You want to go the gym. It would be great to have company. Good news – your friend would like to go to the gym today. That’s a perfect opportunity for the – “Let’s do it together” line. Of course, tomorrow arrives and you receive a message first thing in the morning that your friend has another commitment and won’t be making it. Lying in bed, you decide not to go too as you are tired and need some rest.
Engaging buddies on important commitments is a great idea. It just fails because the “Let’s do it together” line implies shared accountability. Shared accountability is an oxymoron.
A better way forward would be to say – “I will be doing it tomorrow. Will you join me?”
This changes the dynamic in 3 ways –
1.You take responsibility and make a commitment. This ensures that both you and your friend take the commitment seriously.
2. You’ve made a decision that you will go either way and that your friend is a welcome addition. If you only want to do something because your friend wants to do it, it is time to question if what you plan to do is important enough in the first place.
3. The ball is in your court to keep the commitment. If you lack the integrity to do so, it is time to get into the habit of keeping your own commitments.
This isn’t a post about changing the language. Language is a by-product of intent. And, our intent better be strong. There’s no other way of ensuring we consistently get past the resistance.
A Learning a Day 