I’ve become significantly more diligent about saying please and thank you at home in the past couple of years.
This learning/change in behavior had one root cause – attempting to teach our kids to do the same. As kids (like most other humans) ignore what I say and watch what I do, the only way to influence their behavior was to change mine.
This is why teaching is an effective way to learn something. To earn your chops as a teacher, you have to do the work to learn it yourself.
The more (conventionally) successful someone is, the funnier and more important self deprecating humor becomes.
I’m reading Outlive by Dr Peter Attia. The thesis of the book is that our approach to medicine needs to move to Medicine 3.0.
Medicine 1.0 was ancient medicine – where physicians prescribed cures based on observation. Medicine 2.0 is the medicine of the modern age. Powered by the scientific method, we’ve become proficient at interventions – like surgeries and vaccines – to stop “fast deaths” due to accidents or diseases that act quickly. The COVID-19 vaccine is a great example of how we’ve shown ourselves capable of moving very quickly when needed.
However, medicine 2.0 does a poor job at dealing with “slow deaths” caused by what he calls the “Four Horsemen” diseases – heart disease, cancer, alzheimer’s, and “foundational diseases” like insulin resistance and type 2 diabetes. That’s because Medicine 2.0 operates on short horizons while these diseases take effect over decades. As a result, we’ve become accustomed to a pattern of old age where elders often suffer a decade or more of degeneration at the hands of these diseases.
Hence “Outlive” – which is both about living longer and delaying these diseases but, more importantly, living better in the years we’re alive. This thesis resonated with me – I’ve seen far too many elders go through that degenerative cycle. There should be a better way.
I saw a review on Amazon titled “The owner’s manual we should have received at birth.” I’m now a third of the way in and, so far, I agree. It is shaping up to be a must-read.
A good friend shared an idea from a psychology study in the 1980s – women tend to prefer speaking face-to-face and men tend to prefer speaking side-by-side.
It crystallized something I’ve observed over the years. For example, I love doing walking meetings when I can at work. And they tend to be more enthusiastically received by men over women.
A good reminder to be conscious about choosing whether to converse face-to-face vs. side-by-side.
I see two consistent patterns –
(1) A Friday with large chunks blocked for thinking and taking stock almost always result in a very positive end to the week.
(2) A Sunday that ends without a last minute sprint to finish chores almost always results in a great start to the next.
Despite knowing this, I don’t consistently implement this. On some days, it is because of things outside my circle of influence. But, more often than not, it is simply because of the difference between being aware of something and learning it.
Awareness is an important first step on the road to learning.
But to learn and not to do is not to learn.
An underrated skill that contributes to the longevity of our relationships is recognizing the other person’s need for space and finding the security within ourselves to give it.
We spoke to a doctor about a stomach ache recently. He said the stomach aches that seem scary are the ones that come quickly and feel intense.
But, ironically, those are the harmless ones. They’re just our body’s reaction to something it didn’t like.
The worrisome aches are the ones that slowly grow in intensity. They often have more serious underlying causes.
Lots of parallels to problems we face in this life.
(1) I will only go to meetings where my absence might/will be missed. As a result, I will let the people who will be missed have their space at the (sometimes virtual) table.
(2) I will use all the newly minted spare time to ship work that matters… and, where necessary, that will ensure I will be missed in the meetings I absolutely need to go to.
The goal is impact, not growing my high profile meeting count.
“It is not hard to identify a thief. It is the one who believes everyone else steals.” | Kevin Kelly, Excellent Advice for Living
Profound.
I sometimes think of the contrast between two homes we’ve lived in.
The first set of owners invested in the best. Nearly every decision they made was one that either maintained or raised the standards of the home.
The second set consistently went for the cheap option.
Now, and this is the interesting part, the contrast between the homes on any one dimension wasn’t massive. Yes, the floors or the sliding doors could have been a lot better. Neither one on its own was a deal breaker.
But when you put them all together, the difference was staggering.
Standards – first we make them, then they make us.
A Learning a Day 