Month: June 2023

So much of perspective and a sense of being grounded comes from holding two truths at once – it could be better – a lot better – and it could be worse – again, could be a lot worse.

Both are true. And appreciating the wisdom in holding both together inspires an equanimity that is life changing.

SBU = Smart but Unproductive

There’s a genre of comments you hear in meetings that sound smart but do nothing to move the discussion forward or toward closure.

They often make the commenter look very good. These comments may espouse a theoretical framework, may state some truth, or simple articulate ask everyone to do something obvious.

They’ll do everything except steering the discussion to a close.

Beware the smart but unproductive comment as a meeting facilitator. But, more importantly, stay far away from cultures and teams that reward this kind of conversation.

Always be closing is just as relevant in large group meetings as it is in sales.

A characteristic of the most successful products is that they become invisible over time.

We don’t notice lights or air conditioners or even computers. These products got so good that they became default choices and stopped requiring us to think about them.

Invisibility is only reserved for truly great products.

Negative emotions like frustration and anger can motivate groups just fine in the short run. So much so that they can be mistaken for effectiveness – when all they do is eke out some efficiency.

In the long run, however, it is the positive stuff – our ability to be consistently optimistic, constructive, and upbeat – combined with good judgment that makes the difference.

If good apologies are quick, specific, and sincere, I completely bungled one the other day. I didn’t just make an excuse – I sought to blame the other person.

It took me a while to recover and get to the apology eventually. But it was too late by then. The moment had passed.

I was reflecting on the circumstances that led to that sort of behavior. And then realized that good habits exist despite circumstances.

For there always are extenuating circumstances.

Here’s to better apologies then – the kind that are quick, specific, and sincere.

The other day, I dropped of our second for the last day of pre-K. At the end of this summer, both our kids will now be public school students.

It so happened that I’d miscalculated his last day. I thought it was the following day. So when I realized that I had indeed dropped him off on his last day, I felt a certain sadness.

And after that momentary lull, I realized there was nothing to be sad about. Every drop off was special and I’d made the most of them. That, in turn, is in no small part thanks to this video by Gretchen Rubin – the days are long but the years are short.

I first watched it before I became a parent and I’ve shared it a few times over the years.

Thanks to this ~1 minute video, I’ve remembered to be grateful for the opportunity to enjoy a couple of quiet minutes every day I drop them off. In this case, I had a year with separate drop off stops and that meant some precious time with our second. I did my best to avoid calls (my team knew there was some variability in that early morning call) and just enjoy listening to some music together.

Our walk from the car to drop off was short – but always special. Especially because we always held hands and I enjoyed being able to plant many goodbye kisses. I don’t expect both of those privileges to last long in coming years.

Were it not for that video, I could have easily fallen into the trap that she fell into – taking this privilege for granted. I vividly remember thinking about it when I happily carried one of them when they wanted to be carried. I was in no rush to have either of them walk – I savored that phase while it lasted.

And I still think of its message often – when I drop them off to school, when we hang out outdoors together, and nearly always as we listen to some quiet music as part of our bedtime routine.

There’s a lot I could do better as a parent. Especially of late. I haven’t gotten my work week under control and that’s meant needing more rest over the weekends. I’ve made many mistakes over the years – especially in the early years – and done my best to learn from them. But, thanks to this video, I’ve done my best to savor every bit of time we’ve spent together – both the ordinary and extraordinary moments.

The days are long, but the years are indeed short.

In the video’s description, Gretchen Rubin wrote – “Of everything I’ve ever written, I think this one-minute video is the thing that resonates most with people.”

It may well be true. This has both resonated and transformed how I’ve lived in the past years. Thank you.

“Peace. It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart.” | Unknown

It resonated.

No amount of coaching or optimization can help someone navigate in London with the map of New York. It would be wasted effort everyone involved. This example makes it blindingly obvious.

And yet, it is so easy to fall into this trap in our day-to-day. Navigating today’s challenges with yesterday’s assumptions, attempting to solve tomorrow’s problems with outdated mental models, and so on.

Take the time to make sure you’re working with the right map. The rest are micro-optimizations in comparison.

One of the fascinating thing about habits is that it is easier to commit to the same thing at a higher frequency/level of consistency than not.

It is easier in my opinion to commit to writing or exercising every day/weekday or week than doing so every month.

Every completed action builds momentum. Then inertia takes over – objects in motion are more likely to stay in motion.