There’s a great episode in the 90s sitcom “Friends” where Chandler makes a claim that all acts on earth are prompted by selfish motives. Phoebe spends a lot of time attempting to disprove it and then reluctantly comes to the same conclusion herself.
I am Chandler’s side on this one – I don’t think there is a thing as a selfless act. From everything I’ve learnt about the human brain, I find it hard to believe that we’d take on anything without a connection to gratification of some sort – short term or really long term. Adam Grant, a professor at Wharton, wrote an interesting book called “Give and Take” where he shows research that debunks the idea of selfless giving. He talks about the concept of “other-ish” giving as the way forward. “Other-ish” giving, or selfish giving in my terms, is essentially finding reasons that clarify what is in it for you.
In addition, I feel doing things for yourself makes practical sense. First, it means you don’t have to find external reasons to motivate yourself. You have absolute clarity on why you’re doing something and that clarity helps you keep going. And, second, you rarely have control on other people’s experiences (even if you think you often do – that’s a different matter). So, doing things because you feel it’ll positively impact others isn’t really a sustainable strategy as it negates the possibility of your ideas not working. And, that’s bound to happen too. Great things are done when we’re willing to accept that our well-laid plans may not work.
If you want to feel good in the short term, sure, start a project that exists to serve. My experience with bloggers that start blogs solely to help others is that they simply don’t last.
The approach I’d recommend is to embrace our inner selfishness and do things that have a clear benefit for us. More often than not, that approach leads to building things that last. And, more often than not, things that last have a way of impacting people around us positively. At the very least, we’ll be happier people – and that’s already a great addition to the world.
A Learning a Day 