Month: January 2013

I experienced a disappointment late last night. It was a personal project that didn’t work out. It hurt.

Luckily, I had the night to sleep over it and I woke up this morning feeling a lot better than I thought I would have felt. I realized I had subconsciously thought about why I was disappointed. I thought I’d share the process with you in the hope that a few of the learnings might help the next time you find yourself in a similar situation.

First, let’s get the obvious out of the way – the process sucks. Every one of us has likely felt really disappointed by some outcome at some point in our lives. No matter what is said to make you feel better, the bottom line is that it sucks.

That said, we can now move on to a few things that helped me.

– It helped sleeping over it. That was the first thing that inadvertently happened and it helped. A lot.

– It helped me to think about why it hurt. In my case, there was a simple answer – a ton of sincere effort didn’t quite achieve the desired results. Every other reason more or less revolved around this.

– It helped having support. Framily rose to the occasion.

– It helped thinking about next steps. No project or outcome is the “be all” or “end all” of anything. So, it was nice to think about next steps.

– It helped to have ideals, thoughts, goals, dreams. I went back to my big themes for the year and felt really excited about the thought of deliberate practice. There’s so much to be done. It’s an inspiring thought..

– It helped to be reading “Stumbling on Happiness” by Dan Gilbert. As I learned yesterday , we tend to overestimate how happy or sad we feel about a situation. Dan wisely pointed out that we tend overestimate how happy we will be on our birthdays and how we underestimate the strengths of our mental immune systems. That was a timely learning. (Thanks to the Bookbytess project, I recorded it!)

The final two things that helped are philosophical.

– First, I find that life is an almost predictable set of ups and downs. After every up comes a down and after every down comes an up. I’ve learnt to take both the ups and downs with a pinch of salt now. I’m sure the next up will arrive in time..

– Second, everything happens for the best. And the dots always connect. This sounds delusional. (Science has incidentally proved you need to be slightly delusional to be happy..haha).

I live life with the belief that the best is yet to come. There’s never failure or disappoint, only learning. It’s just that between two peaks, there always is a valley..

And, after all, what would peaks be without them valleys?

One of the bigger insights in the last 2 weeks was that how you read is a lot more powerful than reading. A friend nicely pointed out that reading counts for nothing if you don’t “study” a book, mark the important stuff, reflect on it and share it.

Building on this really cool insight, a few friends and I have started “The BookBytess Project”.

Why? To share what we learn from the books we read and learn these concepts better ourselves.

How? We have started blogging “byte” sized learnings on bookbytess.tumblr.com. In theory, we have all committed to daily book reading and we should have little learnings from everyone every day – think of it as an endless source of book inspiration.

What do I do if I am interested in joining this project? Just send me an email and I’ll get back to you with the next steps.

What are the requirements for joining? Just a commitment to reading useful books and a desire to learn from them.

We just got started day before yesterday and the excitement is high. Looking forward to the learnings this project brings..

This should be one of the ten work commandments.

There is nothing to be gained by communicating bad news by email. Emails have a tendency to be misunderstood and bad news probably will be. It doesn’t matter what the piece of bad news is – a project may have gone completely off track, a crisis management effort may have failed or you may have decided to quit.

Have the conversation face to face. If that isn’t possible, video conference and phone are the next best alternatives. Communicating bad news via email is like breaking up via text – once you are out of your teens, you realize that’s just not done.

The conversation may not be pleasant but it will be much better than the alternative…

No, you can’t. If it worked for you last year, then the expectations have probably gone up this year. The only way forward is to keep modifying that approach, to keep revising that thesis and keep raising your game.

The plateau is the new slippery slope. And, the only way through is up.

Having spent the last 2 weeks at home in India, it was hard not to think about the stories of the various rape victims that have come to the fore.

There’s a long term problem that needs solving from the grass roots with better education, to start with. That said, there’s a short term need to reduce the threat to women. The statistics are disturbing. A group of friends have put together an initiative to hand women pepper sprays. In their words..

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How is pepper spray the solution?

It is not. It is a stop-gap measure. We cannot solve rape by simply giving women a pepper spray. But we can reduce instances of it, especially on the road, in buses, in taxis. The ideal solution is to create a society that respects women, stringent law enforcement to scare wannabe assailants, and better access to mental health treatment. But that’ll take time. The people who can make this happen are the people often responsible for this problem in the first place. The best thing women can do, at an individual level, is to be armed with something that’ll allow them to fight back if they are targeted. Trust us, we are embarrassed to propose this as a solution. But this is the best thing women can do right now to protect themselves.

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I have just donated US$20 to PepperthePigs for pepper sprays. All the best guys! It’s great that you’re taking a crack at solving the short term problem. I hope it helps..

This week’s book learning is from Talent is Overrated by Geoff Colvin.

We went through a series on deliberate practice 3 months ago. Very simply put, deliberate practice is a regime designed by a coach that is repeatable, provides instant feedback and is inherently painful. While this is easy to imagine if we are training for a sport or a musical instrument, it’s harder to understand how it applies at work. Luckily, Colvin helps us with the question..

Let’s imagine we are working on a presentation at work.

Before work	Set “process” goals e.g. I will ensure I will ask for the audience’s expectations
	Create a plan e.g. I will ask for expectations at the start and re-check at every break
	Believe in yourself and the fact that all this work will pay off
During work	Observe yourself closely e.g. elite marathon runners focus really hard on themselves during a race by counting breaths, strides etc while ordinary runners try to focus on other things. This enables elite runners to find more practice opportunities by asking “Could I be pushing myself more here?”
After the work	Self evaluate e.g. How did I do when compared with 1) Steve Jobs and 2) my previous performance?
	Take responsibility for everything that went wrong
	Plan for next attempt i.e. Experiment with a new technique during the next attempt

 

Sketch by EB

The simple insight here is that anything that we have done well in our lives has consciously or unconsciously involved deliberate practice. It requires a discipline to view what we do as opportunities to learn, to prepare intensely, reflect and incorporate learnings in our next attempt.

My biggest objective this new year is to apply deliberate practice in every aspect of my life. I plan to keep a daily log of all my practice activities to ensure I keep focus on improving my “process.” I will keep you posted on how it goes..

Here’s to deliberate practice this week and wishing you a great start to 2013!

I’ve given a lot of unsolicited advice growing up. It’s hilarious when I give it thought but I guess it’s fitting that empty vessels make a lot of noise. Over the years, my thesis on unsolicited advice has changed and here are a few thoughts.

– 95% of advice is useless – solicited or unsolicited. That’s because great advice is easily actionable. This requires a willing recipient, an advice giver who the recipient respects and, of course, great advice. So, it’s very easy to go wrong..
(Observation: The ‘willing recipient’ is the most common missing factor.)

– You can only truly give to those who are willing to receive. And that’s the other issue – most advice is unsolicited.

– There is only one exception to this – when you are actively engaged in developing/coaching someone. This involves a mutual understanding between the two people that one plays the role of the Jedi Master (and equivalent) while the other is the Padawan Learner. Even here, it’s most likely a domain specific relationship (e.g. professional, sports, music etc0)..
(The absence of the mutual understanding is the cause for most parent-child conflicts. Parents, understandably, assume they are all-encompassing “Jedi Masters” by right. Unfortunately, this has to be earned..)

– An interesting addition to the mix – one of the wisest people I know stays away from advice altogether. He throws ideas into the mix and shares his point of view. He avoids the 95% advice trap altogether.

I still think there’s a lot of magic in advice. Advice is literally experience/pearls of wisdom that is passed on from generation to generation. We are where we are today thanks to advice (both good and bad).

If done well, it’s magic.

If you plan to be happy “at the end”, there’s a couple of problems you’ll likely run into.

1. Worthy landmarks like annual exams and year end appraisals happen..well..annually

2. There’s no end to carrots like this in life. There’s always the next exam, the next evaluation and the next appraisal.

There’s only one way out – to ace the process and be so good they can’t ignore you. Happiness and awesome results will ensue.

That’s three birds with one stone.

Life is so easy in theory..

If you’ve followed football (/soccer) league games over an extended period, you learn a basic fact about championship teams – they seem to hit the winning goal right before the end of the game. And, if you aren’t a football fan, I’m sure you’ve seen this characteristic in whichever sport you follow.

To add to the sense of drama, this winning goal is often done in the final minute of extra time. The context barely matters. They could be 2 goals down at the 60 minute mark and you probably would still witness a gripping fight back. Champion teams nearly always fight back. And, as an extension, nearly always win.

The lesson I take away from it is that it’s easy to let your morale slip, your shoulders droop when you face uncertainty and adversity. That’s what mediocre teams do. The reaction of a champion team to adversity is one of enthusiasm, energy, drive and a belief in their ability to win against-all-odds.

So, how do you react to adversity? Do you react to it defensively? Or do you use that as an opportunity to show case your grit and push harder?

My writing coach wondered aloud as to how I could write every day on this blog and still be such a poor writer. My response (/defence? :)) then was that this blog isn’t really about writing. It’s more about presenting a different perspective on life events we all go through.

“Ah” he said “So you’re more Madonna than Gwen Stefani. The entertainer versus the vocalist.”

He nailed it.

I think what he also got to was the difference between practice and deliberate practice. Going out to the golf course and shooting a 100 balls doesn’t make you a better golf player. Getting a coach to help you with your strokes does. My tennis coach used to say “Don’t practice. Learn. Learn. Learn. Because practice makes bad habit.”

That’s analogous to my abilities as a writer. I have been writing every day and probably getting slightly better at conveying a point (I assume that is the least you can expect after 2,638 posts). But, I’m nowhere near as good as I would have been had I worked with a coach.

So, it’s back to the basics then. I’ve been gifted a great book on the theory behind writing and a monthly writing regimen.

It’s time to finally learn how to write..