he realized bodybuilding could be his ticket. He then saw a fuzzy vision of himself as an actor that became clearer over time. And so on.

It is a recurring theme in the book – develop a vision, get clearer, then go all in and make it happen.

This struck a deep chord – vision lock is my biggest learning from 2023 after all. I’m looking forward to reflecting more on this in the coming days as I begin to work out how I want to change how I do things in 2024.

12 years ago, I wrote a post titled “Short. But Meaningful.” I remember writing it ahead of the holiday season. I was reflecting on a collection of over-scheduled breaks when I returned to meet family/friends and realized I needed to change my approach to such holidays.

Twelve years in, I still remember that post ahead of family + friends time (kid-time has eaten up most of what used to be friends-time in reality) when we visit India. The main insight from that post was to prioritize my own energy first. A simple insight that is surprisingly hard to live by.

I’ve since extended that insight on breaks like this. I take a couple of minutes to write out my top 3 priorities. This tends to be along the lines of –

(1) Time with self to decompress, reflect, and catch up on the backlog
(2) Time with family
(3) Enjoy special treats (could be a great conversation, a food treat, or some other experience)

It is amazing just how much of a difference this simple priority list makes to my happiness. I try to make time on most days to do all three of these.

It also helps me set expectations with myself on how much I will, for example, get done. There’s a bunch of admin that has piled up over the past months. This way, I carve out a chunk of time most mornings to keep whittling that list down.

Then it is onto family time. And so on.

The simplest equation for happiness is Reality/Expectations. This list helps me calibrate my expectations and allows reality to consistently outdo them.

I accidentally walked into a glass door recently. A few reflections –

(1) I think there were two causes. The first was the usual suspect in accidents – I wasn’t paying attention. I remember glancing to the side and then walking in… or at least attempting to just before I felt the pain. Always a great reminder for life – pay attention.

(2) The second was that the glass door was, well, very clean. I now understand why there’s regulation about markings on glass.

(3) I remembered a (funny) scene in the movie “Storks” – Birds can’t see glass. I felt genuine empathy for birds that get injured flying into glass buildings as I reflected about it.

(4) Our body is such an incredible machine. Blood, then clot, then swelling, then on the way to healing.

(5) Medicine 2.0 is also amazing. I got some ointment, a quick tetanus shot (a precaution when in India), some Tylenol, and I was away. I wondered when we’d be able to say the same for medicine 3.0/preventative medicine.

(6) It was hard not to think about how different health systems are. I saw an emergency doctor within minutes. I’m sure I’d have been waiting a couple of hours near home. And the bill to my insurance provider would have been something obscene while I focused on the relatively small copay number. I love living in the States – but the healthcare system could do with a reboot.

(7) I assume this is what it feels like to be punched in the face. I’ve written about being punched in the face (“Everyone has a plan until they’re punched in the face”) but it’s always been metaphorical.

(8) Luckily, no bones were broken. Things could have been a lot worse. There’s always something to be grateful for.

(9) Whenever accidents happen, I think of “the bigger accident superstition” – every time something bad happens, it is a gift because it is a sign that something much worse has been averted. I’m not a superstitious person. But I do love this one.

Neil Kaye at the European Space Agency shared a visual of global temperatures from 1940 to present. Each circle is a year and each row represents a decade.

Some pictures are worth a thousand words. This is probably worth a billion.

The Carbon Almanac team shared this with a simple message –

The facts are clear. We all need to act in our own way. Investing with non-fossil fuel funds. Voting for climate friendly policies. Volunteering with an environmental organization. Managing food waste. Advocating for bike lanes. Reducing use of fossil fuel vehicles. Starting climate conversations to raise awareness.

It’s not too late. But we have to start.

Indeed.

I coined a term around my hardest-won lesson from the year – vision lock. It was hard won because it came after a painful three week reset on an initiative. The main reason for that reset was a lack of alignment on the vision for where we were headed.

It was bouncing around in my/our heads. I just hadn’t the taken the time to write it down and bring people along. This causes churn when the stakes are/feel high. The churn that this caused felt extra painful because it could have been easily avoided.

Vision lock, to me, is 3 things –

(1) Write out the vision for the project you are working on. This is typically done with the leadership on the project.

(2) Take the time to align this vision your most important stakeholders. These stakeholders are typically the “investors” in your project. This group varies depending on the importance of the project – it may be your executive team for one and your business unit leadership team for another.

(3) Ensure every member of the working team can articulate this aligned vision.

The goal isn’t to have a vision that is written on a stone tablet. Plans evolve. But it is important there is a documented starting point for that evolution. Vision lock helps us get there.

Since this experience, I’ve changed how our team tracks key projects. We used to only track a project’s execution status on a weekly basis. Now we also review the “vision lock” status. It’s been very helpful.

I typically revisit my favorite book – The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People – every holiday season. As I thought about the book, I realized that “vision lock” is just an extension of chapter 2 – “Begin with the end in mind.”

I chuckled. 13 years later, I’m glad I’m finally onto practicing Chapter 2.

In the long run, our happiness at work will be inversely proportional to our desire to get credit for every one of our contributions.