Month: May 2015

5 pieces of internet etiquette

1. When you send a LinkedIn request to a stranger or to someone who may not recognize you, take a moment to write an introduction.

2. Don’t take offence if an acquaintance declines a “friend request.” Expect that different people have different approaches to social media. Some people may add anyone they know on LinkedIn and be very selective on Facebook. Some (like me) may try to do the best to do the opposite.

3. Avoid typing negative comments using pseudonymous internet profiles. If you want to share a negative opinion, at least have the guts to put your real name behind it.

4. If you can’t respond to email, create an auto responder so people who try to contact you know that. It is completely okay to be a knowledge worker (e.g. researcher) who doesn’t respond to email. Just don’t attempt to be a connection worker who collaborates with people in teams. (And, if you can’t process email, that’s okay. It is a skill like any other and it is worth learning how to do so in this day and age.)

5. As a general rule, always ask for permission before connecting/introducing people. This doesn’t apply in many scenarios (close relationships, for example). But, if in doubt, ask.

The biggest choice

As a child, we don’t see much choice. If something doesn’t go our way, the only way forward we tend to see is to cry. Growing up changes that. In fact, the single best sign of maturity is the ability to view multiple choices in any given situation and take decisions based on those choices. That is why we call adults who throw tantrums overgrown kids. They still haven’t matured enough to recognize that they have the choice to take a step back from the situation and respond like an adult.

While exercising the choice to respond is an example of a choice that can change the quality of our lives, I think the biggest choice we have is around how we interpret things that happen to us.

A lot happens to us over the course of a day or a week. Some say our lives only constitute 10% of what we do. The rest is reacting/responding to events that happen. And, I view our ability to view situations differently as a super power.

Here’s why – there is very little reality. Most of our lives are shaped by perception. If you are training for a marathon and feel your ankle hurting, you can view it as a debilitating obstacle that kills your chances of running a marathon. Or, you can view it as a challenge you will overcome. Challenges are temporary, after all. How we interpret the world around us determines how we will choose to respond. It is a bit like wearing spectacles. We all wear metaphorical spectacles of various kinds. We see something that happens and interpret it based on our lenses and views of the world.

Choosing the color and nature of these spectacles is the most important thing we do. We make that choice. And, it is the most important choice we make.

Do it for yourself – never mind everyone else

There’s a great episode in the 90s sitcom “Friends” where Chandler makes a claim that all acts on earth are prompted by selfish motives. Phoebe spends a lot of time attempting to disprove it and then reluctantly comes to the same conclusion herself.

I am Chandler’s side on this one – I don’t think there is a thing as a selfless act. From everything I’ve learnt about the human brain, I find it hard to believe that we’d take on anything without a connection to gratification of some sort – short term or really long term. Adam Grant, a professor at Wharton, wrote an interesting book called “Give and Take” where he shows research that debunks the idea of selfless giving. He talks about the concept of “other-ish” giving as the way forward. “Other-ish” giving, or selfish giving in my terms, is essentially finding reasons that clarify what is in it for you.

In addition, I feel doing things for yourself makes practical sense. First, it means you don’t have to find external reasons to motivate yourself. You have absolute clarity on why you’re doing something and that clarity helps you keep going. And, second, you rarely have control on other people’s experiences (even if you think you often do – that’s a different matter). So, doing things because you feel it’ll positively impact others isn’t really a sustainable strategy as it negates the possibility of your ideas not working. And, that’s bound to happen too. Great things are done when we’re willing to accept that our well-laid plans may not work.

If you want to feel good in the short term, sure, start a project that exists to serve. My experience with bloggers that start blogs solely to help others is that they simply don’t last.

The approach I’d recommend is to embrace our inner selfishness and do things that have a clear benefit for us. More often than not, that approach leads to building things that last. And, more often than not, things that last have a way of impacting people around us positively. At the very least, we’ll be happier people – and that’s already a great addition to the world.

There’s no right path

Every once in a while, you face a decision that has an objectively right or wrong. Most fiction has been written around these black-and-white decisions. Yes, Harry Potter (and I love Harry Potter) had a choice to not go after Lord Voldemort. But, not really.

Most decisions in real life, however, just represent various shades of gray. George R R Martin has garnered an incredible global following by writing books that deal predominantly with the gray. In some ways, his work challenges the very basis of normal fiction – black villains vs. white heroes, as illustrated in the Lord of the Rings trilogy or in the Star Wars series.

The lack of a clear right path means we have 3 options in front of us every time we need to make a decision –

1. Do nothing. This choice can be easy or hard depending on the general speed with which you make decisions. It is easy to do if you can manage to ignore your impulse to act. If doing nothing becomes habitual, then, lethargy becomes the way.

2. Follow what someone else has done. This could be following a parent in their career choice or simply subordinating all decisions to someone else.

3. Make it up. Pretend like you have a clue and keep moving forward.

Every successful leader needs all these options at his/her disposal. There are times when doing nothing is the right thing to do. There are times when you just have to make it up and keep moving. And, then again, there are other times when it is best you follow what someone else has done and run with a “best practice.”

There is no one-size-fits all solution. There is no right strategy. And, as a result, there is no point putting undue pressure on a decision you make.

The funny thing is that simply accepting this fact can make us better decision makers.

The tripwire – The 200 words project

Here’s this week’s 200 word idea thanks to Decisive by Chip and Dean Heath

Inmet Mining Corp. was losing money fast on a mine. So, the team met in Wisconsin to decide if they ought to close the mine. However, the mine employed a 1000 people, had recently been acquired and had millions invested in it. The discussions reached an impasse as the head of the mine refused to accept closure as an option.

So, a team member issued the group a challenge – list out all options available and ask – “What would have to be true for this option to work?”

The head of the mine now laid out a bunch of conditions (e.g. we would have to get it to 90% capacity in 3 weeks and we would have to break even in 2 months) to keep the mine open. These were “tripwires.” If they tripped, they would have to close the mine. The best outcome of this move was that everyone collaborated to try and make sure the tripwires didn’t trip.

But, they did trip. By the next board meeting, the resistant head of the mine endorsed the close himself. One question and a tripwire had moved the group from adversaries to collaborators.

TripwireSource and thanks to: LeadershipTraq.com

“”What would have to be true for that option to work?” sets up tripwires. A tripwire specifies the circumstances during which you would reconsider a decision. Most people overestimate the chances of making it past an obstacle.” | Chip and Dan Heath in Decisive

The Ronaldo effect

Raúl González Blanco was considered one of the greatest club strikers in the game of football during his time as a footballer at Real Madrid. He scored an impressive 323 goals in 741 games over 16 years at Real Madrid winning every club trophy that he competed for and finished his career as the highest scorer in the European Champions league’s distinguished history.

Over the past few months, current Real Madrid striker, Cristiano Ronaldo, has been the subject of criticism in the media for a bad patch of form. There was lot of speculation as to the reasons for this bad patch and Ronaldo came into criticism for issues such as celebrating his birthday in style after a game in which he performed poorly.

Cristiano Ronaldo joined Real Madrid in 2009. In the nearly 6 years that have followed, he has scored 307 goals in 298 games. So, he is 16 goals short of Raúl’s record despite having played 443 games less. How can a striker who scores more than a goal a game on average (a feat many teams would love to be able to match) come in for criticism?

In one word, expectations. As you do better, people’s expectations of your work keep rising with it. I term this “The Ronaldo effect.” A piece of work that would have earned you plaudits a few months ago will no longer earn a clap today. It is a base level expectation now. You’re expected to do better.

But, how much better? And, to what end?

If there is one lesson to be learned from the Ronaldo effect, it is that doing work to earn appreciation is a fool’s errand. Do work because you believe it matters. Do work because it helps you make progress towards a goal (a good life, etc.). Do work because it makes you happy. And, develop a work ethic where you just focus on the process.. regardless of the outcome.

The bowling progression

As a beginner, your only objective in a game of bowling is to hit as many pins as possible.

You know you’ve become an amateur when you convert most of your throws into “spares.” A spare is when you knock all 10 pins in your second throw. A really good amateur minimizes non-spare or “open frames.” To do this, you need to develop a certain amount of consistency, control and focus. It is hard to do that consistency without developing a good technique.

And, you become a pro when you most of your throws become strikes. This happens when you have complete control over your performance and is a signal that you are on your way to mastery.

It is a lovely way to think about learning. First, you aim to just dive in and get started. Then, you progress by developing a process or technique. This technique brings in predictability and enables you to avoid unforced errors (borrowing a tennis analogy). It is when you are past that that you are ready to hit winners.

This process underpins all kinds of learning. The beauty about this process is that, once you get it right in one area, it can be applied everywhere.

Can’t talk yourself out of a problem you’ve acted yourself into

I was reminded of a wonderful story from Stephen Covey’s 7 Habits book (I seem to be in Stephen Covey remembrance zone these past weeks) about a man in his seminar complaining about his wife calling him every hour asking him where he was and what he was doing. He just couldn’t seem to convince her to trust him. Curious, Covey asked him how he’d met.

It turned out that the man had met her at a similar seminar and had cheated on his ex-wife in the process.

“You can’t talk yourself out of a problem you behaved yourself into” – were Covey’s wise words to the man.

There’s a saying in George R R Martin’s ‘A Song of Ice and Fire’ series (a.k.a Game of Thrones) – “words are wind.” In Westeros, what you say counts for every little. What you do, however, is everything. It made a lot of sense – they didn’t have social media to track reputations.

But, has social media and all the other kinds of media changed the fundamental principle behind the “words are wind” idea? I don’t think so. Yes, it is easier to build a beautiful facade around your track record. But, it is just as easy to break it – all it takes is one truth teller on Twitter. In some ways, the idea that “words are wind” applies more in today’s context.

All we have is our track record. If it is representative of who we are, then we must keep doing what we are doing. And, in the process, aim to do more with what we have, and better. If it is not representative of who we are, it is worth remembering that we can act ourselves into it.

What we do is the surest way of expressing who we are.

Watch fewer TED talks and read fewer blogs

There’s a lot of positive sentiment around the internet on the fact that there are so many incredible sources of knowledge – TED talks, YouTube videos, Quora, a superb list of people to follow on Twitter, great free journalism, an endless list of great blogs, etc. Go to any educational institution and they’ll advertise the fact that they have x number CEO’s come and speak to their students.

So, here’s a contrarian idea – we need a lot less of all of this than we think. To pick on one idea – let’s take a TED talk or a real live seminar with some successful person. There are, broadly, three reasons to see or attend one of these – motivation, knowledge and connection. And, I’ll argue that a talk is a very sub-optimal method to accomplish any of these goals. If you’re going to these for motivation, you’ve got a bigger inspiration problem. No amount of these talks will help in the long run. If you’re searching for knowledge, a book will serve you much much better. Most speakers get on stage to promote their own/company’s brand, sell books or to repay a favor, among a whole host of other reasons. Educating you isn’t top of mind. Being memorable is. And, they aren’t the same thing. And, even if educating you was on top of mind, not everyone is a great educator. (Yes, yes, there are exceptions. There always are) Finally, if you’d like to connect with people you look up to, that is a worthy reason. All I’ll say here is that the internet has opened SO many doors to connect with people you look up to. You’d rather spend time engaging with them on their blogs, interviewing them yourself or figuring out other ways to add value to them.

And, if you prefer not to do the above, I’d still argue your time is better spent in self reflection and thought around your plans to create.

The point of this mini-rant isn’t to dismiss talks or blogs (there’s irony here.. somewhere). The point is to say that prioritizing consumption over creation is a dangerous habit. And, thanks to social media, there are endless opportunities to just live life as a consumer. A great example is Marc Andreessen’s famed Twitter feed. He tweets a 100 times a day. Great. But, was Marc Andreessen tweeting when he was busy building Mosaic and Netscape? Absolutely not. So, why now? One reason could just be that he’s successful and has the time. But, the real reason is that Twitter is his PR machine. And, he’s built his own brand as a venture capitalist as well as that of his firm, Andreessen Horowitz, in record time via such PR. It works for him. It likely won’t work for you.

While the rest of my list including Quora might be obvious, why go after blogs? How does that make sense after 7 years of daily blogging? Here’s the deal – there is definitely place for snack-able content in our lives. But, it is important we only allocate as much to consuming them as we do snacking. This sort of content isn’t the main course and shouldn’t be. Additionally, this blog isn’t for everyone. And, if it isn’t for you, that’s okay. 10% of the blogs and articles you read give you 95% of the value. Figure out the sources of quality content and curate like a crazy person. Don’t read every link sent to your email and definitely don’t watch every video.

Create. Curate. Consume. In that order.

Non attachment

Venture capitalist Brad Feld had a deep post a few days back on the idea of non-attachment. He describes the states of attachment, detachment and non attachment as –

“Attachment is like the activity around a black hole. You are constantly fighting against getting sucked into it. All of your energy is focused on not ending up in the black hole.
Detachment is like being in no gravity. You are just drifting. Nothing exerts any force on you in any direction.
Non-attachment is like being in a swirling galaxy. There is stuff going on everywhere. You interact with it. But none of it pulls on you excessively. You are involved and impact some of it but a lot of it is exogenous to you.”

This is the first time I’ve heard this idea framed in this way and I found it particularly deep.

I think we put ourselves through unnecessary angst when we attach ourselves to outcomes and relatively meaningless measures like status. Thinking about outcomes inevitably leads to high expectations which, in turn, inevitably lead to disappointment. The more time we spend in this zone, the less time we spend creating. And, the less time we spend creating, the less chance we have of doing work that matters. This is just as applicable to relationships. As the lovely saying goes, if you love someone, you should be prepared to let them go. That is the idea of non-attachment in a nutshell.

I was reminded of a post from the wonderful Seth Godin from a long time ago titled “The Paradox of Expectations.” (Isn’t it amazing how some things you read just stick with you? I’d read this post in October, 2011 but recalled it as I was writing this) In it, he said – “Perhaps it’s worth considering no expectations. Intense effort followed by an acceptance of what you get in return. It doesn’t make good TV, but it’s a discipline that can turn you into a professional.”

In recent years, that idea has become ALearningaDay speak for – focus on the process. I didn’t understand it then. But, I do now.

Thanks, Brad and Seth, for sharing as you do.