At some point in the next few weeks, I will be looking back at the year and at the many initiatives I undertook. Some succeeded and some failed.
One of those that I failed at was my 100% attention initiative. It has gotten much better in some aspects, like attention during conference calls, but hasn’t improved much in some cases, like attention during personal calls. I offer up my natural ADD as an excuse but I know it’s weak because I can do it if I want to. It’s just not a habit yet.
So, I thought I’d pick out a post from Brad Feld called Golden Retriever Eyes. This is a post I can relate to, completely!
These are our golden retrievers (Denali and Kenai). They are looking at Amy, who happens to be standing next to me as I’m taking this photo. Notice their eyes – they are giving Amy their 100% undivided attention. We call these “Golden Retriever Eyes.”
I have a special talent. When Amy is talking to me, I can be doing something else (e.g. typing on my computer, reading a book) and – when she says “Brad – you aren’t listening to me,” I can repeat back the last two sentences that she said to me word for word.
For a number of years in our relationship, this was effective (at least for me.) At some point, Amy realized this wasn’t satisfying to her – she’d figured out my special talent – and realized that her assertion (that I wasn’t listening to her) was close (I was listening, but I wasn’t paying attention.) After several “conversations” (definitely a euphemism in this case) about it, Amy realized she didn’t want me to just listen, but she actually wanted me to pay attention.
So – give your special friend “Golden Retriever Eyes” when she is talking to you. That’s what she really wants.
Brad’s post absolutely nails it. I do listen. But, I don’t pay 100% attention and sure as hell don’t give folks close to me “Golden Retriever Eyes”.
Here’s to that..!
What are your experiences with attention?
A Learning a Day 